You Lost Me
by Babi
Summary: "And Elena, YOU just lost me forever" It wasn't only Damon who lost someone that night. Elena tries to deny her feelings and the real impact of losing Damon, who is trying his best to go back to who he was before meeting her. Will they succeed? Post 2x03
1. Prologue

**You Lost Me**

**Prologue**

* * *

_I am done_  
_ Smoking gun_  
_ We've lost it all_  
_ The love is gone_

**_ She has won_**  
**_ Now it's no fun_**  
**_ We've lost it all_**  
_ The love is gone_

"I need to know the truth" she turned to look at him though her face didn't seem like she was being tortured by not being sure if he saw or not the ring. "When you broke Jeremy's neck, did you know he was wearing the ring?"

Damon looks uncomfortable because he knows what he has to say to her is tough because he knows the wrong answer might seal the deal of losing her forever but he couldn't try to get back to what they were based on lies. He never lied to her. Actually he didn't like lying at all. His blunt honesty was one of his proud resemblances of when he was a human.

"No… no, I didn't" he finally says and she can see in his face how lost he is but it doesn't make any difference. It does actually but it doesn't change how she feels about it.

She looked away and he tried to justify what wasn't justifiable "Katherine really pissed me off and I snapped… I didn't look at the ring and I don't know what I would have done if he wasn't wearing it" it cost him to say those words, not because he wasn't willing to admit it but because he knew he couldn't fix it but he owed her the truth. "Elena, I'm sorry"

_And we had magic_  
_ And this is tragic_  
**_ You couldn't keep your hands to yourself_**

She looked to his face and although she could see how hard it was for him to say those words and how he clearly didn't know how to deal with what he did, still what he had just said confirmed what she already knew "Thank you for being honest with me. And the answer to your question about our friendship is yes. You have lost me forever" her voice showed how she despised him at that moment and Damon could read it. Especially because he knew she wouldn't react like that if that was just a new resolution.

"You knew that already, didn't you?" he stopped her from getting inside the house. "You used me today"

_And we tried_  
_ Oh, how we cried_  
_ **We lost ourselves**_  
_ The love has died_

"You had information about Katherine that I needed to know" she fired back at him. How could he even tell something like that to her after all he did?

"Friends don't manipulate friends" his voice was cold and filled with venom. And then it was him who had despise written all over his face "You and Katherine have a lot more in common than just the looks" he completed and started to walk away.

She looked at his face as the words were said and it was even clearer in his eyes and in how his jaw was tensed up that he truly decried her. It was always so hard to read Damon's emotions because he always kept his walls well up, preventing everyone to see the real man under the façade but in that moment it was crystal clear what he felt for her. At some point she thought he'd throw up if vampires could even do it.

Elena was shocked by that. She didn't think that she was acting like Katherine did when she did what she did. She was only doing what he used to do all the time: using someone to get what she wanted. How he could be offended by her borrowing his own tactics?

_And though we tried_  
_ You can't deny_  
_ **We're left as shells**_  
_** We lost the fight**_

"And by the way Elena, _you_ just lost me forever" he didn't even turn back to see her face or how she'd react to his words. In that moment he just realized that allowing himself to feel anything had been a bad idea and he wanted nothing more than go back to the way he was before coming to Mystic Falls.

_I feel like our world's been infected_  
_ And somehow you left me neglected_  
_ We've found our lives been changed_  
**_ Babe, you lost me_**

Damon didn't look back because he wasn't willing to know anything about her anymore. That was it. Katherine had made damage enough and he wasn't ready to face the disappointment of realizing that maybe Elena wasn't much different. Yeah she didn't try to fool him around while she still was with Stefan like the vampire had done but it didn't change the fact that she used him the same way that Katherine did. At least Katherine allowed him to have something from her too while she sucked all she wanted from him. But Elena was even colder. She didn't want anything to do with him and still she got into that car and played with him as if he was a duck. She made everything on purpose. She probably planned to do it. Stefan could take her there with Alaric any other day but she had agreed to go with them. She knew that if Stefan knew something about Katherine and the probably connection between them he'd tell her but she needed to ensure that she'd get his own output about it too. And it hurt. It hurt because for once he thought he was doing the right thing. Yeah it'll always be Stefan, always saint Stefan but their friendship was precious for him. Elena was precious for him but just like the 1.0 version there was nothing at store for him and he wasn't going to be a fool again. Not even for the woman that changed his whole existence.

Elena stood there in the porch for a little longer as she watched his body merging with the darkness until she couldn't see him anymore. She shouldn't care that Damon had just said her he was done with her. If anything she should be thankful because he was pushy most of the times and it'd be hard for her to get rid of him unless he didn't want to be around her.

But then she remembered about how he threw himself in front of the arrow to save her life. Knowing that he would have his own life taken if it actually hit his heart. And then he gave her the book when she had been nothing but a bitch to him. She knew he was trying to take amends but he should've thought about it before he snapped her brother's neck a week ago. It was still too raw and no matter how much deep in her heart she wanted to rebuild what they've had before Katherine came in town she wasn't ready for that. She didn't even know if she was ever going to be ready for that someday. She knew Katherine got under his skin and she has seen first row what Katherine meant to Damon Salvatore and the impact of her in his life even if he proclaimed his hate for vampire to the four winds. But she could have lost her brother. She could have lost the boy she worked so hard to keep alive when both Vicky and Anna came around him. The boy that she had almost lost when she lied to him and got him compelled and Damon knew it all. He knew how Jeremy was important to her and he did it without a second thought.

She was right. She did the right thing she just wished that she didn't feel like she had just lost someone as important to her as her own brother.

**_Now I know you're sorry_**  
_ And we were sweet_  
_ But you chose lust when you deceived me_  
**_ And you'll regret it, but it's too late_**  
** _ How can I ever trust you again?_**

_I feel like our world's been infected_  
_ And somehow you left me neglected_  
_ We've found our lives been changed_  
_ Babe, you lost me_

* * *

_AN: DISCLAIMER: I don't own The Vampire Diaries or any of its characters. I don't own You Lost Me lyrics._

_So this is a new project that I may or may not keep going. **The turning point? You**. I'm really intrigued and absolutely in love with the writing of the new season and I feel like I can't wait eight months to see what they'll do about Delena. I was going to name this fic The Year of Soulmates but then I remembered of this song, by Diva Christina Aguilera and I love it. It's about betrayal and while Damon and Elena weren't in a relationship and they actually couldn't cheat on each other they both now feel like they were betrayed by the other's actions._

_So this is about Damon fighting against it and Elena trying to ignore it. It involves a lot of angst and sorrow, maybe even more than the show and unlike my other Delena fic - that's AU and I killed majority of the characters I plan to keep this one really on character. I'd like to explore Damon's twisted side instead of his human side and test him to his limits to know if he can go back to the vampire he was before he met Elena, if he can escape who he became after her if I keep this one going on, he'll try in every possible way to really keep her away from him. And at Elena's side I plan to explore the loss itself. Losing Damon might be the ultimate fact to make her really look inside herself and see where she stands about him. She's so blind in the show about her love for Stefan that she doesn't even bother herself to question Damon's words just before he snapped Jeremy. She says it'll always be Stefan because she doesn't feel like she needs to question if it'll always be Stefan indeed. Damon was yet to fire that flame that would put the very small doubt in her mind and letting her go just did it._

_So tell me if it's worth keep it going._

_Babi_

_PS.: following chapters won't be as short. This is just the prologue and I couldn't prolong things too much to make it bigger. Also I don't usually include lyrics in my fics. I think it's annoying but I guess I needed this one (that names the fic) just in case you didn't know it =)  
_


	2. Chapter One: Off

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter One - Off**

* * *

Elena decided that she wouldn't worry about what Damon said. Also she wasn't so sure that he'd just skip town to avoid her. It wasn't like he could avoid her when she dated his brother and they had important stuff to deal with just like their ex-girlfriend making an appearance again.

"So what's up with the new Justice League super secret meeting?" Damon acknowledged the people sitting in the couches of the boarding house's parlor as he moved to the drinks' cart.

"You don't exactly fit in the superhero description" Elena added showing the disapproval of his careless attitude and alcohol addiction.

As if no one had actually said anything he turned to Alaric "By the way, nice job with the aunt yesterday, Ric" he smirked as he sat in his usual armchair shaking his glass a little before taking it down at one single gulp.

Alaric looked to him surprised by the comment. "Vampire hearing isn't something you can avoid, sorry. So what's up? I have an agenda to follow; I don't have the whole day"

"Katherine was in Caroline's bedroom last night" Elena was once again the one to speak but this time there was concern and pain in her voice.

"Ric, Little Brother, Gilbert Boy? Anyone? Anything? I guess no, so have a nice day and try not to plot something too fancy. It's not like any of you are the Superman or Martin Manhunter. But if any day you decide to go after the Lockwood secret I'm all for sharing my Doomsday wisdom" he filled his glass again and downed it as quickly as the first one and walked away.

"Damon, didn't you listen to Elena? Katherine, she's here. Probably never left and she went after Caroline again and Caroline is still too vulnerable to deal with someone like Katherine around her telling her just the wrong things" Stefan intervened but Damon barely stopped his steps.

"Brother, brother, brother. Just because I have an eternity to live it doesn't mean I enjoy repeating myself like a broken record. Katherine? Your problem, not mine. Baby Vamp? I was there to do the job but I was stopped, so not my problem either. Call me when you want to worry about werewolves and how to stop them from killing us" he added without turning back to look at any of them and just like that he was gone.

"Did someone get up with their left foot?" Alaric turned to Stefan who didn't do much as shrugging.

"So what are we going to do now? Only one vampire against Katherine won't be enough and nothing personal Stefan but your diet doesn't make it any better" Jeremy offered as he played with his newly acquired ring.

"He'll come around. That's how he works, he plays the careless part but when things come down to the people he cares he just goes there" Elena added though inside she wasn't so sure. It wasn't only about the way he dismissed the subject and left as if he really didn't have anything to do with Katherine and her games. But also the way he dismissed her presence even more bluntly, as if she wasn't even there. It was like she didn't matter at all and by so should be listened. Even after what he did to her brother, when it came down to serious subjects she had still acknowledged him and she even stopped Bonnie from burning him to death in the carnival. But this reaction was too childish and she just hoped he was being a brat but would help them. They needed him.

"Did something happen in the trip? Does he have any reason to stop wanting to help us?" the vampire looked to both Alaric and Elena and while the teacher also shrugged, Elena looked down to her hands.

"Elena?" he asked clearly seeing her apprehension.

"Damon accused me of using him to get the information I needed about Katherine. He found this book about her family while they were still in Europe" Elena remembered of their conversation in the previous night and sighed. It has taken away enough of her sleep to think that Damon maybe was serious about his threat and now seeing how he reacted she feared even more.

Stefan could see that something had bothered Elena. She looked like she was tortured and hurting but he couldn't imagine the reason. Seemly she got what she wanted from Damon and came back home in one piece. Did something else happen that she was yet to tell?

"Oh not to say save your life throwing himself in front of a wooden arrow" the teacher remembered well and now paying more attention at Damon's demeanor it was clear that he was somewhat avoiding to look at anyone's face. He was trying to hide and maybe that was why he didn't want to stay. He probably didn't want to admit he was hurt.

"Always the hero" Jeremy chucked softly.

"Maybe not anymore. He asked me if he had lost me after what he did to Jer and I said yes, then he said that I also lost him" her voice cracked slightly and the two human my not have noticed it but it was clear to Stefan's perfect hearing. Looking carefully to her face he could see the smallest shimmer in her eyes and when she blinked a few times before looking up with a faint smile it proved him that she was hurt by his brother. Again.

"He'll come around" Alaric offered though he wasn't sure about it himself.

"What if he doesn't?" Elena still looking uneasy asked. She hoped that Alaric was right. Being categorically ignored by Damon earlier was a weird feeling. It was one thing when she pretended he wasn't in the same room and hated him for killing her brother. But it was comforting to know that he'd be there for her if she needed. Maybe he was right and she was using him but she just didn't know how to be around him after what he did to Jeremy. Somehow she still cared about him and she hated herself for that.

"Then we'll have to take care of this by ourselves. I'll talk to him when he gets back. Maybe he didn't realize that Katherine is a threat to everyone now and that includes him and if there's something that will never change about Damon is his selfish ways. When he feels threatened by Katherine he'll change his mind. We just need to make it happen" Stefan suggested coldly. Elena examined her boyfriends face carefully. It seemed like something also snapped in him after Katherine was back and while at first she was convinced that it was because of the kiss Damon shared with the vampire thinking it was her now she wasn't so sure. Stefan looked almost bipolar to her. He had moments where he'd come at her house and take her to the top of the ferris wheel or take care of Caroline during the transition. But then in moments like now when his face was devoted of emotions and he even smirked.

He and Alaric started talking about the plan and she kept her gaze on her boyfriend. His eyes were cold and the suggestions he made about what they should do to Katherine seemed to come from Damon's mind and not his. But then again, the bitch deserved to die and preferably in the most horrible way.

* * *

Damon didn't even bother to lurk around the house and listen to what they were saying. He has made a decision and while it took everything he had on him, that switch was finally off again. Trying to wander in the waters of humanity didn't bring him any good. Actually if he didn't have to dig deeper about the werewolves existence he'd be on the road in that very moment instead of paying Carol another visit. There was the only reason why he didn't leave Mystic Falls for good as it seemed like the wolves really existed and it didn't look good to him that one simple bite could kill a vampire. He needed to finish the job other vampires started. This breed should be extinct. There was room for only one supernatural creature in the world and that was vampires. Dealing with witches, those judging little things was already a hell of a headache. He needed to gather information about the Lockwood's. If that was indeed a curse, carried from generation to generation his problems may go further than Tyler and Manson Lockwood. As far as the books said, it only passed through males, but if required, he'd find a way to exterminate the whole family of Carol's husband. But not so fast. He needed to find out if there were any other families cursed.

"Well hello Damon" Katherine greeted coming to his encounter outside the Lockwood's mason.

"Not here to see you" he barely acknowledged her as he made his way to the front door.

"That's rude; you were born in an age where they knew how to treat a woman properly. You know better than that" she used her super speed to block his way to the entrance while Damon looked up sighing heavily. He just avoided a meeting to decide what to do about her because he didn't want to deal with Katherine. In his current condition he didn't know if he could handle her. Too much water under that bridge.

"Look, you made yourself clear, you came back because of Stefan and you never loved me. I want nothing do to with you Katherine. I don't want you back, I don't want to kill you, I don't want to talk to you. I have business to take care and I guess we could call a truce here. I'm not teaming up with dearest brother to bring you down or do whatever they plan to do about you. Can't we just pretend the other doesn't exist? I don't even need that much acting or convincing" the coldness and despise in his voice had actually surprised Katherine. Damon was still hurt because of what she told him and that was what she was expecting: pain and discomfort. But not blunt indifference and disdain. All those years when she looked at him from afar, when she saw him corrupting, killing and destroying lives he looked dark but not cold. Damon Salvatore couldn't be cold no matter how match he tried. Twisted, check; dark check; selfish, check; uncaring; check, check, check. But cold wasn't part of his personality. He could _kill coldly_ but it never meant _he was_ cold. Those eyes never looked the way they were looking now as if he was utterly unaffected by her. All she saw was how bothered he was for her being in his way to get where he was going but she still had a card under her sleeve that she sure knew would change it.

"And would that business have anything to do with being killed by the men inside this house? Is it by any chance related to a certain curse?" she rested her back and one of her foot on the door behind her while she crossed her arms in her chest, offering a smile that showed him she knew too well what he wanted there.

"So you know about the werewolves" he raised one of his eyebrows but other than this all his features were still tense and emotionless.

"I may have met one or two back at the day where they thought they actually had a chance" she now smirked moving one of her hands to the curls of her hair, playing with it shrugging her shoulders a bit in the process.

"And did you know about the Lockwood's?" he was still testing the waters but also trying to know what it meant for him. He understood her words too well. She was probably one of those vampires that made sure the wolves were extinct. It matched her personality to promote a massacre.

"Actually I didn't. That Gilbert advice was more useful than it first appeared. I knew about a family in Mystic Falls in 1864 which was why I came here in the first place, mind you know. And when I decimated them I thought my work was done but it seems like this hole of a city actually had more at store for me" she sounded careless. She knew sharing some information of why she came to Mystic Falls in the first place would reignite something inside him. She knew back at the day the boys craved to know more about her and kept asking questions that she easily talked them out of it.

"Good, so it means my time in this hole is done. Nice to see you again, Kat. Oh I guess that's a lie" he offered his fakest smile and turned on his heels and walked back to his car leaving the vampire dumbfounded behind him. Was it possible that Damon had come to this level of detachment?

"And why do you think I'm going to take care of them myself, Damon? I'm not here to dirt my hands again unless it's absolutely necessary" she was quickly in front of his car, impeding him to get inside.

"Because you care a lot about your big fat ass to risk being killed by a dog" the words left his mouth with despise not only about her death but about her figure as he appraised her frame from head to toe with very disgusting eyes.

"I can see that little raggedy doll not only messed up with my boys but she actually broke them"

"Well the raggedy doll and your toy are plotting your probably death in this very moment and I'd love to sit and watch it but I guess then I'd need to be interested enough to stick around" he kept his features the same but pulled her by the wrist and then pushed her aside so he'd enter his car.

"Don't ever touch me like that again" she was quick in her recover and got him by the hair in the back of his head before he could actually hop inside the car.

"So what? Big bad mean vamp girl Kat will kill me? Now that might be entertaining enough to keep a man interested" he reached for the small stake he had under the driver's seat and staking her arm, she dropped his arm and then he finally entered the car and stepped on gas.

"That stupid human will pay highly for damaging my toy" Katherine hissed as she pulled the stake away and sped away.

* * *

_AN: wow... what a change no? Damon seems pretty reckless if you ask me and while some may doubt his sudden change of demeanor let's not forget vampires CAN really turn all their feelings off but I'll show his struggle. It's not that easy as it seems._

_I know it seems just as childish to ignore Elena as she did when she made out with Stefan in front of Damon but you'll see he's not playing I can't see you. If he as much as looks at her or listens to her voice it makes the whole 'the switch is off' much harder so this is his defense weapons._

_His reckless attitude is as unlimited that he even treats Kat the way he did but maybe deep inside he knows she won't kill him. Punish and torture yes, but not kill and he feels like a physical pain could present as a nice distraction to all the emotional pain he stuffed behind the lock of his humanity. It all starts easy but as baggage is added to the closet it's pretty hard to keep it closed._

_Now, I'm shocked (good shocked) with the feedback to this fic. That's the only reason why I'm really putting some giant effort here to post this chapter. I'm at exams week at college and I have no time but after all your answers I felt like I should post it ASAP but for a couple of weeks it may get hard to make it twice by week, so be patient and keep answering :P_

_I want to thank to __xxashleyxx, xLadyAng3lx, Sparkle85, Yulia.11.11, Silvery Rain, shadylady21, Avecia, xxxMrsDamonSalvatorexxx, Drama and Lea_ for reviewing the prologue.

_I hope you liked this chapter. There'll be a Delena real interaction soon and Elena will taste a little more of her own poison._

_Babi  
_


	3. Chapter Two: Denial

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Two - Denial**

* * *

It hurt. She had to admit it hurt. She was stubborn and she kept saying to herself that it was for the best. That nobody should miss a reckless vampire in their lives. Someone that didn't care for any human life, no matter how much her heart told her otherwise. Her heart. She blamed it all on the figurative organ. She shouldn't be in pain. It shouldn't hurt. She shouldn't _miss _him that much.

She missed everything. His smug smirk, his witty comments, his colossal ego, his careless behavior but especially his eyes. She's learned to read those eyes better than she should. They were the only slit in his perfect mask. He cared. His eyes showed that he cared. The way he apologized in the porch. She couldn't take those images away from her mind. And she hated herself for it. She knew Katherine got under his skin. He had admitted that she visited him before he headed to her house that night and killed her brother. It was part of her nature, of who she was to always see the good in people and to always believe in their ability to redeem themselves but she couldn't forget the pain in her chest as her brother fell on the floor. She still gasped for air when she remembered of it. She wished she had a humanity switch too. It'd make this whole situation so much easier. But she kept her resolve. She wouldn't forgive Damon. He has lost her forever and _she_ should come to terms with it. There was no reason for her to feel bad about it and she kept repeating in her head that the only reason why she missed him was because he was genuinely a friend before it all went downhill. Everybody warned her about getting too close to Damon and now she wishes she had listened because if she had, she wouldn't miss what she lost so much.

Putting her best 'I-don't-care' face she entered the boarding house. She was waiting for Stefan who called her saying that he'd be late to their movie session because Caroline has had some relapse. It was hard for them. Dealing with Katherine popping every now and then and the werewolf, they also had to deal with Caroline and nobody could really help her but Stefan. Bonnie in a very Damon fashion washed her hands, though she should feel a little bit worse about it as she was adamant about Damon giving his blood to Caroline to start with but the witch fired back saying that the only reason her friend has needed it was because they had to take care of the vampires Damon released from the tomb. Elena didn't even try to convince her otherwise. She knew it was pointless.

The moment she stepped inside the house, she felt something different. She couldn't put her finger on what it was but she knew something was off.

"We finally meet" Katherine announced as she entered the living room, coming from upstairs.

"Katherine" Elena whispered before turning around and looking at her doppelganger. Probably her ancestor.

"I should consider moving" Damon grimaced as he came from the same route the vampire did before him did.

"And what are you going to do? Move in with a human so I can't get inside?" Katherine turned around. She has come to see him but she didn't find him. She's seen Stefan leaving. She knew he would after her meeting with Caroline not many minutes earlier.

"Nah, don't flatter yourself Kat. Just because I can't stomach your _figure_ it doesn't mean I'll go that low. It's just my natural resistance to manipulating bitches but it works as any other allergy, all you have to do is be kept away from it" he nonchalantly added as he walked to the drinks cart and got himself some scotch. The best he had. Seeing both of the women he despised in his living room needed a good dose of his best liquor.

"You miss me, Damon" she moved in super speed and grabbing him from behind she slip her hands in his chest seductively.

"Right, I miss being used as much as I miss the 30's, Kat. Now if you excuse me, I have girls awaiting me" he quipped and downing another shot he took his leather jacket that was in the couch arm and headed to the door.

"Wait, Damon, are you going to leave me with her?" Elena tried to cover her apprehension and fear and while she did it well the edge in her voice showed that it actually hurt her to know that he would dismiss her safety like that.

"I don't see a problem, Elena. You two have so much in common I'm sure you can even exchange some tricks, you know, improve your repertoire" he offered his trademark smirk. Elena kept looking to his eyes and they were just cold and sarcastic as his words and the rest of his demeanor. "Now if you want to check if the cover package is exactly the same, I'd advise you to wait for Stefan I'm sure he has kept notes on both of you. It must be an interesting comparison" he moved his index finger to his chin as if he was thinking about it and then looked to both of them smirking broadly before he disappeared.

"I can only imagine what perfect little Elena did to hurt Damon that much. Not even during the century and a half he looked for me he seemed so… wrecked" Katherine smiled as she purposefully took the same glass Damon has just discarded in the cart and licked the border closing her eyes, clearing tasting his savor, not the beverage's.

"Did you actually sit around to watch him hurting for you? How can you be such a bitch?" Elena immediately took Damon's side. She didn't even know why she was defending him. When she noticed it the words had already left her mouth and Katherine was shaking her head as she took step after step towards Elena.

"Let me clarify something to you that you may have misunderstood. The Salvatore's are mine. And time will prove it. They love me and both were entertained by you for a while and deluded themselves thinking they love you but we'll see who they'll turn to in the end. I have eternity, Elena. I gave it to them, my blood run in theirs just like theirs run in mine. We have a bond that not even a clone like you can break. I had my reasons to go away briefly but I'm back here to watch them making their choice. It's funny how they always thought _I_ had to choose and then they're the ones making decisions. But that's assuming there's actually any choice to make because as I see it infatuation and love were never really competition" the vampire kept a smile in her face and such enthusiasm as if she was telling her best friend how her soul mate has surprised her with a proposal.

"They'll never choose you. I guess they're not the delusional one here" Elena retorted. She knew it wasn't wise. Actually it wasn't smart at all to confront Katherine like that.

"You see… there's something interesting going on that I guess you didn't catch yet. They know me Elena, they know what they see is what they get and even after the little wait and the small lie I told them, Damon is actually _talking_ to me. He acknowledges me, he even let me touch that ivory and I must add delicious body of his. Last I've heard his first words to you in a whole month had been the ones that _I_ led him to say a few minutes ago" Katherine kept one hand in her waist as she pointed her index finger to Elena at first and then in the air as if she was drawing her theory in an invisible board. "One-Original, zero-Copy. Before you see it, Stefan will be in arms professing his undying love. Send him my best regards" she wrinkled her nose and just like that she was gone, leaving only whiff.

If Katherine planned to plant an idea at Elena's head she has successfully accomplished. In fact Damon seemed much more dismissive about her than he did about Katherine. Although his words were filled with venom and disdain still he talked to her. It was as if he couldn't stop himself of doing so and she has paid special attention when Katherine embraced him. He hasn't as much as flinched at her touch. Elena was so engulfed in her mind that she didn't realize Stefan entering the house.

"Katherine is around" his voice brought her back from her trance.

"Actually she's just left" Elena looked to him and he could see she was hurting. Elena was so easy to read. Her eyes were always the answer. Not the way they looked but how much bright they carried. Even in the worst moments, rarely he's seen her looking like this. Struggling and hurting, yes, but hopeless and defeated not so much.

"What happened, did she hurt you?" he was immediately by her side, sliding his hands on her arms and trying to catch any physical damage.

"No. Nothing. She did nothing different but repeating you both love her and you both will be back to her at some point" Elena sighed as she looked down. Why did she actually think for a little bit that the vampire was right in her assessment?

"Elena, I never loved Katherine, I was compelled and I won't start now. I don't want her. I only want you, I love you. I thought we got over that" Stefan moved his hand to her cheek, cupping it while he held the soft and warm gaze she was used to.

"But Damon has every reason to hate her. He really loved her, Stefan, he wasn't compelled and she abandoned him and fooled him and I saw how much he wanted just to kill her but when she came, he was here and he let her touch him, he talked to her. He acknowledged her. I guess the hate is wearing down and the next thing is love being rebuilt" Elena let the tears that she had held for a month to finally roll down. Did Damon think she was worse than Katherine? He didn't even look at her but he had no problem talking to the vampire even with such despise but he _at least_ talked to her. Elena couldn't take the cold shoulder treatment anymore. Just because she didn't want to be friends with him, it didn't mean she pretended he died to her or something because that was how he made her feel, especially as he handled Katherine so well, wearing his always present mask. But she knew under the mask he cared and that was why he treated Katherine so bad. But with her he didn't have masks; he didn't pull faces or attacked her with words. He didn't keep a façade or tried to hurt her. He did _nothing._ It was like she wasn't deserving of any of his emotions, not even hate and it deeply hurt. At least she hated him. She nurtured feelings for him even if they were hatred.

"I'm not Damon and you're not Katherine. They play their games but it doesn't have anything to do with us, Elena. Do you actually expect me to act like Damon?" Stefan was surprised but he covered it very well with his tenderness as he talked to her.

"No I don't. You'd never be like him but she seems so sure about it"

"She's trying to get under your skin, as she does with everybody else. She got Caroline to attack another civilian. That's how she operates Elena. She sees a crack and that's where she aims. She knows yours, she knows you're intrigued about how you can look just like her and she suspects you might be insecure about being only a replacement but you can't let her do it, Elena, I love you, I never loved her, I want you, only you, okay?" his voice was calm but also fierce. He wanted her to see that he only loved her and he also needed to teach her how to be less susceptible to Katherine's games.

Elena only nodded and let him embrace her. She believed him, she never really thought otherwise. Her fears about being second best to Stefan were long forgotten and she knew in her heart that he'd always belong to her. He's made an incredible job at making her believe so. But if she really didn't believe Stefan would leave her to go back to Katherine why her words had been engraved in Elena's mind and she felt like she was losing something?

* * *

Damon decided to skip cities for the night. He didn't want to get Liz any more suspicious about vampires as her own daughter gave her many reasons to don't forget about them. Every now and then some resident went missing and not even in _his days_ many people disappeared like in the past month. And finding a man in front of the hospital with twin holes in his neck the other day only made those suspicions stronger.

He needed a night like the ones he used to have. A lot of alcohol and women really willing to feed his every need. He needed to get laid. It wasn't only about the 'frozen food' diet he's taking for months. Surely he wanted some fresh blood but he needed to have sex. Mind blowing sex. An entire night of lascivious and wild sex. He needed a woman to rock his world and he needed it to be rocked pretty hard.

It was a Friday night, so finding hot girls in the bar in a city in the neighborhood was pretty easily. Taking a quick glance he could see that he'd have whatever he wanted: blond, redheads, brunettes, vixens, virgins, curvy, elegant skinny or voluptuous. All he needed was to pick the dish of night and seeing how he really needed them to keep his distracted he concentrated in the naughtiest. He didn't need any reservations tonight.

He finally spotted his aim for the night. Curly redhead, bountiful cleavage, never ending legs and a nice ass. He couldn't ask for more, there was even this mischievous look that made him think she'd be a master on bed, just like him, the perfect match.

Approaching Carla was easy and she proved to be very charming and seductive without being easy or cheap. His flair was as sharp as ever and it somehow relieved him though he had no idea why. It wasn't like he thought he lost any of his touch or looked any less dashing or gorgeous.

But the night had a little surprise to him and for that Damon Salvatore didn't expect.

* * *

_AN: here the update._

_Yeah, I'm adding someone to Damon - even if only for sex - because honestly I think it's a waste do not explore Ian's body and second because Elena has Stefan, so Damon deserves at least sex :P_

_I love this Katherine/Elena interaction and there's more coming and I'm totally up to suggestions._

_I want to thank to Jenbanks71, SoUtHeRnBeLLe706, TTMJEA, Lily, lizzie, Avecia, niadk, Yulia.11.11, Valtjuh and shadylady21 for the reviews. I love it guys, keep them coming_.

_I'll update 'Alive' tomorrow, don't worry, just a busy week._

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi  
_


	4. Chapter Three: Answers

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Three - Answers**

* * *

After being with Stefan for a while, Elena decided to go back to her house. She felt like the air couldn't reach her lungs. She did her best to cover it from Stefan and she was positive he bought it. He blindly trusted her and never really doubted that she was telling him the truth. Her relationship with him was easy like that. They trusted each other and never questioned anything.

She didn't want to betray his trust and that was why she didn't say another word and settled for watching two movies. It was the perfect distraction for her mind in the moment. She didn't want to go on and on about what has happened in the living room earlier. She never expected Damon to leave her alone with Katherine. She didn't like it but she's finally stopped fighting against the fact that he wouldn't help Caroline or stop Katherine. He had a right to be remorseful about the she-vampire when she made it clear that she came back to Stefan. And he was also right about Caroline. The new vamp was keeping Stefan's hands full and no matter how much he tried eventually she'd do more damage than Stefan could fix. Some times she handled to let her victims go, compelled to forget what happened but other times it hasn't been so fortunate and they had to put the corpses away.

But she never truly imagined that Damon would leave her alone with Katherine. For all she knew the vampire came to kill her and finally claim Stefan as hers. She could kidnap her and threaten her boyfriend about whatever she wanted. They didn't know what Katherine's plans were because she kept walking around them but never really attacking though she did use Caroline to kill people. And still Damon left.

But it wasn't only that that hurt. Katherine _was right_. For almost five weeks she has met Damon many times and not in one of them he has said one word to her. She stopped 'talking' to him in the fifth or sixth but she has been really surprised by how it seemed like she didn't exist. For times she just wanted to slap him in the face and yell that he has actually killed her brother and she had the right to take as long as she wanted to forgive him while all she did in return was to trick him to give her some information about someone that could do be planning her death or her friends'. Katherine turned Caroline for a reason. She wanted them to know that she knew no boundaries and she'd do as she pleased and how she pleased whenever she wanted.

How could Damon even compare one thing to the other? It wasn't even possible. She was sure if she stopped people in the street and reported the facts as they were, no bias, one hundred percent of them would support her. She only did to him what he did to everyone all the time but still he completely ignored her. It may hurt but it also enraged her and loaded her loathe feelings for him. She hated him, she really did, with all her heart because not only he killed her brother but also totally cut her out of his life because of something as small as getting him to give her some information about a maniac vampire.

But no matter how much she hated him, she still cared. And that made she hate herself too! She's called herself the worst names in the dictionary and she felt like a fool for caring but she couldn't change who she was and she has already been convinced that neither could Damon. He was who he was and maybe her first assessment was closer to the truth then she had thought lately.

But tonight he has crossed the line. He _really_ hurt her. In her best days she would admit that Katherine really had an edge over the brothers but especially over Damon. He's been in love or obsessed by the woman for almost a century and a half and surely being the manipulative bitch that she was it'd be very easy for to get under his skin. Especially after saying she came back to Stefan. He never said a word to anyone about what Katherine had said to him before he headed to Elena's house but sometimes she tried to imagine the list of things that the older vampire could do to hurt Damon and bring him to the edge and the list were just endless. She knew Damon was struggling a lot, especially with his feelings when he came to her. He even tried to force his way to kiss her twice before Jeremy interrupted them so it was clear for her that he wasn't in his best state of mind. In her more understanding days she almost forgave him because emotions weren't something easy for vampires, especially not ones like Damon who spent so long without having any. The pain was slowly wearing down and she knew deep inside that she'd come around. But today she's been truly hurt.

It didn't look like Katherine and Damon were together before she arrived although they both came from upstairs and could easily smell each other's presence in the house. Elena thought that Damon was in the house while Katherine was just following her and only went to the second floor to make it look like she was indeed with Damon. So as far as she knew Damon didn't have to face Katherine and she certainly didn't say anything to get under his skin. Damon was in his best mind when he stepped in that living room and still he left her alone with the devil. He abandoned her coldly. He let her to die there if that was the case and in that moment Elena finally realized that maybe he wasn't being dramatic or childish when he said she's lost him too.

Reality had finally hit her and now there wasn't any denying about it. No matter how much she wanted to think that maybe someday Damon and she would be able to repair their relationship and be friends, she now knew they wouldn't. And it surprised her how _empty_ she felt after this observation.

* * *

What was wrong with him? Having sex with Carla has been easy. Pretty easy because she knew what she was doing. He even thought about keeping her the moment he found out she also lived in Mystic Falls as the scenario in the small tiny city was too obvious and boring. She'd make a perfect sex buddy. She didn't make questions, she didn't make any moves, nothing. She was there for a night of raw pleasure and that was what they both had.

But Damon was hungry, he was absolutely hungry. Carla has fulfilled his man needs but she was yet to fulfill the vampire's. And her blood smelled like roses to him. His compulsion worked. He tested it before feeding on her. Or expecting to feed on her. He didn't want the experience to be any harder to her than it should so he preferred to actually compel her first. That might be what went wrong. Damon never compelled first. Only after, if the victim made it afterward at all. But he couldn't for the life of him to feed in the naked human under his body.

Carla looked at him puzzled. She wasn't going to yell or to react at any sort to what he was going to do but all he did was look at her with confused eyes. She thought it was odd and after ten minutes she finally asked if everything was okay. Though she kept her voice pretty low afraid of it making it any reaction.

Damon released her from his compulsion but he was intrigued. The girl was a machine in bed and seemed to be even more careless about it than him but that was it. There was _nothing _special about her except for the fact that he couldn't feed on her.

He said her he's changed his mind, not even bothering to apologize as he moved from the bed and collected his clothes, dressing up quickly.

She reacted normally, as if nothing has happened. She also collected her clothes and didn't offer him a farewell greeting as he quietly and wordlessly left the room. Taking her time she only made it outside the motel fifteen minutes after him and found him leaning against his car.

Damon was thinking. Actually his brain was working nonstop since he left the room. He felt the bloodlust, he wanted to feed, he was thirsty but he couldn't. There was something about the girl he has just been with. He didn't know if it was the way she looked at him or how her voice was sweet despite her bold and upfront attitude, especially in bed. She was just the perfect happy meal and still he didn't have her. But what was it? Was she also any sort of supernatural creature? After finding out about werewolves he thought he should be open to any possibilities. But if she was any sort of creature what made him back away from her blood? Was it going to kill him? Or was it only her human charms?

He's been in so deep thoughts that he didn't notice her getting out or smiling at his odd position at nearly four in the morning. She ignored him as he seemed to be hypnotized or something and slowly made her way towards the city. She still needed to find a ride home as she didn't have her car. By ride she obviously meant a taxi, if the city had a taxi service at all but if it didn't it wouldn't take more than a couple of hours for the first bus to Mystic Falls to leave the station.

Damon finally saw her. Her blood smell got his attention and he decided to go further and figure out what this woman had as he was absolutely sure that there was nothing on her that could remotely cause him the same reaction Elena did. And the last time he remembered of not being able to drink from someone was from Elena. He'd never do that to her in the past and he was positive that it wouldn't change in the future no matter how he despised her now.

"Hey, are you going back to Mystic Falls?" Damon ran in human speed, quickly reaching her.

"Yeah, my car is in the dealership to be fixed but I'm waiting for the next bus" she nonchalantly answered. She knew guys like Damon too well and the last thing they wanted was to change numbers and promise to call the next day.

"Do you want a ride?" he offered as he appraised her one more time. Steady heartbeat, human blood running in the veins, erected hair all over her arms affected by the chilly breeze and pale lips because of the cold. She looked all human, too human for being a supernatural creature but he'd dig until he found an answer.

"That would be nice but it's nothing, really, I guess the first bus won't take longer and there's a lot of things we can do in the gas stations stores by this time" she coolly answered while Damon kept appraising her with such a gaze that was probably leading her to think he was a psycho.

"Let's go, any other day you tell about what's so cool about convenience stores in a city like Fells Church" he smirked and tilted his head towards his car while she shrugged, why not, the guy wasn't creepy at all and he was offering her a chance to do let her grandmother to lecture her once again.

They didn't do a lot of small talking in the brief car trip between the two cities. More like a few comments and remarks and long periods of silence. She didn't bother, first she was really sleepy and second he didn't seem a lot interested anyway. But truth was Damon couldn't be any more interested. There was something wrong with this girl and he'd find out.

Stefan said that Damon was looking for things to keep him busy and ignore both Katherine and Elena and much to his complete happiness none of the brunette women has crossed his mind while he's been with Carla. Again there was nothing special about the girl, but her sex skills would make any man incapable of forming any rational thoughts while she made her things in bed and after it all he could think was about why he hasn't been able to drink from her.

And Stefan was right. He was already obsessed about finding out what has stopped him. So blindly obsessed that it never crossed his mind that maybe it didn't have anything to do with the redhead he was just dropping in her house but with himself.

* * *

_AN: Damon can't feed the human. Why do you think he can't? He's too deep in thoughts about the supernatural lately but even so he can almost assure she's human (and she is). But if she's just the girl next door why can't he feed on her? Give me your thoughts because this subject will drop for many, many chapters to come, so your best chance to find it out is taking guesses._

_Elena is still on denial, no matter how many times it crosses her head that he really cut her off of his life. But as I wanted to show she's also making progress about forgiving him. Elena does care a lot about Damon, so it makes it all hard for her not to try to understand what happened to him that night. She just won't admit it to anyone as a rational said of her says it's unforgivable and that she's an idiot for even thinking about forgiving him. Let's see where it takes her._

_Next: Katherine, Carla, Elena... I guess there are too many women for just one Damon :P_

_Thanks a lot to: Tasha, IanVampLover, EtherealDamon, Lily, niadk, blackArcher13, natitasha, blueyed18, Crimson-Kiss17 and shadylady21 for the reviews! I hope to read from you again :P_

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi  
_


	5. Chapter Four: Unexpected

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Four - Unexpected**

* * *

Damon was intrigued by Carla. She was a nice distraction being a hurricane in bed but that wasn't what made him keep her around. He wanted to know why he couldn't bring himself to feed on her. He didn't compel her after their first night together and still he couldn't feed. It never crossed his head to test his theory by trying to feed on someone else. He was more concerned about Mason Lockwood. Although the werewolf said he didn't want to reignite the war between the supernatural creatures, Damon's feeble attempt to kill the mayor's youngest brother didn't work well for his own good.

To say Mason was enraged was an understatement and Damon didn't want an even more enraged wolf around him. At least he was thankful that both Katherine and Elena have taken breaks and didn't disturb him anymore. While he had no idea why the vampire went MIA on him he knew Elena's appearances at the house diminished due the fact that she and Stefan has broken up. The brunette would rarely come to the house but today seemed to be one of those days when she actually showed up as she and Stefan supposedly remained friends after their sudden breakup.

Elena thought Damon would have any sort of reaction to her fake break up with Stefan but at least to her he never voiced anything. Not even the eventual joke. He totally dismissed it and Elena was honestly stopping being surprised by it. It was clear by now that he wasn't playing or faking anything. He cut her off of his life and maybe for good.

But as she entered the boarding house, to wait for Stefan and Alaric, she didn't expect to cross with someone wrapped around a towel coming from the kitchen.

"Hey Katherine" the girl greeted and Elena didn't know what to say. Katherine was still a secret to most people and a vampire was supposed to get her accelerated heartbeat, right? She couldn't control her pulsation as she knew a woman in those garments meant only one thing: Damon was sleeping with someone.

"Actually my name is Elena" she offered simply and appraising the girl barely covered body and her pretty face she felt something inside of her burning.

"Oh, so I guess I met your sister instead. Damon and I bumped on her the other day" she offered as an explanation.

"Are you new in the city? I don't quite recognize you and you know how Mystic Falls is, everybody knows everybody" Elena tried to gather some information but she felt like she couldn't breathe. The girl was sleeping with Damon and apparently he was taking her out as they met Katherine outside the house. Immediately Elena looked for a bite mark, just like Caroline had when Damon was seeing her but this girl in front of her had a perfect neck and most of her body was exposed and there wasn't anything that even resembled a bite mark.

"Sorry, I didn't introduce myself. My name is Carla. My grandmother is Mrs. Flowers, do you know her? She's sick and I'm here to take care of her for awhile. I just graduated from college and I'm not sure what to do about my professional life now, so I thought small and peaceful Mystic Falls could help me to have some clarity" the redhead offered her hand for Elena who shook it weakly.

"Yes, I know Mrs. Flowers. Is she better now?" she doubt her demeanor didn't show how uneasy she felt but she wanted to get more information about Damon's girlfriend. It only made sense that she was his girlfriend if he wasn't using her as food and brought her home and walked with her around the city.

"She's yet to show any progress but I have faith she'll get there" Carla actually sounded pretty sad about her grandmother's fragile health condition.

"I'm sorry" the brunette offered honestly.

"Don't you think this apple is taking you long enough?" both girls heard Damon crying out from upstairs, leading Carla to roll her eyes.

"He has such an appetite. Nice to meet you Elena" she smiled to the high school student and left.

* * *

"What took you so long?" Damon asked Carla as soon as she entered the bedroom, dropping the headphones he had on. He had to admit the girl had the best iPod collection he listened. They had pretty much similar tastes. It seemed like forever since the last time he really listened to music. He used to do it a lot before coming to Mystic Falls drama.

"I met Elena, Katherine's sister downstairs. God I didn't even ask if she wanted to talk to you. Maybe you should go check on her" Carla said as she sat by his side in the bed. She liked to spend time with Damon. They'd see each other once or twice a week and he never asked her for more or made many questions. She explained him her grandmother condition and how she should avoid leaving at nights as they were the worst for her.

She didn't make any questions either. She has met Stefan a couple of times but although Damon didn't mention anything she could catch some tension between the brothers. But she didn't care. Although they never said a word about what they had it was clear to Carla that Damon wanted to keep things casual just as much as she did and the sex was good, actually the sex was divine and she really needed the distraction after having to take her grandmother to the emergency room so constantly. Mrs. Flowers has been adamant about being at home but still there were some weeks when she slept most of her nights at the hospital.

"They're not…" Damon started but realized he'd make a huge mistake if he said Elena wasn't Katherine sister. To the world that'd be the only explanation left. "Close"

"Yeah but she seems nice unlike her sister. I don't know Katherine was just weird, if you ask me" she laughed a little remembering of how Katherine has tried to kiss Damon, even though he was with her. They didn't hold hands or showed any PDA because sex buddies definitely didn't do it but still the brunette seemed just too jealous.

"I know" he pretended to think that Katherine was crazy by grimacing a little but he didn't want to talk. They didn't talk. Actually they didn't do anything but have sex and fun. Damon couldn't resist bringing her over a few days when his curiosity about not being able to feed on her kicked in or when he was just plain horny. She was good in the deed, one of the very best human partners in his very long list.

"Maybe we should resume where we stopped now that you're all fed" his smile was suggestive and she didn't stop him when he took her by the waist bringing her body over to his and letting the towel fall behind her.

* * *

Elena could hear them. She could hear them quite well actually. This Carla girl seemed to be nice but did she have to be so noisy? She didn't hear much from Damon, as she thought she would. After all he certainly knew she was there.

"You know it's not nice to overhear people's intimacy" Katherine spoke after a whiff of wind breezed Elena's back.

"So I guess you should leave as I'm not the one with super hearing" Elena barely acknowledged her and she didn't know why was that as she knew she shouldn't be saying these things to someone like Katherine.

"Yeah, you're right, but you should add super vision to the list because it really helped me to catch Stefan's dark-in-the-morning visits to your house and I must say I really needed my good hear to listen to you… is it always like that between the two of you? You certainly didn't taste the best Salvatore in bed" Katherine sat in Damon's armchair and crossed her legs as she appraised her own nails.

"But still you're going after the not so good in bed brother" Elena kept her banter although a deafening voice in her head told her to just shut up.

"Let's just say a girl like me wakes boys like Stefan, my darling. You should ask him about our sex escapades. That was stuff of legend if you ask me but Damon is definitely an expert. More skillful and resourceful. Why do you think I kept him?"

"Why are you here, Katherine? The brother you supposedly want isn't here and the one you supposedly despise is pretty busy and I'm sure you aren't any interested in me" Elena sighed. She was tired of Katherine's mind games. Always planting doubts, always so sure of herself, always providing so much information about the boys, most of times information that she felt like only she should know.

"The same reason as you. I'm waiting for Stefan" the vampire shrugged.

"When will you get it? He doesn't want anything to do with you. None of them want. It's pretty pathetic to keep stalking them like that. I thought you had a little bit more of self-respect" Elena challenged. More than tired she was losing her nerve with her doppelganger. It was her boyfriend the bitch was going after bluntly.

"And I thought you were a little bit more intelligent" Katherine crossed the room in inhuman speed taking Elena by her throat and throwing her against the nearby wall. She knew she couldn't kill the human if she wanted Stefan in her arms but she couldn't help not hurting the little petulant thing. Who she thought she was to talk to her like that?

The moment Elena felt her body colliding with whatever it had been, she cried out in pain. For a moment she thought Katherine was just going to snap her head.

"What was that?" Carla asked as she was getting dressed to finally leave. After a sex marathon she was exhausted and she wanted to visit her grandmother in the hospital before heading home.

Damon crossed the bedroom in normal speed but the moment he was out of the girl's sight he moved in inhuman velocity.

"So much for hating her forever, Damon" Katherine offered as she leaned in the wall opposite to where Elena's body lied unconscious. _Too fragile,_ she thought looking to Elena's dull frame.

"I never said I hate her, Kat, now you on the other hand can't seem to listen it enough to be convinced. I can't stand the sight of you. Hate doesn't make any justice to how I feel about you" he walked up to where Elena was and took her in his arms, heading upstairs.

"Say Stefan I said 'Hello'" the she-vampire said in a sing-song voice as she left the house.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Carla asked astonished as Damon entered his bedroom again, with Elena in his arms. She was still out and had a deep cut in her head that was bleeding heavily.

"Katherine happened" Damon shortly added before continuing "Can you go to the bathroom and get some first aid kit? It's the one near to Stefan's bedroom" he asked as he laid Elena in his bed.

"Sure but don't you think we should take her to the hospital? It looks pretty nasty" the redhead referred to the cut while Damon was already checking for any broken bones.

"We'll see how she reacts. I've been to med-school once and I guess I still know how to do a bandage" his face was tense as he tried to concentrate in Elena's pulsation, realizing it was too weak for his taste.

"Okay" she agreed and left the room.

Damon quickly bit his wrist and moved it to Elena's mouth. He wouldn't take any risks and he was sure as soon as Stefan arrived he'd make sure that Katherine wouldn't get near to Elena for the next twenty-four hours to prevent Katherine of doing what she did to Caroline.

Elena surely couldn't suck it by herself and the only way Damon could think about getting in down her throat before Carla was back was forcing it down. Sucking some considerable amount in his mouth, he then covered hers with his lips and blew really hard, repeating the process a couple of times just to ensure she had enough blood to recover.

As he moved his face away from Elena's, Carla entered the room with the kit and watched his skilled hands working in the brunette's cut. He did stitches as if he was a professional and she thought just for a moment who Damon Salvatore really was. If he has gone to med-school before what was he doing in Mystic Falls? She knew for sure he wasn't a physician.

"Will she be okay?" she asked again as she saw him discarding the gloves he wore to ensure she wasn't going to get an infection, as he cleaned the cut the best he could before closing it up.

"Yes. Elena is pretty strong" he only said as he stood up to leave.

"I guess that would be Katherine actually. How a girl with such a small frame like her can do this damage?" Carla was impressed by not only the cut and the huge bumping growing around it but also other bruises in Elena's right arm, the one she hit first in the wall and that was also getting swollen.

"I don't know but that's exactly why I said they aren't exactly close. They fell in love with the same guy, that being my brother and I guess girls can go really possessive when it comes to their men, which is why I don't get closer to them" Damon said defensively, stopping in his tracks and looking over Elena again as Carla watched him closely. He tried to sound careless but it was written all over his face how concerned he was about Elena. He's been absolutely careful when he stitched her face and then bandaged her arm. Wiping the blood too softly and when he was almost done she saw as he brushed his thumb in her forehead slightly and quickly, as if hiding it.

"If you say so… I must head to the hospital. Are you sure you don't want to take her with me?" she was actually concerned about the girl as well.

"No, Stefan is going to be here at any moment. If he decides he should take her, he will. I did my part and I guess it's just that Elena is too small. The cut wasn't that deep to knock her out in any concerning way, although I'm sure little brother will take her anyway" Damon resumed his way outside and Carla just followed him, bidding goodbye pretty quickly and heading downstairs as he head to the bathroom to discard the rest of the material and put away the kit.

The moment he heard the front door closing he moved back to his bedroom, taking Elena downstairs and laying her in the couch. He didn't feel comfortable at all keeping her in his bedroom and he knew for sure she'd wake up very soon, thanks to his blood.

He heard when Katherine arrived and he did the best he could to block the doppelgangers voices from his head, focusing in the girl that was riding him. But when he and Carla finished he almost had to keep talking to avoid listening to the conversation going on downstairs but now he wished he had listened. He had no idea why Katherine attacked Elena, especially in the boarding house where she could be helped by any of them quickly.

He didn't expect to react the way he did when he listened to her crying and the clear thud of her body colliding against the wall. He didn't expect to feel the air stopping in his lungs, though he didn't need it anyway. He was sure if he had a heart it'd have stopped at that very moment. What he said to Katherine was true; he never said to anyone he hated Elena because he didn't. He hasn't even tried to do so. He felt nothing for her and that included even hate. But if that was true then why did he feel so desperate like never before in his undead life? Why in the milliseconds that took him to go downstairs his brain had already processed the worst possible scenarios and the felt like he ground under his feet had been taken away?

He didn't have the answers and he wasn't willing to dig his emotions to find out. He knew he wouldn't let Elena die. It has been easy to ignore her and let her and Stefan deal with Katherine but now that he's nearly lost her forever indeed he knew he wasn't as dismissive of her as he first thought and he didn't want to keep thinking about it.

He never wanted his brother to arrive in the house like he wanted in that moment. He didn't want to deal with any of this, he didn't want to deal with Elena but he couldn't leave her alone, especially not with his blood in her system. But like always in his life, Stefan never was where Damon wanted him to be, so he sat in his usual armchair, taking his bottle of scotch with him as he watched her in the opposite couch.

* * *

_AN: Before you jump to conclusions about where this is heading, I'll warn you that Damon won't be softening. He doesn't like what he sees and he'll do it in Damon Salvatore fashion and that doesn't include Elena at all. He may not want to care about her but he wouldn't let her be killed by Katherine if he was around or dying on her own pool of blood. Let's remember that switch was changed forever by Elena and not caring won't ever like it used to be before her._

_Next: road trip. question is, who is traveling? and Elena makes a fool of herself. **Question**: do you want to have some of Carla/Damon sex escapades to be written or should I keep them only mentioned?  
_

_Thanks a lot to shadylady21, BMCullen, EtherealDamon, Dom0, Avecia, niadk, Vampgirl144, Crimson-Kiss17 and Lily for the reviews._

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi  
_


	6. Chapter Five  Acceptance

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Five - Acceptance**

* * *

"What do you mean he left?" Elena asked Stefan who still had the tray that he got her breakfast to be served on his bed.

"I don't think it's permanent as there were still a few clothes in his closet but most of them are gone, along with some personal stuff I know he always takes with him when he's moving out" he shrugged but didn't like one bit her reaction.

Elena never had the chance to talk to Damon, she slept most of the previous day, after her attack and when she first woke up he didn't seem to be around but he was. After waiting less than ten minutes he decided to use his brains and call Stefan instead of waiting for his brother to arrive. He was impatient like that. He quickly reported how Katherine has attacked Elena and that he had fed her on his blood to ensure she'd live. Surely it didn't take Stefan longer than ten minutes to finally arrive and Damon even thought why. But as he saw Elena stirring he moved to the dark places of the boarding house. He was still around but she couldn't see him and when Stefan finally stormed off through the front door, he left.

The nearness bothered him. He didn't want to care, not even if she was injured or in danger. He wanted all the memories and feelings to just go away but it didn't work like that anymore so he decided to leave himself. He didn't know for how long, to where, nothing. He just didn't want to test his own emotions around her when Katherine made sure she was playing with all her weapons. Elena _was_ Stefan's problem as much as Katherine and both brunettes made it crystal clear that they didn't want anything to do with him, so he'd step back without further struggle.

"But why did he leave? Katherine could have killed me yesterday and he decides to just leave?" Elena tried to use her anger to cover her pain but she was again deeply hurt by the older brother. It was clearer and clearer that she meant nothing to him.

"I don't know. Damon didn't exactly say a lot just that you were hurt and he's given you his blood just in case, so I should keep an eye on you for the following twenty-four hours" Stefan looked carefully to all the emotions written in his girlfriend's eyes. She was trying to pretend to not be hurt but it was so easy to see that she was.

"He gave me his blood?" she was astonished. It certainly didn't match the thoughts she just had crossing her mind. If she really was nothing to him then why give her his blood? It made no sense and she was even more confused now.

"My brother doesn't tell what goes in that mind of his, Elena but he's serious when he said he wanted nothing to do with Katherine's mess. Maybe when he saw you hurt he decided he has had enough or maybe he's just spending some days with Carla or traveling around. Damon is that unpredictable" Stefan didn't mention Carla for nothing. When he arrived in the house in the previous day he had felt the redhead's scent stronger than he felt Katherine's so he knew she was probably there for longer than Katherine did and maybe Elena met her. And even if he didn't that was the perfect occasion to let Elena know about his brother's girl. He was curious about her reaction.

"Do you know her?" Elena pretended to ask casually but of course she failed miserably and Stefan appraised her emotions even closer. She felt uncomfortable about that subject and that definitely didn't make him any happier.

"Yes, she came by some times. Damon and her have been spending a lot of time together" Stefan exaggerated because he knew Damon wasn't that close to the girl but he wanted to see where Elena would take that conversation.

"It's just like him to be that selfish. What's the time?" she quickly changed the subject, showing clear uneasiness about it.

"Almost two why?" he frowned at her feeble attempt to ignore it.

"It means in over a couple of hours it'll be no more risks for me to turn, right?" she was now showing her deep concern about this subject. She knew if she stayed with Stefan for as long as her heart wanted, she'd have to consider changing at some point but that was definitely not now.

"Maybe a few more hours, just so we can be sure" he caressed her, brushing the hair off of her beautiful face.

"Good, I definitely don't want to become a vampire, let alone with Damon's blood but I do know a thing or two we could do to make time pass quicker" she winked to him pushing him by his collar and bringing his body to cover hers. She missed her boyfriend. The whole pretension of their breakup was really hard for her and now that Katherine knew it was a lie she could finally have some passionate sex with him. As quick and involuntarily as that thought crossed her mind another one came along: Carla's moans in the previous day. Katherine was right when she pointed out her much less enthusiastic groans when she and Stefan had sex, even when they were publicly together and her mind automatically set on Damon and how the female vampire assured that the older Salvatore was better in the deed.

Elena brushed the thought off quickly as she felt Stefan's kisses on her chest. Sex wasn't everything and she was sure she loved the best Salvatore, the one that was loyal, passionate, loving and gentle and she wouldn't for one second want to try the reckless, careless, selfish one.

* * *

Stefan wasn't all wrong about his assessments. Damon was indeed at Carla's place but he wasn't planning to stay for a lot longer. He left in the morning and went to her house, knowing that her grandmother was still in the hospital. Actually unfortunately Mrs. Flowers' condition has worsened this week and the doctors said she'd stay for at least a week this time. Unfortunately for Carla and Mrs. Flowers because Damon couldn't think of a better time for the graduate to have a few days off. He was going to go into a road trip and a hot companion was always welcomed. He knew his 'girl' was up an adventure and he made it very clear that was what it was going to be. The young woman lost her patience with Damon about always sending messages to her that they wouldn't be anything in the future. She was tired of the same bla-bla-bla. As if she was the one going after him. So she gave him a well deserved piece of mind.

"Damon does it look to you that I'm looking for a boyfriend?" she caught him off guard

"Women's minds are no men's land, I don't ever try to figure out what goes inside there" he pointed to her head while she fought her wish to roll her eyes.

"So let me be really didactic here. I don't want a boyfriend, I don't do boyfriends, I like to have sex and you are definitely an expert in the subject, so that's why I keep answering when you call me inviting me out. So can you drop it already and stop with the sidelines remarks? If you think some casual sex it's too much _for you_ to handle, then I guess I should go back to Fell's Church and wait for the next good looking guy" Carla had her hands on her hip and Damon thought she looked really hot being bossy. She was a force to be reckoned in bed but never really bossy. It gave Damon a lot of ideas.

"I'm happy we have an understanding" and when the word left his mouth something felt wrong about telling it to her. He knew exactly why but rephrased it still. "A deal, actually, I really don't see a reason to keep sending a message between the lines, so how about we change the subject and talk about all the kinky sex we could do in this little trip of us, huh?" he approached her removing her hands from where they were and replacing it with his own.

"It sounds great, but if you don't mind, I want to stop by the hospital before we leave. I want to talk to the doctors and let them know I'm out of town for a few days" she answered his moves by interlacing her hands behind is neck.

"Sounds perfect to me" he agreed thinking about how he also needed to go there to get some blood.

This road trip would end up being exactly what Damon needed. He didn't want to lose any of the progress he did with Elena in the past couple of months. Easily or not he has been able to detach from her. He knew it was as simple as switching his humanity off like he did for most time of his existence as a darkness creature. But something didn't seem quite the same now. He was almost sure that Elena has done some permanent damage but as long as he could keep his emotions on check without a lot of effort it was okay with him. He didn't mind this person he was now, someone between the unredeemable and careless vampire and the caring, humanized guy. As long as Elena wasn't part of the quotation, he had no problem at all with his new self.

* * *

Elena hated to be curious. She was one of those people that liked to know everything, preferably be informed instead of having to gather information by herself but that wasn't the case. She was more than curious to know what happened to Damon. There was something eating her from the inside. She knew she shouldn't care but she cared. Unlike the vampire she didn't have an imaginary device that could deactivate all her emotions. But her conversation with Stefan a couple of days ago seeded something in her mind that she couldn't take away. Did Damon take Carla with him wherever he went to? She didn't know why Stefan said it and she for obvious reasons didn't keep asking him questions. But why would her boyfriend consider this option? It wasn't like Damon to take his girlfriend or whatever Carla was to go into a couple's getaway.

After pondering for the last two days about what to do, Elena finally admitted to herself that she couldn't take the anxiety anymore and decided to do some research of her own and that was led her where she was.

"I'd like to visit Mrs. Flowers" she said to the woman in the nurse station.

"Are you family?" she asked not moving her eyes from the computer in front of her.

"No, friend. Elena Gilbert" the girl answered as she bit her lip. What if Carla showed up and Stefan was just jumping to conclusions? What would she say the young woman? Elena only knew Mrs. Flowers from the church she used to go as a kid and young teen. She hasn't seen the elder in years.

"Room 234" the nurse answered and Elena left still thinking if she should do it or not. But seeing how the woman's room was actually near she didn't have much time.

What would she say to Mrs. Flowers anyway? She just expected Carla to be there and say she had to take some exam results or whatever and decided to check on her and her grandmother, but as she approached the room it was clear she wasn't inside.

Thankfully for Elena, the gray haired woman was sleeping and she decided to wait a little bit around her room, maybe Carla would show up after all.

After half hour Elena was almost leaving when a nurse entered the room. It was her chance to get any information so she quickly followed the young woman inside.

"Hi" the brunette said shyly and the blond girl answered back sweetly.

"Poor Mrs. Flowers, such a nice person and going through all of this" Elena threw her hands in her jeans pockets. It was getting worse and worse because it actually involved someone fighting for their lives. Maybe Damon was right and she was just a manipulating bitch.

"Yeah, it's been a few tough days for Martha" the girl seemed to really care about the elder.

"It's been tough for Carla too" Elena said quickly before she changed her mind and left the room ashamed of using a disease condition like that to gather information about Damon.

"Yeah, she really loves her grandmother. It's touching. She's a sweetie girl just like Martha, everybody here loves them" the nurse finished managing the medication into the IV.

"It wasn't easy for her to leave her life back in New York. She's a special girl" the teenager added and was relieved that the nurse was now checking Mrs. Flowers chart and writing down some information but she only nodded in answer to Elena who didn't have anything else to say.

"Martha will be happy to know you came to visit her, I guess she won't wake up soon because she's been sedated as she was in deep pain" the nurse informed Elena who nodded and looked to the woman lying in the bed. She was totally ashamed of her actions.

"I haven't seen Carla for a couple of days now. I even expected to meet her here, the girl also needs some support" Elena offered as she saw the nurse nodding to excuse her presence and leave. It was now or ever.

"She took some deserved time away. Her grandmother is sleeping all time and there was nothing she could do. But she still calls every day, sometimes twice a day to know if there was any change. Poor girl, she's so hopeful her grandmother will get better. She has a big heart and it's a lovely girl. She deserved a few days off with her boyfriend after all she's been through with Martha for the past three months, nonstop"

"Oh, she and Damon are traveling?" Elena felt her heart dropping in her chest. she was positive all the color she had in her face went away the moment the woman mentioned the words boyfriend and days off.

"I don't really know his name but I must say Carla was rewarded for her big heart with a very handsome guy. He came with her the day she told us she was going to travel. He was so polite and seemed really concerned and caring about Martha and Carla" the nurse smiled as she talked and Elena's knees went weak at the words. Was Damon this involved about this girl? How come she only found out about them three days ago?

"Dark hair, pale skin, blue eyes and let's say dashing, gorgeous, irresistible?" Elena smirked remembering too well his words of months ago but also trying to cover her shocking reaction to the confirmation. When she first decided to go to the hospital she was positive she was going to meet Carla and that Stefan was just reading too much into Damon's relationship.

"That'd be the one" the nurse agreed catching her playful tone.

"I know him too well; I date his even more dashing, gorgeous and irresistible brother" Elena tried to reassure herself more than the nurse.

"You girls are lucky"

"I guess we are. But I should go now. If Mrs. Flowers wake up let her know I passed by, my name is Elena" she quickly offered and turned on her heels to leave the room and be alone. She didn't want the nurse to get suspicious about her obvious reaction. It made no sense for her to mention Stefan like that. She probably sounded childish and jealous to the stranger.

But she couldn't be jealous. In her way out the hospital she tried to convince herself she just felt bothered by the fact that Damon would show up to visit Carla's sick grandmother. That wasn't something he'd do to anyone but then again he just took the girl to some road trip. _But I was the first one he did all those things to, _she pondered to herself but then brushed it off. Why did it matter that Damon has taken her to a trip or been in the hospital to help Caroline when she was sick? It was a good thing that Damon was starting to care about other like people like he cared about her. Actually like he used to care about her but that wasn't true anymore and then she felt the air vanishing from her lungs. Not only she wasn't the girl Damon cared anymore but he already found a replacement.

She knew he has developed feelings for her and while she didn't want anything to do with him in that way, now she felt like he moved on and it hit her like a truck. She didn't want him to move on. And then as she drove to her house Elena considered for the first time in her life that maybe what he said before trying to kiss her was true. Maybe she felt something too and before she knew tears were rolling down her face.

* * *

_AN: Hey you! I'd like to let you know that this week I'm updating only today as I'm traveling Friday. But I guess by Monday I'll have another chapter written._

_As for this chapter. Another lesson for Elena - I feel like I'm punishing her, but I don't feel sorry - and she **thinks** Damon and Carla are dating when they aren't and Damon made it very clear to Carla.  
_

_I guess having a few days of wild sex with Carla is reasonable. It is only about sex between them and the reason why he's leaving is to do not deal with Elena, he could perfectly just keep taking her to his place but he won't do that exactly because he already has plans for her after their few days out. As I pointed (hopefully clearly) Damon accepts his new self and doesn't deny his feelings for Elena. He knows they're there and they can't just disappear. He just avoids them and put them away the best he can. He's finally understanding that she changed him forever. We'll see more of this later.  
_

_The tears by the end may not because she feels she's losing him, but basically because she's angry, so angry that she cries. Angry to finally face the truth that she isn't as immune to Damon as she thought and of course a little bit of the loss but I just wanted to clarify that Elena isn't pouring down her heart because Damon supposedly got a girlfriend. She feels she's already betraying Stefan as it is and she** isn't** welcoming those feelings at all. If anything she's trying to repress them but she already accepted they exist._

_As always, thanks a lot to Vampgirl144; Nejlla; BMCullen; niadk (I recognize your id from fanforum); lizzie, Lily, Vya-sama; natitasha; shadylady21 and EtherealDemon for reviewing last chapter._

_I hope you guys liked this chapter and don't kill me for the trip. Also most people don't want smut at all - unless it's Delena, so I'd suggest you to read the latest chapter of my other Delena fic, I just delivered the smut there :P_

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	7. Chapter Six: New Page

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Six - New Page**

* * *

The trip wasn't as long as they wanted it to be but after a whole week, Damon and Carla were back in Mystic Falls. They didn't go farther than North Carolina and visited only Greensboro and Charlotte. But both cities were enough for them to have a lot of fun. It was a nice change of scene going to bigger cities, although neither one was like the metropolis they were used to before moving to Mystic Falls.

Damon didn't develop any feelings towards Carla but he liked more and more her company. He didn't expect the affair they had to develop into a relationship of any sort. Actually he was pretty comfortable with what they had. She didn't need to tell him twice that she wasn't up to having anything serious because that was the last thing he'd want.

And as he drove them back he really pondered if there was a reason to stay in Mystic Falls at all. The little getaway has served its purpose and the moment he had with Elena while she was unconscious was long gone. He didn't have anything else holding him back in the southern city. If Katherine knew about the werewolves and wasn't doing anything about them it was because they certainly didn't present any big threat to vampires. His relationship with Stefan would never progress from what they had now. He knew his brother would be there for him if he needed and he also knew he'd be there for Stefan. And surprisingly enough Damon was okay with that. He wasn't the same vampire anymore.

When he arrived there he was just an angry and selfish vampire trying to rescue the woman of his life. Now as he drove to bring Carla back he felt like he has reached a balance. He was still selfish but not as much and definitely not as angry. His humanity would never be totally off again, or maybe if it did, it'd require a lot of effort from him and he wasn't looking forward to change it. It felt nice to feel the way he did. He was careless and reckless but not totally or immensely, just the right measure to enjoy his undead life. So why be around the drama?

"Thank you so much" Carla offered as he stopped in front of her house "I really needed some days off. This thing with grandma is being hard and the distraction was welcomed" she turned to him and for a change he had a smile in his face instead of a smirk.

"I could say the same thing. All this drama with my brother and his ladies and the two ladies trying to kill each other, maybe too literally, was exhausting"

"Especially when you have feelings for one of the ladies" she smirked raising her eyebrow as he looked at her surprised.

"I guess you're mixing me with my brother" his smile dropped quickly and he was serious "Actually with any other guy because feelings are not my thing. Really, I'm not good with them so I don't even try" his lips curved into a fake smile and she only shook her head slightly.

"Just because you don't try it doesn't mean you can avoid it but anyway whenever you're up to have some fun like this again, even when our lives aren't sucking, let me know" she told him and then wriggled between the two seats in the front to get her bag in the backseat.

"Will do. By the way, do you want a ride to the hospital? As I can see your car isn't fixed yet" he looked to the empty garage.

"I should just get rid of that garbage. It spends more time with the mechanics than with me. But yeah, that would be nice. Just let me drop my stuff and we go there" she smiled and hopped off the car and opening the front door, she just threw her bag inside without even caring to know if she hit any furniture or anything.

* * *

A whole week. That was how long Elena's torment lasted. Ever since her visit to Mrs. Flowers everything became harder. She missed Damon and she wanted to take amends with him. She was still hurt about what he did to her brother and that he could be very dead now if it wasn't for the ring but the past belonged in the past. She knew first hand now what Katherine was capable of doing with someone's mind and Damon actually loved the vampire for a very long time so it was even harder for him.

It was hard to forgive him but she finally did. Although she doesn't remember a thing of what happened since the moment Katherine threw her in the wall and when she finally woke up with him already gone, she was touched by how he took care of her. Her forehead has been carefully stitched and she wondered where he learned to do it. She was positive she wouldn't have a horrible scar thanks to him. Her arm was bandaged also with such attention. But what matter the most was the blood he gave her. She never went to the doctors to have an accurate diagnosis but she didn't think she was actually going to die and still he gave it to her just in case. He cared about her enough to go to the great lengths of giving it to her. It contradicted everything he did until that day but then just like that he was gone.

And he wasn't alone, he took the girl with him, _his girlfriend _– she thought. And that hurt Elena. She knew she had no rights because she has been adamant that it'd always be Stefan to her but that wasn't how she felt anymore. It didn't cross her mind to break up with Stefan or to jump into Damon's arms but that certainty with which she responded to his advances in the fatidic night faded away. She loved her boyfriend, she was sure of that and she still imagined spending her whole life by his side. But her mind couldn't ignore Damon anymore. She was happy with her life with Stefan but more than once in the past few days she gave some thought about what a life with Damon would be.

She wandered about all the things he did to release Katherine from the tomb when he thought she was still there. It warmed her heart to know that he was as much dedicate as Stefan if he wasn't more. Damon was a passionate person whether he'd admit that or not. When he did something he gave his own self and it didn't really matter what this something was. It could a person, a plan, a decision. He'd give his best and he'd give his all. He was also fun. She has had a lot of fun with him when they traveled to Georgia and she had to admit that most of his jokes and witty comments were amusing.

But although those things were very nice and the list could go on and on what really popped in her mind every now and then was what he did to Carla. He was there for her in the hospital, they went on dates and he even took her for a getaway. While Stefan has always been there for her and they had their share of dates, Elena still felt like Damon took those things to a completely different level. She could imagine them playing pool in the grill but not like Stefan and she did. No, with Damon it'd be totally different. He'd be smug about his skills and too arrogant for her taste, he'd kiss her every now and then and they'd be laughing the whole game. She bet he'd even try to cheat and deny it no matter how much evidence she had. It'd be a lot of fun. While with her actual boyfriend she had fun it was still sort of tedious and many times tense. Stefan was too quiet and uptight and sometimes their relationship neared boredom. With Damon it'd never be like that and no matter how much she fought it every time it crossed her mind she had a smile in her lips. She liked his adventurous side and she never had it with Matt or Stefan but she'd love to.

Maybe he'd take her to road trips from time to time and she'd certainly do some crazy stuff with him like she never did with someone else. He had a way to free parts of her that she wasn't sure existed or that she couldn't remember of. With Damon she felt like she was alive while with Stefan she felt like she was simply living.

There was no use of trying to reprimand those thoughts, they'd be back and some of them already invaded her dreams. The ones that she avoided the most. Sex. She could listen to him and Carla the other day. Both Katherine and Caroline seemed to be sure that he was some god in the deed and his body was definitely sinful. Those were the only thoughts that she had some control over and brushed off completely. She shouldn't be thinking about how it'd be to have sex with Damon. Fair enough she shouldn't be thinking any of that but she convinced herself the other things that crossed her mind were only hypothetical situations.

Very hypothetical as she had not a clue of when she'd see him again. Despite his actions when Katherine hurt her, he still left with a girl and was probably giving her the time of her life. She wasn't even sure if she'd see him again and that was why she decided to come to the hospital again. She'd try to talk to the nurse she did the first time and see if Carla has said when she was coming back. She decided to go there walking and think all those things over instead of taking her car.

She had just turned the corner when she saw the light blue Chevy parking in front of the hospital. It was Damon; he was back in town but since when? Elena was close enough to see them inside the car but hopefully far enough for him to notice her presence. She kept walking even though too slowly, just in case he'd saw her. They were talking and she felt her heart breaking in her chest. He was smiling to Carla. Not smirking or simply curling his lips. It was a genuine smile, the kind that she has been granted only a few times.

She looked their surroundings and there was this small square in front of the hospital and crossing the street she sat in one of the benches and watched them. They were laughing now, probably about any of his jokes. Finally Carla opened the car's door and without looking back she hopped and walked towards the double doors.

Damon didn't look to her too long and starting his car he was about to leave when he honked and called what Elena thought was his girlfriend's name. She seemed to be too distracted and kept her slow pace leading Damon to hop out of the car and run after her. He had something in his hand and Elena couldn't say from afar what it was exactly.

"I know your playlist is much better than mine but I guess you'd like to have it back" he said as he reached for her and handed her iPod.

"Don't you want to keep it and make a copy? You can give me it later" she offered and he pondered about it for a couple of seconds before stretching his hand to her again.

"You better keep it. I might as well as steal it using the excuse of not having a chance to give you back. There's always a risk lending music and books, you may never get it back" he told her and he knew she got exactly what he meant. He wouldn't be giving it back to her because he wouldn't be seeing her again.

"I better not take any risks" she smiled, taking it back.

"You better not, but if you want to send me the ones in the Damon folder by e-mail I wouldn't mind" he winked to her and she just laughed a little, knowing that it was like him to create a folder with his name and probably duplicate the songs in her iPod. She may know a little about Damon but it's already enough to know that he does as he pleases and knows no boundaries. He just doesn't care.

"I'll do that" she moved the device to her purse and looked at him "So, I guess this is it" she quietly offered. Their talk in the car has been just casual and around jokes and things that happened in their little trip. They never said goodbye but now it felt like that.

"Yeah, I hope your grandma recovers. Give me her room number and I must pay a visit someday" he offered genuinely. He knew Carla was heartbroken because she was losing Martha and she'd be really happy to know that her grandmother recovered from a stage IV cancer by miracle.

"Sure" she opened her purse again and taking a pen she got his hand on her own and wrote the number on it and then blew it.

The hot breath against his skin turned Damon on remembering of that same mouth exhaling on his neck, chest, nape and he thought those lips deserved a special goodbye of their own. He moved his hand to her chin as she blew and brought her face against his, kissing her with desire. It wasn't a see-ya later kiss but a farewell one and he just wanted to kiss her hard and properly.

As they broke apart, she was breathless and he was already smirking. She matched his features and without exchanging any further words they turned on their tracks and took their separate ways.

Elena was also breathless. It was like the air in her lungs has vanished and she just hoped the soft breeze wouldn't send her scent straight to Damon's nostrils as he made his way to his car with a silly smirk in his face. She surely didn't want him to see that she was there and especially not how she looked because she knew she wasn't covering any of her feelings in that moment.

Thankfully he didn't seem to notice her. _Probably too distracted about Carla and only feeling her scent_, she thought bitterly. Or maybe he did felt her but preferred to just ignore her, like usual. He didn't look around anywhere and getting inside he just started the car again and left, leaving Elena struggling to keep her composure.

* * *

_AN: so Carla and Damon are no longer an item and Elena takes on step forward about admitting there's something there, even if it small or just a physical attraction. She'll certainly have it all figured out in a few updates._

_Just to clarify because I don't do POV's but wherever I refer to Carla as Damon's gf, as him having feelings for her, etc I meant it from Elena's pov. I tried to make it very clear that Damon and Carla are nothing but bed buddies and that they both know and want it._

_Next: Carla and Elena interact again and it might be surprising._

_I'm also sad that I've got not many reviews in the last chapter. Maybe the fic lost its pace or it isn't interesting or appealing anymore, I don't know but I want to thank to EtherealDemon, shadylady21, xLoveRyanx, niadk, Nejlla and heyprincess for reviewing it. I really hope I get a few more this time around. Not every chapter can be filled of action, especially in this point where Elena is finally realizing that she feels something for Damon._

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi  
_


	8. Chapter Seven: Caring

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Seven - Caring  
**

* * *

She couldn't move from her spot in the bench and feeling like Stefan shouldn't see her like that, she stayed there for a while. He'd ask questions and she surely didn't have the answers. Why was it that people only value something once they lose it? She had to lose the friend to finally acknowledge that maybe she felt something else. It was about the way he protected her, the way he took care of her, the way he gazed her make her weak on the knees. The way he smirked, he smiled, the way he made jokes and inappropriate remarks. But it was mainly the way he looked to her when he knew she was hurt, especially if he had anything to do with that. It was the way he put his heart on his sleeve when he apologized about anything.

She laughed amidst her tears, how could she ignore all those things for so long? She was comfortable in her relationship with Stefan – as much as it's possible when dating a vampire. She loved him with everything she was but now that her jealousy got her attention, she realized how she has been drawn to Damon somehow. Then she remembered of their dance in the pageant. It was such an intense moment that got lost and forgotten given the developments of the day. For some reason she put away in a very small, dark place of her heart the memories of Stefan attacking Amber. And among those almost erased memories were the moments she and Damon shared not only while they danced but all the time.

At first she couldn't believe he had stepped in to dance with her and surely she wasn't surprised to know he knew exactly the steps. And whoever made that dance up knew things. The closeness made the lack of touch more intense than if they had made out. His piercing blue eyes were hypnotizing and when he slightly smiled she felt her doing the same. Not only her lips but her whole body reacted to Damon that day and she couldn't believe how she let it go. Surely when Isobel talked about his feelings to her, she felt butterflies in her stomach but again Stefan was there to make her forget any reaction her body had.

She laughed sarcastically as she wiped her tears. She was so adamant about having no feelings for Damon that until now she hasn't realized how her body has showed her otherwise. The many times when her heart fluttered, just like when he decided to sit by her side outside the cellar where Stefan was recovering. When he gave her a rose or when he handed her the device and held her hand mere seconds longer than necessary. Even when he sat on the couch and only touched as much as her ankles to move her feet over his lap she felt her body reacting. But Stefan was in pain and then Isobel happened and Founders' Day happened and then Katherine happened and Damon happened.

When she came to think clearly – and unbiased – she realized that in the last three months her body has repeatedly showed that it reacted to Damon in ways it wasn't supposed to react to friends. She didn't react like that around Matt and they did have a past. She neglected the possibility of having any feelings for him because her feelings towards Stefan seemed too huge and intense to let her question anything towards Damon. And especially because the last thing she wanted was to be Katherine, not only because of the triangle but because she hated the bitch.

But losing Damon brought more pain than she expected and seeing him clearly in love with someone else opened her eyes… or maybe the wound caused by her stubborn denial.

"I don't actually intent to sound mean but you look like crap" Carla said playfully interrupting Elena's thoughts as she looked up to the beautiful girl standing in front of her.

"Bad day" Elena sniffled a little and wiped the rest of her tears away.

"I know the feeling pretty well. Janice mentioned that you came to visit my grandmother. It means a lot to me and I'm sure I'd mean to her too. I didn't know you were close to her but I want to thank you anyway" the standing girl offered and Elena couldn't help but hate the girl a little bit. She was hot as Victoria's Secret's angels but she sounded like a church angel. Her voice was sweet and even the curls in her crimson hair and her matching lips made her face look like one. The girl managed to look stunning hot but still all innocent. It's no surprise Damon fell for this woman.

"Actually I wasn't that close to Mrs. Flowers but you seemed so worried about her and Damon really cares about you. I have to admit it I sort of did it because of him" Elena wasn't going to lie again. She already felt really bad for using the elder's condition to get information about the man she had feelings for although she still refused to acknowledge them.

"He really likes you" Carla sat by Elena's side.

"What?" Elena looked up to the redhead as if she had three heads.

"Damon. I don't know who broke his heart that badly and it takes a damaged person to know one. He's damaged, he's hurt but he likes you. You should have seen how he took care of you when Katherine hurt you" the older woman offered a sweet smile to Elena. It shouldn't surprise her as Damon kissed Katherine thinking it was her and then tried to kiss her twice alleging there was something between them. Surely Damon liked her. But lately he proved that it was past tense. He had liked her but he didn't anymore so what was Carla talking about? She barely knew Damon and she certainly didn't have a clue about what she was saying, so Elena preferred to ignore that part of the girl's answer.

"Katherine did. She broke his heart. He really loved her and they've been together for a while but she never loved him back. He spent many, many years fighting for her but she never wanted anything to do with him. At least he finally got to see who she is" and the brunette made no effort to hide her despise and dislike towards her doppelganger. She hated Katherine mostly because Elena knew she was really the one that broke Damon's heart and made him the vampire he was now, both physically and emotionally.

"I guess going through all of this again might be hurting him more. She made the initial damage and now his pain is just making it worse. He's trying so hard to do not feel but I guess you can't stop your heart from beating" Carla tried to open Elena's eyes. She knew she had no chance with Damon at all. Not after everything she went through while she was in New York and not with her grandmother getting worse by the day. She didn't have any feelings for Damon and no matter how she wanted to have them and start over she knew she wasn't ready.

But just because it wouldn't be her it didn't mean she didn't wish Damon the best. She could see clearly that he had feelings for Elena and looking to the girl in front of her now and thinking why Elena was still in front of the hospital she questioned Elena's own feelings. When she turned to get her I-pod from Damon she has seen her sitting in the bench and she looked fine but now an hour later, she was in the same spot and given her red eyes and how she had wiped a few tears when she approached to thank her, Carla wondered if Damon's feelings weren't reciprocal. Sure it was a long shot and maybe Elena also had someone she loved in the hospital but she seemed to be so surprised and even sounded a bit happy when she questioned her very clear statement that Damon liked her. To Carla, Elena has sounded almost hopeful and then there was the venom and the hatred in her voice as she explained that Katherine broke his heart.

"Unless you don't have any" Elena smirked sarcastically and Carla frowned in disapproval. Did the teenager mean what she thought she meant?

"That would be unfair. Damon has a huge heart but I know he pretends too well not having one. He plays the uncaring and selfish guy and although he _is _selfish he's also the best guy for those he cares about" and the redhead had enough experience to tell those things about Damon. She's seen the way he pretended to do not care about Stefan but always breathed relieved when they heard the younger Salvatore entering the house. Carla never understood what made Stefan's arrival so relieving, as he wasn't in the war or something, but nevertheless it did. And then he has been really nice to her and showed some genuine concern about her grandmother's condition. That if she doesn't mention the way he took care of Elena that afternoon when Katherine came to the house.

"How long have you been together? You seem to know him pretty well" she asked uncomfortably but a little edgy too. She didn't like the fact that over a few weeks Carla seemed to know the man that took her months to finally understand. Actually who the graduate was trying to fool? She may pretend or think that she knows Damon but Elena knew it was impossible.

"As I told you, takes a damage person to know one and most of times he worked pretty hard to suppress and hide any feelings but I've got a glimpse of his real self in the very few times he let his mask slip" the redhead put into words the thoughts that has just crossed her mind about the raven-haired man.

"Oh" Elena was reticent in her answer and remained quiet, deep in her jealousy that she didn't even ask if they were actually together. She thought those moments the graduate just mentioned were because he was finally showing _Carla_ any affection. She had no idea Carla was referring to the moments she witnessed Damon showing affection towards her when she was injured. Or when she did mention the brunette to the vampire and realized that very briefly his expression changed.

"I should get going, I still have to go to the shop and check my car. Maybe I should even consider leaving it there as a payment" she chuckled a little and Elena followed suit curling her lips too.

"I hope Mrs. Flowers gets better" she politely, still honestly suggested.

"Yeah… Damon just told me that but the more of it I see, the harder it gets to believe it" the redhead sighed and Elena could see her eyes tearing and she felt even worse for using someone's disease to her own interests. But did Carla say Damon just said it too? Elena wasn't keeping track of time but it's been at least two hours she's been sitting there, so either Damon came and she didn't see or he called Carla while she was there. She couldn't think which one was worst.

"Let's keep the faith then" the brunette answered too vaguely and the redheaded only nodded and left.

Elena was even more hurt when Carla left. The young woman has confirmed her most terrifying nightmares. Damon cared about the redhead. He was probably in love with her and Elena didn't know why it hurt. Yeah, she was coming to terms that her body reacted to his touch and sexy gaze but that was it. So she was attracted to him. Physical attraction and actually feelings were completely different things and finally happy about her conclusion she stood up to leave. She may not know why it hurt to know that he moved on but she was now sure that she was only attracted to him and that was easily fixable.

But fate didn't seem to want to let her have those easy answers as in that very moment she saw Damon coming from the hospital parking lot and walking towards the building. She didn't know what happened to her, maybe the fact that she hasn't seen him in days but she was following him inside.

She thought he was probably going to steal some blood and headed straight to the area where she knew he'd get bags but much to her surprise he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he wanted to charm someone to give it to him?

But then a thought crossed her mind and her heart rushed in her chest. No, it couldn't be but she changed her route anyway and headed to the second floor.

And much to her dismay, Damon was just leaving Mrs. Flowers' room when she reached the hallway. If Damon wasn't in the hospital to get blood it meant only one thing, she wondered as she remembered Carla's clothes, unlike the first time they met, the redhead was well dressed today probably not coincidentally she was wearing a turtle neck top.

"Decided to play like Isobel?" the judgment in her voice was clear as she looked to him almost disgusted. Of course he wasn't falling in love with someone _else._

"Huh?" Damon frowned but didn't seem interested in the answer as he kept walking towards the stairs.

"Keeping companions. Got tired of the canned food?" she said following him and her words actually made him turn around and look at her.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he looked really confused but also annoyed.

"That poor girl, Carla, who is already heartbroken as it is because her grandmother is in here, probably on her last days of life" her tone was now indignant. How could he be so selfish?

Damon's blood boiled. Who was she to accuse him of such things? "If you must know, dear, Elena, I haven't taken one drop of Carla's blood but that's none of your business. Actually I'm none of your business" he turned to leave again but she reached his arm and held it strongly.

"You know the moment Bonnie knows you're dropping innocent blood I must say you better find your way back to the road" she threatened him and it let him even angrier.

"Well, you can invite your Abracadabra little friend and take a look at Carla's gorgeous, curvy and absolutely delicious body. I don't owe you any explanation, Elena. Or to anyone else. What I do in my intimacy is no one's business" he was fuming and although she could see it in his eyes she didn't backed off.

"So what? Am I supposed to think that from night to day you do girlfriends? Take them to romantic getaways and visit their sick grandmother? I know you Damon, there's an ulterior motive in everything you do" her voice was sarcastic and the way she smirked remembered him of himself.

"If you must know, as you're clearly stalking me now, I was here not to get any blood but to give mine to Martha and see if it works against cancer. As you wisely pointed, Carla is heartbroken not only because of her grandmother but because of some jerk that hurt her before, she doesn't deserve any of this" he was honest in his answer and Elena was taken aback by the truth in his words and eyes.

"You gave Mrs. Flowers your blood?" she asked incredulous and deeply surprised.

"Yeah, shocking right? I guess that self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities crap doesn't allow me to care. Let me update you on that one, dear Elena. Just because I don't care about _you_, it doesn't mean I don't care about anyone else" it was now his turn to smirk as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"You made it clear when you left me alone with Katherine more than once" there was pain in her voice and he has noticed it but he preferred to ignore. That was what that little trip has been about and he wasn't going to let five minutes with her ruin all the progress he has made.

"Yeah and still it seems to do not be enough for you to take it. But I'll make it easier for your stubborn or just plain stupid brain" he smiled and she was almost relieved to see something coming from him that wasn't filled with sarcasm or having his mask covering his true feelings. But then she realized the meaning of those words.

"What does it mean?" she asked afraid of the answer.

"Bye Elena. Actually goodbye would be more appropriate" and with that he was gone as the door he has just crossed slowly closed.

* * *

_AN: So Carla is I don't know, how could I put it? a DE shipper? She isn't friends with Elena so she tried to be subtle in her comments, like when she made it clear that Katherine may have broken Damon first but what was killing him now was loving Elena and not having her. But dearest Elena is a little lost in her own world of denial. But let's try to understand Elena. She's loyal and faithful. She loves Stefan and it's part of who she is (always so perfect, not my favorite, but still) and how do you think she'd react knowing that feels something for his brother? And how terrified could she be to really face those feelings or emotions and figure out what they are?_

_For now, I'll answer for you what she can't herself: she doesn't love Damon (yet) but she is attracted to him, physically AND emotionally. I think it'd be unrealistic for her to love Damon while she loves Stefan that much. But I also think that she could develop something for Damon giving all the intense moments they've shared together. That's why I mentioned some of them, especially the dance. That's NOT how you feel around your friend or your boyfriend's brother._

_So next: Elena takes one step forward (and hopefully this time she won't take two backwards like she did in this update - totally out of jealousy, I guess the saying is accurate. Jealous can blind yourself) but how will Damon react? And something awful happens and that something will lead to the turning point of this fic._

_Thanks a lot to Nejlla, 00JLO, xxxMrsDamonSalvatore, tsukivamp, WhiteLines, lizzie, niadk, xLoveRyanx, Alottalove, shadylady21, BMCullen, Dom0 and Drama for the reviews in the last chapter. You have no idea how happy I've got and how much it helped me. I was so excited that I wrote the WHOLE outline to this story reading your words of support :D so now I just need to work in the chapters :P _

_Can't wait to know what you thought of this and be prepared, the action is about to start._

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi  
_


	9. Chapter Eight: Loss

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Eight - Loss**

* * *

Elena was stuck in her position for a few minutes. What did he mean by goodbye? She knew Damon wasn't one to be dramatic or do empty threats. If he stressed he didn't mean only bye it meant he was probably leaving… for good.

She had to go to the boarding house, she had to be pretty fast but when she reached the hospital's sidewalk she realized she didn't have her car and running faster than she did in a long time she ran towards her house and in less than five minutes she was there. She didn't even get properly inside the house. She just got the keys on the side table by the door and left without taking a second glance. Her legs were hurting and her chest felt like was going to explode. Her body missed her cheerleader practices.

Elena has never driven so fast like that. She could see Stefan giving her a lecture about taking the soil street that led to the boarding house in such high speed after the heavy pouring that came over Mystic Falls in the morning. But she tried to be as much careful as possible while making the turns abruptly and fast.

But her efforts paid off as she saw the house appearing in her sight and the blue Chevy parked in front of it. She was going to be able to make it on time to avoid his potential departure. She parked her car behind his and jumped in the moist grass, stumbling a little bit as she moved her legs too fast.

She was about to move her hand to the handle when he opened the door, suitcase in hand and a backpack hanging on his shoulder.

"Are you leaving?" she panted moving her hand to her chest.

"If you must know, yes I am" he showed his impatience in his tone.

"Where are you going?" she was still trying to even her breath, not only because how much she ran from the hospital to her house but also because of all the risks she took driving like a crazy woman.

"Not sure yet, where the wind takes me" he shrugged answering nonchalantly.

"Please, don't go" she pleaded him and for the first time in months she let herself touch him as her hand moved unsurely to his arm.

"I've got no reason to stay. Actually my time here is overdue. A few months now if you ask me" he didn't shake her hand off of him but didn't acknowledge it anyhow either.

"What about your brother?" she tried the easier way out. She has barely acknowledged those feelings or emotions he caused her. She was not nearly ready to voice them.

"Elena, I'd love to stay and open up my heart to you and let you know how much I cherish the no-hatred relationship Stefan and I progressed to and how I've missed him more than Katherine those 145 years. In addition to it being a big lie, I actually don't have time, so as I already bid you goodbye, now it's time for me to take the road again, as you wisely suggested earlier" he got passed her and walked towards his car.

"Damon" she called behind him and he could catch the edge in her voice.

"What now Elena?" he turned around by curiosity to know if her face matched her tone and much to his surprise it looked more desperate than she sounded.

"Are you going to pretend that I don't exist?" her voice was low. He said he had no reason to stay. It meant all his feelings for her were gone. But did it also mean he'd leave with Carla?

"I'm not pretending you don't exist otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you. I don't like talking to the air. I do acknowledge your existence it's just not relevant for me anymore. I lost you forever remember?" he was already annoyed. Why did she think that everything revolved around her? And there he thought he was selfish…

She was quiet after his words. She couldn't take the pain they caused anymore. Not even when he first arrived in Mystic Falls he has been so cold to her and she knew she couldn't handle it anymore.

"I've always called a truce when it came to important things, when other lives were at stake despite our differences at the time" she tried yet a different approach. She was going to show him how much she hurt because of his words.

"Yes, you did because you needed me, Elena. Every time you needed me to kill any vampire, to take care of Saint Stefan, save you or your friends, you came to me. I guess using and manipulating people might be a Pierce women trait because you girls sure know how to do it. But I'm a good apprentice and as you don't have something that might interest me, I guess a truce is out of my plans. There's nothing you can offer me that makes it worthy using you too. I'm definitely not putting my dashing and sexy body in Kat's crossfire for your friends' lame asses nor yours, Elena" and as he finished talking, he turned on his track and entered his car not giving her a chance to protest again.

Elena was dumbfounded by his words. Not only because he had yet again stated how little – or actually nothing – she meant to him but because of the truth behind those words. She has called truces when she was still having problems with him but always for her own benefit. She has used him, even when she suspected he felt something for her, but she did it anyway. Most of times she thought it was just in her mind the way he'd always looked to her. How he charmed his way to her. She was mostly convinced it was part of his Casanova personality but even before Isobel said he was in love with her, Elena had a few moments of suspicion. But then her mother opened the box and then he admitted it himself in her bedroom that night, not exactly but still she knew that was the closest he'd come to admit any feelings. And as this thought occurred she finally got any idea and jumping on her car again she stepped on gas after him. There was only one way he could go to take the road from the boarding house and she just hoped he was driving by the pace he did when he took her to Georgia.

Being a little bit less careful than she has been on her way to the boarding house it didn't take Elena too long to finally see the blue spot ahead of her in the rustic road. There was a lot of mud in it and her car slipped too easily on those.

Damon was too distracted in his thoughts to take a look at the rear mirror or to listen the car's tires as the radio was on. He wondered how Elena was so fast in his doorstep if she didn't have her car in the hospital... then he mind went back to one of the most confusing moments they 'shared'.

_

* * *

Of course he has seen her when he was first there with Carla. No matter how much he tried he could smell her probably a mile away. He'd listen to her heartbeat increasing with every step she took towards the hospital and he tilted his head back laughing about something Carla said just so he'd see her crossing the street and heading to the little square. He could sense that something was wrong with her but he didn't have a clue of what it was._

_She seemed relieved when he finally started the car to leave but then he realized he still had Carla's iPod and ran after the redhead. The moment he kissed the girl standing in front of him he could listen to Elena's heart skipping a beat. And then it hit Damon for the first time that maybe Elena was jealous of Carla. That had to be the only reason why she reacted like that. She was clearly uneasy as she observed their interaction, though he didn't change any of his actions because Elena was seeing them. He was curious enough to see what other reactions she'd have but he wouldn't make a scene with Carla in front of the hospital just to test Elena, so he left as he had planned._

_Of course he hasn't left as Elena assumed he had. He parked his car in the next corner and watched her from afar. It was clear to him that Elena was struggling and he was sure his perfect vision didn't fool him when he saw a tear or two rolling down her face. Whatever she was thinking at the moment was causing her any sort of pain and he was slightly disturbed by it but he brushed it off quickly. He wasn't there to reignite any feelings he has ever had for her. If anything he was leaving in some minutes just to make sure he'd never give those feelings a second thought. It'd help his cause if he didn't have to see her all the time and find himself needing to protect or save her like he did one week ago. But then Carla also headed to leave the hospital and seeing the brunette sat across the street for any reason the redhead walked towards her. Damon could say Elena was clearly uncomfortable with Carla around and he almost cursed the graduate when she mentioned that he liked Elena and he was hurt by story repeating itself but Elena seemed to be thinking of something else as she barely acknowledged the information. It was amusing for him to think of something as ridiculous as this but it crossed his mind that maybe even platonically Elena was indeed jealous. And as he thought it a burning went down his chest and he was sure he has never felt something like that._

_And then just a couple of minutes after his ex bed buddy left Elena seemed to finally come to terms with herself and he knew she was going to leave too. He ran in inhuman speed to his car and headed to the hospital and what first seemed like fate was actually Damon's attempt to find out what was going on in her head. But that wasn't everything that kept Damon around. He really meant to give his blood a try with Mrs. Flowers condition. He didn't know if it'd work as normally vampires didn't use their blood to cure humans while they faced terminal diseases. At least he never heard of such a case but he knew for sure others had tried it before if he was doing it._

_But his noble actions were almost fully forgotten when she confronted him about feeding on Carla. He understood then that he was totally wrong in his assumptions. She wasn't jealous, being Ms. Perfection herself, and understandingly a match made in the heaven to his brother, Elena was worried about Carla and of course has expected the worst from him. And that was the final push he needed to finally leave Mystic Falls for the next century or two._

* * *

Still lost recapitulating everything that happened in the hospital, he tried to understand why she came after him to almost beg him to stay. He was pretty good in math and he knew it had taken her a lot of speeding up to make it to the boarding house as quickly as she did when she didn't even have her car in the hospital, as he made sure to pass by her house for the last time and saw her SUV there. But if Elena was only concerned about Carla's safety then why she risked her life driving probably very fast in a very slippery natural road to impede him from leaving? Was he right in his first assumptions and her strong reaction was only because she was in denial or has lost it? _Nah_, he thought to himself. He was being more arrogant than usual and normally Damon kept his feet on earth when he was being honest with himself. It was a very long shot to think that Elena went that far because she was jealous. Because she finally admitted that there was something between them. But it was too late and he surely didn't want to go through another heartbreak to find out that he's been fooling himself with his theories. Again.

He has barely abandoned his thoughts when a car almost hit his. Elena has paired up their cars and rolling down the window she yelled for him to stop the car but he refused and yelled back that she was crazy and just a spoiled girl that couldn't handle not getting what she wanted.

Neither of them paid a lot of attention in the road towards them. Damon because he knew it by heart and Elena because her vision was already blurred with tears because of his stinging words. But even if she had paid total attention she couldn't see the hole ahead of her, created by the storm earlier that day and covered with muddy water and leaves.

Everything happened too fast even for Damon's senses. Her car was by his side and then it wasn't anymore. All he could hear was the loud noise and looking at his car mirrors he saw her car flipping frontally. He nearly lost control of his own automobile as he stepped on the brake too violently, making his car slip in the mud and taking several feet to actually stop.

She was unconscious when he reached her. He assessed her injuries and they seemed worse than the first time he got her from inside a wrecked car. There was blood everywhere this time, plenty of it as it seemed like she didn't wear the seatbelt.

It was becoming a habit he didn't like but tearing his wrist he moved it to her mouth even before he moved her from distorted ironware. She hit the windshield and it was nasty. He could barely catch a heartbeat. Maybe it was too late as he forced his blood down her throat all while cursing her for her stupid actions but not without calling himself even worse names for being such a coward that couldn't handle a teenager's feelings or lack of them even if said teenager has been the woman he loved the most in his life both as a human and as an undead.

* * *

_AN: So should I save Elena? Well I must confess I have most of next chapter done and a decision was already made but still I want to know what you think. Just because this is a Delena story it doesn't mean they have to be together, or does it?_

_Elena isn't ready to say out loud whatever it is that she feels for him. She doesn't even know what this is but she does know she doesn't love him. And she doesn't need to love him. Elena has high morals and she loves Stefan with all her heart and feeling the slightest attraction to his brother is already enough for her to question her loyalty to him and maybe their relationship as she may get to the conclusion that she can't love Stefan as much as she thinks if she feels anything for Damon, regardless of the intensity of those recently found feelings/emotions._

_And Damon, poor Damon. He's tired of trying to understand and trying to fit. It breaks my heart how hard he tries in the show to fit and be a better man and that's why I take the opposite road here. He's okay with himself. With his humanity and the lack of it at certain points but how would he feel if his lack of it leads to Elena's death? But even if she doesn't die, how would he feel? He already felt a little bit bad about it when Katherine threw her in the wall, what would he feel now?_

_We've seen how Elena reacted at the potential loss of Damon, now the roles are inverted and we'll see how Damon will react towards potentially losing Elena.  
_

_Speaking of Katherine, don't you miss her in this fic? I do and that's why I'm bringing her again in the next update._

_Thanks a lot to Nejlla, bluestriker666, , EtherealDemon (for both chapters), xLoveRyanx, xxxMrsDamonSalvatorexxx, Vampgirl144, tsukivamp, niadk, lizzie, WhiteLines, A True Dreamer, shadylady21, kat, alottalove and BMCuller for the reviews. This is the first time ever I've got over one page of reviews for one single chapter. It got me really happy and that's why I had almost the next chapter finished. I feel like I owe you more updates but this weekend I was traveling and that's why it took a little longer._

_Talk to you soon._

_Babi  
_


	10. Chapter Nine: Discovery

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Nine - Discovery**

* * *

Minutes seemed to be longer than the years he lived as a vampire. He couldn't bring her to his arms, he just laid her in the damp mixture of grass and mud as he waited for anything that would let him know she survived. Because in case she didn't and the damage couldn't be fixed by his blood he didn't want her to die in his arms. No matter how poetic it looked, it'd crush him. But who was he kidding? Her death would probably break him beyond no repair no matter where she was. He has been an idiot to think he didn't care about what happened to the girl lying in the dirty road as he stayed kneeled in front of her unmoving body. But then he finally heard it. A stronger heartbeat and then other and other and each one stronger than the latter. He just then realized his cheeks were wet from his massive tears and that he was holding a breath. It didn't take more than a few more minutes for her to finally open her eyes.

"Are you insane?" he yelled at her the moment her eyelashes fluttered.

"What happened?" her voice was hoarse and she even choked a little, probably with the rest of his blood on her throat.

"Your childish and stupid actions almost got you killed Elena. Can you imagine how long would Stefan torment me if you died because you were running with your car after mine? It'd have been the little push he needed to kill me" he stood up and thought about leaving now that he knew she was alive and in the next few minutes she was going to be completely healed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I just couldn't let you go" she tried to sit down but her body still hurt too much and she fell on her back again.

"Are you stupid?" he hid the concern in his voice as he saw her falling down. He should know that if she woke up she was out of danger but it seemed like all rationality died out.

"I don't know what I am, okay? I'm lost, I'm confused and I need a friend" she cried and there were actually tears while she yelled at him.

"You have plenty of them. Caroline, Bonnie, Matt, your brother, your aunt and last but not least Saint Stefan" he was mad; he was fuming at her not because she told him she needed a friend but because she could have been killed and still she didn't have a good reason for it.

"But I only needed one" she whispered and looked at him like he's never seen her. It was tender but it was also pleading and desperate. It was like she needed him more than she could put into words and he couldn't be any more right.

"The one you made very clear you didn't want around anymore. The one that has lost you forever. Forever is a very long time for a vampire Elena, you should know that as you're in a relationship with one" he reminded her not because he wanted to hurt her, but because he was _hurt_ that she had cut him off of her life. It still hurt to know that he has lost whatever they had, even if she has tried a few times to keep at least a civilized relationship with him. It was actually one of the reasons that he kept pushing her away. Maybe he'd handle how to be her friend, but only her acquaintance that she despised most of time? It was almost impossible to him and it was what led most of his actions.

"The one I wasn't ready to lose, even if he killed my brother, the only family I've had left" her tone didn't change but her gaze was even more intense and revealing. He was going crazy trying to understand what was going on. Elena could be really confusing, as any other woman, but now it was nearly impossible to decipher her.

"I already told you I'm sorry. There's nothing more I can do to fix it Elena. He had the ring, he came back and I know I couldn't have fixed it if he hadn't but I don't have a lot of words for you here, only those. I'm truly sorry about what I did" he felt suddenly guilty knowing that part of the reason why her look was so intense was because his actions that night still hurt her profoundly.

"You could put a little bit more of effort explaining me what happened. You tell me that Katherine annoyed you and you think that I'm supposed to know what it's that supposed to mean? I didn't know by then the games Katherine played. I thought she was just a mean bitch that has turned my friend for the same reason you turned Vicky all those months ago. Just for fun, out of boredom. You sounded like a nine-year-old boy apologizing to his mother saying that he only hit his little brother because he took away his favorite toy!" Elena blurted. She didn't know what hit her but it's always bothered her that he just said those words to her expecting her to know what Katherine was capable of doing with someone's mind no matter how much he and Stefan repeated those words but never cared to elaborate.

"Did you want me to beg, Elena? Sorry but it's been more than 145 years since the last time I pleaded I don't quite remember how to do it" he was enraged by her behavior. He couldn't believe that she expected him to go to the great lengths of humiliation to show that he was truly sorry. Why couldn't his honest words be enough to her?

"No Damon, I didn't want you to beg for forgiveness. But you could have told me the whole story. Why didn't you tell me what she told you? Why didn't you explain me how she operates?" she fired back also losing her patience with his persistent sarcasm.

"Are you really trying to convince me that if I had given you a long speech about how you had used the same words she did a couple of hours earlier you'd forgive me? Did you want me to tell that yet again someone was making it clear that it's always been Stefan and it'd always be Stefan? That I've lived the past century and a half after someone who never loved me and when my heart finally tingled again after being a cold stone for so long I was yet again doomed because I'd never have a chance as long as Stefan was around? That I didn't deserve to be loved? That I wasn't good enough to anyone? Was that what you wanted to listen, Elena? What difference would it make?" he hissed and although his words were filled of venom she could tell he was opening his heart in some twisted way because his eyes never matched his tone.

"I don't know what it'd do then Damon but I know what it does now" she took the final steps that were separating them and standing in front of him she reached for the sides of his face and brought his lips to hers.

She couldn't take the sight of him saying those words and not reacting. He deserved to be loved. She loved him as a friend and although she knew for sure that what else she felt for him as a man wasn't love and maybe it'd never be but in that case only because her heart was already Stefan's when she finally got to know the real Damon. She didn't know what would have happened if she had knew Damon truly before she fell in love with Stefan. But as her lips touched him she didn't know if falling for him was such a remote possibility even with all the strong and solid feelings she had for his brother. It was magical the feeling of his lips on hers. She never felt so much passion and love as she felt in his touch.

It wasn't only the way he moved slowly, involving her mouth with his. It was about the way one of his hands moved to the side of her face, his fingers well stretched as he slid them down, as if he was checking if she was real or not. And then they curled a little bit around her skin. She didn't need Isobel's or anyone else's words. She had her answer about how Damon felt about her with just one kiss. She's never lived something as intense as that.

Damon felt like the world has stopped around him. He didn't think about anything but the taste of her lips on his. He didn't know why she did it but whatever reason she had he was happy she did it. He had to touch her; he had to know she was there and that she was really doing it. He could see now how much of a fool he was thinking that it was her in the porch that night, with Katherine. Of course Elena would feel like something surreal and totally different of everything he's taste in his life because his own feelings for her weren't something that he's ever experienced in his existence. They were transcendental and regardless of how she'd react, his heart would know, his body would know when his mind has been too much floored by exhilaration to actually realize what his body was saying him. And what his body said by then was that it wasn't Elena because if it was her he'd feel like he's been taken to another dimension where it'd be only the two of them or maybe just her because all he could see now was her.

She tasted different. It wasn't what he's expected and he couldn't quite describe it. He expected her to be sweet as innocence itself but there was something spicy about her too but his exhilaration was soon gone when they broke apart and he could see guilt and regret wrote all over her face. His heart broke again in his chest but before he could say or even think about something else someone made their presence known.

"Bad, bad move, Elena. Not happy with having one brother you're growing greedy to have the other too? I guess we do have more in common than it first seems" Katherine smirked as she came behind the car's wreckage.

"Katherine" Damon hissed under his breath. Having to deal with Elena's reaction was as bad as it could be, he didn't need the devil itself to come now.

"You don't seem happy to see me, Damon. I'm hurt" she pouted faking her painful feelings.

"Damon…" Elena ignored the she-vampire's presence and acknowledged the man in front of her. She thought she knew why she kissed him but now she couldn't react the way she imagined she would.

At first it was just to prove him he was loved somehow and that she was sure the man he became ever since he came to Mystic Falls made him more than deserving of receiving a woman's love. That was what she wanted to prove him but somehow she was the one that got something proved. She had feelings for Damon and he definitely had much stronger feelings for her. Maybe even stronger than Stefan's. And his feelings just seemed to intensify hers and she never felt what she did when he kissed her. She never felt so adored, loved, worshiped as she did with just a brief, but still intense, kiss.

But she couldn't handle that now, not when Katherine was there making comparisons about the two of them. The last thing she wanted was to be like the vampire who has destroyed both brothers. Of everything Damon said to her ever since they lost each other what certainly hurt the most were the parallels between her and the evil woman a few steps away of her. She wouldn't be like that.

"Is it the time where you admit that he was right, Elena? That there's something between the two of you? Or is it the moment where you make it even more clear that you only love Stefan and that you ever will? Because I can't say which scenario would be more amusing and I surely want to stick around to see it" Katherine crossed her arms in her chest and actually held an amusing expression on her face, as she titled her head to the side.

"Damon, please don't go. We need to talk about what happened here. I need you around even if you despise me, even if I'm irrelevant or useless for you. I don't need you around because of what you can do for me. I just need you" Elena reached for him and moved her hands to him, her eyes pleading for him to change his plans. She was being honest with him. She may not have everything figured out and she surely wouldn't be making any promises but as he's said before they had something going on and she wanted to figure it out. That was what he deserved, what Stefan deserved and what she deserved. She wouldn't be like Katherine and if she was in love with both men then she'd be alone and make up her mind about them because she couldn't be with any of them if the other held any part of her heart.

"Hmm, that's not very conclusive now, is it? I guess it could be either way, don't you think Damon? Maybe she needs you around to finally be with you or just so she'd know that her true love is really Stefan but you're her true best friend. That'd be flattering too, if you ask me" Katherine shrugged her shoulders and checked her nails briefly.

Damon tried to ignore Katherine's words as much as he could but she was right. Elena wasn't clear about why she wanted him to stay. He wouldn't be around her and his brother building their love chest while he kept nurturing such deep feelings for her. But he wouldn't waste any chance he'd ever have with her, even if the smallest.

But he couldn't be around the two of them now for totally different reasons. Katherine's mind games were just making this whole situation harder to bear and he didn't want to let the vamp ruin whatever could come out of that kiss. Also he wasn't ready yet for Elena to clarify what she meant because in case she'd show any regret, pity or even worse accuse him of anything, he'd be too heartbroken. He had to prepare himself for the potential upcoming disappointment.

"I may not want to play with Damon anymore but it doesn't mean he isn't mine as well" Katherine was suddenly all of serious, breaking the silence between the pair that was lost in their thoughts.

"I'm not yours, Katherine. Actually I'm no one's and as such thing, I'm out of here" he turned on his heels and headed to his car. He was about to turn around to offer Elena a ride when the she-vampire spoke again.

"You make it too easy sometimes, Damon" Katherine smirked sarcastically and the next thing Damon heard was Elena's bones snapping and looking around quickly he could still see, stunned, the woman he still loved fall on the floor, lifeless.

* * *

_AN: So Elena lived! Only to be killed by Katherine... but not before finally opening up a little bit her heart to herself and to Damon._

_I'm not Elena's biggest fan ever, let alone this season, but I understand where she comes from. More than anything else she doesn't want to be Katherine. That's more important than any of her feelings for the brothers because she knows she loves them both too much to break their bond all over again. She does love Stefan, like really does and she does love Damon as a friend and this little spark that's been there since the first time she saw him could make her _fall in love_ with him. This is Elena and she was just trying to fix Damon when she decided to kiss him briefly and softly - this wasn't a romantic, mind blowing kiss. It was more for the first kiss you ever had when you were barely a teenager. But still it held too much emotion for both of them._

_And Damon... poor boy, always in that same position. Any questions about how much he's going to regret turning his back to Elena - even if he planned to face her again just a few steps after? Prepare yourselves to read guilt on its best and plenty of angst because of it._

_Next: Elena turns into a vampire... or not? And what damage it'll make to Damon/Stefan friendship?_

_Thanks a lot to my so amazing reviewers: MsMaeve18; xxxMrsDamonSalvatorexxx; bluestriker666; Nejlla; Vampgirl144; tsukivamp; Avecia; niadk; lizzie; natitasha; WhiteLines; xLoveRyanx; shadylady21; Addie and Kat. You guys are just awesome! Keep them coming._

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi_

_PS.: were your minds blew away with tonight's episode? Because I'm yet to recover for it. The best episode I've ever watched on TV.  
_


	11. Chapter Ten: Gone

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Ten - Gone**

* * *

"Elena!" Damon moved super fast to where her body has just fallen and bringing her to his arms he knew the damaged has been done.

"No, no, no, no" he shook his head as he brought her completely lifeless body against his chest and rocked both of them. He was so focused on the woman in his arms that he didn't even realize it when the other one left. Everything his ears seem to listen was the lack of a heartbeat. The silence coming from her body. She wasn't breathing. There wasn't a heart pumping the blood through her whole body. No, there wasn't anything, just silence.

He was deeply distressed holding her and brushing the hair on the back of her head. He's lost her, after all he did lose her and it was the most excruciating pain he's been through. But then he remembered of something that seemed to be impossible to be forgotten: he's given her his blood just a few minutes ago. She'd wake up in a few hours and hate him for the rest of her immortality but at least she'd be there.

He'd take her hate any day rather than not seeing her face. Even if all he can see there is hate, despite, dismissal, disgust and disappointment. She's said so many times about his incredible irresponsibility of letting her alone with Katherine but that wasn't what he was planning to do in that moment. He just couldn't be in the middle of them in that moment. Katherine was the devil in fresh and she'd lead him to do something stupid, something as stupid as taking even a few steps away from her and leaving Elena behind him. Deep down he never really believed Katherine would try to kill Elena. She's had so many chances to do so but she never really went for it. It was clear that when she hit Elena against the wall a week ago that she didn't aim to kill because Katherine wasn't someone to take chances in something. She did what she had to do and she'd ensure it was well done and permanent.

But his perceptions have betrayed him. He should have listened to Elena. Damn it, he should have listened even to Katherine when she sent the message through Caroline's death. When the centenary vampire played her games the only rule was the lack of any rules. And for his wrong assessment he'd never forgive himself. It was his fault that Elena wouldn't have a chance to have a normal life. It was his fault that she was dammed for the rest of her life. It was his fault that maybe she'd become a monster, just like him.

He was finally brave enough to drop her body again and look at her face. He'd never see the color of her vivacity again. He'd never catch her breath becoming heavy or the arrhythmia of her heart. He'd never smell her scent, her human scent that inebriated him. She was gone, not matter what would happen in the next few hours, the woman he loved was gone and it was his fault.

He felt the droplets on his skin and looking to the sky he knew the rain was coming back. He looked around him and realized her car as partially blocking the road and scooping her in his arms he walked towards it. He laid her limp body and placed on his foot as he reached for the roof of her car and employing all his strength he flipped it until it was standing over its tires again. All the time he kept his eyes on Elena. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Taking her on his arms again, he held her with one of them as the other pushed the car towards the field releasing the road.

He positioned her in both of his arms again, bridal style, and slowly walked towards his own car some feet away. Although he was a vampire and didn't need to breath, he used to because he didn't want to look like some freak to anyone and raise any suspicions. If he wanted to go unnoticed he had to do it properly but in that moment he looked like a zombie. His eyes were dull looking at his blue Chevy. He was acting robotically as he carefully placed her in the passenger's seat. He wouldn't lay her in the backseat because he _needed_ to watch her, to see her, do not let her be out of his sight. It may be too late but now that he was finally convinced that Katherine didn't really know any limits he wouldn't take any chances of making it definitive.

He barely stepped on gas. The car was slowly moving back towards the boarding house. Damon was running from the prospect of Elena waking up because he knew she'd blame him. Because he blamed himself.

But he finally arrived and taking her in his arms again he brought her inside but stopped after he entered the house. He had no idea where to take her. He couldn't bring her to his bedroom but he wasn't feeling like he should take her to Stefan's either. It left him with one of the guestrooms or the couch in the den. The latter was definitely the best option but he didn't have time to make it there with Stefan storming into the room.

"What happened?" Stefan panicked as he saw Elena quietly unconscious on Damon's arms but then it hit him like a truck: he couldn't hear her heartbeat.

"I was in the road to the city, her car was behind mine and then it suddenly flipped, she was almost dying but my blood finally healed her wounds but then Katherine came…" Damon mechanically reported the facts, still having shock written all over his face but he regained awareness when the last words left his mouth and such awareness didn't allow him to finish it, so he moved Elena to the couch instead. He looked helpless to Stefan while the words left his mouth and the younger brother knew exactly why.

"What?" Stefan only murmured to his brother as he threw himself at the foot of the sofa and on his knees he stretched his hand to brush Elena's cold face. The chilly and rainy weather consumed her natural warmth too fast and she was less and less warm by the minute

"It can't be" the younger brother let his body lean over the couch, his forehead resting against the edge of it and a pool of tears being formed in the carpet immediately.

"Don't worry, Stefan, I made sure she'd die with _Damon's_ blood on her system, she's coming back" Katherine stood in the top of the double stairs with her hands on her hips but the heartbroken man barely listened to her, let alone to the word she's stressed.

"I'm going to kill you!" Stefan jumped from his position and pinned Katherine who didn't show any reaction or tried to defend herself. He grabbed her throat and tried to suffocate her, in vain as she didn't breathe but she found strength to say some words even with her vocal cords blocked by his hands.

"Why me, Stefan? I warned you to break up with her but _you_ didn't" she choked but smiled as she saw the guilty consuming his face, the grip on her neck loosening a little.

She took the chance to use both of her hands and send him meters away from her.

"I was patient. I even overlooked your attempt to fool me with that stupid fake breakup. I gave you plenty of time and chances Stefan but you underestimated me. You should know by now that I always get what I want and I want you" she said as she took slowly each step towards where he laid on the floor.

"And you know why I'll have you Stefan?" she straddled him like a lion about to eat its prey. "Because you want me just as much" she whispered in his ear and he couldn't move, he was still shocked by Elena's death and not so used to Katherine's suffocating presence. It was all overwhelming to him that now he didn't know how to react, he was sort of paralyzed. Elena was indeed dead because of Katherine nonetheless.

"Also, which chances did you have to be with Elena when she got herself in a car accident trying to impede Damon to leave town?" she innocently shared the information that Damon has left out. He mentioned the car accident but he never said why Elena was there in the first place.

Damon who has ignored the exchange between the woman he hated more than ever and his brother only looked to Elena, hoping for her eyes to open soon but also fearing what would happen when they finally did. She was going to hate him, he knew for sure but it didn't matter as long as those beautiful chocolate eyes opened again. He didn't even have any strength on him to go and kill Katherine with his bare hands. The pain of losing Elena was too much and none of this senses worked properly, not the physical let alone the emotional ones. He was just there, stunned and hoping for her to come back to life, as an undead creature. But when Katherine mentioned his name for the second time it got his attention and he looked to his brother who was also looking at him and Damon couldn't do or say anything so he looked down.

"Oh and that's not all because we all know sweet and perfect Elena always has to save the day. Although trying to stop Damon's impending departure could be just a friendly act that's not where her actions stopped. Surely Damon had to save the day instead because well, she's just some stupid and very breakable human and do you know how she thanked him for saving her life even though he was the one who put it in risk in the first place, Stefan?" Katherine didn't move from her position over Stefan and neither did him. He didn't flinch as she brushed the side of his face during her mocking but still accurate speech. "She kissed him. She pushed him to his limits; that little ingenious mind and when he was all vulnerable opening his so-shattered heart about how everybody loved you she decided to prove him otherwise. Don't you think it's cunning of little sweet Elena?" Katherine smiled as shock and horror were written all over Stefan's face. He turned to Damon again but his brother was yet to look at him. After all most of the things Katherine said were true.

"And I wouldn't let history repeat itself, would I? I wouldn't let you be the fool that Damon has been all those years thinking that I even slimly loved him. She kissed him, Stefan, she got into a fatal car accident to stop him from leaving when he told her he wanted nothing to do with her. _I _didn't do any of this, Stefan, I just spared you the heartbreak" she then moved her other hand to the ignored side of his face and cupping it she kissed him, just like Elena has kissed Damon almost two hours ago.

Stefan didn't react to Katherine's words, let alone her actions but Damon did when he had finally snapped. She knew the games she was playing and she knew that his brother was rather shocked about losing Elena forever than about what she's done before Katherine killed her.

"You bitch! It's your fault Elena is dead" Damon ran to where Katherine and Stefan were and took her by her hair, throwing her against the wall.

"Really Damon and how would I do it if you didn't turn to leave her again, huh? Enlighten me here because I don't remember picking a fight with you to kill Elena" Katherine challenged although her voice wasn't threatening but somewhat amused.

"I didn't turn my back to her, I turned my back to you" his voice was enraged as he walked to where he has just thrown her.

"You let her kill me?" the three vampires turned their faces to see the transitioning baby vamp sitting in the couch. Elena was yet to understand everything that was happening around her but as she regained consciousness she listened to Katherine's last words. It couldn't be, she couldn't be dead.

"Elena" Damon whispered while Stefan remained recollected in his position, Katherine's words still stinging in his head.

"Did you let her kill me, Damon?" Elena asked him again but this time she had really acknowledged the obvious fact of her first question. Damon was there with her, she remembered of kissing him and then Katherine saying all those words that she could see clearly hurt Damon but then it finally came back to her the exact moment Katherine has been talking about. The she-vampire said something and it riled up Damon who turned to leave. She couldn't remember of what he said but she remembered clearly seeing him turning around and walking towards his car. He has abandoned her once again and this time her doppelganger didn't let the chance pass.

Damon could hear the devastation in her voice as it cracked and her eyes glimmered with yet unshed tears. He knew in that moment she's remembered of everything in the road and he knew to which conclusions she was jumping. He couldn't let her think that he purposefully ignored the threat and let Katherine take her life away because that was anything but true. Moving in inhuman speed, he fell on his knees much like Stefan has the first time he saw Elena dead.

"I wouldn't let her kill you, Elena, I was leaving her behind but I'd bring you home with me, you have to believe me. I honestly didn't think Katherine would try to kill you as she's had so many chances before but never really tried" he looked desperately to her face, begging her to believe him. "I promise you when I turned to offer you a ride she snapped your head" he tried to relieve his conscience but he hasn't been able to convince even himself about it. It was his fault, he knew it and looking at her eyes in that moment he could see that she was already blaming him too, that no matter what he said one thing remained still: if he hasn't left her side for a moment, no matter how brief, Katherine wouldn't have attacked and Elena wouldn't be dead.

"You walked away from me" she broke their eye's contact and the tears she'd been able to hold back until then fell freely down on her face.

"Elena, please forgive me, I never thought it'd happen" he pleaded, reaching her face and bringing her eyes back to his but what he saw in there broke him even further. Disappointment and pain, she was deeply hurt and it was his fault. Damon has never felt so bad about something in his life. It was like the hurting in her still soft gaze entered his fresh ripping it and breaking each of his bones. Seeing her like that caused his body to literally ache and he felt like he needed to breathe to live but couldn't bring the air to his lungs. It was stifling and it seemed like someone was strangling him.

"I'm dead… I'm a… I'm a vampire" realization finally hit Elena and just in front of him, he saw in her face how her heart and soul have been shattered in more pieces than it was possible to count.

* * *

_AN: Hey guys!_

_So Elena indeed woke up as an undead but there's still a choice to be made, quite obvious isn't it? What do you think will happen now? Stefan - who is too heartbroken both by her death and the reason behind it to react to it will try to come back to speaking but poor baby won't actually have a chance._

_We'll see more of Elena's point of view of everything instead of Damon, he has the rest of this story to feel bad about it and blame himself, so I'd show what's going on at Elena's heart... where he happens to be so of course he'll come into scene again._

_Thanks a lot for all the great reviews you gave me: bluestriker666; EtherealDemon; Delena01; tsukivamp; MsMaeve18; Vampgirl144; Avecia; xLoveRyanx; shadylady21; soundcharger; niadk; lizzie; WhileLines; Alottalove and kat. I missed some of my usual reviewers but I just hope you aren't too disappointed about where I headed it._

_Talk to you soon, reviews as usual are love._

_Babi  
_


	12. Chapter Eleven: Drained

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Eleven -Drained**

* * *

"_Elena, please forgive me, I never thought it'd happen" he pleaded, reaching her face and bringing her eyes back to his but what he saw in there broke him even further. Disappointment and pain, she was deeply hurt and it was his fault. Damon never felt so bad about something in his life. It was like the hurting in her still soft gaze entered his fresh ripping it and breaking each of his bones. Seeing her like that caused his body to literally ache and he felt like he needed to breathe to live but couldn't bring the air to his lungs. It was stifling and he felt like someone was strangling him._

"_I'm dead… I'm a… I'm a vampire" realization finally hit Elena and just in front of him, he saw in her face how her heart and soul have been shattered in more pieces than it was possible to count._

"I'm so, so, so sorry Elena. I had no idea, I never thought she'd go to great lengths on her threats" Damon also broke in front of Elena and looking at him, still numb because of everything, she could see how honest he was and how it hurt him as much as it was hurting her but she couldn't bring herself to care no matter how much she wanted.

"It doesn't really matter Damon, I'm still… dead" she said deprived of any emotion. While the pair in the couch poured down their hearts, Katherine moved from where Damon had pinned her and went to Stefan's side, analyzing carefully the younger Salvatore's reaction.

"You need to feed" Damon said tentatively. He didn't want to address her new condition but he knew the sooner she fed, slimmer the chances of Katherine trying to kill her for good and he couldn't take any more risks with her life. Also Elena's transition seemed too fast. He expected her to take a few more hours to wake up but she took barely two hours to wake up. If that was any indicator of how her body was taking the transformation she needed to feed as soon as possible to avoid any further complications.

"No, you finally achieved what you wanted. You made it very clear that I don't mean anything to you anymore and I'm sure at some point you wanted me gone, you were granted your wish" Elena finally formed a coherent thought ever since she woke up. She was only reacting until that point but now she was finally absorbing her current condition and everything it implied and although deep in her heart she knew she was being cruel to him it seemed like she couldn't reach that still soft part of her.

"That was never what I wanted Elena" he pleaded her to believe him and for a moment she really did but it wasn't important. It wasn't relevant what his true intentions were, she'd deal with the consequences of his actions for the rest of her life… _or death,_ she mourned.

She looked away from Damon because despite of the turmoil of emotions going through her mind that screamed at her that it was his fault, seeing his face was just breaking her more and she couldn't stand any more pain, she felt like her body weighted ten times more than usual and she knew it was the weight of her emotions. "But that's what you've accomplished" she offered bittersweet and her eyes finally rested in the two other occupants of the room.

Stefan was stunned, shocked and dull watching the exchange between his brother and his girlfriend all while the words Katherine said kept been repeated in his mind. He wanted to go there and kick Damon away from Elena and comfort her but he couldn't bring his legs to move. He felt rooted in his spot. Elena has kissed Damon and risked her life to impede him to leave and despite the shock she was going through in that moment all she could still think was about Damon. Ever since she woke up all she did was talk and look to Damon. She didn't even acknowledged his presence when he expected her to jump from the couch to his arms, like she always did. She always hugged him when she felt the most vulnerable. It only made him think more about what Katherine said instead of showing any reaction at all. He knew he was being selfish and he was yet to listen to her version of the facts but Damon's guilt proved him that everything Katherine had said was true.

Her gaze was on him for no longer than two seconds before it moved to Katherine, who has been holding his hand although he didn't even realize it but Elena did, immediately letting her eyes fall to where his body joint with the vampire's.

"Elena…" the blond quietly and lowly said but the new vampire only shook her head. She didn't want to listen to what he had to say. When she woke up she found Damon fighting Katherine, choking her while Stefan was there simply watching it and now he was letting the woman responsible for her death to be that close to him, to actually hold his hand like that and her eyes didn't let it escape that his lips had lipstick, the same that was blurred around Katherine's lips. The thought of what it meant made her wince.

"Please don't" she cut him off and stood, ignoring Damon who was still kneeled in front of her. As soon as felt her legs under her she realized how her senses had amplified. She was quiet for a moment paying attention to the noise she could listen coming outside the house. She could listen to the small animals in the nearby woods and the way each drop of rain reached the ground. She looked to Damon who was looking attentively to her and she felt like she was seeing him for the first time. She couldn't stop herself from touching his face appraisingly.

Everything about his dashing features was even more beautiful now. She could see the first wrinkles that were just starting to appear when he's been killed. Human eyes couldn't ever see them but Elena now could. She looked into his eyes and she was shocked to know that there were silver lines intertwined with all shadows of light blue craters. His lips never seemed so flushed and his skin so paled. But then the pain in all his features has also been magnified. She could see the torture he was going through and how the pain consumed each cell on him. She could see guilt breaking him apart and regret eating him from the inside. She imagined for a second if she looked as slightly devastated as him.

"I can't be here… I can't" she cried quietly, her voice just above a whisper as she wiped her tears, letting go of his face and ran away. Damon jumped from his position and followed her but Stefan reached for his arm, hindering his brother.

"You have no rights" Stefan said through gritted teeth.

"It's raining and cloudy but if Elena is exposed to the sunlight she'll die!" Damon yelled to his brother that didn't seem to be himself anymore. Damon couldn't understand how Stefan reacted that way when Katherine was so clearly manipulating them. He thought Stefan knew better than that but right now he had more important things to handle, like preventing Elena from being killed in the most painful way.

"Finally alone" Katherine whispered on his ear as soon as Damon left and Stefan looked at her still confused, shocked and lost. He was just an easy prey now and she wouldn't let the chance go. Her plan was going as designed.

* * *

She didn't know why she ended up there but that was where she was. That was the last place she should be now as she didn't want to complete her transition. She preferred to die than becoming a vampire and maybe being in the hospital, surrounded of human blood everywhere, was more than she could handle. But that was the best idea she had. She couldn't explain how she's been saved from a car accident without having as much as a scratch but she'd find a way to make it look like she had a heart arrest or anything. So she'd wait in the staircase until she felt her strength vanishing from her because she couldn't risk having anyone to find her before her eyes saw the last of thi planet because of the vampire blood running on her veins. The moment the doctors decided to run any test on her she'd be stealing the chance of her family having a proper goodbye in her funeral as she was sure they'd send her to any of those NASA or whatever laboratories, probably thinking she was a freak. But who said she wasn't one now?

So she sat in one of the stairs and looking at her surroundings she smiled bitterly. She's driven herself to the exact spot where she and Damon have argued earlier, when he once again and so bluntly dismissed her. It was when all the insanity started when he told her goodbye and she realized that she couldn't let him go. Remembering of that moment brought her back to the pictures of him a few minutes ago. It was agonizing to see how he was suffering but she couldn't forgive him for not saving her. _Except he did save you,_ her inner voice told her and it was true. Damon wanted to leave and now she knew why. She'd never suspect that he was leaving because of her, because he couldn't handle to be around her but that what was she concluded of his words in that road before. He was tired of never being loved by anyone and she was one of the very few people that cared about him somehow. She could only think of Alaric and Stefan but even they had their reservations about Damon while she didn't. Damon has lost the only person who truly cared about him, maybe for the first time in many years. He didn't ask her to follow him and maybe if she knew by then how hurt he was she'd let him go because she didn't know if what she had to offer to him would ever be enough.

She regretted then the words she's said to him not only in the boarding house before she ran but also in that same staircase. She's judged him blindly and she's been really unfair. It broke her heart and she couldn't stop the tears from falling again. He didn't deserve to listen to the words she's said. Those accusations were really harsh and they couldn't be farther from the truth. Maybe if she hasn't said anything, he wouldn't decide to move away and she wouldn't need to follow him like a desperate woman and end up dead.

It still hurt to know that he let Katherine kill her. It was one of the things that hurt her the most in that moment although she was sure that the vampire would do it anyway, if not today any other day as the brothers didn't spend twenty-four hours guarding her. All those thoughts were overwhelming and frustrating. She didn't know what to think or who to blame. Maybe everyone was to blame, starting with herself stalking her boyfriend's brother and then kissing him but before she could try to have a final thought about everything, she's been interrupted by someone taking the stairs the floor behind her.

Elena stood up to leave but when she looked down at the stairs she recognized those red curls and something inside of her dropped.

"Elena!" Carla greeted excitedly as she saw a familiar face. The redhead didn't even think about asking what Elena was doing in a hospital staircase, that being the second time that day that she'd meet her in the hospital surroundings without asking if someone she knew was there.

"Hi" the baby vamp answered defensively. The smell of Carla's blood immediately hit Elena's nostrils and it was intoxicating.

"You can't believe what happened. I was trying to convince the guy at the car shop to buy my car when I've got a call from the hospital saying that grandma was awake! I came here immediately and they ran all sort of tests and for any unknown reason her cancer is dimming" the happy girl broke the news to Elena that felt slightly happy for both the woman.

"That's amazing, Carla" she offered back but not very enthusiastically.

"You and Damon were right. She did get better. I should believe in miracles!" the young woman was teary and emotional but the moment Elena heard Damon's name everything changed.

The mention of him brought back the memories of how he's been so caring towards the young woman and what he did for her grandmother. If Elena has been jealous about their affair before she turned it's now been amplified to deadly amounts. Damon couldn't save her from Katherine but he did everything he could for the girl in front of her and it made Elena's blood boil. Also there was the smell of Carla's blood and her bubbly behavior and before she realized it words were leaving her mouth bitterly.

"Yeah, your miracle is definitely called Damon"

"Damon has been great to me but I guess it's a little bit exaggerating to say he's responsible for it" Carla tried to be amusing but she just then realized that Elena looked odd and maybe she had someone in the hospital too.

"That's because he's a vampire, moron and his blood has healing properties and giving it to Mrs. Flowers surely can make things that medicine would call miracle" she completed annoyed. She was growing to hate Damon's little girlfriend.

Carla was shocked at first but then she finally thought straight and what Elena said was crazy. The teenager was probably going through something very harder to say something like that. Maybe she was even a patient in the hospital instead of being there for someone she loved. Or maybe she was just jealous.

"Elena, Damon really cares about you; you don't have any reason to feel jealous about what we had. We had sex, it was amazing but it's over, we put an end in our adventures this afternoon, while you were across the street. I know how it feels to go through a heartbreak and I'm sure it must be really hard for you to be between two brothers especially with Katherine in the mix but follow your heart. I don't know Stefan but I know Damon a little bit and I'm sure he'll let it go if you decide to be with his brother and Stefan should do the same if you decide to be with Damon" Carla offered sweetly and even moved her hand to squeeze Elena's arm but the brunette flinched and moved her arm away leading the redhead to frown. For her Elena's actions seemed too overboard.

"You're really stupid if you think you know Damon at all" there was venom in Elena's voice like it never had before and Carla was about to reason when she saw Elena's eyes darkening along as much black veins forming around her eyes. But it was only when the noticeable fangs caught Carla's attention that the graduate finally understood what was happening.

* * *

The rain made it difficult for Damon to catch her scent that was also new to his nostrils but although it took him over an hour, he thought he has followed it properly. But the final location led him to frown. Could Elena be that stupid and think that there was anything medicine could do for her to avoid the change? He thought the many times they talked about the vampire transition to her made it clear that once someone is killed with vampire blood in their system there were only two ways out: become a vampire or die forever. But as the second option crossed his mind he knew what she was thinking. She wasn't there to be saved, she was there to die.

He ran inside the hospital in inhuman speed, taking advantage of the gloomy and rainy day to move without drawing any attention. He decided to take the stairs but as soon as he opened the door he heard two familiar voices and flew over the stairs. Carla was about to scream out of fear when Damon came behind her and moved his hand to her mouth but it didn't stop Elena from reaching the woman's arm and tuck her fangs on her wrist.

* * *

_AN: Here I am again. I should have updated yesterday but I was on a high after that amazing final scene that I had to go to a forum and talk mindless about my favorite couple._

_Damon was just perfect and Ian deserves some serious kudos for everything he did out of that scene._

_Recovered from the excitement and high about Delena, I had to have my own thing going._

_I hope you liked this chapter. Someone told me they wanted Elena to make the decision to turn into a vampire, instead of having Katherine to make the decision for her. Well but there was still a decision she could make and she actually tried to make it the harder way. But she snapped - even revealing Damon's secret to Carla - and attacked the redhead._

_I've already have most of the next update written so I know where I'm taking this but I want to know what you guys think. I've changed my mind a few times because your suggestions sometimes are better than my ideas and I'm totally open to them if I like and see them fit for what I have in my mind for the long haul._

_That said I want to thank to bluestriker666; Sushiking; xLoveRyanx; opiopi; tsukivamp; Vampgirl144; Avecia, niadk; Lily, natitasha; damvampsal21; WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl; MsMaeve18; Alottalove; shadylady21; kat and BMCullen for reviewing. You guys are amazing and keep me inspired._

_Talk to you soon._

_Babi  
_


	13. Chapter Twelve: Alone

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Twelve - Alone**

* * *

"Elena you need to let her go" Damon warned a few seconds after Elena started sucking the redhead but the newly turned vampire didn't answer anyhow.

"You're going to kill her, stop it Elena" Damon roughly broke the contact between the two women all while pressuring Carla's mouth who was screaming desperately but his hand didn't let it resonate through the hospital.

The moment Elena felt Damon pushing her and bringing Carla's body to his chest she lost it. He was there to save his human. She didn't believe in a word of what Carla said before about her status relationship with Damon and she certainly didn't believe it any more as she saw him protectively holding the girl while soothing her to call down. She couldn't stand to be there watching him doing it and in a blink of eye she was gone.

But she's fully misunderstood his actions. Yes, Damon was protecting Carla because he didn't want the girl to be killed. He has risked himself earlier by giving her grandmother blood and he cared about her. But even if that was the person he despised the most in the world, he wouldn't let Elena kill her because he knew _Elena_ wouldn't deal well with killing someone. Ultimately he was doing it for the vampire, not the human.

He still had his doubts if she wanted to be a vampire or not but she's probably met Carla – who he hopefully thought was in the hospital to receive good news about Martha – and couldn't resist the smell of blood. But he couldn't elaborate any theories now, Elena was still missing and in danger and he feared what her probably overwhelming hunger would lead her to do. He turned Carla around, keeping her mouth blocked as he looked deep into her eyes.

"You're going to be quiet and calm, you won't scream, you won't say anything" he compelled her and she repeated the words after him.

"You won't remember of Elena attacking you, you bumped into her in the hospital when you came to visit your grandmother, you too talked and she left" he continued and she followed him once again.

"Good, now go check on your grandmother, you won't remember seeing me here either" he finished and once she nodded he let her go and left to look for Elena.

* * *

Elena felt the freezing rain drops on her face contrasting with her cool tears. She didn't know what to do. While it was rash of her to jump to those conclusions she couldn't erase the images of the Salvatore's holding other women in the past hour. Stefan seemed shocked about her death but he kept Katherine by his side and Elena wasn't stupid and her newly improved senses showed her they've been kissing before she woke up. She knew the vampire return had brought some impact to his life. He wasn't the brooding and sweet Stefan he used to be just a few months ago. He was edgier and more determined and somewhat colder. He reminded her of Damon. Thinking about the older Salvatore made her hurt even more. Her feelings were subtle, near to nonexistent while she was a human but they've been also amplified with all her emotions after the transition and she knew she felt something for him. She didn't love him or maybe wasn't even in love with him but she was attracted, more than this actually she felt_ drawn _to him. It was hard to explain and the most confusing emotions she had now were related to him. Seeing him with her newly overpowered senses allowed her to see through what he showed, although he didn't put any effort to hide any of his feelings while he was apologizing for what he let happen to her. And there was their kiss, the simple and innocent kiss that now seemed like a hurricane. She still remembered how it felt when their lips crashed together. She could still feel the feelings flooding from him and what they caused at her. He seemed to love her and Carla seemed to know it but then why would Damon take the redhead's side? It's hurt her to see him bringing the woman so tenderly to his arms, after yelling at her to let Carla go because she'd kill her.

She started sobbing on her way to Bonnie's house as she took a decision. She wouldn't be around to know what Stefan and Damon would do. One moment she thought they'd fight till death to be with her, in other they'd go after Katherine to avenge her death, and then she thought that Stefan would give up on the plan and finally succumb to Katherine's charm and leave with his sire. Regardless if she thought they wanted her, Katherine, Carla or no one; any of those scenarios would bring her a lot of pain and she was lost. She was deeply lost. She was a creature of darkness now, despite her initial plan of simply dying. She had to handle with her needs and the only person that could help her now was her best friend although she didn't know if even Bonnie would be there for her, giving how the witch has been acting towards Caroline.

In less than five minutes she's crossed the city though and she was now knocking at her friend's house.

"Elena! What you're doing in the rain? Why are you here? Get inside" the witch immediately offered to the vampire not knowing what she has just done but the moment Elena put her foot inside the house and Bonnie reached for her shoulders, the human jumped backwards.

"Katherine killed me" Elena blurted when she saw how shocked Bonnie looked and taking a step back, she stayed outside, offering her friend the chance to change her mind about the invitation.

Bonnie didn't say anything but as she looked to Elena's face she could see that she's been crying and how the liquid on her face wasn't only rain. Her eyes were red and puff.

Seeing how her best friend didn't say anything the undead girl decided to pour down her heart because she couldn't hold those emotions anymore.

"Damon, he has a new girlfriend, this Carla girl, Mrs. Flowers' granddaughter and he gave his blood to her grandmother to heal her cancer. But he was going to leave town, maybe with Carla now that her grandmother is healed and I couldn't let him go but my car hit a hole or something as I followed his, I didn't buckled the belt properly and I nearly died when the car flipped. He rescued me and gave me his blood, but then Katherine came and she snapped my head. I woke up in the boarding house and she was there, holding Stefan's hand, both of their lips covered with her lipstick and Damon was pleading me to forgive him for not being able to stop her from killing me. I decided to die, Bonnie, I've made my choice and went to the hospital to wait to death finally take me but then Carla came and she was so happy for what Damon did for her and her blood smelled so good and she moved her hand to my arm and pissed me off thinking that she knows Damon at all. The next thing I knew I was sucking her until Damon pushed me away, embracing her while he yelled at me. I don't know what to do, Bonnie, it feels like I have no one" Elena rambled while she summarized all the day's events to her best friend who barely took in everything the vampire was saying but she could see how broken Elena was about the whole situation. She couldn't understand many things of what she said; Stefan's reaction being one of them, but Elena clearly needed help. "I don't have anyone, Bonnie. I'm alone, as a dammed dark creature and I'm too coward to bring a stake down my heart now"

"Elena, I don't know what to say" she was honest but in the turmoil of emotions that led Elena to jump to the wrong conclusions about the brothers she thought her friend was also giving her the cold shoulder and her pain was written all over her face and she turned to leave but the witch stopped her.

"Where are you going?" she interjected surprised by Elena's reaction.

"I don't know" the vampire looked at her friend again, hoping for the best.

"Get inside, I may not know what to say but you have someone, Elena, you have me" Bonnie reiterated her earlier invitation and nodding Elena finally followed her. It was a good thing that she's been patching up her relationship with Caroline. She didn't know how she'd react to Elena's new condition if she hasn't been through it already. And then she felt deeply sad because both of her best friends were now dead although they still walked. She didn't feel bad for them as she would a few months ago, for the mere fact that they're vampires. But seeing Caroline's struggle and now Elena's devastated state she knew they were going through hell on earth and that was what made her sad and made her realize that they needed her more than ever.

* * *

It took Damon a few hours but if he's thought for a moment he should know that Elena could have been here. It was already night and at least he shouldn't be afraid of Elena dying because of the sun and it relieved him, though Katherine was still a threat. He didn't listen from the vampire and he purposefully ignored all of Stefan's calls. He couldn't afford being riled up by his brother when he was trying too hard to find Elena's trail.

But as he knocked the door he felt relieved, feeling Elena's scent all over the place and knowing that she was safe with the witch inside the house.

"What do you want here?" Bonnie asked him as soon as she saw his face across her.

"I came to check on Elena" he honestly offered and hoped it was good enough for the judgmental witch because he didn't have any other reason to offer her.

"Why do you care now?" she retorted, having more reason than ever to hate the vampire in front of her.

"I've always cared, okay? I've more than cared and I know all this is my fault. I know I should have protected her from Katherine instead of running away but I can't change the past. Believe me I'd give my life or sell my soul as long as Elena could be breathing again" he was worn down. He didn't have any more strength on him. The events of the day were finally taking their toll on him.

Although Bonnie didn't have Elena's super senses she could still see the pain consuming Damon and she actually felt bad for him for the first time in her life. She could see the feelings crossing his face and she's never seen him looking so tired and broken.

"She's resting. She'll be with me for awhile. She's confused and lost and I guess some of her feelings and perceptions are a little bit unbalanced now. She needs some time alone, at least apart of you and your brother"

"Her emotions, they've been magnified. Turning into a vampire amplifies everything not only the physical senses. Right now it may be overwhelming and she might be overreacting to some things but soon she'll find balance again and she'll come to terms to what she really feels about everything and everyone. She can't be alone, Bonnie. It's okay if she doesn't want me or Stefan around but she can't be alone. Someone needs to be there for, someone needs to tell her that everything will be okay" he explained to her and hoped that she would put their differences aside for Elena. He couldn't think of her going through all the drastic changes alone and while it'd be better for her to have a vampire by her side, he'd just take anything as long as she had someone.

"Will it, Damon? There's a maniac vampire in the city and I don't think it's a coincidence that she only came after you and Stefan did. She killed innocent people, she turned both of my friends into vampires and I honestly don't think she's going to stop now. So tell me Damon, will everything be okay?" Bonnie challenged him but her voice cracked a little in the end.

"I don't know Bonnie. I wish I knew what to do to stop Katherine but I don't but that's not my priority here and I know it's selfish and pretty much crappy of me to say it but all I can worry now is about Elena. She needs all the help she can have and if you have any questions, if you think I can do anything to help don't refrain from calling me. I want to help. That's my mess and I'm the one who should be taking care of it but I guess I'm too fucked up and dammed even for that" he sighed and despite his best efforts the tears finally broke through his ducts and fell freely down his face. He couldn't hold them back anymore. The more he talked and thought about what happened, the more broken and guilty he felt.

"I'll do it" she assured him and somehow his tears hit her. She never expected Damon to cry because she assumed he never had feelings in the first place. But they were all written over his face. He cared about Elena and his feelings seemed to be more than he was comfortable with and he clearly blamed himself. While she's said that Katherine being around town was probably the brothers' fault she knew no one could be blamed for her evilness but herself. She was demoniac and unfortunately stronger and more experienced than the brothers and they actually didn't stand a chance against her. It was her fault that her friends were now monsters, although she couldn't look to Caroline and Elena and think of them as so and seeing Damon taking all the blame touched her heart and for a moment she thought about touching him and comforting him. But Elena needed her more than the devastated man in front of her.

"Thank you, Bonnie" he said relieved and the witch only nodded in return and he slowly walked away.

He wasn't too far from her house when he heard her scream and he immediately turned back. She wasn't simply screaming but yelling his name.

"What happened?" he panicked as he stopped in the invisible barrier that impeded him to get inside.

"She's left. There's a note. She left to die"

* * *

_AN: The plot keeps thickening but I guess everything in now on the table. Elena doesn't want to live as a vampire at all so she chooses to die even after she completed the transition (more details to follow in the next update). Will she be able to do it? It needs a lot of courage to commit suicide as a vampire (more than to humans) as humans can try the painless way - which is not an option to vamps. The stake in the heart is quick but I guess too hurtful._

_And Damon, poor baby, more things over his shoulder. He suspected Elena went to the hospital to die and now he had his confirmation. He knows her just that much. I will address Stefan and Katherine (briefly) in the next update. There's also Carla, Damon and Bonnie finish their conversation but my favorite is Carla's._

_Thanks for the reviews: Vampgirl144, xLoveRyanx, MsMaeve18, niadk, bluestriker666, tsukivamp, damvampsal21, Avecia, shadylady21, WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl, Unicorn Filly and Kat. I lost some reviewers, which makes me sad but I'm very happy for the ones that keep letting me know what they think. I love to answer the questions you make about the story and future chapters :)_

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi  
_


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Mysteries

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Thirteen - Mysteries**

* * *

Damon was desperate as he read the words in the note Bonnie handed him.

_Bonnie, I'm sorry I had to compel you but I couldn't take any risks and I know they'd convince you to do a spell to find me. I'll finish what I started but couldn't do. I love you for everything you did and thanks for doing the ring for me, though I may not use it. Don't try and go after me because you won't be able to find me. Tomorrow as the sun rises I won't be anymore. I don't know what to tell to Jenna and Jeremy but I guess my wrecked car will give them a hint. Maybe Damon could just move it to the river and let them think my body was taken by the stream. Reading this just know that I'm so sorry, I didn't meant any of it, I know I can trust you and I'm surely going to miss you because I felt like my time around you was too short lived._

_Love, Elena_

"How was she able to compel you? Witches aren't supposed to be compelled by vampires" he asked stunned after reading the note at least ten times.

"I don't think Elena knew it that normally witches can't be compelled. But there's one exception. We can let ourselves be compelled. It's quite the ultimate trust bond. Elena told me she was afraid that Katherine would come after me because of her. She said she feared Katherine wanted her dead for good and if I was compelled Katherine couldn't threaten me. I had no idea she was compelling me because she was planning on doing it herself" Bonnie was disappointed at her friend but mainly hurt. Not hurt because Elena went to the great lengths of having her compelled but because she left to die. It was who Elena was. She loved both Salvatore brothers but being a monster wasn't who Elena was. She probably had doubts she'd be able to be on control of that situation and the alternative wasn't a real option. She wouldn't risk killing people and not having any feelings anymore. But something else also got Bonnie's attention. Somehow she felt the last line was about Damon, as she knew he'd read it because he was still around. She couldn't brush it off that Elena referred to the only other person, in addition to her family, that she mentioned in the note and surprisingly it wasn't her boyfriend. She could be wrong though but she was positive Elena has heard most of Damon's words while they briefly talked outside and she was surprised that the male vampire didn't listen when Elena left but he seemed too heartbroken to be on his best mind and senses.

"She left to die; there must be something we can do about it!" Damon said with determination although the thought of Elena burning in the sun made him wince and he never felt so powerless before.

"Can you compel me to do it?" she asked him though she was positive she knew the answer. In that moment it was so clear how much Damon cared about Elena that she was willing to let the person she trusts the least in the world to compel her just so they could save her best friend.

"No, one vampire can't remove other vampire's compulsion. But as she's too young her compulsion is still weak, even more than Stefan's and it'll probably wear down pretty soon. I had to re-compel the nurse Caroline had compelled in the hospital because a few weeks later she was slowly remembering about it and we clearly don't have weeks" he confirmed her thoughts and they both went silent for some moments.

"Don't you know any witch that could do it for you?" the student asked him and his heart dropped knowing that the only one he knew in addition to her he had ripped her heart out.

"No" he answered defeated.

Elena's preferred to die than live as an undead and he couldn't do anything about it. It took him almost two hours to track her at Bonnie's house. The rain didn't help and it didn't look like it was stopping any time soon. Her scent was changing. She was becoming less and less Elena, the human and more and more Elena, the vampire. Her body completed the transition the moment she drank from Carla but her smell didn't vanish into thin air just like that. It was still a mix and unfortunately not something he was already used to.

"I can't do a spell to locate her but I certainly can do one to see if she's alive" Bonnie tried to offer them both some comfort. Maybe Elena would change her mind. She was never suicidal quite the opposite, she handled pretty bravely everything life threw on her way, her relationship with Stefan being the biggest proof of it.

The same thoughts were crossing Damon's head but he wasn't as sober as the witch about everything. Maybe because he was drowning in the middle of Elena's sinking. While her world fell apart he felt like the gravity that was bringing her down and with such guilt over his shoulders he dismissed those thoughts. He's destroyed her life to the point that she preferred to give up and just die and it was driving him insane.

"Let me know when it happens" he told her hopeless and turned to left because he couldn't handle his feelings anymore.

But as he stopped in the middle of the driveway he looked to the dark sky and let the rain drops hit his face, mixing with the tears that were falling down. No matter how lost and shattered he was he'd try to find her. He owed her so much. He owed _his sanity_ so much, so closing his eyes he tried to focus in the faint smell he was yet to get accustomed to.

_

* * *

A couple of hours earlier_

"Get out" Stefan finally voiced something. It took him enough time but everything seemed to have sunk in.

"That's not how I expected you to thank me for what I did for you" she stood from the armchair she's been sitting for almost one hour. Damon left on pursue of Elena and Stefan planned to do the same but the older vampire held him in place saying that Damon was much more resourceful to track Elena's newly acquired vampire scent than he was.

Stefan didn't seem to be very reactive and sat on the couch where Elena has been some long minutes before. Katherine sat across him and she didn't say another word. She knew she had to wait him to finally snap. She'd waste saliva talking to him while he was still shocked.

"You killed the woman I love" he jumped from his place to where she was but missed her totally. He was many times slower than her and she didn't need to put a lot of effort to get out of his way.

"The one that cheated on you with your own brother!" Katherine seemed to lose her composure – or patience – as she yelled back at him. Stefan was surprised to see her reaction because in the many times they've been together he's never seen Katherine behaving like a human woman, yelling at him in order to make him understand something. Her tactics were always subtle and unnerving. That was how she played and seeing that now she lost it actually stopped him in his heated reaction.

"That's not her doing, that's Damon. He kissed you once thinking it was her, why wouldn't he do it again?" he bitterly and honestly explained. Stefan and Elena didn't have a realistic relationship. It was more about worship and devotion than about love and passion. Neither thought the other could make any mistakes and betrayal was definitely the last in the list of possibilities. They forgave each other and let things go easily because they wouldn't give up on what they had but neither ever realized that it wasn't about being in love with each other anymore. It was about this epic love. For her it was the vampire who didn't love in many years but still felt like he had to know her. Her physical resemblance to Katherine stopped being a problem a long time ago and she felt worshiped by him. For Stefan it was the second chance at love. Despite always saying he was compelled by Katherine he realized it when Damon's compulsion on Caroline wore down the moment she turned that his memories weren't caused by compulsion. He's loved Katherine back in the day and having her human doppelganger now felt like the chance to live the love he was destined to with the vampire but that for obvious reasons couldn't happen.

"Didn't you listen to a word of what I said? She's not dead because of him! She got in a fatal car accident because _she_ couldn't imagine her life with him gone. Believe what you want to believe Stefan and keep being delusional about it just how you're about not loving me anymore" Katherine has resumed her usual cool and cynical tone and it felt familiar to Stefan. He wasn't used to Katherine being… passionate.

"I love Elena, Katherine. It's time you accept it" he softly and honestly told her and the way he looked to her as he did so almost convinced her.

"You have no idea of the risk I'm going through because of you. I won't give up, Stefan especially now that Elena is a vampire. I'll do everything it takes to have this one thing back" her tone matched his and as she vanished in thin air, Stefan was left behind dumbfounded by her words and her reaction. He thought about following Elena but he knew he couldn't with his weakened senses. Calling Damon to have news seemed his last option but his brother didn't seem too interested in picking up the phone so he decided to try some places. As he run out of the house something else was on his mind other than the woman he couldn't catch she scent. His thoughts were over everything Katherine said but especially seeing for the first time in his life she looking almost human woman.

* * *

Carla felt her whole body hurt. Sleeping in hospital chairs could cause that but she didn't care. The important thing was that her grandmother was finally getting better and the doctors couldn't stop repeating to her that what was happening was impossible and it let Carla very uneasy although beyond happy too.

"Good morning, darling" Martha greeted from her bed and the redhead couldn't hold back the tears of seeing her grandmother awake and talking.

"Grandmartha" she threw herself over the elder, too carefully not to hurt her. "You look great" she honestly added appraising the recovering woman.

"Can't say the same about you, dear. You didn't need to sleep in that awful chair. How is everything?"

"Everything is great. I was really worried about you, ma, but now that you're getting better I'm so happy" the young woman had a few tears in her eyes but she didn't care.

"Let's hope I'm released to go home soon"

"I'm betting you're" her granddaughter offered confidently.

"But seriously, darling, you look really tired and I can see you grimacing in pain. Why don't you go home and take a long shower and come back for us to have lunch together? You need to live your life, you're so young and beautiful to be stuck in a hospital the whole day" the woman offered sweetly and Carla kissed her in the cheek.

"I'll do that. What do you want to eat today?"

"Anything my lovely granddaughter feels up to cook. I love your cooking"

"Okay, then. I'll be back around noon, okay?" the graduate offered and hugging her grandmother once more she left the room.

She was passing in front of the nurse station when she nodded her head to the nurse but as soon as she resumed looking ahead of her an idea popped in my mind. She needed to put her mind at ease no matter how ridiculous this whole thing looked.

"Hey, Rose, how are you?" she asked nicely and to the nurse who answered with matching courtesy.

"Do you know my boyfriend? Damon? He came with me the other day to let the doctors know I was traveling" Carla asked hoping the nurse would remember. Thankfully Damon was someone hard to forget with the amazing looks and she just hoped she was lucky enough to have the nurse working in the previous day too.

"Of course I do, such a nice and polite young man" the small woman winked to Carla playfully adding "Did I mention gorgeous?"

"Thanks, were you working yesterday when grandmother started to answer to the treatment?" the redhead didn't want to make the question bluntly without knowing the woman sitting in front of her could actually be useful.

"I had left a couple of hours earlier, but I couldn't be happier for you and Martha. Let's hope it goes away forever" the older woman honestly offered to the graduate who smiled politely but she could also see the expectation in the woman's eyes to know why Carla was asking odd questions like that.

"Right. Damon told me he'd come here yesterday before he had to travel and as I couldn't talk to him ever since I'm not sure if he came after or before grandma got better"

"He came earlier; I was leaving my shift when I saw him talking to Amelia. He talked to her for a couple of minutes and headed to your grandmother's room. He seemed all worried and concerned. It was cute" the nurse explained and Carla did her best to keep her composure and do not show how accelerated her heart was in her chest.

"I thought it was odd for him to close the blinds but I guess I get it. Men don't like the whole world to see their vulnerability. Maybe he cried and didn't want us to see it"

"He closed the blinds?" the redhead asked shocked and she felt almost dizzy.

"Cute, isn't? You hit the jackpot with that one Carla. Good looking, a gentleman, caring and sensitive. If I were you I'd put a ring on his finger" the woman chuckled but not for one moment she realized how the girl in front of her was pale and not surprised but stunned.

"Yeah, I better do that. Have a nice day, Rose" she turned around and left the hospital in a rush.

It was stupid and insane. She was twenty-four for God's sake! She couldn't believe in such things like children fairytales – maybe not exactly fairytales but still.

She couldn't breathe as she reached the doors of the hospital and moving to one of the benches outside she sat bringing her hands to her heart. She couldn't sleep at night and she didn't have her computer in the hospital to make any research. It was crazy and she's always been a very rational woman, she wouldn't change now but it what other explanation was left? The last time she went to a church was with her grandmother when she was still a child and although Martha was a fervent Christian, Carla still didn't believe in any of that. But she was convinced something supernatural healed her mother. God or Damon, she wasn't sure as Elena's words kept resonating in her head.

"_Yeah, your miracle is definitely called Damon"  
_

"_That's because he's a vampire, moron and his blood has healing properties and giving it to Mrs. Flowers surely can make things that medicine would call miracle"

* * *

_

_AN: hi there, guys._

_This show is too great for words. I loved tonight's episode though I loved even more next episode's promo. Three weeks, I'll need help with that._

_anyway, with my fic. First, this Rose is just a nurse, not the vampire Rose from the show (though I'm loving her). And Carla remembers. Damon had no idea of what Carla and Elena have been talking and he just compelled her to forget the attack. He even stressed that she'd remember their conversation but then she'd say bye and go to her grandmother's room. So his secret is out... let's see where this will get._

_Elena, much like in the show, prefers to sacrifice herself (I love it when I see something that seems reliable and on character with the show). She could kill innocent people out of lack of control just like Caroline did and she doesn't want it. So before thinking she's always the all-dramatic-girl, let's see her side of things._

_Stefan and Katherine... I'm certainly bringing a lot of the current storyline in the show to this story, so expect to listen about moonstone and stuff at some point._

_Bonnie took a leap of faith offering herself to be compelled by Damon and she may be right about her interpretation of Elena's words._

_And it leaves us with Damon. Poor guy, it keeps getting just worse and worse but don't worry I hit the bottom now so things can only go up now ;)_

_Next: Jeremy, Damon, Caroline and of course, Elena ;)_

_I'll lack DE scenes for awhile but I'll make it up for you when they finally see each other again._

_Thanks a lot to shadylady21, bluestriker666, BMCullen, tsukivamp, Purple-Peebles, Vampgirl144, MsMaeve18, WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl, niadk, damvampsal21, xLoveRyanx, kat, Alottalove, lizzie, Avecia for the reviews and especially **mayghaen17** who started reading this story now and still reviewed each one of the chapters. I made me really happy._

_I'll talk to you pretty soon._

_Babi  
_


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Difficult

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Fourteen - Difficult**

* * *

Her family was devastated. Damon did as she asked in the note and made it look like Elena's car flipped and went straight to the river but he couldn't bring himself to do it in the same bridge she almost died a year ago. It'd be too cruel for her family and for herself if she ever decided to go back. It came to a relief for him to know that it was noon and Bonnie has just called to let him know that her spell told her Elena was still alive, even if an undead being. The witch did the spell during her classes break, in the bathroom and so far, so good, no dead-forever Elena.

He knew he couldn't keep the truth from Jeremy and he was now waiting for the teenager to come over from whatever he's gone after he found out about Elena's accident. He didn't know which story was worse, the real or the fake one. Knowing that Elena was a vampire with suicidal thoughts and going MIA was bad enough but he owed this to her little brother. After everything he made they go through, Jeremy needed the truth.

"Owww" the teenager yelled as he saw the vampire sitting on his bed.

"Hello, Jeremy" Damon offered with an emotionless voice. There was nothing, just like he felt inside. Not good or bad, only guilt.

"I know you used to come and do this to Elena and I know this must be really hard on you but I can't handle it now" Jeremy tried to show understanding but also let him know that losing his sister was that overwhelming. Losing Anna and Vicky couldn't be compared to the pain and angst he felt now.

"Actually I'm here to talk about Elena. I guess you should sit, it's just… complicated" Damon stood up, offering silently for the boy to take his place on the bed.

"Damon, Elena is dead and I'd like her memory to be respected. I don't want to know whatever complication happened, if she was killed by any vampire or whatever. It's all over… she's gone and it's over, I don't want to fight, I don't want to avenge, I just want to mourn my sister like any other brother in the world. I'm tired of it all, I don't want to be involved. Someone wanted my sister dead, they finally got it. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on but I want to forget it all. I really want… is the offer when Anna died still up because I can't take the weight over my shoulders anymore" the teenager opened his heart defeated. There was no reason for fighting anymore. Elena was gone and with that his resilience and strength.

"I'll share just one more thing with you and then you decide if you want to forget everything about vampires, werewolves and witches, okay?" Damon actually related to everything Jeremy said. The moment Bonnie finally confirmed Elena was dead he was positive he'd follow the same destiny. The darkness in his heart for the past 145 years wasn't worth it. He's found something that finally brought his humanity back and gave him a new perspective in his undead life but now that he's had a taste of that he wouldn't be able to go back to the vampire he's been until he met her.

"Damon…" Jeremy pleaded because he could sense that whatever Damon had to say would change his mind and he wasn't willing to have it changed.

"Elena is alive" Damon blurted not giving time for Jeremy to object any longer "As a vampire" he completed and observed the boy in front of him. All sort of emotions crossed Jeremy's face. Happiness, sorrow, relief, concern, confusion, frustration.

"How?" was everything the teenager said, avoiding Damon's gaze at any cost.

"Katherine, always her" Damon said bitterly.

"Where is she?" Jeremy finally looked up and in that moment it was clear to Damon that regardless of everything else he felt the most prominent feeling was definitely relief. It was better to have her somehow than not having her at all.

"That where out problems start. She left, she doesn't want this life for her. She left a note to Bonnie saying she'd burn in the sun but that was yesterday and Bonnie has made some spells ever since then and she can still feel Elena. She's alive but I couldn't find her. We have no idea where Elena is and if she's really willing to bring her plan to life" the vampire didn't want to spare any details. It wasn't fair with Jeremy and maybe her brother could make her change her mind if only they could communicate with her.

"She won't do it" Jeremy answered with conviction and it actually took Damon aback.

"Are you sure?" he sounded almost hopeful.

"I've know Elena for sixteen years, when we lost our parents she told me she felt guilty because she was happy she survived. She told me about all the dreams she had for her life and how the least she could give to them was to live her life to the fullest. She felt guilty because she thought she should want to be dead like them but she just couldn't bring her to feel like that. Our parents loved us too much and I was always the weak one. Elena was brave and courageous. She kept going because she knew she owed them that much and she still wanted to make them proud. They'd be absolutely sad to know that she's became a vampire, especially our father, who knew about it according to uncle John but they'd never wanted her to give up and she knows it. That's why I know she won't kill herself" Jeremy told some of Elena's deepest secrets and the only reason he knew it was because she tried to use it to help him get over his own suicidal thoughts back at the day.

"But where could be she? I have no idea but she needs someone. Becoming a vampire is bad as it is, doing it alone can lead you to take some no-way-back ways" Damon shared and Jeremy could see he was talking from experience.

"I don't know, Damon, I wish I knew but Elena can be unpredictable sometimes" the teenager sighed and just like Damon thought, he couldn't think of what was worse to bear, not having Elena at all or feeling like they've already lost her except that she wasn't absolutely gone, just lost and broken somewhere far from the ones she loved.

* * *

She bitterly laughed as she entered the dark, dusty and smelling place. Always trying to go full circle with Damon even unconsciously. First the hospital and now there. If the hospital was the beginning of the end, there was certainly the beginning of everything. She looked around, so many beating hearts and she knew it'd probably taste horrible, based on Damon's descriptions but she'd give it a try. She didn't know what else to do but she did know she was starving and looking around, she didn't think twice before attacking her victims. The taste wasn't as bad and definitely not as good but it satiated her somehow, so she kept going on, not really worrying about getting rid of the bodies. She didn't even know if she was attacking in the best way. She got no classes, she had no idea but she did her best, feeling disgusted by herself at first but not so much after the fourth or fifth.

Her days were going like that and she thought it couldn't get any worse. She had to compel the couple who owned the place and it felt horrible. Everything was so difficult and she didn't know how to make them get any better. But then an idea popped in her head. She didn't need to go through all of this alone. She still had her friend. She knew she could confide on her – or threaten her somehow and that was what she was going to do. She expected her family and friends to have already been through the funeral even if they didn't have a body supposing that Damon did what she asked in the letter.

But she had to take a risk. Maybe too many risks but it was needed. She walked out the big building, being exposed to the sun was still something that tickled her skin somehow but she soon found herself moving in inhuman speed looking for someone to compel, she didn't like doing it to people but she had to do it. She was still confused and her feelings all over the place but she didn't expect one night to solve it all but one thing she knew for sure: she wouldn't kill herself and she needed help to know what the next steps would be.

She then found a middle-age woman; she was probably coming back from grocery. She approached her kindly and asked to borrow her phone because she'd been robbed and the criminals took everything she had. The woman promptly agreed and Elena walked a few steps away to have some privacy. Her story certainly didn't match the words she was about to say.

"_Hello_" someone answered after the third ring.

"Don't say anything or I'll hang up. If there's anyone around you that could hear me through the phone, apologize and say I've got the wrong number" Elena demanded.

"_I'm alone but Elena, you have no idea how worried…"_ the girl started but her friend cut her off.

"I don't care, now listen to me. I need help but you can't say a word to anyone about me. If you say anything I promise I'll go away and you'll never hear or see me again" she threatened and it really sounded like she meant it.

"_Why are you alone, Elena? Why did you leave? I didn't understand, you don't need to go through this all by yourself_" Caroline stated the obvious but Elena was still too confused to assess the whole situation properly.

"I guess I do but now I have to compel the woman I got the phone from as she's already looking oddly at me" Elena sighed annoying as she covered the phone and talked to the woman who happily turned around and left.

"I'm back. Look, I'm taking a leap of faith here and I'm trusting you. Your loyalties don't belong to them or anyone else. They belong to me and I need to know if I can really trust you" the brunette used the weapons she knew would made Caroline guilty about some of her actions in the past. She knew the bubbly girl always meant well but right now the younger vampire needed to know if she could trust her friend to keep her secret.

"_Of course you can_" Caroline sounded almost offended but she knew she didn't have a good record about keeping secrets and Elena's lecture was fair.

"Good because the first thing I need to learn is to control this beast inside of me" the younger vampire admitted tiredly.

"_You know there's no easy way to learn it. Why don't you come back and we…"_ the blond tried once again but it was in vain.

"There's no we" Elena retorted, the same determination in her voice.

"I've _read the note you wrote to Bonnie. That's scary Elena, there's almost an altar in front of your school locker with flowers, signs, pictures, they're mourning you thinking you're dead_" the more experienced vampire tried a new approach that Elena promptly refuted.

"I _am_ dead, Caroline"

"_I'm dead too and I know it sucks and everything is hell. It's already bad as it is with me here, imagine if I forged my death_" Caroline was growing frustrated. She couldn't understand why Elena was doing it when Damon and Stefan were there for her more than anyone else could.

"I'm not forging anything! Katherine, she killed me and the only reason why I'm still talking to you now is because I had his blood in my system" Elena yelled at her friend. She was losing her patience and thinking that maybe contacting someone from home was a mistake.

"_They're miserable Elena. They're worried sick about you_" the blond offered softly and Elena knew who she was talking about but she couldn't take it.

"Don't mention them" her voice was adamant, surprising both of them.

"_Damon is blaming himself. Bonnie told me he actually cried Elena. He's devastated. I've never seen him like that. Actually I've never seen anyone like that. It's heartbreaking to watch him go through the days_" she offered her best friend but Elena didn't budge, listening to his name was too hard.

"Please, Caroline, I can't talk about him now" Elena showed some vulnerability in her voice for the first time as she defeated asked her friend to stop talking about the older brother.

Caroline thought it was because Elena also thought it was his fault but that wasn't the truth and maybe that was why Elena was far from them. Also seeing how Damon was just a shell of a man, made she feel bad for him "_You do know that Katherine would have done it any other day even if Damon had taken you with him, right?_"

"I know, it's his fault as much as it's mine and Stefan's and everybody else. This is all Katherine. She goes to great lengths to get what she wants. You and I are probably the best proof of that" Elena shared of the few things she has figured out during the last few days.

"_So don't let him think otherwise Elena. It's like seeing someone in their death berth. Each day he dies a little, eaten inside by regret, guilt and sorrow. It's painful to watch_" the blond offered and it nearly convinced Elena to come back but she couldn't push her reasons aside.

"Please, don't" Elena pleaded and Caroline swore her hyper sensible ears heard a muffled sob.

"_And what about Jenna, Elena? She's in so much pain_" Caroline was running out of arguments to make Elena change her mind, especially because she couldn't understand at all why Elena was so determined to go through something as hard as adapting as a vampire all by herself.

"She's why I can't come back, Caroline. I did what I thought it was right in the moment but feeling your hand being burnt by the sun as if you were inside of a volcano is pretty painful. Trust me, I tried. I really tried but the pain was just too intense. It was like a razor was removing my skin, microscopically tier by tier while the fire consumes you isn't amusing. How come can I come back, without as much as scratch almost one week after the accident?" Elena finally explained the real reason why she was still there. It was too late for her to change her mind and for that Caroline didn't have any retort.

"Why did you leave in the first place, Elena? You didn't have to"

"Because I didn't know what I felt. Everything was overwhelming and I was confused. Katherine was there with Stefan and Damon worried about his human. I didn't want to be a burden to Bonnie. We all know she's trying to get around the idea of vampires but she's not there yet" the brunette explained but it only hurt Caroline.

"_You could have come to me_" she suggested sadly.

"I… I wasn't myself Caroline. I planned to kill myself for God's sake. Isn't that proof enough that I wasn't in the best state of mind?" she tried to justify her actions but she knew she's hurt Caroline by only remembering of her five days later.

"_It's okay, but there must be a way to fix it Elena. People survive the craziest accidents all the time_"

"I'm not ready to come back, Caroline. There are some questions that I still need the answers before I try to play the miraculous survivor with amnesia" Elena admitted having another big reason holding her back but that one she wasn't ready to share and her friend thought she's asked enough and would give a little space to the brunette.

"_That's quite the story_" Caroline chuckled softly.

"Please, I just need some help now about this. How did you do? What did Stefan teach you?" Elena now pleaded and Caroline knew how difficult it was to get through the first days, not only because of the hunger but especially because of the magnified emotions. She knew it was hard for Elena and she was going to be the friend she was asking for.

"Ok, I'll help you" the blond finally said what Elena wanted to hear. If she ever wanted Elena to trust on her like she trusted Bonnie she needed to do whatever Elena asked her and that included keeping anyone in the dark about the new baby vampire.

* * *

_AN: Of course I wouldn't kill Elena :P_

_But the whole point wasn't for Damon to save her from death. He already did it when he gave her his blood and he saved her from becoming a monster when she'd probably kill Carla. But Elena got herself in a position that she can't just come back. What she told Caroline is true. She was finally getting her feelings back to place but it's been five days and what she could say when she didn't have a scratch?_

_I'm a little disappointed that I've got less than half the amount of reviews I was getting for this story. Maybe some were tired of the lack of Delena scenes, but this is a drama and I like things to last a little bit more. My only complaint about the show is how fast everything wraps up. The stories and problems are solved too quickly sometimes. When someone is kidnapped, in one episode it's all solved and done; or like Isobel who was around only for one episode too. I feel like some situations should be explored longer and that's what I plan to do here. So maybe you're a disappointed with the writing, so I apologize._

_While Elena is there (and you try and guess where is there, I gave you a tip) a lot of very important issues will be addressed like: Stefan and Damon confrontation about her death; Katherine's plans; Carla's reaction to knowing Damon is a vampire and Elena learning what she feels and what she doesn't and learning how to handle it._

_I told to someone in my reviews, I'm not the sort of writer that gets the couple together in the last chapter. I like character and relationships development, so I can promise I won't get Delena together in the epilogue or one update before._

_Anyway thanks for those who still reviewed: shadylady21; bluestriker666; kat; tsukivamp; xMonixMoox; BMCullen; xLoveRyanx and mayghaen17._

_Babi  
_


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Secret Plans

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Fifteen - Secret Plans **

* * *

Damon and Stefan tried their best to do something but as each day passed they lost hope about finding Elena. Stefan couldn't understand why she decided to face it all by herself. It was insane and absolutely difficult. He remembered how hard it was for him to overcome the first years of being a vampire without anyone around to help him out. Thinking all the things that Elena must be going through was draining him. He'd give everything to just help her through it but she didn't want to be helped that was much clear.

"You should have called me as soon as you found out she left" he mumbled quietly to Damon who was emptying the third bottle of scotch in that day.

"Sorry little brother but you weren't in my list of priorities as I was trying to track her scent" Damon's sarcasm was even more evident. His masks have never been so up and still everyone could see how painful it was for him to know that Elena turned into a vampire and then left to go through all the changes alone.

"I was a phone call distant, Damon. You may have caused this but this isn't about you!" Stefan lost his composure. It's been stressful and while they didn't have to handle with Katherine who mysteriously disappeared, he had to handle with his own guilt. He knew Elena could see right in his face what he and Katherine were doing just before she woke up and the centenary vampire disappearance actually made him more uneasy than her presence had ever made. Damon was also deeply concerned about why the vampire would leave by the same time Elena did. He hoped she wasn't after Elena because the new vampire didn't stand a chance against their sire.

"I know what I did Stefan, you don't need to remind me" Damon answered too bitterly as he filled another glass.

Stefan actually felt guilty for blaming this on Damon. Katherine was a force to be reckoned with. She usually got what she wanted and if she wanted Elena turned; sooner or later his girlfriend would become a vampire. Although Damon had been more reckless than he should, there was nothing the brothers could do to prevent Katherine's plans to come to live.

"Did Bonnie get anything?" the younger brother asked though he knew the moment the witch had any news she'd contact him, maybe even before she contacted Damon if she called his brother at all.

"Nothing. She keeps updating me about Elena still being alive" Damon answered while his eyes got lost into nowhere. It was a relief to know Elena didn't try to kill herself. After a few days he should be convinced that she wouldn't do it anymore but this was his biggest fear and he couldn't avoid being hopeless about it.

"How often is she doing this spell?" Stefan asked concerned.

"Very often, I get many texts by day" Damon answered without thinking. He was exhausted and trying to understand why this was important to Stefan wasn't an option.

"She has to stop" the younger brother said with conviction.

"What the hell?" Damon was surprised as he downed another glass of scotch. He certainly tested his limits to alcohol in the past few days. While he's been drunk before, he was expecting what else the excess would bring to him. Humans got alcoholic comas, why couldn't vampires?

"Bonnie will wear herself down. She may not know the toll witchcraft brings but it could kill her. That's why her grandmother died. Maybe she's already experiencing some side effects" Stefan shared what he's learned throughout the years about witches, though he wasn't that certain about how it happened.

"Not my problem" Damon dismissed the whole situation. He already had to worry about one girl. His brother could worry about the rest of the humankind.

"If Elena regrets her decision and comes back how do you think she'll feel if her best friend died worn down by spells she did to make sure she was alive?" Stefan offered knowing that his brother wasn't really thinking about the big picture. He was surprised by Damon's reaction and that was why they've barely talked in the past week but sooner or later they had to do it and it was better if it was sooner.

"Jeremy thinks Elena won't d kill herself. He's pretty sure about it and the witch seems to confirm his thoughts with every spell"

"But she can't be alone. It's dangerous to herself and the humans around her wherever she is" the younger brother pondered while the older grimaced. Did Stefan honestly think Damon didn't have a clue about what Elena was going through?

"I know trust me" he retorted annoyed.

"Maybe we should go after her" the blond suggested. He'd been thinking about it since day one, but there was one little problem in his plan that Damon soon pointed out.

"We don't have a clue of where she is, Stefan" the drunk brother stated the obvious.

"But this is Elena. We can't just be here and wait until we get any news"

"Don't you think that I know this is Elena? Don't you think that I spend all my day thinking about all the possibilities? She wasn't my girlfriend Stefan or my sister. If you and Jeremy don't have a clue of where she's then I guess we don't have much to do! The world is such a big place to look for someone" Damon threw his glass against the wall in irritation. This situation was killing him although his body was still as alive as possible. He's never felt so powerless and useless like he did those days and it was easier when he only had to deal with his own thoughts. Having a conversation about the obvious problems they had only made him reach the breaking point he'd been somewhat able to avoid the past days.

"She can't be too far from Mystic Falls" Stefan suggested, seeing that his brother was losing his temper – more than commonly usual to Damon.

"For all we know she could be in Australia or in Brazil" he quipped and it was true. It's been days and compulsion could get someone all around the world in much less.

"So we start with Virginia and then Georgia, the Carolinas. We have to start somewhere. I'm not giving up on her" Stefan was adamant. He loved Elena too much to just let it go and sit there waiting for her to show.

"Good luck with that" Damon offered a sarcastic smile as he reached for another glass and filled it.

"Now, do you think that I believe you'll be here the whole day drinking yourself mindless, Damon? I know you care about her. I know you more than care about her and it's pretty clear that she also cares about you" it was Stefan's turn to be sarcastic and also share some of the thoughts that was driving him crazy. He couldn't understand why Elena put her life in such danger because of Damon. He didn't even know Damon was planning to leave Mystic Falls and if he knew he was probably going to try to prevent him from going as they still had a battle in the city. Nobody knew what Katherine was planning and she didn't look like she was stopping any time soon. He needed Damon to help him protect Elena but he also needed his brother around. Those months they've spent together, in the closest to a truce they'd ever been since they became vampires, made him see that he didn't made his brother drink that girl's blood without a reason. He didn't want to be alone and after 145 years, Damon and he finally reached some understanding and it was nice to have Damon around, even if they didn't have any situation to take care of.

"I've tried Stefan! The many hours that you didn't see me drinking my ass I was looking for Elena, in the woods, in the nearby cities. In every single ditch, alley and hole. I've been through all of them" Damon confessed what he's been hiding from everyone else. It wasn't because he didn't want them to know he cared enough to do it. He hid it because he wasn't ready to share his failure of doing the one thing that mattered for him. He could fail in anything else and while it'd scratch his big ego, it wouldn't cause him any damage. But not being able to find Elena broken him all over again. He caused all this and he should be able to fix it as much as possible but he failed.

"Then tell me which cities you got covered and we'll go to the next ones" Stefan determinedly said. He could finally see through Damon's walls and as he's suspected before, his brother was trying to fix this. It'd surprise Stefan if the truth was that Damon just drank the problems and ignored the dangerous Elena was going through, especially with Katherine gone.

"Everything within seventy miles" he said defeated.

"We'll find her" the younger brother encouraged the older one.

"I'm sure you'll do" Damon smiled bitterly and sarcastically

"Deep down she knows this is not your fault" Stefan tried to assure his brother but Damon wasn't buying it.

"I'd already lost her before she died, I don't think letting her being killed made her change her opinion" and although it was supposed to be filled with sarcasm, Stefan easily caught the undeniable pain behind those words.

"No, you haven't. I know you both said it to each other but I just don't know how you couldn't even see that it was just impossible" the blond vampire shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked to leave the house.

"And why is that, little brother?" Damon quipped, smirking a little.

"Because to some extent and in some way you both already loved each other when you snapped Jeremy's neck" Stefan said with a bittersweet smile and seeing the shock written in Damon's face he turned and left but then came back and punched his brother square in the jaw, actually surprising Damon and leading him to fall over the beverage cart, glasses and bottles breaking down on the floor "And that's for kissing my girlfriend twice, even if you were fooled once. I'm going to the north" and then Stefan was gone while Damon held his jaw, that was hurting but he only muttered "I guess that was overdue" and then stood up to change into clean clothes as people wouldn't be willing to tell him if they saw the girl in the picture when he was smelling scotch from head to toes.

* * *

She took her time. A few days were much needed time to breathe before facing off her biggest fear. She collected as much information as she could; given the limitation to actually find reliable information about vampires anywhere. She got all the facts she needed and everything seemed so hard to understand and even to believe but she was ready to finally face him again. There was so much to be told between the two of them and she surely didn't know where to start but she finally took her way to the boarding house. It was a long walk but it didn't bother her. It gave her a chance to think things over a few more times and even rehearse what she had to tell him, it wasn't like she didn't have all time in the world to mind a walk. She hoped he was the one to open the door because if it was Stefan she was afraid she'd turn on her heels and run away. Her resolve wasn't that strong. She just couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much and at each step she took towards the mason the more nervous and tense she felt.

She was afraid of what he'd tell her but she could always count on Damon's honesty. He was bluntly sincere and she knew the moment she told him everything that was going through her mind that he wouldn't lie or deceive her. She honestly expect him to be like this but she couldn't be sure about it anymore, after all being a vampire changed a few things that she might had taken for sure before.

She could already see the beautiful old house in the horizon, it was a beautiful site and such a beautiful construction, she tried to distract herself and enjoy the beautiful surroundings for the first time. She has never really paid attention at how amazing this place was. Too bad that she was just using it as a distraction to her turmoil of thoughts.

She finally took the few stairs towards the front door and taking a final deep breath she knocked on it. It was odd to wait for someone to answer, she thought as the door didn't open immediately. Actually most of times she didn't even need to knock at all, Damon disheveled figure would be just there opening the door and motioning for her to enter but it actually took a few seconds before the door finally cracked open.

It seemed like it was her lucky day as he, not his brother, opened the door, except he didn't look careless as usual. Actually he looked wrecked and the sight of him broke her heart.

He was surprised to see her standing there in front of him. It was like she was the last person he expected to see and he couldn't imagine why she'd come after him so many days after the ominous day.

"Hi Damon. We need to talk" she softy whispered, offering him a sweet smile.

* * *

_AN: small cliff to end this chapter. any guesses who's there?  
_

_I'm happy you guys (or some of you) understand why there's a lack of Delena interaction at this point. I'll make up for it, I promise. So Damon has been looking for her and Stefan finally got some things out of system. He wanted to blame Damon but being the good brother he is, he just can't. But it doesn't mean he likes Damon trying to kiss his girlfriend._

_So the search for Elena had started before and now it'll be intensified... unless of course, that's Elena at the Salvatore Boarding House's door._

_Thanks to jacks-peapod; Avecia; Carina1988; xLoveRyanx; bluestriker666; Vampgirl144; mayghaen17; ; WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl; kat; MsMaeve18; Rowhana; Lily; damvampsal21; tsukivamp and BMCullen for the reviews, I guess you can imagine how happy I'm with so many :D_

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi  
_


	17. Chapter Sixteen: Not Afraid

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Sixteen - Not Afraid**

* * *

_"Hi Damon. We need to talk" she softy whispered, offering him a sweet smile._

"Carla? What are you doing here?" he asked confused. He truly hadn't expected her to come at all.

"I've heard about Elena, I'm sorry" she said, starting the weirdest conversation she'd ever had. She chose the safest way out which was also the most honest. She really felt sorry for what happened to Elena knowing that Damon was in love with the brunette girl.

"I guess you should be saying this to my little brother, but he just left" Damon was defensive. Although he knew the girl in front of him meant well he wasn't prepared for someone to get emotional on him about Elena's being gone. While Elena's friends and his brother certainly talked about it with him in the past week it was different talking to Carla. First because she was his friend, not Elena's and the reason why she was there was because of him alone and that meant a lot. But it also made it difficult. He met the redhead in a very emotionally perturbed moment of his undead life and of course his walls weren't as in place as they usually were, therefore Carla didn't have to work hard to see through them and Damon wasn't prepared to deal with it right now. He could handle everyone feeling bad about Elena but he couldn't handle someone feeling bad about him. It'd bring him down maybe in such way that he wouldn't be able to ever stand up.

"I guess you and I both know that I know you're in love with her, so don't even go there" she kept the small smiles on her face. She was using this conversation as a way to run from the one she came to have and if she wanted she could keep it like that.

"Well thank you for stopping by, as you can see I'm drowning my sorrows in my liquor cart" he started to close the door but the next words she said stunned him.

"Why couldn't you save her like you saved GrandMartha?" she blurted. She knew she had to say it as soon as possible because if she didn't maybe she'd never find the courage.

"What are you talking about?" he tried to play the clueless card. She couldn't know about how Martha recovered.

"The extraordinary healing properties in vampire blood, I mean it could save Elena too, couldn't it?" she tested the waters. She really hoped that he wouldn't attack her. It was one of her biggest fears about coming here. Maybe disclosing his secret would bring him to try to kill her but if she learned anything from her research he could compel her to forget about it and she hoped that would be his resort if he planned to get rid of her knowledge.

"I guess you're confused, you're absolutely confused, such things as vampires don't exist and Elena's body was never found" his pupils widened and proved her theory.

"So the herb does protect humans. It was handful to get some; thankfully one of my friends is a botanic. I mean, I got it in my tea earlier and I have garlic, holy water, crucifixes and a lot of other stuff I read about" she got the backpack and opened it, revealing her arsenal of things and he could see that the main one was missing and he was sure she read about it. She didn't have any wood material.

"How do you know about me?" he asked cautiously.

"Elena told me that day in the hospital's staircase. Now that you can't deny this either, I'd love to get inside and thank you properly for what you did for me" her sweet smile mixed with her fierce attitude always got Damon and he moved away for her to get inside his house.

"And I thought vampires didn't exist and in the case they did they were all diabolical" she offered as they moved to the den.

"I am" he flashed his best intimidating gaze.

"You saved my grandmother's life, Damon. A diabolical vampire wouldn't have done that" she softened and he couldn't keep up his façade. When did all those women destroy his scary figure and personality?

"Elena was turned, okay? She was in a car accident that day, trying to talk to me but I was too proud and stubborn to listen to her. I gave her my blood and then Katherine came and instead of ensuring Elena was okay I turned to leave and Katherine killed her. But as she had my blood she come back and turned into a vampire. My fault. I'm a self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities" he poured his heart out though his demeanor was still tough.

"That's not true. You took care of her that day Damon. You just don't want to be around her because it hurts. You avoid her because her very presence hurts you. I don't know how much and I know for sure you like her but she's with your brother and she's in love with him. Something happened between you and Elena that left you both on bad terms and I don't need to know the details. You avoid her because her very presence hurts you" she reasoned and she was actually surprised that Damon couldn't see it.

"I guess you've been reading too many romance novels, Carla" he quipped as he served a glass of scotch to himself from one of the bottles Stefan hadn't broken. But before he could drink any she removed it from his hands and placed it on the cart.

"I don't like romance, Damon. I'm not made for it but you are. Elena told me that Katherine broke your heart and based on what you said earlier, I'm guessing she's a vampire too. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you mentioned that they both love Stefan but Stefan loves only Elena so I guess killing Elena was always part of Katherine's agenda. She could have done it that day if it wasn't for the fact that you were here to take care of Elena"

"I know you're trying to help but if I hadn't turned my back on her she'd still be here. She needed to drink human blood or she would have died for real. She preferred not to drink it but then she met you and the temptation is too big for us to resist, especially for new vampires. Being a vampire is the last thing Elena wanted and that's why she left town to die. She doesn't want to live as a creature of darkness, it doesn't suit her. She hates me even more now that I destroyed her life. Actually I took it away" he was yelling then. It was hard for him to handle with this when someone so pointedly wanted him to be exempted of guilt when he clearly wasn't. He didn't deserve people to want that for him.

"Maybe I'm biased here because I like you and I'm thankful for what you did for my grandmother, but I think if someone actually kills their sister it's because they're insane and had planned to do it all along Damon. It's not your fault" it seemed like she could read his thoughts. She could imagine what he was going through. Vampire or not, he had feelings and according to her reading, feelings were a tricky subject to for vampires so she sort of understood where he was coming from.

"They're not sisters, Katherine is almost six hundred years old" he promptly said.

"It doesn't really matter though I guess it makes her less sick than I thought she was. She threw Elena against a wall when she wasn't with you or Stefan. Katherine wants to get under your skin Damon for whatever reason. I just learned that vampires exist and I tried so hard to make sense of this mess that I avoided coming here. Neither you nor Stefan are with Elena 24x7 so chances are she'd kill Elena in one of those moments or even with you and Stefan around, I don't know, but you can't blame yourself because that's what she wants" the redhead offered. She'd spent too much time thinking if Elena's death really had been an accident or not after everything she had found out about vampires. At first she didn't know how Katherine could throw a person against the wall but knowing Damon was a vampire soon led her to think Katherine was also one and probably wanted Elena dead out of jealousy.

"As you stated, you don't know the whole story but I appreciate what you're doing" his voice softened. Damon couldn't remember the last time someone showed so much interest in him and paid much effort to prove it.

"I may not know the whole story but I've been making up my mind about you for six days. I barely slept since I saw Elena in the hospital. I may not know how old you are or what Katherine did or what her plans are or what happened when she killed Elena. I know that I'm just seeing the tip of the iceberg but Damon, in those two months I got to know you. I got to see you worry about your brother and take care of Elena. You were nice to me when you didn't need to be as we were only having sex. Above all you saved my grandmother when I didn't ask you to do it. When I had no idea you could do it. Especially since I would never have found out about it to thank you. So what I do know is that you're such an amazing person, the best guy I ever met" she cupped his face in her hands and she could see that his eyes were showing how he was fighting his emotions. Although she didn't have a clue that he felt like he never had someone to care about him to that extent, she still could see how touched he was.

"Carla…" he started and his voice was so vulnerable, it broke her heart to see him like that. She saw so much of herself in those eyes.

"I'm here because you're my friend. The one that you became the moment you did that for my family. Elena's death isn't your fault, it's all on Katherine. Believe me when someone kills another person in a normal situation, where their lives aren't threatened is because they have it planned all along. She wanted Elena dead for some reason I have no idea of but she also took the chance to hurt you in the process. You need to forgive yourself. Maybe you could have saved Elena from her that day but what about all the other days?" she moved her hands to his shoulder; she didn't want to bring him to his breaking point. She wasn't there to see him cry, just to thank the vampire that brought back to life the only family she had left.

"I'd die trying if I knew she really wanted Elena dead. I never thought she did. The other day here, I knew that she didn't want to kill Elena because if she had wanted to, she wouldn't take her chances with a potential brain bleeding. She'd snap her neck just how she ended up doing. Katherine is just like that, if she wants you dead, you're dead but she didn't kill Elena. She didn't hurt Elena enough to kill her, but I gave her my blood just in case. Humans are too fragile sometimes and when you least expect it, poof, they're dead" his voice was tortured and his face was filled with pain.

"Just because you'd die trying doesn't mean you'd accomplish it"

"But I had to!" he said through clinched teeth and the first tear actually fell.

"Maybe. You told me Elena didn't want to turn but ended up turning anyway. How is she?" she changed the subject, it was too painful to watch him like that. For Carla, Damon was the person that deserved more happiness than anyone. He acted so selfless towards her situation and he wasn't even expecting thankfulness because he didn't even let her know even if he knew she'd keep his secret with her life.

"I don't know. She left and wrote a note behind saying she'd die by the sun but we have a witch who did a spell that assured us that Elena didn't die. She's there, somewhere in the world, going through the horrible adaptation as an underworld creature and I can't do anything to help her" another hard subject for Damon to handle, probably even worse than knowing that Elena had died, it was to know she was alone, going through the change all by herself.

"Witch? What else should I be aware of?" she smirked a little bit and he couldn't help but follow suit.

"Werewolves but as long as you stay in your house, locked up on nights of the full moon, I guess you're safe" a small smile cracked.

"My point here is, you said the last thing Elena wanted was to be a vampire and that she'd prefer to die for real instead of turning, so I guess instead of blaming yourself and moping around you should work your ass off to find her. You can't undo what Katherine did, Damon but you can help her make the best out of it" Carla was back to the fierce mode that she knew Damon could handle better.

"I don't have a clue. Stefan is out there looking for her and he blames me and he's right because I can't fix my own mess" he was also back to his sarcastic demeanor.

"And what does your heart tell you?" she challenged him crossing her arms in front of her.

"I don't have a heart" he offered but he knew she wouldn't buy.

"I don't know where you guys get this idea from but it couldn't be any more wrong. You have a big heart and all you have to do is listen to what it says about Elena. Stefan is probably doing the same but maybe there's something you know about Elena that he doesn't or maybe the two of you shared something. She's lost Damon, once you're this damaged you don't know where you stand and your world seems to fall apart and you feel like falling with it. In times like this you try to look for some familiarity. Maybe she's visiting old friends or family. Maybe she's visiting somewhere she went with them. But I'm sure she's looking for somewhere that's familiar and that she feels like she can either start over or end things forever. If she wants to die, I guess she'd do it where she'd have closure and if she wants to survive she'd do it where she won't feel like a stranger"

"But where? If Saint Stefan doesn't know where she is, why would I?" he looked defeated and it was a foreign sight for Damon Salvatore. He could be emotional because everyone had their days every now and then, but defeated? That was hard to imagine.

"I don't know Damon, but as you said, you'd die trying to save her. Maybe it's time for you to put this plan into action" she kept challenging and firing him up. Someone needed to give him the final push and bring him out of the bubble of depression he had been living under since Elena left.

"I've been looking for her every day, I have her picture and I ask people, I check in every city and in every spot of the woods but she isn't there. Being a vampire could allow her to be in another hemisphere for all I know" he protested throwing his hands in the air.

"But you feel it inside of you that she hasn't gone that far, don't you?" she asked curious.

"Yes. It doesn't seem like Elena at all to travel the world in a moment like this" his voice was collected as he thought about the girl he was desperate to find.

"So follow your heart" she suggested simply and then moved to kiss his cheek, collecting her backpack in the process.

"Thank you" Damon reached for her arm, bringing her closer so that he could embrace her while she nodded and hugged him back. They broke the embrace and held each other's gaze for a moment before she began to walk away.

"And Damon?" she stopped on her way outside, turning to him again.

"Yeah?"

"She likes you, otherwise she wouldn't have risked her life just to talk to you" she offered the last piece of information she thought was crucial for him to know. He seemed to be broken but also so lonely to her.

"Why do people keep saying that? First Katherine says she likes me; then Stefan says she loves me and now you? I tried to kill her brother in front of her on my worst day. I attacked her friend and used her as my personal buffet and I tried to kill the witch who also happens to be her best friend" he explained a little bit annoyed but also to let her know he wasn't the saint she was thinking of.

"Because she makes it so clear but it seems like neither of you can see it. For your own reasons you prefer to ignore or simply chose not to believe what was right in front of your eyes but you both know she likes you. I don't know if her feelings are romantic or not but she cares about you and all the things you just said reinforce it. If she can care about you after all those bad things you did it's because she really loves you somehow. Being the girl I think she is, she also knows that you're deserving of her forgiveness" she was taken aback a little from the revelations but with time she would know more about those facts.

"Where did you get all wise and serene in your twenties?" he mused smirking a little bit but frowned as he heard her next words.

"When my ex-boyfriend attacked and raped me, leaving me almost dead before he disappeared in the world" she offered a tight smile and walked away. After seeing all his weaknesses the least she could do was share her own.

* * *

_AN: sorry guys, but no Elena yet, but this was a much needed push by Carla. I want someone to really care about Damon in this story. I want him to have someone, a friend, like I believe Rose could be in the show. Yeah, there's Elena but we all want her more than care about him :P_

_That's why I wanted to stress that Damon didn't know how to handle Carla at first because so far everybody that talked to him about what happened made it about Elena. Carla was the first that made it about him, she was there for him, not because she wanted him to help find Elena. She pushed him because she knew he needed Elena. She's there for her friend._

_Next: Damon takes his search for Elena to a new level. With the help of magic, surely :P _

_Also now I gave you better hints of there she is. Any guesses?_

_Now if you want some Delena,I have this new AU fic (all humans) that it's all Delena. Check it out in my profile: Physical Attraction, Chemical Reaction. It's all about the title. They met, sparkles fly and you can imagine the rest (and maybe show me the same love =P)  
_

_thanks a lot to **May** for beta'ing my fic :) I really appreciate, hun_

_Thanks to my lovely reviewers too: WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl; bluestriker666; jackspeapod; PaulaElizabeth; kat; MsMaeve18; damvampsal21; mayghaen21; Lily, Vampgirl144; Alottalove; xLoveRyanz; Avecia; BMCullen; tsukivamp and Elle._

_Babi  
_


	18. Chapter Seventeen: Attempts

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Seventeen - Attempts**

* * *

Carla's revelation drove Damon insane and he promised her that after finding Elena he'd sweep the country to kill the guy who had broken her heart like that. The redhead didn't offer any opposition to the idea as she'd been frustrated with the lack of power of the police to find Robert. After two years she doubted that they kept looking. She convinced him to take a shower and leave to execute his newly acquired plan and only come back once he found Elena. Damon smiled and did as he was told. Carla was definitely someone much needed in his perturbed life.

But nothing in the vampire's life came easily. It had almost been a month since Elena died and he and Stefan were as far from finding Elena as they were in the first day. Damon was desolate within the first week but he kept looking the same way. Both brothers barely made it back to Mystic Falls as they got farther from her hometown during their sweeping search but in one of those rare occasions Damon actually thought about something useful. He was Elena's sire, she had his blood running in her veins for the rest of her life and it had to help him somehow. Blood bonds were powerful connections and there was only one person that could help understanding it better or taking the best stab at it.

"Any news? It's been a while since I've seen you or Stefan" Bonnie greeted Damon in the doorway.

"No, but I think I have an advantage that I'd like to try. Elena died with my blood, we have a blood bond. There must be a spell or something that could help me to feel her or to guide me" Damon suggested hoping that the witch knew something related to this particular link between vampires.

"I have to check the grimoire, I don't understand a lot of how it works with you. I know a bit about other sort of bonds that can be built, so maybe any of those spells might work with a vampire blood bond"

"I'll wait here, if you don't mind" he pointed to the chairs on the porch and she bit her lip thinking for a moment. Damon thought she was considering asking him to leave.

"It's okay if you want me to leave, Bonnie, just please call me if you find something. Anything" he offered the uneasy witch. He usually didn't care about people wanting him far from them but somehow it was becoming important to him ever since coming back to the small town. He started caring about the people that lived there and there was a small hope in his heart that maybe they'd at least accept him. But he knew he had too many sins to be forgiven before it happened.

"Actually… would you like to come in?" she offered and Damon looked at her as if she had two heads. He was utterly shocked. He knew back in the day when they thought they only had hours to find Elena before the sun rose, Bonnie had suggested him to compel her because it could have been their only chance to find Elena in time but now it was different. While they were still desperate to find Elena and they knew she could be going through a very bad patch, it wasn't as urgent as before and he was surprised to know she considered inviting him in.

"Thanks" he only nodded and followed her.

"I remember reading about bonds spells, I hope we find something useful" she explained leaving the room and coming back a few moments later with the big book.

They looked at the old writings and although there were many bonds spells it frustrated them to know that all of them could only be done between a human and a vampire. It certainly wasn't a witch's first priority to help vampires with their private lives. Most of those spells were to protect humankind from the creatures of darkness, although a few were done to help the undead. Probably created by witches threatened by vampires.

"I saw a spell that isn't exactly a locator, but it could work as one. Maybe it isn't part of what Elena compelled me not to do" she moved the pages back to the page she had memorized the first time she passed by it.

"How does it work?" Damon asked, hopeful. It was a foreign feeling to the vampire. He didn't know hope and he couldn't relate to the feeling until that moment.

"It works like radars. It doesn't provide me the exact location but I can feel if you're getting closer or farther from the other end and I'm sure your bond with Elena will only make the link stronger and probably more precise" she explained, knowing it wasn't the best solution but it was all they had.

"But for it to start being useful I need to have some idea of where she is and I guess I don't have a clue about it" Damon quipped and Bonnie remembered why being around Damon could be so frustrating sometimes.

"You have to understand most of those spells were about getting vampires far from humans, not the other way around. There is no reason for witches to want to get closer to vampires. It isn't safe" she retorted a little bit annoyed by his sarcasm.

"I know" he smirked cynically and then turned his attention to the page she had opened.

"Come on, you must have some idea. Even if it's a long shot. All we need is a start" Bonnie decided to ignore his antics and focus on her friend, who really needed them.

"You know Elena better than I do. Where do you think she'd go?" Damon asked as he thought about some place the baby vamp could have gone.

"I suppose somewhere she felt familiar with. I guess it must be really hard for her to deal with the changes she's going through. I'd go somewhere I could find help but I don't know where she can find any help with this" Bonnie told him, leading the vampire to be pensive for some moments.

"I have an idea and this might be a very long shot. What do you need to do the spell?" he asked her with a serious tone. He didn't want to raise his hope that much, especially because if she was where he thought she was, it'd mean something for him.

"Something that belongs to Elena that you have touched but that wasn't cleaned off or washed" the witch clarified after she read the spell.

"I'll be right back" Damon informed and just like that he was gone.

* * *

He came back bringing the book he gave her the day she said he'd lost her forever. He couldn't think of something else and he hoped the fact that he gave her the book actually counted as something that belonged to her, even though he stole it from Isobel's archive. Bonnie got the candles and a piece of white tissue and placed it over the book Damon got and placed the candles around it.

"I need your blood" she turned to him and he didn't even question, ripping his wrist with his teeth.

"In the tissue, pour down two drops, not less or more. Make sure both drops are apart" the witch instructed and he carefully complied.

The girl started chanting some words that Damon couldn't understand and the drops of blood started running over the piece of tissue leaving a weak trail of blood behind until both of them stopped. One of the drops was in the upper right side, while the other was closer to the bottom, and more to the right, but probably closer to the center of the tissue than any of its extremes.

"That's you and her. Depending on how far she is once you move enough distance the drop that represents you will start moving. If she does the same her drop will also move. The distance separating you both could be ten or thousand miles, so to actually lead the drops to move you have to make long enough proportionally" she explained as he watched the unmoving drops of his blood.

"I better go; I'll call you once I'm one hundred miles away to see if I'm going in the right direction"

"There's only one problem" she told him and he actually sighed.

"Isn't there always?" he looked at her with a tired gaze. Why did everything have to be so hard all the time?

"I can only do it once in a long period of time and as you lead the tear to start moving, it'll leave a little bit of your blood in the tissue, tracking where you're going. Once there's nothing left of the drop because it'll all be left in your tracks, the spell will stop working" she explained and looked up to the vampire, that didn't seem much affected by the spell's limitation.

"Good thing I can run really fast" he simply said and looking at her almost tenderly he offered his gratitude "Thank you" and with that he was on his way out.

"Where is it you think she is?" Bonnie asked and Damon turning to her pondered if he should say it or not.

"A bar" and then he was gone.

Damon decided to go by car. Although he'd be able to run faster than his Camaro and probably get some shortcuts through the woods it'd wear him down quickly and demand him to stop to feed frequently and he couldn't afford wasting a lot of time. It was a good thing his car was fast and he didn't care about any tickets he'd get in the way. He could always compel the cop to let it go and keep going on his mission.

Soon enough the hundred mile mark had been reached and he anxiously called Bonnie hoping he was moving towards where Elena was, though the possibilities would be still too many in case she wasn't in Georgia.

"_It definitely moved since you left but so did hers. You seem to be going in the right direction, but not totally. You're the drop in the center while she's the one in the upper side. While you're moving to the right side, you're not going up. But I guess maybe it's because you're still too far from where she is_" the witch filled him about the spell.

"Okay, call me if I suddenly move too much in the wrong direction. I'll call you in another hundred miles" Damon explained and having an agreement he hung up as he took the familiar roads, memories of their road trip coming back to his mind. The way she had pleaded for his life and used her best arguments to stop Lexi's boyfriend from killing him was still alive in his memory. It was one of those moments that he'd never forget. It was when he truly saw for the first time that she cared about him and that she thought he was worth saving.

* * *

"Hey, it's me" Elena offered as Caroline answered the phone.

"_I know, I've got your number registered in my phone. You do know that being the sheriff's daughter I could easily get your number tracked down, don't you?_" the older vampire offered lightly. All the times she spoke to Elena her friend sounded so sad and depressed. She felt like she should try and cheer her up a little bit.

"I'm pretty aware of it, Caroline, but the moment you do it I'll…" Elena's menacing tone actually made Caroline sad. She wished someone could lighten the new vampire's life a little bit.

"_I'm just kidding, okay? I know it all sucks Elena but you need to try a little bit harder. Did I ask to be a vampire, no? Will I be depressed the rest of eternity because of it? Absolutely not. I'm enjoying the perks. I'll never have to worry about aging lotions. Now that I'm thinking about it, that's actually pretty amazing! I don't have the patience for all that stuff_" the blond cut Elena off but soon got out of her track of thought for a moment and Elena actually chuckled.

"_You can trust me, Elena, I already told you that and I'm actually sad that you think that you need to remind me of it every time you call_" the upset vampire admitted her feelings, leading Elena to feel a little bit of guilt.

"I'm sorry, Caroline. It's just like... I don't feel like myself in my own skin. I don't know what to do next. I don't know how I'll ever be able to come back and I know I need to come back but everything is so confusing. All those decisions. How do you make them on a daily basis?" Elena brought her free hand to her forehead, then brushing it over her hair.

"_It's a battle really. There's this brutal desire inside of me that wants, just once, to drain someone until I'm completely satisfied. Killing those animals doesn't bring any satisfaction. It's actually disgusting and I can't kill puppies like Stefan does. But my main instinct isn't killing them, it's killing humans. But I refuse to listen to the beast. I'm not that person. They say you can turn the switch off but I don't even want to know how because I don't want to lose more of me than I already did. Some days I look at the mirror and I don't recognize the girl in the reflection anymore. I can be brave and fearless at times and that's great but I missed the carefree teenager that only had to worry about clothes and boys. I miss being depressed because the boy I had a crush wanted you instead. I miss feeling silly and ridiculous because now everything is so _deadly _serious. My decisions aren't about fashion and frivolous stuff anymore. I have to actually decide to __do__ not kill my friends or anyone else. I have to keep a façade to my mother so she won't be suspicious, I have to deal with the fact that in two or three years people will start noticing that I don't get old and I'm not ready to let it go, Elena. I'm not ready to lose all my friends and start a routine of moving around every couple of years, getting new identities, brainwashing people so I won't get caught. But I'm not thinking about those things anymore. I was given a second chance, Elena. If Damon didn't give me his blood I'd be dead now but then I got this second chance to be with those people that I'm not ready to lose. I have a few more years of the life I wasn't ready to give up. When my time is over I'll think about something but until then I'll just try not kill someone in the process and blend the best I can, while I still can_" Caroline explained while Elena stayed pensive about everything she was hearing.

"How can you be so positive after everything you said told me?" the brunette was actually shocked.

"_Magnified bubbly girl_" she chucked softly.

"So it leaves me with a magnified I-want-to-do-the-right-thing girl. I don't want to hurt anyone, not physically or emotionally. I know I already hurt my family and I know I hurt my friends too but I'm the one that's mainly hurt in this and all I can think about is what should I do because I don't want to hurt anyone else and because I want to do the right thing. The right thing was to die but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Suicide even if meaning to kill this monster I became isn't right. And now I don't know anymore what the right thing is because it seems like all my morals have changed. I compel people, I steal, I kill animals; all without much thinking. I can't be around people for more than a couple of minutes because I don't trust this new me enough to know I won't drain them dry. What is the right thing to do, Caroline?" Elena showed all her frustration and she couldn't hold back the tears. She thought she wouldn't feel so bad. Where was this switch that everyone talked about? She wanted to turn it off, she didn't want to be in so much pain.

"_Accept it. You won't get anywhere until you truly accept what you really are, Elena and that's not something that I can help you with_" Caroline answered with a note of sadness for her friend, who seemed so lost but who still preferred to be alone.

"I know" Elena closed her eyes as the tears fell. She just wished that she could find a way to accept _why_ she was going through this.

* * *

_AN: Let the searches begin and I promise you there will be Delena interaction next. It was just too much to have the plan here, Caroline having a needed convo with Elena and finding Elena all in the same chapter. Just don't assume Damon is the one doing the finding._

_thanks a lot to **May** for being my beta and editing this chapter.  
_

_Thanks a lot for the reviews: TtoboggI; shadylady21 (thanks for the past chapters too); Avecia; bluestriker666; Vampgirl144; mayghaen17; damvampsal21; tsukivamp; Lily; MsMaeve18; DreamtoAspire; jacks-peapod; WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl; xLoveRyanx and kat. _

_Keep them coming, talk to you soon_

_Babi_


	19. Chapter Eighteen: Found

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter 18 - Found**

* * *

He was right. He couldn't believe that he was right. Fifty miles before he entered Atlanta Bonnie had called him and said that the drops had almost joined to become one but that it also meant that he had to plan his next moves pretty well. If the drops joined the spell was undone as there wouldn't be two separate tears for each of them anymore. Too bad Atlanta was such a big city but in all honesty he didn't know if he could be helped by the spell anymore as although the city was big maybe it wasn't big enough for the blood drop to move around. It was probably just a small space in the tissue.

Although Bonnie had asked many times where he was, all Damon said was that it didn't matter if he didn't find her yet. The witch knew he didn't want anyone else to know because he felt like it was his mess to fix but she also thought that if he contacted Stefan the two of them had more chances to find Elena. Damon thought about it too but he knew this was a connection between him and Elena. Stefan probably wouldn't know where to look and he just hoped Elena picked somewhere that helped her go through it.

His first stop was where Bree's bar used to be. It seemed like the witch didn't have anyone to pass the business to as it was now abandoned. But maybe Elena tried to come there anyway and taking the picture he always had in this jacket pocket he started asking people around if they saw her. It was hard because Elena didn't have any remarkable features. Olive skin, straight brown hair and chocolate eyes weren't that uncommon.

As expected nobody could assure him if they saw her or not and he tried to concentrate on any connection they may have had. But there wasn't any. No matter how much he tried, he was still lost. Although he was closer he knew he was as far as ever and maybe getting Stefan and Caroline's help would make much difference. But not before he stayed there for a couple of days and proved to himself that she really hadn't come back there.

He preferred to stay in the warehouse where Lexi's boyfriend almost killed him. It brought the memories that kept his heart warm while he drove all the way down to Atlanta but also made him feel devastated because the girl that saved him didn't exist anymore and he was concerned about what she'd become in the past five weeks.

But as the second day came closer to an end and he had his faint hope crushed by reality. Maybe she was there because of Lexi's boyfriend, in an attempt to find someone that was like her. Maybe it didn't have anything to do with him but with her finally moving on from the Salvatore brothers.

Feeling really hungry for the lack of blood in his system for the past few days, Damon decided to go to the closest hospital to get some blood bags. Atlanta had many hospitals and some very big which made it all less risky for him to actually compromise the city's blood bank.

* * *

She couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing. There was his car. She didn't need to check the license plate. She could smell his scent from the several meters away. She walked away to one of the buildings that was across the street and went to the roof to wait for him. She couldn't risk him smelling her or her smelling the huge amount of fresh human blood around her. That was why she waited all those weeks to finally come to the hospital and steal blood bags. She drank a lot of alcohol just like Caroline told her to do, to help with the cravings. She also tried coffee and human food as the slightly more experienced vampire suggested saying it might help her.

But she hadn't expected to meet him there and she couldn't make any mistakes at that moment because she couldn't draw his attention.

It didn't take him long to finally leave the place with a cooler in his hands, probably filled with blood bags. It was her first attempt to go to the city and her body screamed for her to actually go meet him and make it all easier. She knew he'd help her with the transition and the cravings but she wasn't ready yet. Even as a vampire, seeing him made her weak in the knees and she knew she couldn't do it. But she wanted to know what he was doing there. Getting down stairs with inhuman speed she stayed inside of the commercial building while she watched him. He put the cooler in the trunk of his car and then removed something from his pocket and started approaching people showing them what seemed like a picture.

She wanted to know what he was doing but she knew getting closer would be too dangerous. An idea immediately popped in her head as one of the people he talked to crossed the street and was about to pass in front of her. She waited until he was a few buildings ahead of where she was hiding and checking if Damon wasn't looking at her direction she followed the middle-aged man. When they were a couple of blocks away from Damon when she pulled the stranger by his arm to an alley.

"What did that man that just approached you want?" she compelled the man as he looked at her.

"He showed me a picture of a girl and asked me if I've seen her in the city recently" the man mechanically told her.

"What did she look like?" Elena asked.

"She looked like you" the man informed in a monotone tone.

"You won't remember of me or him asking you any questions, now go" she ordered and when the man blinked again she wasn't in front of him anymore.

Elena went to the roof of another building as she watched him from distance. After asking people around the hospital for about an hour, Damon finally left but she couldn't just let him go. She had to follow him although it was hard to do it as he drove and she only ran. She knew it was too easy to get his attention or the people around her but thankfully there were a lot of traffic lights and cars in Atlanta on a business day at the end of the afternoon. It was basically rush time.

Damon had driven to somewhere familiar. She remembered pretty well the industrial area where Damon was almost burned alive. It actually sent shivers down her spine to be there again and she was surprised that vampires could have those. But she shouldn't be surprised really. She still had emotions, even if they were raw and her body operated almost like her human body had, except for the lack of a heartbeat and warm blood running through her veins.

She was still considerably far from him as he got one of the blood bags and drank from it with a straw. It actually made her chuckle a little bit but she soon regretted it as the minimum noise got his attention and she could feel his senses alert. Soon he let the suspicion go and resumed his feeding and after a couple of bags he closed the cooler and then his car's trunk, resting both of his hands over it.

"Where are you, Elena?" he murmured loud enough for her to hear and if she had a heart it would have stopped when she heard how heartbroken he sounded. It brought memories of the last time she heard him.

_

* * *

Even before he knocked on the door Elena knew Damon was there. While Bonnie walked to open it, the new vampire got out through the window and carefully but quickly moved to one of the trees by the porch where the witch was talking to the Salvatore brother. He looked desolate but she couldn't approach. She heard his words closely and the moment the first tear fell from his eyes she knew she couldn't bear to watch it. She walked back inside the house and wrote the note quickly knowing that he was already heading out and Bonnie was probably getting inside. Without giving it a second thought, Elena quickly left and ran faster than she knew possible, testing her new inhuman ability._

* * *

Seeing how the vampire was still devastated about her death and how he even came to the great lengths of asking people on the street about her, she thought about approaching him, but she couldn't. She wasn't ready yet. She knew she felt something strong for him but she also loved Stefan and that made it that much harder. It wasn't where she stood about Damon but where she stood about Stefan. She couldn't just be with Damon because she felt insecure of her relationship with Stefan while Katherine was around. It'd be using him to fill a void and Elena promised herself that she'd never use anyone again, let alone Damon. It took her over a month to come to terms with everything that happened to them. All the painful words he said, what he did, what she did, what she said and what Katherine did. She still remembered his face when she woke up, she still remembered hearing his voice and almost silent tears at Bonnie just before she left. His words were what led her to leave as she didn't have the strength to see him like that.

But when she finally arrived in Atlanta the sun proved to be too painful for her to try. She thought about getting a stake through her heart. Painful but also quick but she didn't have the guts to do it. And she remembered him. She couldn't do that to him and now seeing how he was still so broken because of her she wished she had the answers to her questions. But if she hadn't been able to watch him like that over a month ago, she definitely didn't feel any better about it then and turning she left, the blood she wanted to try for the first time since Carla was long forgotten.

* * *

She soon arrived back at the old barn she had been living in. It was always a nice memory for her to go to the window and look to the spot where she forced him to pull over his car all those months ago when he brought her to Atlanta. She preferred to live there because she didn't have enough control to be around so many humans. She compelled the old couple that owned the barn and as each day passed it was harder for her to feed on any of those animals, first because it was what kept the couple going and also because she still found it disgusting but her first attempt in a hospital only brought her even more painful memories.

Elena quickly took the mobile she stole and thankfully it was charged, thanks to the charger she forced the couple to buy her.

"Hi" she said as Caroline answered the phone.

"_How was it?"_ the blond asked excited. She knew Elena was going to try to take the bags in the hospital for the first time.

"I couldn't do it. There were too many people there. I'll try tomorrow, I guess it'll have less people on weekends" Elena made up the lie easily.

"_It'll work, don't worry"_ Caroline's always positive attitude was welcomed though the brunette knew it had nothing to do with the amount of people around her.

"Do you have any news on him?" Elena asked quietly and the other vampire knew exactly which who she was talking about. The bubbly girl had tried to talk about the brothers many times with her friend but at first she didn't want to know. As the weeks passed she finally allowed Caroline to tell her about Stefan, as he called the blond a few times to keep her posted about his search but she never allowed her friend to tell a word about Damon. Elena didn't even pretend to have a reason, she just said the truth. She wasn't ready to handle him yet.

"_No. Stefan doesn't know where he is or what he's doing and I guess he's starting to worry about him as much as he's worried about you_" Caroline explained and Elena was relieved to know that he was okay as much as he could, given the circumstances.

"_I'm worried too, Elena. Stefan was always a little bit tortured and broody and I guess I expected his reaction but Damon… he was totally lost before he left. He drank all day long, emptying bottles by day. He shut everything off and just drowned in guilt. It actually touched me to see him so desolated. One of the times I came to the house and he didn't hear me I could actually hear him crying. I guess he cried every day. He really cares about you_" the vampire told her friend and Elena didn't need to listen about Caroline's concern. It was all written in her voice.

"I'm not ready to see him, Caroline. I wish I could tell him what he needs to hear and help him let it go but I don't know what I'll do when I see him" the brunette shared something emotional for the first time in her conversations with her friend who quickly saw the opportunity to finally help her friend with what she really need.

"_Elena, trust me. Honestly and entirely trust me. I want to help but you need to trust me_" Caroline offered to her friend with a demanding voice that reminded her so much of the person Caroline became ever since she turned. She had her moments of bravery and it actually fit her personality to have moments like that every now and then.

"I kissed Damon" Elena blurted.

"_You did what? When? How? Why?"_ the blond bombarded with questions and Elena for a moment thought if it was a bad idea but Caroline was actually the only person she had to talk about it and she was going insane if she didn't figure it out.

"Before Katherine killed me. I wasn't ready to let him go, I knew he had some sort of feelings or attraction for me before Katherine came. But then she happened and Damon wasn't the same anymore, not even Stefan was who he used to be. And then he got a girlfriend and I was actually jealous of her. Now that I have all my emotions magnified I can say it was jealousy but I don't understand why. I love Stefan, Caroline. I love him with everything I am. I don't have a right to want Damon to be alone. I don't have a right to feel jealous of Carla or Katherine. I have a boyfriend for God's sake or at least I used to have one" Elena poured her heart out and couldn't hold the tears back as she did so. She couldn't keep it to herself anymore. She knew she could trust Caroline and maybe her friend could do more than be the good listener but she didn't expect the line to be mute.

"Caroline?" Elena confirmed if her friend was still on the phone.

"_Yeah?"_ the blond asked trying to sound clueless.

"I know you. You have something in mind and you don't want to tell me. What is it? Are you hiding anything?"

"_No, of course not, I'm just pondering about what you just said and Elena… before you allowed me to talk about them every time I mentioned Stefan's name you were just adamant that you didn't want to know or that you couldn't and then you eventually let it go but every time I mentioned Damon you got emotional and nearly pleaded me to change the subject. I always thought that it was because deep inside you still blamed him for everything that happened to you but listening to you now, I'm sure I wasn't even close…"_ Caroline stopped, purposefully not sharing the conclusions both of them knew she had come to.

"Spit it out" Elena demanded.

"_I know you love Stefan, Elena but maybe you're falling in love with Damon_"

"No, Caroline. I was just being selfish. I knew he had feelings for me and I wanted him to nurture those feelings when I knew I wouldn't reciprocate. I was a bitch to him and I'm going to stop with it right now. I have to go" she quickly explained herself and hung up the phone. Taking a deep breath she dialed the numbers she would never forget.

"Hello" he answered coldly, not recognizing the number on his screen.

"Damon, it's me, Elena" she softly told him and he couldn't believe in what his ears were hearing.

* * *

_AN: Now you understand me. Damon didn't find Elena. Elena found Damon. Of course I wouldn't let Stefan do it, though the younger brother definitely makes an appearance in the following chapter._

_And be prepared for an overdose of Delena interaction. From now on some chapters will be only about them and only them. Yet not the next._

_Now to justify what Caroline said about Elena's feelings. I think that Elena first started caring about Damon as only a friend, about the time he took her to Atlanta. I feel like that caring started changed by the Miss Mystic Falls with their perfect dance and only intensified ever since, especially during the time he took care of Stefan - in his own way._

_But I think Elena (and I'm still talking about the show, not this story) just can't acknowledge or even notice it because she's swamped in her relationship with Stefan. I do think they love each other but they're lost in this ideal relationship, in their idea of love, he protecting her from everything bad in the world and she feeling like she's his salvation and redemption. I guess once her (or both) wake up from this ideal dream (and consequently unreliable) they'll start to see things differently and then we'll see if their love will survive because among those many thing, I think she'll realize there IS something between Damon and her. I may take the same course because that's how I feel about the triangle and I want to keep this on character. Once she notices she has some sort of feelings for Damon, she'll see which one is worthier. _

_For now I want to thank to my amazing beta **May** and her exceptional job with my fics. Also I want to thank my great reviewers: lexipedia; Avecia; bluestriker666; ahhh; EtherealDemon (thanks for reviewing all chapters you missed); WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl; jacks-peapod; xLoveRyanx; DreamtoAspire; mayghaen17; Alottalove; Lily; MsMaeve18; TtoboggI; tsukivamp; Kat and damvampsal21._

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi  
_


	20. Chapter Nineteen: Never Far

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Nineteen - Never Far**

* * *

"_Hello" he answered coldly, not recognizing the number in his screen._

"_Damon, it's me, Elena" she softly told him and he couldn't believe in what his ears were hearing._

"_Elena? Where are you? Are you okay?_" he soon got over the shock of hearing her voice and was immediately concerned about anything being wrong with her.

"I'm okay, thanks. I know I should have called earlier but I guess I wasn't ready and it wasn't fair to keep you in the dark, worried about me" her voice was as gentle as he remembered it. He expected it to be colder, not because of what she became but because he was the reason why she wasn't human anymore. But it only proved to him how forgiving she actually was. It also reminded him of the words he told her while they were on bad terms. He had been unfair to her and he couldn't believe she let it go.

"_Worried? Elena, I didn't know what else to do. I did everything I could; I've been looking for you for the past four weeks because I knew there were many things that could go wrong while you were alone. Worried doesn't even come close to what I felt_" he soon forgot about her forgiving skills. He couldn't stop himself from blurting how desperate he was to find her.

"I'm sorry, Damon" she honestly offered her apology catching the pain in his tired voice. She couldn't believe that she hadn't considered how hurt they were because of her actions. Caroline had told her about it but she just blocked it because she couldn't handle it. Especially not with Damon but as she heard his voice she realized she had been selfish.

"_Where are you?_" he asked. Nothing else mattered. He didn't care what he did or what she did. The only important thing was to find her and help her with her new life.

While she was talking to Caroline, Elena didn't ponder about what she was going to tell him. She just knew she couldn't leave him in the dark about her anymore. She had been surprised by his question and she didn't know what she should say. She knew she wasn't ready to meet him but she didn't expect him to accept any less.

"Close" she answered simply.

"_Close where, Elena? I'm not in Mystic Falls_" he entered his car, determined to go all the way back to the small city. He thought that maybe in the couple of days he stayed there she had decided to go back to her hometown probably already reunited with his brother. The spell brought him closer to her, but fate probably fixed it taking here where she belonged and that wasn't by his side.

"I know you're not. How did you know I was here anyway?" she asked him curious.

Her questions made him stop the engine he had just started. "_Are you here?_"

"No, but I'm close. How did you know?" her voice cracked thinking about how he'd been the one to nearly find her instead of Stefan. It still surprised her that he'd always be the one to rescue her and to find her when she needed them the most. She knew Stefan also put a lot of effort to be there for her but somehow it was always Damon who saved her at the end of the day.

"_I guess I hoped you were here. I didn't know for sure so I asked Bonnie to make a spell to help me_" he looked around, moving in inhuman speed from one side to the other, paying attention to the buildings around him.

"Why did you hope I'd be here?" her voice lowered despite her attempt to hide her emotions. She wanted to know his reasons because she didn't have any. Her body brought her there and it actually felt good to be there but she didn't know how she ended up there.

"_I'm not sure I want to have this conversation, let alone over the phone, Elena. Where are you?_" he stressed the words. She said she was close so maybe she could be around. He scanned the area carefully to see if he could catch her hiding in the shadows of the early evening but his eyes found nothing.

"I'm not ready to see you yet, Damon. Seeing you before was already overwhelming. I just wanted to put your heart at peace and let you know that I really appreciate what you're doing for me" she admitted with a broken voice. She didn't have the answers she needed before seeing him again but knowing how desperate he was to find her broke her heart all over again.

Damon easily caught the shattered note in her voice and it made this all harder for him. It was heartbreaking to know that she still blamed him but still made an effort to put him out of his misery. She had the biggest heart he'd known and he was relieved to know she hadn't shut it down after turning.

"_When did you see me?_" he asked softly, touched by her selflessness, as he walked back to his car. He stopped the engine and got the car locked as he closed his eyes, focusing his senses the best he could.

"When you were feeding and while you were in the hospital" she answered his question without giving it any thought.

"_So you were the vampire I could smell some minutes ago_?" he answered as a matter of fact an idea instantly popping in his head.

"I guess so" she agreed quietly.

"_I knew there was something familiar about that scent. It's still you although it's totally different now_" he started to run as fast as he could. The wind causing a loud noise in the line that she thought was just bad service but was grateful anyway. She didn't want him to notice how difficult it was for her to say those simple words to him.

"Damon, please. I'm trying… I'm working… I'm thinking things over" she stopped her sentences midway trying to find the right words. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm okay and that you can go back to Mystic Falls if you want. I won't be hiding forever and God knows what Katherine could be doing now that both of you and Stefan aren't in the city" she sensed that the conversation could probably head to subjects she didn't want to talk about. Subjects she still avoided the best she could.

Many thoughts crossed his mind again at the mention of his brother. Of course she'd called his brother first. Maybe they'd been talking for days already until she decided to relieve her consciousness by telling him she was okay. Maybe Stefan was even with her already but he kept going because this wasn't a competition to him. Maybe it had been in the beginning when he first arrived in Mystic Falls but it didn't take Elena much longer to make it about her not Stefan. He didn't care if she was in his brother's arms as she talked to him. He just wanted to see her with his own eyes. He needed to make sure she was okay.

"_Of course_" he answered and she was confused by the sarcasm in his voice. But this was Damon after all and sometimes she just didn't understand him. There were too many masks and walls surrounding his heart and his defenses were all up again. But Elena actually preferred it that way. She knew how to handle defensive Damon but she wasn't nearly comfortable enough to deal with him when he was being emotional.

"I'll keep in touch" she offered and didn't give him a chance to answer because those few minutes they talked let her more confused than ever and she didn't even know why.

"And I won't let you go again. You'll have to plan your actions pretty well from now on, Elena, because I'm on top of my game now and if I have to lock you up I will" he said behind her, relieved to finally lay eyes on her again but unlike he thought Stefan wasn't anywhere near.

_

* * *

He found her_; the vampire read in her mobile screen as she entered the cheap motel room.

"Hello Stefan" her raspy voice announced her unexpected presence, leading the vampire to jump from his bed.

"Katherine… what do you want?" he asked her while he positioned himself defensively.

"To talk" she pulled one of the chairs sitting across of him with a mischievous smile on her face.

"I don't have anything to say to you" he answered firmly and coldly.

"You should, because I'm here to talk about your dearest girlfriend" she quipped.

"Stay away from Elena" he demanded crossing the room in a second and stopping only a few inches away of her.

"I'm definitely not the one close to her right now" she shrugged "I'm here with you"

"Well, you're not welcome, so why don't you leave?" he turned and resumed his position back in the bed.

"Have you ever heard anything about the Originals?" she asked watching his reactions carefully.

"Of course I have" he answered.

"They have wanted me dead for over five centuries and I dragged their attention to Mystic Falls because I had a different plan. But now Klaus is already on his way there and he wants me dead more than anything"

"Sorry if I can't offer any help as you must know I don't want anything to do with you" Stefan showed all the hate he felt inside as he watched the vampire sit across of him.

"Did you hear that I said they have wanted me dead for five centuries? I was capable of hiding from them for so long and I'm sure I can hide for another five hundred years but what if they find Elena? I know those guys Stefan; they don't ask a lot of questions. They just have to get the job done and a vampire doppelganger can be handy in times like these" Katherine explained smiling broadly at the end and stood up.

"Elena isn't in Mystic Falls or in any of the cities in the area. Damon and I looked everywhere for her so I guess if those guys come to Mystic Falls it won't make a difference" he reasoned and she knew he actually had a point.

"You seemed to resent me so much for what I did while I was trying to save my life but you seem pretty okay with Elena and Damon kissing and the fact that she nearly died because of him" the brunette walked around the small room appraising the furniture.

"You killed the woman I love, Katherine. You turned her into a vampire. I more than resent you for that" Stefan knew the mind games she played all too well.

"I saved the woman you say you love and who seems to have eyes only for Damon" she opened the mini-fridge and was surprised to see two bags of blood there.

"Elena, unlike you, isn't an unfaithful, manipulative and two-faced bitch. She's loyal and has high morals. Damon has had feelings for her for a while now and after failing in the first attempt with you around, he just had to try it again" it was Stefan's turn to smile sarcastically as he offended her and his brother.

"Why do you refuse to see what is right in your face, Stefan? Didn't you listen to a word I said that day? Okay, let's try a different approach. When did Damon defend Elena's honor while I carefully reported the true events of that day? You know he doesn't have a problem with being the bad guy. He wouldn't let me say she kissed him if it had been the other way around" she challenged him and Stefan was silent for a few minutes.

"Ever since you attacked Elena, Damon isn't in the best state of mind. He's been drinking and he wasn't thinking when you said those things" he was suddenly serious as she hit a wound. Stefan never talked clearly with Damon about that kiss and he only let it go because his priority was to find Elena.

"Okay. A different question then. Why did Elena leave? Did you know that she was staying in the witch's house and just when Damon appeared with his heart on his sleeve that she decided she had to leave and die? And if she changed her mind as it's been a month and I'm yet to hear about the body to fill the coffin, why didn't she come back?" Katherine pulled a confused face while resting her chin in her long fingers, a soft frown on her forehead.

"Being a vampire is the last thing Elena ever wanted for her life, Katherine. She's confused and probably lost but I'm sure she knows we'll find her. She's probably not ready to face it for real" there was a note of venom in his voice, showing that he was going to avenge what she did to his girlfriend.

"I guess being ready isn't an option when you already became one" she quipped.

"I'm not interested in your side of the story" Stefan moved to the door, opening it for her to leave.

"You should be. You try to convince yourself about loving her so hard that I thought you'd like to know that her life is in danger and that if they find her they'll kill her. You do whatever you want with the information" she moved with inhuman speed until she was just inches away from him. "Just know that I only killed her because I knew she had vampire blood in her system and she'd come back. I did it for you" she whispered and barely touching his lips with her own, she walked away.

"As usual when it comes to your precious girlfriend, Damon is a step ahead of you or maybe more than a step. Ask the witch" she stopped in her tracks a few steps ahead of the doorway where he stood and as soon as she finished talking she was gone.

Katherine always seemed to know when to come and seed all those doubts in his head. Bonnie had mentioned the spell a couple of days ago and she also told him that Damon was very close to Elena but she had no idea of where it was as he never told her. Stefan was mad to know that she had agreed to do the spell for Damon and never mentioned it to him but the girl explained that depending on how far Elena was from them only Damon could find her because of their blood bond and that she wasn't going to get between them or pick sides. She'd help whoever had the best chances to find her friend and if that was Damon then it'd be Damon.

Ever since they talked Stefan tried to contact his brother who never really answered his phone calls and instead of going north, Stefan went all way south from Mystic Falls to see if he could find Damon. But Katherine's words were now in his head again and he had to ask the witch if she had any news from Damon, though he knew well that his brother wouldn't contact her but maybe Elena did. Taking his mobile from the night stand he found her name in his contact numbers and pressing 'call' he prepared himself to the worst.

"Bonnie, it's Stefan. Did Damon or Elena contact you?" he asked not giving time for her to greet him back.

"_No, why? Did he find her?"_ she asked back.

"According to Katherine he did. Is the spell still working?" he asked apprehensively.

"_Actually everything is in my bedroom, I never undid it_" she explained "_I'm going to check_"

"Ok"

In a few seconds the witch spoke again and the words that should have brought relief to him only caused him unease "_Two days ago when I called him I told him the drops had __had__ almost merged as one, they were barely connected then but right now there's only one_"

"Meaning?" Stefan tried to deny the truth behind the words.

"_He found her_"

* * *

_AN: Elena did the finding but Damon wouldn't be happy with just hearing from her. Poor Elena, forgot that he could catch and track her scent but now they're in front of each other._

_Also Katherine seems to keep track of either (or both) of them as the moment Damon entered the barn, she got a text message confirming that he had found Elena. She also reveals part of her plans in Mystic Falls and I'll bring up the Originals storyline to this fic. It'll be slightly different but I'll try to follow as much as possible._

_So what do you think Kat wants? She could only negotiate with Klaus if she had a human doppelganger but she made sure to turn Elena. Who is working with her and what her plan will be?_

_Next chapter it's all about Delena interaction. I already wrote down one of the moments they'll have together and I can sum it up with one word: touching._

_Thanks a lot to **May** for being my beta. She makes my chapter all pretty :)_

_Also thanks to my reviewers: damvampsal21; shadylady21 (for each); xLoveRyanx; Avecia; bluestriker666; kat; mayghaen17; sasukerulez04; tsukivamp; MsMaeve18; Lily; lexipedia; jacks-peapod and ahhh_

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi  
_


	21. Chapter Twenty: You

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Twenty - You**

* * *

"Damon" she sighed as she finally turned around to see him standing in the entrance of the barn, the animals around her reacting to his presence.

As her eyes locked with his her legs gained a life of their own and moving at human speed but still fast she found her face collapsing against his chest. She didn't know why she reacted like that but seeing him again showed how much she needed and missed him. In the many denial trips and not so many visits to her heart to find the answers she wanted, Elena didn't realize she was alone. And Elena Gilbert hated to be alone. It was more than relieving to see him there, it was freeing.

"Are you okay?" he asked surprised by her reaction as much as she was.

"I am now" she admitted with closed eyes while her face was pressed against his chest. It felt so good that she didn't want to move away ever again. His skin didn't just feel good against hers, it felt amazing as he wrapped his arms around her. Both of their bodies were cold but when touching they felt warm. It was comforting and soothing. She snuggled a little bit and didn't move from her position.

"Really Elena? I thought you'd have your sire's taste for food" he smirked as he looked around at the many animals.

Feeling like he decided to change the subject because he wasn't any more ready to discuss emotions than she was, she followed his lead and let go of him and the emptiness she had been feeling for those weeks immediately came back. "It's disgusting actually but I couldn't risk getting it from someone and today just for the first time I tried to go to the hospital and compel them to give me some bags" she explained as she looked around, her hands on her pocket.

"You're still wearing the same clothes" he pointed out and she would blush if she still had hot blood in on her veins.

"But I've been showering. Actually I got a pair of clothes from the house. The woman is bigger than me but it was useful. I washed those ones so I could be presentable for my trip to the city" she explained embarrassed, thinking about how her life had reached the bottom.

"Elena, you don't need to live like this" he closed the space between them again, resting his hand on her shoulder.

"I didn't know what else to do, Damon and I still don't" she looked at him and he could easily catch the confusion in her beautiful chocolate eyes.

"We'll figure it out. I suppose Saint Stefan doesn't know about you?" he asked the question objectively as he was tired of the many assumptions that he had in his head.

"No" she answered and walked away keeping her back to him.

Damon looked at her confused. He didn't know what was going on in her head for once and he wasn't comfortable in that position.

"So we might as well call dearest brother and soothe his heart. Last I've heard he wasn't in Mystic Falls either so I guess if we leave now you'll have your happily ever after reunion in a few hours" he took his mobile from his pocket with a dry smirk.

"Please don't, I'm not ready yet" she protested and using her newfound agility she sped up and took the phone from him.

"Easy girl" he raised both of his hands showing he wasn't demanding her to do anything. "We can call him when we get back there then" he twisted his hands a little, closing his eyes briefly, showing coolness.

"That's what I meant, Damon, I'm not ready _to come back"_ she clarified her sentence and gave his phone back to him. She took the one she stole and composed a text to her boyfriend. _I'm okay, I have people helping me. I'm sorry for leaving and not contacting you before. I'm working on coming back. Don't worry about me. Elena. _She hit the send button and just like that she turned the phone off and then broke the SIM card. She knew Stefan enough to know he'd try to track her down and she didn't want that yet. While it was a bit of relief seeing Damon after weeks without looking at any familiar faces, she started to feel the weight of the world on her shoulders. She still had no answer to her questions and what Caroline told her certainly didn't help.

Damon couldn't help himself but peek over the words she typed and she didn't seem to bother to hide them as she was writing them in front of him, without asking any privacy.

That was an unexpected turn of events. He didn't know why she used the word people instead of someone or even his name, so he assumed she had someone else with her and maybe that list didn't even include him.

"Let's go" he tilted his head towards the wooden door and she looked at him confused. She just told him she wasn't ready to go and she knew he read what she wrote to Stefan. When she opened her mouth to protest like he expected her to do, he cut her off.

"You don't honestly think I'm going to keep you company in some place that smells like crap, animal crap nonetheless. I don't know how you could bear it, Elena. You don't want to go back to the city you were born, fine with me, but we can do better than a barn. We _will_ do better than it" he had a disgusted face and that was soon replaced by a smug smirk.

"The smell was the last thing on my mind Damon. I killed many animals and it was horrible and I actually took away their sustenance, they live from this small farm. I hate that I had to do it to them" she explained to him and it warmed his heart to know that despite the transition, the same selfless and big-heart-girl was still there.

"I promise I'll make it up to them, okay?" he didn't stop himself from reaching for her cheek and gave her skin a featherlight touch.

"Thank you" she quietly answered back.

"Now let's go because my stomach is in knots and unfortunately it isn't because of the sight of you" he kept the gross grimace on his face as he led their way out of the barn.

"How many cute cows do you owe them?" Damon asked as he walked towards the small house half a mile away from the barn.

"Eight maybe ten"

"For over a month? Not that bad, Elena" he nodded his head and curled down his bottom lip impressed by her appetite.

They finally reached the old house door and knocking firmly Damon waited for the residents to open it. It took the old lady long enough but Damon didn't show any sign of impatience. Even under compulsion he should be thankful for those people providing Elena a shelter and food.

"Good night" he offered politely.

"Night" she looked at them and she almost showed a reaction towards seeing Elena but not quite.

"I'm aware through my friend that my… pet caused the death of many of your animals and I'd like to reimburse you. Keeping wild animals wasn't my best idea" he offered a peaceful smile and then whispered loud enough for only Elena to hear "The things you make me do, my wild pet"

Elena rolled her eyes but she was happy to see the smile on the woman's face as she heard what Damon said.

"Thank God someone sent you, Sir, because my husband and I didn't know how we were going to pay the bills next month" the old lady nearly had tears in her eyes, thanking Damon for his kindness.

"So, how much do you need to cover for the loss of ten of your best assets?" he asked taking his wallet from his pocket.

As expected he didn't have the total amount in cash and he didn't have a checkbook but he promised to come back with the rest in the following day.

Satisfied with what Damon did for the couple she explored beyond words, Elena felt the first anvil being removed from her shoulders.

"Do you feel like walking? You do look paler than usual" he quipped while he appraised her appearance. It was expected for her to lose some of her color now that she was a vampire but he remembered she told him she tried to go to the hospital for the first time earlier that day but she didn't mention actually feeding. Damon thought she didn't look as vigorous as a well fed vampire would.

"Being a vampire does that to you" she retorted but she wasn't complaining. She could handle Damon when he wasn't addressing anything that happened that day back when or what she'd been through in the past month.

"When was the last time you took advantage of that poor old couple's properties, Elena?" he asked somewhat serious, frowning slightly as he spoke.

"Last weekend" she answered honestly. She wasn't expecting him to ask that sort of question. She knew her stomach wasn't making any sounds and she thought her explanation about her lack of color had been enough for him to let it go.

"And how can you even stand? I know those cows looked big and almost edible but even then it's too long. You need to have a balanced diet, Elena. Going almost a week without any blood will only make it more difficult" he quickly changed to concerned mode seeing that she was probably weak by now.

"Don't remind me" she brought her hand to her mouth in disgust of what she did, not exactly of how they felt in her mouth though it couldn't be compared to Carla's blood all those weeks ago, but seeing how she attacked them. She felt disgusted about the way she attacked the defenseless animals. They didn't stand a chance against her and having to rip them actually caused her to be so disgusted with her herself that she took little blood from the big animals.

"Come here" he said but didn't give her anytime to answer and before she knew it she was in his arms and they were moving faster than she was ever capable of. It felt good to be in his arms again. She was already getting used to the feeling especially after everything they'd been through in the past months and probably because of their blood bond.

* * *

It took them less than five minutes to reach his Camaro in the old warehouse area where it was parked and he placed her on the nearby stairs.

"I know you're starving and that the very smell of the blood I have in my trunk is driving you insane but Elena you need to learn to control your cravings as soon as possible. The more you get now, the more you'll want in the future and if you plan to go back to your family and school it's better for you to take it slow, okay?" he moved both of his hands to her shoulder and looked deeply in her eyes as she nodded. He could see them getting darker and the black veins around them appearing. He swore she never looked more beautiful to him but it wasn't because she was now a vampire. But because he could still see the Elena Gilbert he learned to love behind her vampire façade. Because she hadn't lost who she was despite of what she became and that made her breathtaking. The same warm and loving eyes were looking back at his despite the beast that covered her features.

"Wait for me here" he told her and in a few seconds he was back with a bag of blood and a straw.

They both sat on the stairs that led to the entrance of the warehouse and she couldn't take her eyes off of the crimson liquid in his hands.

He handed it to her and seeing how she eagerly accepted he reached for her arm "One sip at a time instead of just drinking it all at once also helps with control. You may not be able to do it because you didn't feed in many days and I'm assuming it's your first time with human blood since Carla. It doesn't matter if you don't accomplish it now, just try, okay?" he softly instructed her and she nodded quickly before moving her hungry lips to the straw.

Although she had honestly paid attention to his words the moment the first drop of the sweetest elixir she had ever tasted hit her tongue she lost it. She sucked as fast as she could and in a blink of the eye she felt the plastic being removed from her lips, much to her dislike.

"Don't listen to the beast, Elena, listen to me. Look at me, focus on me" he said as he took the bag from her hands. She was ready to fight him for the blood when he cupped her face in his hands, abandoning the package on one of the stairs.

"I can still see the girl that I…" he paused suddenly getting his emotions back on track before he proceeded. He knew opening his heart to her would be selfish and everything she didn't need at the moment. Taking a breath he continued "The girl that I've known as a human and I know you don't want to lose her. _I_ don't want to lose her, Elena but I can't do anything to keep her here. You're the only one that can ensure she won't go anywhere" his voice was soft and filled with affection, leading Elena to almost get lost in those beautiful blue eyes of him. She could see them even better than when she first woke up and they were mesmerizing. So many layers and craters that reflected beautifully who he was. So many emotions mixed with all shades of light blue and silver. She knew that she had yet to discover all of those tiers that made Damon Salvatore who he intrinsically was but she felt compelled to go through all of them to learn it.

His words were tender to her ears and the meaning behind them meant the world to her. She already knew he was determined to go to great lengths to rescue her but she didn't know it included removing some of the masks that she knew he kept on with his life. She was surprised to see that Damon would take as great pains as being human around her.

"Okay" she muttered quietly as she felt hypnotized by his soft gaze.

"Okay" he answered back matching her tone and dropping one of his hands back to the blood bag he handed it to her, never letting go of her eyes.

She looked down to his hand as he offered it to her only to be admonished by his soothing voice. "Look at me, Elena"

She closed her eyes trying not to be blinded by the blood in her hands and after taking a deep breath she opened her eyes again, keeping them locked on his.

"One sip at a time" he moved the missing hand back to her face, his thumb barely moving but still softly caressing her.

"Good girl" he smiled and nodded slightly at her controlled pace sucking the bag.

Her eyes couldn't move from his and while the taste in her mouth was what her body craved the most, her reflection in his irises was what fulfilled all of her needs, satiating her body, heart and soul.

* * *

_AN: Hey guys! I really, really like this update, especially when he's feeding her. I'm happy with what I've got there. I just have one problem, I'm having a terrible hard time to keep writing. I know these two words suck but I'm sensing a writer's block *cries*_

_I know what I want with the next chapters and where I want to take this until they're back in Mystic Falls but I don't know **how** to put that into words._

_I do hope I can make some progress this weekend, although my wedding fifth anniversary and I may not have time. I'll do my best to keep the two updates by week until the end. Help me if you have any ideas. I'll see if they fit what I have in mind._

_Thanks a lot to my reviewers: EtherealDemon (twice); jacks-peapod; xLoveRyanx; ahhh; sasukerulez04; Silvian (for all the reviews); Lily; WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl; TtobogiI; kat; tsukivamp; bluestriker666; damvampsal21; mayghaen17 and MsMaeve18._

_I hope you liked this one and I'd love to hear what you thought._

_Just let me warn you that they'll take a few steps forward but not without taking some backward in the middle of it._

_Special thanks to my beta **May.**_

_Babi**  
**_


	22. Chapter TwentyOne: Not Normal

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Twenty-One - Not Normal**

* * *

Damon had taken them to a hotel but Elena didn't seem comfortable with it either. He knew it was still hard for her being around so many humans when she had been only on an animal diet and had just had the taste of human blood again. He knew he was taking a risk but he was going to suggest it anyway. It was for her benefit not his that he thought about it after all.

"I own a beach house in North Carolina" he suggested as he entered the hotel room to find her hugging her legs in the corner of the luxurious couch. Of course Damon had chosen the most expensive hotel in town for their stay much to Elena's protest and dismay. And seeing how she was shrunk in the corner of the leather sofa only confirmed his previous thoughts.

"Good for you" she answered not knowing what he meant by it. They'd had barely talked since the night before, when he helped her with the blood. They headed to the hotel from there since they had gotten two separate rooms he was seeing her for the first time that morning.

"Maybe we could go there" he shrugged and she frowned looking at him.

"This isn't exactly a vacation, Damon and it's winter, it must be freezing there" she protested a little annoyed by his idea.

"Exactly Elena, this isn't a vacation. But I can see how hard it is for you to be here with so many people. I don't see how you can make much progress dealing with humans around you if you plan to be locked in this room for God knows how long. My house is in a small and welcoming city. It's in front of the sea and as you just pointed out, it's cold so you won't be around many people but as a vampire, I must remind you, the environment temperature doesn't affect you at all. I'm not talking about vacation, Elena, I'm talking about giving you a chance to learn how to go back to normal" he explained with a neutral voice, far from the soft and tender tone he had used with her in the previous day.

"There's no normal anymore Damon. It's not normal to look at someone in front of me and see them as my lunch instead of human beings. It's not normal to have to fight the beast inside of me so I won't kill anyone. At least it's not normal to me" she retorted and though she didn't want to be rude, her new nature was still a raw subject for her to discuss so openly.

"I didn't mean it like that, Elena and you know it. But as you mentioned I might as well let you know that it'll never change. This battle will always be part of who you're, no matter which diet you keep or if your meal comes in bags with straws. It will become _normal_ though. Once you learn how to cope you won't consciously fight against your nature. It'll be just like breathing with a few bumps in the road" he approached her and he almost looked like the vampire talking to her the previous night.

"That won't ever be normal to me. It may be to my body and nature but it won't ever feel normal in my heart" she murmured, avoiding his eyes. She didn't want him to think that she was offending him or who he was. That was just the way she felt about herself.

"Fair enough. I'm going out if you don't need me for anything else. You can think about my proposal. You can order them to bring breakfast for you in the room. Make sure you drink some coffee. It helps with the cravings" he walked away from the couch and turned to the door.

"Do you really have to leave?" she asked avoiding his gaze and keeping her voice low not trying to hide her vulnerability. She had spent over a month alone but it took her only a couple of hours with him to get used to having someone with her, even if they didn't say a word to one another. And she wanted to say something, she wanted him to say something. But she didn't know what normal was to them now. They were both avoiding the complicated subject of her death and the events prior to it. There was a lot to be talked between the two of them and Elena wanted to talk about it. She never liked to leave things unsure or unresolved. She wasn't that person. But was she ready to talk about their kiss? About the kiss she initiated? She knew the answer and she half-expected that Damon would talk about it. At least mention it. He never a had a problem talking about touchy subjects. He had always initiated the conversation nobody wanted to have but he totally dismissed what happened and she wondered if his reasons were the same as hers.

The silent was good and almost comforting but her heart was tight. Seeing him in front of her and pretending like nothing happened or that it wasn't relevant to talk about it was driving her nuts. _You kissed him, Elena. Nobody kisses someone just to call their attention or prevent their impending departure._ She told to herself. If Damon had left six months ago she wouldn't have done what she did. She wouldn't feel the urge in her chest to change his mind. It wouldn't consume her insides to think about living without him. And that scared her. She wasn't ready to live without Damon Salvatore in her life. This wasn't how she was supposed to feel about her boyfriend's brother and maybe the first thing she needed to do was break up with Stefan. She loved the younger brother and she couldn't live without the older one. But above all she didn't want to become Katherine. She wouldn't keep feeding their feelings for her while she sighed looking from one to another until she chose one. Choose one? Since when there was a choice to be made? Since when being with Damon became a possibility? Maybe it didn't. Maybe she didn't want or wasn't ready to be with Damon but one thing she knew for sure. She didn't know if she wanted to continue with Stefan. For the first time since they'd been together Elena honestly assessed their relationship. The initiator of her doubts may have been her dependency on Damon's presence but it wasn't only that. When was the last time Stefan made her feel like Damon had done the night before? She didn't know the answer to that.

"I have to go to the bank. Money bank. I have a food debt to pay, remember? I might as well go to the blood one as now I'm providing for two, though we'll be counting you as a half for a while" he proudly added the last part. It felt good to say it although he knew she was as much as capable of getting her food as he was. Being raised in the ninth century still formed most of his character and being the provider to a family was something that mattered in his time as a human, Thinking about it made him proud of himself in a sense. Getting Elena blood for a few days was the closest he would ever get to that.

"Can't I go with you?" she shyly asked.

"Promise me to behave?" he quipped, treating her like a child, and leading her to roll her eyes.

"I need to buy clothes. I can't go another day dressing in these ones" she pouted and he actually smirked slightly. Although Elena was never obsessed about her clothes, she was still a girl and there was only so much a girl would take when it came to their wardrobe.

"So let's spend my money, Elena, but I'm getting you a cup of coffee either here on at the Starbucks across the street. Suit yourself" he opened the door for her leave.

* * *

"You should try something more revealing. Sexier" he said with a raspy voice as he wrinkled his nose slightly.

"That's not my style and you know it" she simply answered as she kept taking plain tops, basic jeans and a couple of coats to keep up the appearance.

"But you're now a vampire now" he said in her ear as he walked behind her.

"Still. I don't want to lose me"

"Let me pick just one outfit. You don't have to wear it if you don't want" he asked her as his eyes traveled the store looking for what his choice would be.

"Just don't go over the top" she warned and with that he was gone. She had purposefully agreed with him as she knew he wouldn't let her try the clothes on without any witty remarks, so she quickly walked towards the fitting room.

Damon was too distracted by his new chore to notice she was nowhere to be seen anymore. Although it was a Saturday morning the store wasn't crowded. Perks of buying in expensive designer stores.

His eyes soon fell on something that would look perfect on her. It was simple, he liked her simplicity but there was a touch of fanciness and spice. Thinking about which of the two available colors she would like the most he finally came to a decision but when he turned around she wasn't anywhere to be seen. For a moment he panicked but then he focused on his refined senses. He was already used to her new scent and it wasn't too hard to follow where it was taking her.

"You're the most boring shopping partner in the world Elena" he said as soon as she stepped outside the fitting room, the clothes she had tried on in her arms.

"There was a time when I wasn't the worst company in the world though" she was slightly annoyed and Damon knew he better keep his remarks to himself. He was trying to act the most normal around her because he truly believed she'd find a place she could call normal again. She was used to his witty, inappropriate or just annoying remarks but maybe she didn't feel up to them yet.

"Let's get those checked out then" he took the clothes from her arms too quickly for her to realize he had also taken the one he took from the counter by their side. He knew if he mentioned that he had picked out an outfit for her she wouldn't have it.

* * *

"What's next now?" she asked as they stepped outside the store.

"Blood bank and back to the hotel" he answered simply as they entered his car.

"I've been thinking about North Carolina" she told him as he drove them to one of the hospitals in the city.

"I've been thinking too" he offered and she actually frowned. Did he gave it a second thought and gave the whole thing up? She had finally come to terms that it would be easier for her to do it in a small city, having little contact with humans and then progressing to having a social life like Damon and Stefan had.

"And to which conclusion did you come?" she asked trying to hide her disappointment.

"You can stay in the house; I'm going to stay in the bed and breakfast by the same beach. I think it's better for you to be there and I don't want my presence to become a reason for you to stay here. I'll give you as much space as you need" he explained avoiding her gaze the whole time. He didn't want to show how important it was for him to have her around. He had told her he wouldn't let her go away again when he first saw her but he was threatening her back then and now he was being condescending.

"It's your house Damon, if someone should stay out of it, it should be me" she reasoned back. She could see that his walls were being built up again. The version of the vampire that helped her less than twenty-four hours earlier was the closest she would ever have to the man she wanted to know. But she knew how Damon operated. She knew that he wasn't willing to let anyone see his human side but she couldn't understand why. It was much easier to keep him around when he wasn't a selfish ass. She didn't mean herself because she loved him the way he was but other people didn't.

She had come to that conclusion without any pain. She loved Damon; that much was clear. She wouldn't have chased him with her car if she didn't truly and deeply care about him. He used to be her best friend. When Stefan was in a bad patch and Bonnie kept herself a little more distant, Damon was the one that was there for her. He helped his brother the best he could and he still took care of her. The many things he did for her, one of them almost got him killed when he gave the device to Bonnie so that she could deactivate it but he never said anything about it. He kept making it clear that she could come to him whenever she needed him. And when somebody cares that much about you all you can do is reciprocate and she did that without putting any effort at all.

But then Katherine came back and the guy she was starting to know became the psychopath who tried to kill her brother in front of her. But still he gave his blood to Caroline. Still he gave her the book with Katherine's family story. Still he took care of her and gave her his blood when Katherine attacked her for the first time. It was confusing to assess where her emotions stood about him. And Caroline's words kept resonating in her mind.

"I'm not the one with social issues to get overcome, Elena" he kept his eyes on the streets in front of him and she preferred not to say anything. She was going to take whatever he was willing to share. Especially because she didn't know what she was willing to share either. Caroline's words kept repeating in her head and seeing how he was so tender to her the first time they met again left her pensive. But if he was back to his hiding game, she'd be back to her denial trip.

She had things more important to think about than figuring out if she felt slightly in love with Damon Salvatore or not.

"We're here" he announced as he parked near the hospital.

"I'm not going inside" she told him. He only nodded and reached the backseat for the new cooler he bought. He would take as many bags in Atlanta because once they were in North Carolina it'd be harder for him to get them without drawing a lot of attention and he had no idea of how many days they were going to spend there.

"Be right back" he told her and left.

She sighed once she found herself alone in the car. She didn't know what to think anymore. She wanted the Damon that had been with her the previous night but she didn't know why she wanted him back. Part of her believed she wanted it to have him figured out; she wanted to know who he truly was. The other part thought it was because she liked what she saw, never having such a moment with her own boyfriend. But she still didn't know where she stood about her boyfriend. His red and lipstick dirt lips never left her mind though she was being a hypocrite if she judged his actions. She had kissed Damon only a few hours before and she knew Katherine could easily have forced a kiss while she intentionally kissed Damon.

She knew she loved Stefan with her heart and soul but she felt strongly drawn to his brother. Maybe it was the blood bond they shared now. _But that would be a lie_, she smirked dryly. While the new connection may have intensified something it didn't create it. It was already there. It was what made her want him to never leave. Was it possible to love someone and be in love with a different person? She didn't have the answer and she wouldn't be getting it in that moment because the very root of her doubts was already opening the car's trunk.

"So we are going to North Carolina?" he turned to her as soon as he entered the car.

"Yes" she answered with confidence.

"We can hit the road tomorrow if you feel tired or we could just leave now" he offered as he started the engine.

"While I think a shower could be nice I guess I prefer that we get going" she wondered aloud and he only nodded.

"Let's go then"

* * *

Stefan was back in Mystic Falls. The moment Bonnie confirmed that Damon and Elena were together he decided that he would ask Bonnie to do the same spell she did for Damon and Elena, only that this time for him and his brother. But then not much later he got Elena's text and he felt his heart dropping in his chest. She preferred to have his brother by her side rather than him and it actually hurt. Although he told Katherine that Damon had forced his way trying to kiss Elena for a second time his heart actually believed his sire's words. His brother would never allow Katherine to blame Elena for kissing him if he had been the initiator or the author behind it. He couldn't ask to Bonnie to do the spell anymore because that wasn't what Elena wanted, so he just went back to the boarding house and tried to contact her through the phone number she used. For a moment he thought that maybe it was just Katherine pretending to be Elena as part of one of her games but she couldn't influence the spell the witch did to track down his brother and Elena. It couldn't be such a coincidence for Katherine to know about it when she was in Maryland with him but then again he had no idea where Damon and Elena could be. So how did Katherine know that his brother found Elena?

He didn't have any luck with the number she texted him from. He got a disconnected message and he thought about what he could possibly do about it. He knew Damon had his phone but wouldn't answer it but after spending almost the whole day thinking he finally decided that he needed an answer and he knew exactly how to play Damon to give it to him even if his brother didn't want to.

_I received a message from Elena last night around the same time Katherine finally decided to visit me. She said that you had found Elena and that she was in danger because Katherine had drawn the attention of vampires who want her killed. It seems like her plan was to have Elena become a vampire so they'd kill her instead. I don't know what sort of plan Katherine is up to but I just need to know that if it was Elena who texted me or if it's just part of some sick game Katherine is playing. And if you have her, keep your eyes wide open. Stefan._

He hit the send button but he didn't expect to have any sort of answer as Damon never picked up any of his many calls in the past month. But his brother always had a way to surprise him.

_I was right in front of her when she asked you__ not to worry about her and you don't need to little brother. I'm fixing my mess and I'll make sure she comes back to your arms as soon as possible. You're good to her and she needs good in her life. And do not believe what that manipulative bitch says but keep her distracted enough until I'm back because I won't stop until I stake her right through the heart. D.

* * *

_

_AN: It's me! And I don't like this chapter at all. I hate it when there are no big developments, although I do think Elena's thoughts showed some progress, don't you?_

_But still I miss the action but I won't be writing any action now because I really hate to write betrayals and I really doubt Elena would ever cheat on Stefan, not matter how tempting and overwhelming the situation was. Also there isn't any vampire action as Klaus didn't arrive and Katherine is backing off._

_This chapter was overly Elena's POV about their encounter and what came after it. In the next one I'll let you know Damon's feelings about it._

_Thanks a lot to my dearest reviewers:EtherealDemon; acelticdream; jack-peapod; Delena XoxoTVDoxoX Kefan; ahhh; bluestriker666; TVDFanatic24; MasqueradePhantom; xLoveRyanx; DreamToAspire; kat; damvampsal21; Madagascar95; tsukivamp; Alottalove; TtoboggI; MsMaeve18. mayghaen21 and Silvian. I love your love, guys. Keep giving it to make me happy and inspired.  
_

_And a special thanks to my beta **May.**_

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	23. Chapter TwentyTwo: In My Mind

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Twenty-Two - In My Mind**

* * *

Damon drove all night long while Elena slept in the passenger seat. He told her that at first she would be feeding every other day and when he felt she had control she'd take it every day. She didn't show any objection and after some minutes of silence she finally closed her eyes. When he noticed she wasn't awake anymore he gave a heavy sigh.

He didn't know how he was supposed to act around her. After they checked into the hotel the previous night he had come to his room and slept like he hadn't for weeks. Looking for Elena drained him more than he realized and the moment his head hit the pillow he was a goner. He went to her room first thing in the morning that day and having her around him everywhere he went except the hospital didn't allow him to figure out what to do. The only thing on his mind was how he could make North Carolina a real option for her to consider as he truly thought it was better for her to take it slow. Some vampires took the transition much easier but Elena didn't seem to be one of those. He couldn't understand why it was so hard for her but his job wasn't to make questions but to make it get better.

He stole a glance of her sleeping form and his imaginary heart skipped a beat. She looked beautiful. He remembered the way she looked when she was feeding but not even when she was supposed to look like a demon she lost her warmness. She was still Elena. The black veins and eyes and the protuberant fangs did nothing to make her look evil. He figured out she would never look like a dark creature. It wasn't part of her. And God he loved her even more for it.

It comforted his heart that she had been so open about his presence at first. She had surprised him when she embraced him so intensely when he entered the barn, taking her aback with his presence. He couldn't describe how it felt to see her again. He had never felt so relieved in his life as a vampire. All he needed to set his heart at peace was to see with his own eyes that she was fine. But when he felt her body crashing against his it almost became too much for him to bear. It surprised him deeply because Elena didn't hug him like that. He could remember a few times when she had hugged Stefan like that in front of him, one of them being just after Isobel said he was in love with her daughter. He had been so jealous that day and just yesterday he felt exactly how it was to have Elena Gilbert in his arms, holding onto him for her life. He thought she would never hug him like that, that it was reserved only for Stefan, her boyfriend but also the good brother. But when she held him showing happiness and also desperation Damon felt important. He felt cherished and he could see that she really cared about him. And he couldn't keep his mask when something so emotional happened to him. He closed his eyes as she slightly snuggled into his chest and seized the moment the best he could. There was this urge to bring his lips to her head or to brush her hair from her face but he didn't want to take any risks.

And now as she slept peacefully by his side he wanted to bring her to his arms again. He wanted to touch her face and kiss her head. But he knew he wasn't allowed to do it. Although she seemed really happy to see him in the barn she was slowly growing more and more distant. He was positive that she was just afraid of being alone again and now that he had made it clear that he wasn't going anywhere she could go back to her comfortable position. And her comfortable position certainly didn't include hugs and lingering looks.

But he wasn't complaining. _He_ didn't feel comfortable in his skin. Some of the thoughts that crossed his mind seemed too foreign and he didn't like to feel what he wasn't supposed to. Falling in love with Elena brought a lot of other emotions that Damon didn't like to handle, that he had turned off a long time ago and never planned to turn on again. He didn't like vulnerability, it felt like a weakness and he was always vulnerable around her. Even when his walls were as up as ever that feeling of being susceptible to hurt or wound was present and he knew she could see it. He liked to have control of everything and be tough. That was how he survived those 146 years and he couldn't imagine any other way to do it. But it seemed too late for him to go back to who he was before her. He had tried and failed miserably.

"We're here" he quietly said to the sleeping vampire by his side but Elena didn't flinch.

"Elena" he tried a little louder but she was still in her seat.

He expected her to be tired and drained but she was a vampire now, her hearing was evolved but she didn't budge when he called her for the third time. He didn't know if he should feel like fate liked to make him miserable or if it was being merciful by allowing him to have her in his arms once again. That was how torn Damon was. He didn't have a clue where he stood or where he should stand about Elena.

He stepped out of the car and moved to her side opening the door carefully, trying not to make any noise. She felt so light in his arms, so fragile and small. He remembered once again of Atlanta. Before heading to Georgia he had held her in his arms just like that but the concern about her physical condition didn't allow him to feel her in his arms. But this second time was different and he felt like he had never carried or held anything as precious. Also his feelings had changed a lot since their first trip together, it took him a while to admit them but they had become too big for him to deny, at least to himself.

Looking down at her serene and peaceful sleeping face made _him_ peaceful. His heart was finally at easy knowing that she was okay, that she didn't change into someone he didn't recognize. He made it to the door realizing that he had to retrieve the keys from the secret spot he kept them. His house had two huge and heavy cases with small trees planted and the key was in a hole under one of them. It was impossible for him to raise the vase with Elena in his arms so he moved to the porch in the back of the house. He didn't have a spare key hidden in an easier place in the back but there was a comfortable hammock. He laid her down and sped up to get the house unlocked. In a few seconds he was opening the back door and was getting ready to get her upstairs but the sight of her lying on her back with her hair cascading tenderly over her face rendered him immobile. He couldn't take another step, mesmerized by the bucolic sight in front of him so he moved to one of the chairs in the porch and watched her sleep like he did many times while she was still a human and eventually he also fell asleep.

They still had a few hours of darkness before dawn when Damon's always alert senses caught some noise. Before his ears processed the third disturbing sound his eyes were wide open and he straightened his body to see Elena's tossing slightly as she spoke some words he couldn't understand.

"Elena" he gently shook her arm but she didn't wake up and kept tossing around, her movements getting more aggressive.

"Elena, wake up" he said louder and shook her slightly stronger but seeing she was too deep in the nightmare he reached for her shoulders and moved them back and forth, in a quick pace while calling for her and her eyes finally popped open.

"Damon?" she asked still confused as he held her shoulders. She looked around and she had no idea of where she was or why she was there.

"I guess you were having a nightmare" he quietly explained, removing his hands from her and letting her body fall in the hammock. She was lucky that when she started moving faster in the improvised bed he was already awake and she didn't fall.

"I supposed vampires wouldn't have such things as nightmares" she told him as she tried to sit but she was still too sleepy and her senses slow, leading her to almost fall but he was fully awake and was fast enough to catch her and move her to the chair where he was sitting before.

"This part of brain doesn't change at all after we turn. Dreams, nightmares, memories and whatever else is connected to your emotions will happen as usual depending on how you keep your emotions. But even if you turn them off, those things are still bound to happen now and then" he explained and she nodded, still appraising her surroundings.

"I guess I held higher expectations about being a vampire then" she cracked a joke but her smile was shy and small.

"Nah… We're awesome" he only nodded and slightly curled his lips, keeping his reaction as mild as hers.

"Where are we?" she asked still appreciate the beautiful landscape and the shore.

"Beach house, North Carolina, remember?" he teased.

"Oh, wow, that was fast. I thought it'd take about seven hours for us to arrive here" she yawned, feeling like she should really go back to sleep.

"Not at my speed" he gloated and she rolled her eyes.

"I guess I'll go back sleeping. Why are we outside?" she looked behind her to see the kitchen door open.

"Because you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you up, I was carrying you, the keys were in a hole under a 300-pound vase bla bla bla. You can pick any bedroom you want. I'm going to stay here today and tomorrow in business hours I'll check into the bed and breakfast" he explained in his usual sarcastic tone.

His explanation would lead her heart to rush in her chest if it still beat. She had been in his arms and even if she was sleeping she felt her body answering to what he said. She couldn't understand why she felt that way and she wasn't going to think it over in the middle of the night. She had had a lot of unexpected reactions in the past couple of days. She never liked to feel weak. Her mother taught her to be a strong woman and Isobel seemed just as fierce. But she felt like she could be weak if he was around. She felt like he wouldn't let her fall and that was why she soon came to the conclusion that her death wasn't his fault. He wouldn't let Katherine kill her if he knew she had planned on doing so. It could have been a poor assumption but it was an honest mistake and she could feel that he wouldn't take any risks ever again. She could see the guilt in his eyes, clear as the sunlight and she knew she was the only one capable of making him forgive himself, if anyone could truly convince him at all.

"Are you going to sleep here?" she asked as she controlled her emotions. It was too late for her to debate with herself about what she should do about him.

"Yes, in this very hammock" he pointed out to her latest bed.

"That's not necessary Damon. I don't need you to sleep somewhere else. This is your house after all and I'm thankful for you bringing me here" she reasoned looking softly at him as another yawn left her lips.

"Are you sure? I know I'm not someone most girls want to deal with in their bad days" he hid his pain behind his sarcastic comments but she knew too well that being around her hurt him. Dealing with his mistake would always bring him pain and she knew she needed to show him that it was Katherine's fault, not his.

"You're not that bad, now let's go because I'm dead sleepy, no pun intended" she led their way inside the house and although she wanted to take a good look at it, she let it go. She would have the next day and who know how many others to check this out properly. Maybe she could learn a little bit more about Damon in this place and she was sure it had his signature all over.

"Good night, Damon" she offered him, kissing his cheek softly as she entered the bedroom he had led them to. When she didn't choose any bedroom he was adamant about her having that one but she was barely awake to look around and as soon as she felt the soft sheets her eyes closed.

_

* * *

I lost them_, Katherine read on her phone screen. She was fuming. How could she lose two vampires in a city as big as Atlanta? To humans the bigger the city the easier to get lost but to vampires it was actually the opposite. They had to look as human as possible to avoid any suspicions and still Rose lost them.

"You better have a good explanation" she said as soon as the other vampire answered the call.

"_I can't walk in daylight, remember? They were busy. They went to the bank, then back to the farm and back to the city. Damon is smart he'd suspect if I kept following him in a huge black SUV through a desert road. I drove back to the hotel where they were staying but they never came back"_ Rose argued and Katherine knew Damon would be suspicious. The older vampire told her the farm was in front of a small and quiet road and having a car behind him going and then coming was something that would take Damon's attention but she needed to know where they were.

"Find them" she demanded and heard a sigh on the side of the line.

"Katerina, I did what you kindly asked me. I don't owe you any favors actually I guess it's the other way around. The only reason why I helped you in the first place was because your plan would give me my freedom. But you screwed up and that's my cue to leave. I don't want to be any close to you when Klaus comes back" the vampire vented and hung up.

Katherine was enraged. She still needed Rose. Damon and Elena were the last of her concerns now but she needed to know what they were doing to ensure they wouldn't risk being killed. She quickly wrote a text back to the vampire, knowing that Rose wouldn't answer her call again.

'_We can bring him down. There are a few of us against him and I know a thing or two that can kill him and I know you do too. Do you want your freedom or not? He won't be expecting us to strike because who would ever strike against the most powerful original?_' the brunette vampire sent and less than a minute she got the answer. One Katerina Petrova wasn't used to.

'_My point exactly. Goodbye Katerina'_

"You'll pay Rose" she hissed and turned around only to meet with Stefan, standing in her room at Mrs. Flowers' bed and breakfast.

"Now that's a delightful change of events" she offered with a naughty smirk to the blond standing in front of her.

"How did you know that Damon had found Elena?" he crossed his arms across his chest.

"How did you know I was here?" she challenged back.

"Katherine I know this is a game for you but if you touch a single hair of Elena's head I'll kill you before Damon has the chance" he told her with a cold voice. He wasn't going to let her hurt Elena more than she had already done. It didn't matter that Elena wanted Damon to be with her instead of him. He felt uncomfortable about their closeness but he was going to do his part to prevent the centenary vampire from killing his girlfriend.

"Oh so you do know he'd kill me in a blink of eyes because of her. Did you finally start listening to me, Stefan?" she kept an amusing tone in her voice.

"Why are you here, Katherine? If anything you said is true you should be far from here as Klaus is coming to kill you" Stefan reasoned watching carefully her moves and reactions.

"And how do you expect to protect Elena from him? You and Damon are just babies compared to an Original" she crossed her arms too, dismissively smiling.

"So what? Am I supposed to believe you're here to help?" he laughed sarcastically and shook his head disbelievingly.

"No, Stefan you're supposed to believe that I came back for you. I had made a choice although there was never any choice to be made. It's always been you" she approached him, her fingers contouring his lips seductively.

"But I don't want anything to do with you, Katherine, so you may leave" he shoved her hand off of him.

"You keep saying so. Then why do you have vervain and a stake with you and refrained from using both?" she reached for the stake attached to his belt in the back of his waist and got the vervain syringe from his pocket, handing both to him.

"I love you Stefan and we both know I've never compelled you to love me back. What you feel is all on you and enough to lead you to stay here after you saw her" she told him while holding both weapons in front of him but he didn't make any move to retrieve them.

"This isn't a game for me, Katherine. I love her and just know that I won't ever have any better reason to die than saving her so you better stay out of my way" he turned and walked away but Katherine soon caught him up.

"The question is what would you do if my life was at stake Stefan? Would you watch me die? Could you endure it?" she whispered in his ear, holding his arm firmly.

Stefan didn't say anything and that was enough of an answer to Katherine as she released him to go with a content smile in her face.

* * *

_AN: so here is another update. I don't know what bothers me more, this chapter or tonight's episode. That was a lame episode especially for the fall finale. I have nothing to look forward to or to keep me in the edge of my seat for the next 6 weeks. So I guess it's a good thing after all._

_This chapter bothers me for the same reason as the past one: the lack of action._

_But I have good news. I found my muse yesterday and I outlined the next three chapters :D I only have to write away the plots. I promise some action (though not exactly romantic action) in chapter 24. I want to build this believably. Damon and Elena are nowhere near to jump on each other or even acknowledge their feelings out loud although one of them will drop the 3-words-8-letters bomb in one of these chapters I outline. What are your bets? Elena or Damon?_

_SK won't disappoint their fans in this fic (like that ridic entombed together plot did). I will have Kat pushing all Stefan's buttons and let's see how he reacts. It's fight or flight for him with her here. Which do you prefer?_

_I want to thank my dearest beta, **May** and my reviewers (that seemed to have enjoyed last chapter as much as I did as I got 8 less reviews): jacks-peapod; bluestriker666; Avecia (for the 3); tsukivamp; damvampsal21; kat; ahhh; TtoboggI; DreamtoAspire; xxx; MsMaeve18 and mayghaen21._

_xoxo, have a nice hiatus_

_Babi  
_


	24. Chapter TwentyThree: Dangerous Closeness

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Twenty-Tree - Dangerous Closeness**

* * *

Elena didn't know why Damon had insisted for her to take that bedroom but what her sleepy state prevented her from noticing a few hours ago was now clear. It was his bedroom. And she remembered faintly thinking about how his house would reveal things of him that she didn't know. His bedroom certain did.

It was decorated in colonial style and she was actually surprised. She had expected him to be very modern about his furniture and decoration. But Damon Salvatore was full of surprises. She walked around the big room paying attention to each detail. He definitely kept someone to clean it because there wasn't any powder over the furniture. Everything was very clean-cut. But it wasn't the maintenance that got her attention but the personal touches.

Sometimes she wondered where Damon and Stefan had spent the decades they'd been living. They certainly had many properties all around the country if not the world and she could tell that Damon had lived in that house for awhile.

There was a collection of old albums in a shelf and some CD's and DVD's in another one just below a big plasma TV and home theater. There was a small desk and a few books in a small bookshelf behind it. There weren't many books but she could see that some were contemporary while others probably dated from his time. His bedroom was tidy but not so much. It seemed that his personal objects were in a random place just so they wouldn't be thrown around the room. She couldn't explain how she felt it but his bedroom sent a coziness feeling to her unbeating heart. She liked it.

It surprised her that there wasn't one single black object in the decoration. Everything was very light, except for the red bed sheets and the curtains. The curtains were the only contrast but she knew it was probably because of the sun. Not because it would cause him any problem but because she knew he didn't want the sunlight to wake him before he planned to. Their dark shade of blue had allowed her to sleep like an angel not being bothered by anything.

But then something caught her attention. With the back turned to her she identified a small portrait over the desk. She couldn't imagine Damon keeping such things as a picture of someone on his desk but it was there. It was a beautiful woman. She had dark hair, her skin was pale but not too much and she had the most beautiful and sweet blue eyes. It almost reminded her of his but Damon never looked tender like that. The woman in the picture held a small smile but her whole facial expression told Elena that she was happy. She seemed to be in her late twenties and Elena doubted the picture was too old because it had a high resolution, not something from when he was a human or the beginning of the past century. She was curious about the woman but before she could actually touch the frame she heard his footsteps and sped off to her bed.

"Are you awake?" he whispered.

"Yes" she answered. She thought about lying about it but maybe he also heard her while she walked to his desk.

"Can I come in?" he asked and she was actually surprised. The Damon she knew would never ask that question. He would rather open the door uninvited. Actually he wouldn't even ask if she was awake.

"Yes"

"For a moment I thought that instead of turning into a vampire you turned into a fairytale character like Sleeping Beauty" he quipped as he entered the room.

"What time is it?" she asked curious looking around in search of any clock but didn't see any.

"Almost two in the afternoon"

"I thought sleeping wasn't a need to vampires. Why would I sleep so much?" she asked hugging her knees. She didn't know why he kept some distance. She wanted him to be closer, she wanted to know more about the man behind the cozy bedroom.

"First, you're a newbie. Second eternity can be a damn long time if you don't sleep some hours off" he shrugged the last part as he sat on the bed and she felt relieved. Not only because he was getting physically closer but also reminding her that he didn't ask permission to do anything he wanted.

"Ohhh" she answered insightfully.

"So I didn't actually ask you about your preferences and I don't want you to deal with human blood because I do. So if you want to keep my brother's diet I could teach you how to hunt" he suggested, going straight to the subject he came there to talk about. He had been thinking about her the whole morning since he woke up. The previous night in the hotel had made up for all the bad nights he had while looking for her so he found himself waking up a little bit after ten in the morning.

He tried to focus on her life as a vampire instead of explore his feelings. He didn't want to be selfish again and mainly because this was his mess to fix. But the pain those feelings brought also made it difficult for him to keep them in his mind. He knew she would never be his. He was convinced that her love for Stefan would prevent it from happening but even if it changed he wouldn't. He didn't deserve her, especially not after letting Katherine kill her.

So he kept his thoughts about her life and how he could make it easy for her to adapt. It was then that he thought that maybe she wanted to be like Stefan, especially if they were going to spend eternity together. He didn't want her to have a problem with human blood like his brother had but he needed to let her make the decision about her diet.

"I don't think I'll ever kill an animal in my life again. It was gross" she almost shivered in disgust of herself remembering what she did.

"Cows are actually too big and please keep the details to yourself. Stefan prefers puppies for a reason, maybe you should give it a try" he also grimaced. He couldn't imagine himself killing an animal to drink its blood.

"No, I prefer human blood. I just need to learn how to control the cravings. I don't want to look at people and see them like a hungry character in a cartoon. I'll keep the bag blood diet" she said with conviction and Damon didn't expect any less from her. He admired and loved her for that fierceness.

"Don't you have any problem stealing the blood is going to be used to save lives?" he raised his eyebrow.

"It's saving my life just as much. And maybe even others' lives as it can help me to keep the urges to kill someone at bay" she reasoned and he had to admit it was a good reasoning.

"It's still stealing"

"Why are you trying to convince me otherwise?" she grew suspicious about his insistence. It wasn't like Damon to keep going on and on about all the crimes vampires usually committed. He usually gloated about it.

"Trust me that's not what I'm doing here. I just want you to think over what you want your life to be before we set up a plan. You need to know all the consequences and everything involved in each of the possibilities. Once you're on human blood it may be very hard for you to go back to animal blood. There will be no time for regret later" he looked straight in her eyes knowing that it would intimidate her but she returned the fierce glare nodding her head.

"I used some of the time I spent away to think about my options, Damon. I know it involves more than stealing but also messing up people's minds but it's better than hurting someone and risking the chance that I might kill them" the confidence in her voice blew away his doubts about her decision.

"If human blood is your option I still think you should try getting it from people"

"No way! I'm not going to use people like that. It may be okay to you Damon but it couldn't be any more wrong to me" she protested immediately, shaking her head and showing how she repudiated the idea.

"I don't mean to actually feed on them as a diet Elena. No one can predict the future and it's important for you to know how to control it if you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to feed from someone or when the temptation is just bigger than your will. This is not about me and my preferences Elena. I told you this is about you. When I hand you back to Stefan I want you to be able to control yourself like he couldn't. This is not something he can help you with" he approached her and there were a few inches separating their faces. He was determined to teach her well and prepare her for everything they might face.

"I'm not a good to be handed back to someone" she responded indignant. She hated when they talked about her like that, like she wasn't capable of making any decisions or taking care of her own. If it bothered her as a human it was unacceptable as a vampire. But her protest also helped her to focus on something else other than his mesmerizing eyes so close to her own. Their noses were almost touching and she could feel his cool breath against her skin and the thin hair around her lips and in the back of her neck stood because of the proximity.

"When you decide to run back to my little brother's arms you better have your emotions and cravings controlled. As much as he'll want to help you if a situation like this ever comes there's also the possibility of him going crazier than you" he looked down at her, his chest barely touched her bent legs. He couldn't stop himself from moving his eyes to her lips. They were never this close to him since the day they kissed. Actually except for that day they were never that close. But thinking about the kiss they shared wouldn't help his control. If he kept that thought in his head any longer he'd bring her lips to his and kiss her for the rest of the day.

"Stefan only lost control back then because he had my blood. If he doesn't taste human blood at all it won't cause him any problem. He's been around bleeding people more than once since I've known him" she offered as she felt intimidated by him. He was so determined and his gaze didn't flinch for a second. Hard and tough, threatening and menacing. But for the millisecond his gaze moved to her lips all she could see was desire and passion. She blinked a little longer than usual because she didn't know if he wouldn't see the same emotions in her own eyes.

"But I have a feeling Saint Stefan will be giving his diet up very soon" he offered a knowing smirk to her. For a moment he was happy about her reaction but he soon resumed his tough expression. He couldn't be that person anymore. Not to her.

"And why is that?" she took a deep breath and looked away slightly.

"Because we finally figured out what dearest Kat's plans are. The bitch shared them with Little Brother" he explained, standing up from the bed. She was supposed to feel relieved by the growing distance between them as he walked to the other side of the room but her heart ached. She liked the closeness, she wanted him to be close again but his words soon got her attention.

"And?" she asked impatiently. She wanted to know why Katherine decided to turn her.

"The first vampires to ever walk on earth are called Originals. These are the most powerful vampires you will come face to face with and some believe they've been living for over a millennium. According to the legend the oldest one is Klaus and obviously the bitch had to annoy him at some point of her existence and he seems to want her dead more than he wants the next sorority girl's blood" Damon said through tight lips.

"And she turned me for him to kill me instead…" Elena quickly caught what Katherine would want.

"Bingo" he smirked clapping his hands.

"But what does it have to do with Stefan?" she asked honestly confused.

"That's the easiest part of the theory Elena. Brother doesn't stand a chance against me or Katherine because of his lame diet. Do you think he'll face Klaus off while feeding on bunnies and Bambi?" Damon rolled his eyes mentioning his weak brother.

"But if this guy is as old as you think he is, will it make any difference? What are 146 years compared to someone that witnessed Christ on the cross?" she threw her arms in the air. Was that what her life had become now? She couldn't allow herself to enjoy the moment of closeness with Damon because she had to worry about Stefan and her own safety and surely Damon's. She knew the older brother well enough. He'd die to protect her and Stefan and it made her heart shrink in her chest. He was always ready to protect her and defend his brother. It seemed like he never thought about his own life when it came to the two of them.

"Didn't know you're religious. Maybe we should just make a prayer instead?" he smiled sarcastically as he tried to understand her frustration. It didn't seem like she was frustrated about Stefan's potential choice. It would make her annoyed and angry with his stupidity but not frustrated. He wished he could read her like he used to. She seemed so cryptic lately.

"Damon, I'm serious. His diet won't give him a better shot and that's your assumption anyway. I'm sure Stefan knows what he eats won't make any difference at the end of the day" she hoped that was the decision her boyfriend would do because she didn't think it'd help them if Stefan lost control. She could _not_ deal with him losing control again. She knew it was a selfish thought because if Stefan ever drank human blood again was because of her. But there was so much going on in her mind now. She wanted to explore whatever she felt for Damon. She had been a coward as a human and she wasn't going to repeat it as a vampire. She wanted to be close to him to finally understand if she was infatuated, attracted, drawn or even in love with him. She needed that answer and the only conclusion she got was she had to be close enough to him to know it.

"Except that love can make you do stupid things, Elena. He asked me to take care of you and I know what he means and what he expects" he turned his face from her as he talked about Stefan's love for her.

"Did he?" her voice softened without her even noticing it.

"Yes, he wanted to confirm that the manipulative bitch wasn't lying again" Damon explained quickly trying to cover the pain in his heart.

"Well there's always the big possibility that she is" she tried to cool off but she was already concerned as she could be about Stefan.

"But it sounds like a good plan. I'm sure Kat collected a few enemies during the few centuries she's been around. I just didn't expect her to be dumb enough to get on the nerves of an Original" he leaned on his desk, resting both of his hands by his sides.

"So now the most powerful vampire of all time wants me?" she smirked wryly.

"Don't you feel flattered?" he mimicked her reaction.

"Damon" she said in her best 'this is serious' tone.

"I don't know Elena. I'm just as skeptical about whatever Katherine says as you but it doesn't matter. I won't let you die because I didn't count on it. Been there, done that" the pain and the guilt he tried so hard to hide became raw and evident.

"Damon…" she moved from her spot in the bed and stood in front of him, tempted to touch him and say everything he needed to hear but before she actually made a decision he let his moment of vulnerability go.

"But that's not my point here. If Stefan is on human blood or not, if the originals are after you or not, it doesn't matter. You have eternity ahead of you and I know things can go very different from what we've planned or expected. It's just easier when we're prepared to face the unexpected if it happens" he looked away and moved to the chair behind the desk, trying to keep a comfortable distance but being so close to her, even more emotionally than physically was too much for him to bear.

"I'm not ready for it. I'm not ready to talk about it. Let's just keep the blood bags coming. We'll talk about it when I'm ready" she admitted with a low voice that nearly broken his dead heart.

"I'll let it go for now Elena but we'll talk about it again sooner than you expect" he warned firmly, combating both of their vulnerabilities and she didn't mind that for once he was his usual tough self. She wanted to figure out her feelings for him but when he brought Stefan to the conversation she realized that she needed to figure out her feelings for her boyfriend too. Maybe she needed to have both by her side or none but she knew she was still very far from a conclusion.

"Thank you" she offered with all honesty she had in her being both knowing she was thankful for more than him postponing the subject.

* * *

_AN: Hello guys! I definitely like this chapter better, the title of it says why, and I like the topic of their conversation as well. It's very important for Elena to know how to control feeding in someone._

_I don't know if you guys didn't realize it but I told in my last AN that one of them will say the three-word, eight-letter phrase in the following chapters, remember? Nobody wanted to guess who will it be? Who will admit their feelings first? Elena or Damon? And then there's the big question of this chapter. Who is the woman in the picture that Damon kept?_

_Next chapter has some action - although not romantic action yet - and things won't look good to Elena. Also it's another 100% Delena chapter but those who are interested in more interactions they'll head to Mystic Falls soon._

_Thanks a lot to my beta **May** and her amazing job and my reviewers: spiritedghost; DreamtoAspire; xLoveRyanx; Silvian; bluestriker666; Avecia; jacks-peapod; TtoboggI; ahhh; tsukivamp; damvampsal21; MsMaeve18; Oceanmina101 and Mmayghaen17._

_Have a nice week._

_Babi  
_


	25. Chapter TwentyFour: Forgiving

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Twenty-Four - Forgive Me**

* * *

The days passed quickly in North Carolina. Elena was taking baby steps but she was feeling more and more confident about herself as each day passed. Damon had kept a safe distance from her since their moment in his bedroom all those days ago. She used her free time to think things over. The more she thought the more confused she became.

Damon told her that he and Stefan had been talking through texts on an almost daily basis and she felt hurt that her boyfriend never asked to talk to her. Maybe he did and Damon never told her but she repudiated that thought. The vampire that had been keeping her company wouldn't do something like that to her. She never asked him about Stefan, he freely filled her in about their conversation and on some occasions he even showed her the messages the younger Salvatore wrote. Damon's selfless actions were confusing her even more. She didn't know what to think. She thought he had feelings for her. He had said that there was something between the two of them but he couldn't act upon on it. They'd been alone in a house, in front of the beach for days and he never made a move on her. It frustrated her because she wanted to explore their closeness. She knew deep inside that if she found out she had feelings for him she would only let him know if she had the slightest clue that he felt the same way about her. While breaking up with Stefan became more and more a real option as each day passed, it didn't mean she would jump from one brother to the other. She didn't want to get hurt and Damon hurt her a lot in the past.

And still despite of her fears Elena learned how to trust her life to Damon. She had always trusted him to protect and save her before Katherine came to town. But the day when he tried to kill Jeremy in front of her changed a lot of things but especially her trust in him. It took her a while to see the hold Katherine had on him and while it didn't justify his actions she understood him. She understood him enough to forgive him and want him back in her life but rebuilding a trust bond implied more than just wanting to do it. It was a tough journey that didn't depend on her wishes alone but also on his efforts and honesty. Many people were never able to rebuild trust and people like Elena made it even harder and more complicated. Her life changed a lot in the past year and innocent and sweet Elena became leery and she didn't trust anyone easily.

But she would need to have lost her soul along with her physical beating heart not to trust Damon again. The way he took care of her even when he kept his distance was touching and intense. They never had the conversation about her death and she wasn't pushing him to have it. While she knew she needed to release him from the guilt she wasn't convinced she would be able to do it. And she wanted to make sure her effort would be rewarded. Bringing back the emotions they had been through that day could be really dangerous for the comfortable denial they established during her stay in his house. She didn't use to be selfish but as much as she wanted to put him out of his misery she was still afraid of where it would take them and she needed him. She needed him to be there with her, just the two of them.

She had made so much progress. She was already feeding every day, by on her own, even when he wasn't in the house. In the past week she had ventured out by herself to take long walks along the beach to help her with her thoughts. The scenario was inspiring and beautiful but instead of using it to get the conclusions she needed she used it as a refuge from her own mind.

"I could have confused you for a tourist" he surprised her as he spoke behind of her.

"Not on a deserted, freezing beach" she smiled softly.

"I don't understand why you like to take these walks" he thought out loud but didn't bother to change the subject. He felt over lonely lately. He gave her space but as they didn't have anyone else around it meant he spent most of his time alone and doing nothing. He was used to being alone but not without anything to do. He knew he couldn't draw any attention about vampires in the city and bringing company to his house while she was there didn't seem like his most brilliant idea.

"You should try and then you let me know" she offered as if she sensed that he needed the company, even if they stayed silent.

"Nah, I'm too cool for brooding walks" he quipped but she knew he appreciated the invitation.

"Right" she answered and they walked in silence for some minutes. It had been the first time he had joined her and she thought his company was a good change.

"I know you must dread having this conversation" he said as they approached his house.

"So don't start it" she reacted quickly, fearing which of the complicated issues he wanted to bring up. She was afraid of talking about those things though she knew they had to.

"I can't not do it" he stopped in his tracks and as much as she wanted to keep going, or even run, she stopped a few steps ahead of him, her back facing him.

"Damon…"

"I just want to apologize, Elena. I'm so sorry that she did that to you. I should have protected you and I would have if I thought she was going to try something. I honestly didn't expect her to try to kill you. I know you may not believe it but I was going to invite you to get in the car with me. Killing mission or not, I never planned to leave you there with her in the middle of nowhere. I was just waiting until I reached the car. Me and my stupid need for dramatic entrances and exits" he started walking again, passing by her as she stood in her place watching him. He feared what her answer would be. He was afraid of bringing up the subject because he didn't know what to do if she admitted that she couldn't forgive him or that she didn't believe him.

"I believe you" she walked faster and she reached him, standing in front of him. She wanted him to believe her when she said it, she wanted him to look in her eyes and see that she was completely honest about it. His features softened for a couple of seconds but then his eyes became hard again.

"I know it's still my fault but I wanted you to know that it was never my intention to leave you there" his voice was low and he let his vulnerability show. It was happening more and more around her but there were things he couldn't avoid. He couldn't stop the way he felt about what Katherine did to her. While it comforted his heart to know that she believed him he would always blame himself for her death. That was the worst feeling he had ever had in his undead life. The guilt ate him from inside and there were days when he left the house and went to the most isolated areas of the city to cry and release his anger. He took down many trees to relieve the hate he felt for himself for letting the most precious person in his life die. He hurt himself with them more until the pain numbed his senses.

"If Katherine wanted to turn me, I'd turn sooner or later, that's how it works with her. I'm just thankful that at least I had your blood in my system and not hers. I don't want to have any sort of connections with her, let alone a blood bond" Elena explained and she felt like she needed to be brave for him. She couldn't be the scared and confused teenager that wasn't sure of how to behave around him. She knew he needed a physical connection to get over it and she wouldn't deny him that.

She tenderly caressed his cheek with her shaking fingers. Damon closed his eyes the moment he felt it and the soothing pattern of her hand on his skin was almost magical. Her touch was healing. He felt his whole body relaxing and a sudden feeling of peace drowning him. She made him feel like no other person ever did and it only made it harder for him to forgive himself.

"Still it was my fault" he opened his eyes and walked away slowly.

Elena felt frustrated again but she followed him silently.

They were about to enter the house when both turned their heads to the left, hearing an unusual noise.

Damon quickly moved towards the rocks with Elena just behind him.

"It's a boy" she told him as they stopped a few steps away of the rocks.

"He's drowning" Damon said but didn't move from his place.

The younger teenager fell in the rocks and the noise of his head hitting them caught the vampires' attention. The boy tried to stand up and climb the rocks but just when Elena and Damon approached him a wave crashed against the rocks bringing his body to the sea.

"We have to save him!" Elena shouted as she moved towards the cold waters.

"Stay here, I'll take care of it" Damon reached for her arm, holding her in place and when she nodded he let go of her and entered the agitated ocean.

It didn't take Damon more than a few seconds to be back at the shore laying the boy in front of him. The vampire tried to assess the injuries but the teenager wasn't conscious anymore and Damon didn't know if it was because of the concussion he had or because he drowned but before he could elaborate another thought Elena was on her knees bringing the boy to her arms. The older vampire quickly realized she wasn't checking his condition.

When she saw the blood coming from the cut in his head she stopped thinking straight and didn't waste any time to dig her fangs in his neck sucking his blood quickly.

"Elena let him go" Damon tried the warning approach but it took him only a second to see it wasn't going to take them anywhere so he moved his hands between Elena's and the boy's bodies and pushed them apart. Elena was still in a trance as the boy's lifeless body fell on the sand again but this time Damon didn't give her a chance. He took the teenager in his arms and sped away from her before she tried to strike again.

When she realized she was alone Elena came from back her frenzy realizing what she had just done. She wanted to follow Damon and see with her own eyes what she had done to the boy but she was too afraid of what it would be.

Slowly she walked to the porch in the back of his house and sitting there she just kept staring the waves crashing on the shore.

* * *

Damon watched her from the distance. He knew the boy needed even more help now but he couldn't leave Elena alone if he wasn't sure she was safe. He couldn't imagine what her reaction would be as they never tried the fresh blood feeding. He knew she was going to snap but he was relieved to know that for now she was just shocked. He looked down to the boy who still had a heartbeat and could still be saved. He brought his fangs to the boy's neck and ripping the flesh a little bit he transformed the twin roles into some sort of cut. Taking one last glance to check on Elena, Damon took the boy in his arms and headed to the hospital.

She hadn't move from her position in the last hour. Damon knew he had to bring good news to her when he came back from the hospital so he waited to see if the doctors could save the boy on their own. He needed the boy to survive and he would give him his blood if he had to whether it was a big risk for him or not. He couldn't just go back to Elena with the news that the teenager had died and he wasn't going to lie to her about it. Fortunately the doctors were able to control the bleeding and giving him some blood transfusion they took care of the head concussion that had been strong but not serious.

As he approached the house and found her in the same position, his heart broke. Her hands were still resting in her lap the same way they had been when he left. The soft wind had disheveled her hair all over her face but she didn't do anything about it. When he was close enough to see her eyes he realized she had been crying. The wet stain on her shirt showed that she probably let the tears fall for all the entire time he was out and it devastated him.

She soon realized he was there and for the first time since she sat there she reacted.

"How is he?" her voice was broken and if he wasn't a vampire he wouldn't be able to understand what she said.

"He survived but he would have died if you didn't ask me to rescue him" Damon answered as he took a chair and sat in front of her.

"Or he could have been killed by me" her tone was monotone as she moved her gaze back to the dark ocean behind him.

"You're the reason he's still alive, Elena. He had a fight with his father and came to the beach to cool off. If he had died his father would never be able to forgive himself. You prevented a family tragedy tonight" he cupped her face in his hands and tried to force her to look at him but she kept her eyes closed.

"I'm not ready. I almost killed him the same way, Damon" she mumbled and he could feel her body starting to shake under his grip. She would be soon sobbing because of the unfortunate events. He needed to do something for her but at the same time he knew nothing would comfort her now.

"This was just an accident, Elena. That's the sort of thing I wanted to prevent and that's why I need you to feed on a human of your own free will" he moved his hands from her face to her shoulders, holding her firmly.

"I can't cope with killing someone" her face dropped along with her voice but he soon reached for her chin and raised it a little bit, making her look at him.

"You won't kill anyone. You didn't kill him it was just an accident"

"I don't know… I didn't think… I saw his blood and all I… I couldn't… Damon. I can't do it" the sobs finally hit her as she cried copiously.

"I won't let anything happen to you or to anyone around you, Elena. I'll be there for you all the way" his voice was soft and it reminded herself of the man that helped her drink human blood four weeks ago.

"Forever?" her voice cracked and her question couldn't have surprised him more.

He looked at her for a moment and he could see the pleading in her eyes. He looked disoriented for a few seconds and seeing how her eyes got even more desperate at his indecision he got himself together and looked deep in her eyes.

"Yes, if that's what you want I'll be there for you forever" he gently said and she felt her heart dropping in her chest with the tenderness in his eyes and voice.

"That might be the only thing I know for sure Damon. I wasn't ready for you to go when I died and I'm not any more ready now"

* * *

_AN: Hey guys!_

_Well I guess Elena is getting there :P Asking him to be with her forever, even if she doesn't say the terms, is a step in the right direction in my opinion. I guess it was predictable to have her losing control when it had been the subject of their conversation in the previous update but I wanted it to happen. She needs to be more vulnerable if she's going to admit her feelings.  
_

_Next chapter has a lot of Katherine/Stefan and mentions of Rose, Klaus and Elijah. I preferred to focus the past two chapters in Delena alone but a lot of things happened in Mystic Falls since we last saw them. I won't dedicate much to those moments either so in a conversation Stefan will later clarify everything that happened involving Kat, Rose and Elijah._

_Don't worry there's Delena next too. Remember the 3-words/8-letters? Up next._

_Thanks to my beta, **May** - you're great hun - and my reviewers: Avecia; AddictedtoTwilightForever; DreamToAspire; spiritedghost; MsMaeve18; xLoveRyanx; Silvian; HollyGolightly1985; kat; bluestriker666; tsukivamp; jacks-peapod; mayghaen17; ksksks and Lily._

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	26. Chapter TwentyFive: Selfless

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Twenty-Five - Selfless**

* * *

Stefan felt like those past four weeks were the worst of his whole life. Although Damon seemed uncommonly nice to him and ensured he was giving Elena space for her to adapt, Stefan couldn't brush off the feeling in his stomach. He couldn't find a reason for Elena chasing Damon to impede his departure and kissing him other than history repeating itself. But what had he expected anyway? He stalked her for almost six months before he enrolled at her school and did everything to share as many classes with her as possible, making sure to be as charming and mysterious as possible in the process. He knew girls loved the combination and he wasn't actually surprised when she answered to his subtle, but meticulously planned, moves.

What was he expecting by stalking Katherine's doppelganger? He gathered as much information as possible about Elena and convinced himself that she was the opposite of the vampire that had turned him almost a century and a half ago. He wanted to love her and it was easy when she reminded him so much of the woman he had loved for so long. Being warm, lovely, honest, selfless and sweet made Elena the perfect version of Katherine but he was the one to blame. If he wasn't so obsessed about Katherine, he would have left after he saved Elena's life from the car accident. But he couldn't. He had to give _that_ love a chance. The love he had never had a chance to live.

And then his brother came and could he really judge Damon's intentions and feelings? Actually Stefan thought it took him long enough to show that he felt something else for Elena. Damon never denied his feelings for Katherine and he seemed to have had his closure when he found out she wasn't in the tomb, though he knew when she came back it had affected his older brother. But looking coldly at the facts it seemed like his brother was more honest with himself about his feelings for both women than Stefan had ever been and his biggest fear was that Elena could see it too. He knew he had fallen in love with the teenager. The infatuation and obsession he had when they first started dating was replaced by a genuine love and he hoped the same happened to her. But then why was Katherine's presence so disturbing and hard to handle?

"Missed me?" the vampire said entering his bedroom and he couldn't believe she was there again.

"I sent you someone who wanted to kill you, too bad they didn't find you" he answered fiercely.

"Sending Elijah after me was a bad move Stefan but I know you wouldn't willingly do it. Did you know before being compelled by a vampire that Originals had such powers?" she kept a knowing smile on her face and he looked down quickly before answering.

"He compelled me to tell him what happened to Elena. He didn't need to do it to ask me your whereabouts. I'd freely tell him that" he tried to sound convincing but her smile only grew bigger and he knew he failed to seem honest.

"Too bad that I was around during the whole ordeal and had time to compel Mrs. Flowers to tell him I had left the day before. Surely he checked every inch of this city which is why I had to leave you for so many days. I fooled his senses five centuries ago as a human. I was certainly able to do it again" she nonchalantly explained.

"In this case I might try to contact him again and let him know about your presence" he offered a sarcastic smile.

"Are you going to call Rose again? Did she confirm my story? Or was it Elijah who had the honors?" she quipped.

"You should leave while you can"

"Stefan, you and I both know that you missed my daily visits while I had been hiding and planting lies about my new location for Elijah to follow" she smiled as she lay by his side, her arms propped, while her head rested in her hand.

"I don't miss you, Katherine. I miss my girlfriend, Elena, who is going through hell because of you" he stood up and headed outside the room.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Damon is taking an excellent care of her" she added as she followed him downstairs.

"Why don't you just leave? Nobody wants you around" he hissed as he went to the kitchen and got himself some coffee. He needed something to distract him from her presence.

"Because you're here. What else can I say to convince you? I came back for you Stefan"

"And how many times do I have to say that I'm not interested?" he answered annoyed. He was tired of her cat and mouse game.

"Your body disagrees and I know your heart does too, all you need is a little push" she moved closer to him and they stood just a few inches apart. "You know Elena could have already come back. I'm sure whatever she and Damon are doing could be done here, in the boarding house, except that maybe they're doing something more private" she whispered in his ear but he shoved her away from him and headed outside the house.

"Who knows what Damon is teaching her? I'm sure well-behaved Elena is up to any blood exchange and you know he's her sire and it has a special effect when sires and their creations share blood. That's the only thing their blood bond is about. Maybe Damon is showing how pleasant her new condition can be" she followed him closely, her voice hoarse and deep.

"Elena would never agree to that" he answered as he walked towards the woods.

"Just like she would never kiss him?" she asked innocently.

"Stop it!" the blond snapped, shaking Katherine by her shoulders. He just wanted her to stop saying those things about Elena. He just wanted her to leave.

"I can't Stefan. I won't let her deceive you. Damon deserves it but you don't"

"You, bitch, deceived both of us. You used and manipulated us and cursed us forever" he pushed her forcefully, her body landing several feet away from him.

"I couldn't fall in love with you, don't you understand that? I've been running for centuries. Falling in love with a human, letting the emotions I despised since my whole family was killed take over again wasn't going to help me. I couldn't leave Mystic Falls; I couldn't leave you behind me. I used Damon to distract me. I used him to convince me I never fell in love with you but it didn't work. I have to look out for myself Stefan. I'm not like Elena, I don't have any family or friends left that would look out for me. I only had you and Damon and I know my choices couldn't have been worse back then but I didn't want to feel again. I didn't want to be hurt again. Klaus killed my whole family, even the employees; the whole villa was decimated because of me. My daughter was taken from me before I could even take a look at her because I shamed my father but he never stopped loving me and he didn't deserve to die like that because of me. Why would I want to love someone again? The first two centurie were easy to keep the switch of my emotions off but then it didn't work anymore so I just avoided feeling all together. I was always running not only because of Klaus but because I didn't want to be close to someone long enough to care about them. I made sure everything was a game for me, until you came" Katherine confessed and Stefan didn't know what to say. Although she was pouring out her heart her voice wasn't soft or sweet. She was angry, she was annoyed and she was hurt.

"After so many lies it's hard to see any truth in you, Katherine" he honestly answered, his tone calm and low.

"I know a way that is very easy" she told him and before he knew she was kissing him passionately. He tried to resist at first but she was stronger than him. While he pushed her away, she pulled him closer and there wasn't any space between their bodies. It took him awhile but then he couldn't resist anymore. He reached for her curly hair and tugged it violently between his fingers. The kiss was bruising but they didn't feel any pain.

Katherine let the passion lead their actions but not long after he finally answered the kiss she moved her hands from the back of his head to his face. Her grip was loose, she barely touched him and the intensity of the kiss increased though the force applied by her diminished copiously.

Stefan didn't expect her to react like that but he wasn't able to stop his body anymore. He let go of her hair and his hands moved down to her waist.

"I'm not lying" she said against his lips.

"I can't trust you" he answered but didn't break the contact.

"I'm tired of this. It can't be ignored anymore Stefan. Let me prove it to you" her voice was almost vulnerable but she held her emotions back as much as she could while feeling his lips on hers after so long.

"There's nothing you can do that would make me believe you"

"Yes, there is and I'll show you" she said as she broke their kiss looking at him.

"I love Elena, Katherine. I pretended you were her because I can't go another day without her" he confessed but didn't look at her eyes as he said it.

"Here" she gave him a small bottle with a crimson liquid. He knew the smell too well.

"I feed on animals" he simply answered and looked away.

"If you love her, you need to control it Stefan. I've been sipping vervain for many years now. It hurts and burns like hell but it doesn't affect me as it affects other vampires. The only way of getting over our weaknesses is by fighting them" she explained while she waited for him to take the bottle from her outstretched arm.

"I don't stand a chance against an Original, Katherine. I'll die defending her and the blood will only make me an easier target. I can't control it" he admitted, feeling defeated. Killing him would be easier than killing Damon and he just hoped the two of them and maybe Caroline and Tyler would be enough to defeat the Original but he didn't expect to make it alive.

"You won't die. It's me they want" she said confidently and he looked at her oddly.

"But if they find Elena first they'll kill her instead"

"Take it Stefan" she said through gritted teeth and despite the fierceness in her voice and face, he could see that she was desperately pleading him to take it.

He finally accepted her offer and he could feel his body reacting to the proximity of human blood. He winced and she moved her hand to his arm and held it tightly.

"One sip, maybe a couple of drops every day. You'll be able to get more as each day passes. But don't make drastic additions. One step at time" she looked at his eyes intensely and when he nodded she let go of the arm she was squeezing.

"I only came back here and planned to offer her as the sacrifice Klaus has wanted for centuries because I didn't want to run anymore. But it wasn't running from him that hurt. It was running from you. I had this stupid idea that if I could live in peace with the Originals I could be with you forever. That's why I avoided those stupid feelings. They make you weak and lead you to poor decisions. I'm tired of this, Stefan, I'm tired of being alone and feeling nothing. Spending the eternity like this is a penance" she nearly cried but she was just too good on holding back her emotions. She was an expert on feeling and showing nothing.

"What are you talking about?" he asked her really confused about her words.

"I'll let them kill me instead. Goodbye Stefan" she kissed him lightly in the lips again and just like that she was gone.

* * *

"Elena my brother won't enjoy you wanting to die for me everyday" Damon said with a smirk but it didn't reach his eyes. He looked surprised and a rush of emotions crossed his eyes.

"This is not a joke to me Damon" she stood up from her position and turned her back to him. She couldn't believe of all moments she was letting her walls around him crack she chose to do it now, after she almost killed someone. There was so much going on in her head.

"It's not for me either" he assured her but didn't move from his position. The seriousness in his voice told that this was a very important subject to him.

"My head is pretty messed up, I'm trying to understand what I did when I was a human and becoming a vampire in the middle of the process doesn't make it any easier. I have a lot of questions and I don't have any answer to most of them but I'm sure of a few things. I'm sure I hate being a vampire, I'm sure that I love my boyfriend even if for any reason he kissed Katherine over my dead body. I'm sure I don't want to become a monster even if it's in my nature and I'm sure I want you to be a part of my life more now than when I chased your car that day" she started her speech with conviction and a determined voice but finished it with the softest tone she could.

"Elena I'm trying so hard not to be selfish with you. It's not part of who I am and I have to go against every instinct I have to be selfless. Don't make it any harder than it is" he buried his head into his hands trying to keep his position.

"Am I a burden?" she looked at him and seeing how he seemed tired and exhausted in that moment she didn't stop herself from voicing her thought.

"No, of course not. I take full responsibility over my acts. I am the reason why you have to face it all. Assuring that you'll make it as smooth as possible is my obligation. I'll take responsibility over you forever. You know what they say 'You become responsible, eternally, for what you have tamed'" Damon looked at her and he looked so drained but she was hurt by his words.

"Is that what I became to you? An obligation?" her voice cracked as she turned her back to him again.

"Elena… please, I just need to prepare you to be a vampire that you won't hate. I can be around you forever if that's what you want, I told you so but don't make it unbearable and painful" she turned back as he said the last words, she needed to see with her eyes what her ears were hearing. Was Damon sounding broken and his voice cracking?

"I need to know why you're here Damon. I need to know your motivations" she moved to where he was sitting and kneeling in front of him she reached for his hands.

"Why is that important? You have Stefan for all the important moments of eternity, Elena. I'm comfortable being the disdained brother that fades away in the background, unnoticed, but I can't be more than that. I can't bear it, Elena. That's why Stefan deserves you because he can be everything you need and I just can't. I'll fail you more than I'll succeed and I'll hurt you. Can't you see why this is so hard for to me? Every time I hurt you the feeling haunts me for days, weeks even, and I'm sure some of those times will haunt me forever. I can't keep it going"

"You don't need to be in the background. Everybody makes mistakes. I'm sure I hurt you too and I don't need you to be a shadow" she tried to show him the obvious. She didn't know when it changed or to which extend it changed but she needed him in her life as much as she needed Stefan and in her wildest moments – or maybe those were the most honest moments she had – she thought she needed him more than his younger brother.

"I have to!" he nearly yelled, looking at her with pain and desperation in his eyes.

"Shouldn't I decide about it, Damon? I'm tired of everyone making decisions for me! Nobody asked if or when I wanted to become a vampire. Nobody asked how I thought Katherine should be handled. You, Stefan and even Katherine made decisions for me that I was more than capable of doing myself. I don't know if you don't trust my judgment or my strength but I can assure you that I'm strong enough. I'm not afraid of you. I'm not afraid of you ever hurting me and I know you will. I know it'll be painful but that's why forgiveness and compassion exist. There are few things in my life I want more than to know who you really are, Damon. Because I've seen flashes of a man that while flawed is also as honorable as few. The extension of your loyalty surprises me all the time and I know you care! You care about me, why won't you let me care about you?" there was desperation in her voice as she pleaded for him to give her a chance of being around him, not with him standing in the shadows but being an important part of her life.

"Elena, don't go there" he kept his eyes closed as each word left her mouth. They were painful because he knew he wasn't deserving of them. She had such a big heart that was so quick in forgiving him that maybe she didn't realize that he would break said heart until the point of no repair and he wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of destroying for once and for all who she was as much as he wouldn't be able to live without the healing power of her forgiveness.

"I'm not giving up on you, not now, not ever" she held his head firmly with both of her hands. Her fierceness was always so endearing for him.

"I don't deserve you" he finally looked at her and she could see the tenderness in his eyes as he moved one of his hands to rub the side of her face.

"I'm not any sort of saint or superior being that you or anyone else should be deserving of being around" she matched his own gentleness.

"This isn't about you, Elena. You have the purest and most forgiving heart I know. Your selfless nature against my selfish one will hurt you time after time. I would become a burden too heavy for you to carry but I know you would never give up on me. I can't allow you such a curse now that you're immortal. It's not about how good you are because although everything I said about you makes you incredibly good it doesn't make you unflawed. It's not about my inability of avoiding the moments that will break your heart either. Neither my dark and disoriented nature. Those bad things about me don't make me undeserving of you because I think of myself too much to ever think something like this. But my love for you does. It's my love that will eat me from inside every time I see you crying because I didn't think before doing or saying something. It's my love for you that won't let me forgive myself for condemning you to this life, for almost killing your brother, for threatening your life and even threatening to turn you myself. I love you, Elena and because I love you I can't be selfish with you" he stopped caressing her cheek and moving slowly he reached for her forehead with his lips and touched her softly before standing up and heading inside the house, leaving a stunned Elena behind him.

* * *

_AN: Sorry guys but I couldn't help and have my own version of Damon's confession to Elena. Surely I didn't include compulsion here, it was just a way for him to keep her away from him without hurting them both._

_I also took the opportunity to go deeper and why he thinks it's selfish to admit it and why he doesn't deserve her._

_As for SK... should we believe Katherine. Do you believe? We'll find out soon where she went to and why. But she's getting little by little under Stefan's skin, just like I hoped, expected and really wanted to happen in the show but I guess that's not gonna happen :P_

_Thanks to **May** for being my beta to this story and to my loyal and amazing reviewers: Madagascar95; EtherealDemon (for all the past chapters); Silvina, DelenaAlways; DreamtoAspire; Avecia, jacks-peapod; xLoveRyanx; TtobogiI (Brazucas!); ahhh. HollyGolightly1985; damvampsal21; mayghaen17; bluestriker666; kat; tsukivamp and MsMaeve18._

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi  
_


	27. Chapter TwentySix: Risky

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Twenty-Six - Risky**

* * *

Damon couldn't believe he had said those things to her. He tried to keep those words to himself thinking about his self-preservation but especially because he didn't want her to have to deal with his feelings. He knew she would. He knew he was crossing a line and maybe changing their friendship forever. He didn't want things to be awkward between them and for the short time he saw her reaction that was probably what was going to happen. If Elena had something else to say to him, like he had secretly and faintly hoped, she wouldn't let him walk away. She would have stopped him and said something that would make him feel better about his feelings for her. That was as far as his hope went. He knew she loved Stefan and she had told him it was always going to be his brother, he didn't have any reasons to expect her to share his feelings. It wasn't fair to her to say those things but it wasn't fair to him to have her so close and yet so distant.

The vampire was entering the bedroom he'd been sleeping in when his phone rang in his pocket. He groaned as he saw his brother's name. It seemed like Stefan had a superior connection to know just when to call.

"Now is not a good time, Stefan" he didn't bother to greet or to ask what Stefan wanted.

"_You need to come back to Mystic Falls_" Stefan pleaded on the other side of the line.

"And why is that, Brother?" Damon asked without any hint of interest or sarcasm, just his plain voice, devoid of any emotion.

"_Katherine_" there was an urgency in the younger vampire's voice.

"What did the little bitch do now?" his voice grew annoyed. He definitely didn't have any patience to deal with Katherine today.

"_For all I know she may be calling Klaus to come right now_" Stefan announced and heard the deep and long sigh of his brother, who reaching his window jumped and headed to the usual hill half mile from the shore.

"Good thing that Elena isn't there and I can assure you nobody knows where we are. I've been extra careful and I checked the perimeter more than once every day since we arrived here" Damon explained as he looked to the porch to find Elena sitting in the chair she'd been sitting before he came. She looked pensive and distant. _Already thinking of a way to get rid of me, _he thought.

"_She'll let him kill her_" Stefan revealed and his brother was silent for a few moments before speaking again with sarcasm.

"That's an interesting change of events but I don't believe her. She loves her skinny butt too much for being killed"

"_I'm convinced she will_" his brother retorted.

"And why do you need me there? For the entertainment of watching her being killed? That sounds tempting, little bro, but no thanks"

"_We have to kill him_" Stefan's voice was some decibels louder and demanding.

"Excuse me?" Damon frowned. He couldn't understand what his brother was thinking but he knew for sure he didn't like it.

"_We can't allow him to kill her!_" the blond made himself clearer about his position and Damon gasped.

"Did you completely lose your mind?" the older brother protested enraged.

"_It's Katherine, Damon!_" Stefan's voice was full of indignation and it surprised Damon who needed a few seconds before saying something. It was all too shocking and unexpected.

"Exactly! The woman that destroyed our lives; that deceived us and killed Elena!" it was Damon's turn to sound indignant and perplexed.

"_She did it to save Elena. And I'm sure you're making it up to her already_" Stefan bitterly added and Damon opened his mouth in astonishment.

"Stefan, are you listening to yourself now? She killed Elena, your girlfriend! And what's that supposed to mean? What could I be making up to her for?" Damon was shocked but he couldn't accept his brother to make any insinuations. He had no rights. He had given Stefan his word to be most respectful and helpful to Elena. He wasn't using their time there to go behind his brother's back but it seemed that Stefan had been corrupted by the manipulation queen.

"_Let's face it; keeping Elena with you for weeks is all about making her your girlfriend and we all know that as your girlfriend it'd be only matter of time before she turned_" Stefan quipped and Damon was actually surprised by such bitterness.

"I'd never ask her to do it and I'm not here to steal your girlfriend, Stefan. I'm here to fix my mess and I assured you of that. Elena almost killed a boy today and she's devastated. Do you think I would ever want this life for her? Do you think I would take advantage of such a vulnerable and hard time for her to seduce her?" Damon asked incredulous, it was hard to believe that after everything they'd been through together in the past months that Stefan still thought so little of him.

"_But she was willing to die for you. She actually nearly died without even having your blood in her system and let's not forget the kiss_" Stefan voiced the facts that had been haunting him since Elena died. As much as he tried to focus on her adaptation and how it was hard for her as she still despised and didn't accept what she was, all he could really think about was her relationship with Damon. He had never gotten over the fact that she chose his brother and not him, her boyfriend, to help her go through the radical change.

"She wasn't willing to die for me Stefan, it was an accident" Damon tried to reason with a much more serene tone than he had used in their conversation. It was still too hard for him to accept that she got in the accident in the first place because he had refused to listen to her.

"_But you did just as the same thing as Katherine to Vicky and Isobel and God knows how many more. You're the same as Katherine, so if you're allowed to be forgiven, so she is_" Stefan also calmed down and spoke with his usual uphold tone.

"Katherine is irrevocably evil"

"_But still less than a year ago you were doing exactly what she did just to release her from the tomb_"

"Because I didn't know she forged her death and fooled us yet again" Damon protested and he couldn't believe his brother brought it up. They'd been deceived by Katherine but after everything they learned about her in the past months he thought Stefan had more reason than ever to hate her.

"_No Damon because you loved her, because you wanted to be with her. That was why you told her that you were willing to forget the past 146 years if only she told you the truth. You were willing to forgive her for everything she did as long as she loved you but she loves me_" Stefan revealed details of Damon and Katherine's conversation that he wasn't aware his brother knew. It meant the she-vampire had been talking a lot to his brother and it left Damon alert.

"You can't actually believe she's capable of loving" Damon protested outraged.

"_Just because she doesn't love you __it__ doesn't mean she can't. If you can, she sure as hell can_" Stefan insisted on showing how Katherine was no worse than Damon.

"I don't care about what she feels, Little Brother. I'm not helping the woman that killed Elena and I'm surprised that you are!" Damon was already standing almost a mile from the house to assure Elena wouldn't listen to their conversation. He certainly didn't want her to listen to his brother's words.

"_Listen Damon, you could lose your precious Elena before you have time to bat your eyelashes. Klaus had hunted Katherine for five hundred centuries because she stole the moonstone. She fooled him by turning herself into a vampire and ending any chances of any doppelganger ever being born again. If he ever finds out about Elena again he'll think she did the same and will kill her as easily as he'll do to Katherine if we don't impede it_" Stefan changed his approach but it only enraged his brother more.

"Stefan I don't know what voodoo she made but I'm not helping Katherine and you keep Elena out of it" he nearly yelled, controlling his voice just to make sure Elena wouldn't hear anything. As far as he could tell she was still in the same position on the porch.

"_Her original plan was to break the curse as an agreement for her freedom but then she changed her mind and she wanted to be with me and she knew if she handed Elena over as a sacrifice to Klaus that I would never forgive her_"

"She seems to have made the mistake I did, which is trust your sanity. Are you on human blood already?"

"_How did you… no Damon. Actually I'm being honest with myself for the first time since I came back. I know I love Elena but I also know that she kissed you and that Katherine didn't compel me to love her all those decades ago. I didn't go after Elena because of her straight hair_" Stefan finally admitted and Damon who thought couldn't be any more shocked was stunned by the revelation.

"Stefan I honestly think you lost it. I'm coming back, to check on you and I better not find any corpses buried in the backyard but Elena won't know any of this and I'm not taking her with me. I'll put some sense in your mind and kill the bitch myself. Then you can come back to Elena"

"_Katherine turned Elena to save her, Damon, can't you see it? She turned Elena into a vampire so she wouldn't be useful for Klaus. The curse can only be broken by human blood, the doppelganger has to be human and sooner or later they would find out about Elena_"

"How can you buy this story, Stefan?" Damon scorned.

"_I confirmed her story with a friend of Lexi's, Damon. Apparently Katherine dragged more people with her while she escaped Klaus back in 1492 and Lexi introduced me to Rose about hundred years ago. She's one of those vampires that Klaus is also pursuing revenge. She was the one that followed you to Atlanta and who informed Katherine that you found Elena_"

"And she just told you all this and now you want me to die for Katherine?"

"_She's been telling me piece by piece of her puzzle but today she told me she was going after Klaus_"

"We don't even know who or where Klaus is, Stefan. If everything Katherine said is true why is it taking so long for this guy to come here?"

"_Because a guy who's lived for over thousand years now doesn't need to be in a rush. He waited for ten centuries for the doppelganger and five to kill Katherine. Once he finds out Elena died or turned he can destroy this town out of rage, Damon, you know it_" and for the first time Damon felt like his brother said something sensible, though still for the wrong reasons.

"Did you talk to this Rose?" the older brother was serious and decided to let Stefan's motives behind him, for now.

"_Yes, it took me some time but I finally got her number_"

"Can we trust her?"

"_Yes, we can. Klaus has been chasing her too because her friend helped Katherine escape back in 1492. Elijah recently killed Trevor but he let her run in exchange of her informing him where Katherine was_"

"Who is Elijah?"

"_One of the other Originals_"

"So let me see if I got it right. It's you and me, a suicidal and therefore out of her mind Katherine against a bunch of Originals?" Damon quipped.

"_Actually Elijah doesn't want anything to do with Klaus. He only wanted his revenge against Katherine. Once he found out about Elena's death he left"_

"Why did you keep me in the dark about all this, Stefan?" Damon showed impatience and irritation knowing his brother was keeping important information from him.

"_Because my main focus was Elena_"

"Yeah, about that, when did it change?" Damon's cynical smirk didn't match his enraged eyes.

"_Maybe when I realized that I didn't hate Katherine as much as I thought I did or when I admitted to myself that I honestly loved her in 1864. But I guess it could have been when she kissed you, risked her life for you and chose you to be by her side when she needed her boyfriend the most_"

"I can't believe you're acting out of jealousy! Elena loves you. I'm sure she just wants to make sure she's already all healed and whole when she comes back to you and what do you in exchange Stefan? You believe in Katherine's deceiving lies!" Damon was indignant again. He would kill his brother if it wouldn't break Elena's heart.

"_I've got proof not only by Rose but also by Elijah. Her story is genuine. Did you know that Originals can compel other vampires? I was compelled to confirm Elena's death. I told him Katherine turned Elena against her will and that Elena left to deal with the transition and that I didn't know where she was. He asked me where Katherine was and I told him but she fooled him again_"

"And do you have any plan in this little suicidal mission of yours?" Damon asked curious but also concerned. This information stirred something in his head. He thought the originals were powerful but he had no idea they could compel other vampires. That was the final confirmation Damon needed to know he had to do something about it. Between the many insanities his brother said in one thing Stefan was right. The moment Klaus found out that he had lost his last chance to break the curse he would destroy the city and certainly go after Elena with even more rage than he went after Katherine with.

"_Yes, I do but I'm going to need Bonnie and you and this needs to be fast. I have no idea where Katherine is or what she's doing_"

"I'll help you but know two things, Stefan. One, I'm doing this for Elena and Elena alone. Klaus could have his way with Katherine for all I care and the only reason I would like to be around would be to see the bitch finally being ripped apart. Two, you just lost Elena. I don't want you around her. I thought you deserved her but I was wrong but I guess I don't need to make this a condition for me to be part of your plan. I'm sure you're already giddy inside to be with dearest Katherine. But if the bitch dies and all you have behind is Elena you won't be with her. You just lost any right to be with her" Damon's voice was vicious and poisonous. He wouldn't let his brother break Elena's heart and use her like that.

"_I love Elena and she loves me and you can't decide if we will or won't be together_"

"If you loved her and not Katherine, she would be the reason why you're willing to die, Stefan and don't deny it. You may want to save her too but what's killing you inside is the possibility of losing Katherine forever"

"_You don't know anything_"

"I didn't but now I do, Stefan. I know that you don't deserve Elena as much as I don't and that's the difference between the two of us. We both know it but I'm the only one willing make a sacrifice for her. You were never capable of letting her go even when you knew it was the best for her. The only reason you're professing your love for her now is because you know Katherine is a bitch that can't be trusted. You're afraid of the 'I love you, Stefan' part of her story being a lie and there's no way you can say if it's true or not. You're afraid that she's using you and will leave again once you and I kill – or die trying – her biggest enemy. You want her but if you can't have her you'll have the closest thing, which is Elena" Damon said disgusted.

"Love isn't about giving up, Damon"

"No, it isn't Stefan. I don't know a lot of things about love but I know that it's about putting who you love above you, your own happiness and your own love and that's what I'm doing. Go find Katherine. I'm sure she isn't as willing to die as you believe. I'll be there in the morning" Damon didn't give a chance for brother to answer and hung up.

* * *

He walked back to the house and for a moment he forgot about everything that had happened between him and Elena just before Stefan called. But as soon as he saw her again she made sure to remind him of everything they talked nearly an hour ago.

"I want to go back to Mystic Falls, Damon. I need to and if you are not willing to drive me there, I'll go by myself" she said and turning on her tracks she headed upstairs not giving him time to protest. He knew that was a lost battle and unless he used some strength and vervain and held her captive somewhere he wasn't going to be able to prevent her from running to his brother's arms. He wished there was something he could do about it, but there wasn't. Elena loved Stefan and as much as his brother was confused and lost in Katherine's games and lies, he knew Stefan loved her back, although he loved Katherine batter. They needed to kill Klaus and assure that Elena's life would never be threatened by Katherine's actions and although he promised to his brother to help him to kill Klaus he wouldn't waste the chance of killing Katherine too. There was the only chance Elena and Stefan ever had to be happy. His brother didn't deserve Elena but she deserved even less to know what Stefan had just told him. In the right set of mind – which was only possible if he was kept away from Katherine – Stefan was exactly what Elena needed. If Damon got rid of Katherine forever, he was sure Stefan's love for Elena would be enough to make her happy and he would never hurt her. And Damon knew no limits when it came to Elena's happiness.

* * *

_AN: Merry Christmas for those who celebrate it and happy new year to everyone. _

_I guess I'll have three or at most four more updates til the end but no more updates this year.  
_

_Thanks a lot to my beta, **May** and everybody who reviewed last chapter._

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	28. Chapter TwentySeven: The Plan

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven - The Plan**

* * *

Katherine listened to Stefan and Damon's conversation carefully and with a smile stamped on her face. The younger Salvatore brother reacted exactly like she had expected. She thought it was a long shot for him to believe that she was willing to give her life up in favor of Elena's but she didn't know what else to do to convince him to join forces with her and kill Klaus. Actually she didn't need his help per say but she knew if she engaged him it would be easier to engage Damon, who had Elena and she needed her doppelganger. Her plan was like a castle of cards, each card was important to bring the next up and once she pulled the trigger each of them would lead the next to be exactly where she needed them. And she knew exactly who the next card in her castle was. She shared with Stefan in earlier occasions that they would need Bonnie's help and she wasn't surprised that as soon as he hung up with Damon he called the witch.

"Hey, Bonnie, it's Stefan"

"Elena is okay, for now, but Katherine lost control and went after Klaus. I guess Klaus is already in Mystic Falls and he'll probably start his search for Elena soon. We can't let him know about Elena "

"She snapped. I don't know exactly what her plans are but I was hoping you would be able to feel his presence"

"I know you, but is there anything in the grimoire? It doesn't need to be a locator spell as you just said we would need blood and objects linked to him. We're talking about a big source of Power, maybe the biggest we've ever seen. Couldn't you be sensitive enough to feel it approaching?"

"Okay, I really appreciate it Bonnie. Please call me when you find something"

Once she knew the witch was also engaged, Katherine retired herself from the boarding house surroundings and headed to the old Lockwood dungeon. She needed to set up her stage for the fight she had been waiting for centuries. She would avenge her family and herself and Klaus would wish he had never crossed ways with her. With a final and victorious smile, she looked once again to the boarding house, seeing Stefan's figure pacing in his room, and then she walked away in the darkness.

* * *

"Now is not a good time for you to go there, Elena" Damon tried to reason. He knew it would be nearly impossible to make her change her mind but he had to try. With Katherine drawing Klaus's attention, who might already be in the city, bringing Elena was the most dangerous thing they could ever do.

"It doesn't matter Damon, I can't stay here. I need to go back. Please, call Stefan and let him know that I'll be there tomorrow in the morning" she told him as she gathered her new belongings. Her eyes caught a pattern that she didn't see before. The clothes she picked a month ago in the store were all plain, there weren't any patterns. Her hand reached for outfit and she never touched a smoother tissue. It was a white and blue floral summer dress. A human couldn't stand to wear it that time of the year but it wouldn't be a problem for her. She definitely didn't buy it but seeing how Damon looked away as he spoke she knew he was behind it.

"Actually I was just on in the phone with him. Katherine is up to something. She asked Stefan to help her get rid of Klaus so you wouldn't need to run every time someone thinks you're her. She told him that she was going to let him kill her but we know it's not true. She would never willingly die" his voice was stoic but also confident.

"Damon, I have to see Stefan. If you want to bring him here, fine. I don't really care, you can go back to Mystic Falls and do whatever you need to do there, just send Stefan here please" she refused to give more information about her sudden need to be with Stefan. She thought about everything that happened in the past year, all she went through, she thought about both brothers and she wouldn't be Katherine, even if she only dated one. She didn't want to get between them because she now knew she had feelings for both, although those feelings differed in kind and intensity. Damon was just too easy to break and Stefan was prone to hurt in silence and she knew she would hurt one of them or maybe both but she didn't have any other choice. It had to be stopped and it had to be stopped now. If she made the wrong choice, she would deal with the consequences.

During his speech she realized Damon was right. What she was suggesting was torturous and she wouldn't hurt him like that. He said he loved her and she could see in those pools of bright blue how much he meant those words. She had been surprised by his revelation. She knew he had feelings for her but he had called it 'something'. It could be desire, passion, infatuation or a crush but she didn't expect love. And she couldn't say anything back. She had already been unfaithful to her boyfriend with that kiss and it wasn't okay to have feelings for his brother while they dated. She had been unfair to both of them and now she had to do the right thing.

"Please Damon. I can't… I wish… Damon, please" she begged him to do not make many questions or deny it to her. She could barely hold her emotions back.

"I need to make a call first, I'm not bringing you to the boarding house" he told her and left her bedroom, leading for his.

Her reaction was exactly what he expected. It wasn't too much about her words, he knew she was trying to be as sweet as possible but it was the distance she was putting between the two of them. The way she avoided to look at his eyes and tried to keep herself busy packing her clothes. From the look in her eyes he knew that was the first time she was seeing the dress. The one he bought her and that she put away in the back of the closet. He avoided looking at her while she ran her hands over it but he was capable of seeing, from the corner of his eyes, when she put it back in the closet. She knew it was his gift and he knew she would leave it there, behind her.

He walked to the bedroom where he was staying. He wouldn't take any clothes. He had plenty of them in the boarding house. He planned to die trying to kill Klaus but in the case he survived he decided to come back to the beach house. It was secluded enough. There was nothing in the area except for the bed and breakfast probably three miles down the same beach and he could live there long enough. He had spent many of the years as an undead there and that was the place he would be until he forgot Elena. The place that would smell of her for a while and where he had a few memories, not many, only of the two of them.

But now he needed a plan to ensure _she_ would survive. He wouldn't mind being killed but he needed to make sure that she wouldn't die forever.

"_Hello_" the female voice greeted.

"Carla" he said simply.

The redhead who had fallen asleep on the couch watching an old movie, soon got out of her sleepy state.

"_Damon?_" she asked surprised.

"I didn't forget" was the first thing he said and she knew what he was talking about. It just made her care about him more. Not only had he saved her grandmother but still planned to avenge her.

"_I know_"

"How is Martha?"

"_She's doing fine, thanks to you. The cancer is coming back but this time we're starting the treatment in the beginning. She will have more chances than she had last time_" she explained.

"I'm sorry. I imagined that it would be only a temporary cure, it would heal the cells that were sick then but it wouldn't prevent new cells to be malformed" he lamented truly.

"_You gave me months, maybe years, with the only person that really matters to me, Damon. I won't ever be able to do something to thank you enough_"

"You don't need to do anything because of that but there's a favor I'd like to ask" he offered honestly to make sure he wasn't asking because she owed him, because she didn't.

"_Anything_" she didn't hesitate. If there was someone in the world who Carla would agree to do anything for it was Damon. Nobody ever cared that much about her, except for her family before it fell apart. But now she had him, even if he wasn't around, she knew she could count on him for what she needed and despite her belief that he would never need her to do anything to him, she was just as ready to comply.

"I have Elena and there's a very dangerous vampire after her who may already be in Mystic Falls. Actually after Katherine but he'll go after Elena if he ever crosses paths with her and believe me, this world can be small sometimes" Damon informed, his voice venomous but also filled with concern.

"_I'm sorry_"

"Anyway, she isn't in Mystic Falls but she wants to go there. I know you have no reason to trust her and I'm asking too much" his voice softened.

"_There's no too much, not for you anyway_"

"Could she stay a couple of days with you and Martha?"

"_Of course!_" she didn't falter.

"Carla, don't be so fast to say yes. Elena is a vampire now, who feeds on human blood. She doesn't drink from people but she doesn't have it totally under control. I trust her enough to do no harm to you and Martha and I wouldn't ask if I didn't think so, but you need to be aware of what you're handling here" he warned her. He cared a lot about the girl on the other side of the line and he wanted her to understand fully what he was asking.

"_I'm pretty aware, Damon. I still have the vervain or whatever the name is. I guess it won't let her harm us, right?_"

"No, it's poisonous to us. Even if she tries to feed on you, she'll stop the moment she tastes the herb"

"_So I guess I'm under no risk_"

"Just because you'll survive it doesn't mean you won't be hurt and I don't want you to ever be hurt again" his voice was soft, leading her to be teary. Only her grandmother cared about her like that.

"_That's not something you can avoid, Damon. Look I know you love her. You saved someone I love. The least I can do for you and to take care of someone you love too_"

"The whole city still thinks she's dead, except for her brother. My brother will visit her and maybe her brother and a couple of friends. She can't leave the house, under no circumstances. I'll leave some darts with vervain; don't think twice before using them if she tries to leave" he instructed and warned her. Elena was too predictable. He knew if she found out about his and Stefan's plan she would try to help although she wouldn't be able to do anything other than get in their way and be an easy target to Klaus.

"_Why would she leave if there's a powerful vampire that could kill her?_" Carla asked confused.

"Because she's stubborn and stupid. When I say very powerful I mean more powerful than I, Stefan, Katherine and probably the three of us combined. Elena won't watch us die to save her" he clarified and Carla finally understood the brunette's reasons. She couldn't agree more.

"_I wouldn't sit down watching you die either_"

"Yes, but when neither of you has anything to do about it you should be selfless and thankful instead of a pain" he answered slightly annoyed.

"_Ouch_"

"Anyway, is it too much to ask?" he honestly asked her. He didn't want her to do something she wasn't comfortable with and being in a house with a vampire, one who was yet to totally control her urges, was something to make one uneasy.

"_Of course not_"

"Okay, I guess we'll be there tomorrow morning, before the sun rises"

"_Okay_"

"And Carla, thank you" he added, although she made sure he didn't need to thank her.

* * *

Damon crossed the long corridor and without much more to say he informed Elena they would leave at five in the morning but not before making her promise to do not leave Carla's house. She tried to negotiate but he was adamant about it. She finally agreed but Damon didn't seem too convinced.

"Can I trust you, Elena?" he repeated the question she asked him many months ago.

"Yes, Damon, you can trust me" she sighed a little bit disappointed that he had to ask such a question.

"Okay"

"Damon, I'm…" she started, not being able to hold the emotions from her voice. She could see how her previous words had hurt him. But she had a boyfriend, one she still loved, that couldn't be ignored. She was going to tell him what she had in mind and finally explain everything to him but he cut her off before she said more than a couple of words.

"Elena, don't. I would compel you to forget what I said if I could. I never planned to tell you that because I know it would hurt you. Because I don't stand a chance; because it won't ever be me. I never wanted you to feel bad about it or pity me. We're both better than that. So as I can't compel you to forget I guess we could just pretend it never happened" he avoided her eyes during his speech because he couldn't bear to see the rejection and pity that she probably had on them.

"Damon, it's imposs…" she tried again but he interrupted once more.

"Good night, Elena" he said firmly and just like that he disappeared.

* * *

"Why am I here, Katherine?" the witch in front of her asked curious.

"First, because we don't see each other in a very long time" she smiled to the woman in front of her "Second, because you owe me"

"Having fun in the mystical Mystic Falls?" Lucy asked with a smirk.

"Not as much as I planned" Katherine pouted slightly.

"Did you find the doppelganger?"

"Of course I did" she plastered her full grin.

"Do you have Mason?"

"No, but I already got the next best thing" her grin became mischievous and Lucy knew the vampire did something wicked.

"What do you mean?"

"He crossed ways with Damon and let's just say not many survive the older Salvatore brother" Katherine showed a slight annoyance. She knew the werewolf had lost control during the full moon and nearly killed Stefan but she didn't expect Damon to avenge his brother just like that. But lately when she changed her mind he wasn't as useful but with Klaus coming she preferred to have Tyler around.

"But no werewolf, no spell"

"That's why I told you I've got the next best thing"

"The vampire?"

"Some stupid blond"

"The stone?"

"Right here" Katherine took the stone from her jacket pocket.

"So I guess you have everything you need" Lucy informed her without much emotion. On one hand she was happy to finally be even with Katherine but maybe breaking the curse that kept vampires night creatures in exchange for her freedom and life was a really high price to pay for it.

"Now I have" she looked to the witch with a satisfied smirk.

"And how will you let Klaus know it was you who broke the curse?" Lucy made the crucial question. Doing the spell wasn't Katherine's objective. Letting Klaus know that she finally gave him what he had wanted for centuries was.

"I invited him to the party"

"You didn't"

"Yes, I did and I know you'll be able to find him for me. Stefan got the witch to find him but I know she won't, I need her for something else. Can you feel his power already?" Katherine looked at her watch with a satisfied smile on her face. The witch closed her eyes focusing on the Powers present in Mystic Falls and she never felt something like that before.

"He's actually very close to us now" she said surprised.

"Good, so let's take this conversation somewhere else" Katherine headed their way out of the bed and breakfast she was back after running from Elijah.

"When is the next full moon?" Lucy queried when they entered the old Lockwood dungeon.

"Actually tomorrow but there are some things I need you to take care of first"

"I thought my only part was to recite the spell" the witch frowned.

"Don't worry; it's still a spell, a very good one"

"And how do you know it's a good spell?" Lucy asked confused and her frown grew bigger.

"I got a phone call to make, if you excuse me" Katherine winked to the witch, showing her the phone's screen.

Lucy's jaw dropped when she read the name while the vampire triumphantly smiled hitting the green button.

"So I've heard you're looking for me" she said with an innocent tone as soon as the phone was picked up on the other side of the line.

"You should get used to it by now. After all those centuries, I thought you had already figured out how it works"

"We can catch up later, darling, but now I have a proposal to make"

"Ah, ah, ah. Let me tell you first, I'm sure you will like it"

"I'm sure there's something you want more than that. Think about it. What do you want the most?"

"What if I could offer you that, tomorrow night, during the full moon?"

"I have everything planned. The doppelganger, the witch, the werewolf, the vampire and the stone. He'll be my special guest"

"Because I need you to help with two small inconvenient issues"

"The Salvatore brothers and Elena"

"I need you to compel them"

"Do I have your word?"

"So we have a deal, Elijah"

* * *

_AN: so I'm having such a quiet week before New Year's Eve and here it goes the last update this year._

_Next: the sacrifice._

_Thanks a lot to my beta **May** and to my reviewers. I've got less reviews lately, be nice to me, peers :)_

_Happy New Year_

_Babi  
_


	29. Chapter TwentyEight: Compelled

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Twenty-Eight - Compelled**

* * *

_She's at Carla's house. Try to be discreet. I'll arrive at the house and you'll let me know that you're going to leave to look for Katherine. I would tell you to go to hell but I'll leave just after you. I'll be alert and if she follows you, I'll let you know._

_D_

Stefan barely read the text as his brother was entering the house.

"You better know what you're doing here Stefan. I want to make it clear that I'm only helping you because of Elena" Damon stormed into the parlor and went straight to the drink cart. He missed his favorite scotch.

"I tried to find her but I have no idea where she is. Don't think I'm doing it for Katherine, Damon. I'm doing it for me and ultimately for Elena"

"I couldn't care less about her whereabouts. I'll go to the witch and try to find out if Klaus is here and then I'll kill him. As for your motives, they're yours, I couldn't care less" the older Salvatore brother offered honestly. He didn't care about Stefan or Katherine or their reasons, he just needed to bring the Original down at any cost.

"I'm going to look for Katherine, you could go to Bonnie and see if she found the spell" Stefan suggested, heading out and Damon downed one more glass of liquor and soon followed his brother, though he went much slower trying to catch any scent, either from Katherine or Klaus.

It didn't take Stefan too much time to arrive at Carla's and he could barely hold his nerves back. It was the first time he was going to see Elena in months and he had so many feelings. He knew he loved her but he felt like there was something he needed to finish with Katherine before he ever felt totally free to be with Elena. He needed to turn that page of his life forever and helping to save the centenary vampire would finally give him the closure he needed. He finally decided to face his feelings for Katherine. The ones he nurtured while he was a human and all the resentment and despise he developed in his years as a vampire. But during his honesty trip he wondered if all those feelings he had back in 1864 were as dead as he thought they were. But that wasn't the main reason why he agreed forcefully to help Katherine. Elena was. Killing Klaus would give Elena the easiness to know no one would kill her because of any ancient curse. And he also expected that with letting his grudges and disdain go Katherine would be buried in the past. With all said and done, he could finally leave Katherine behind him forever and be with the woman he loved.

He knocked on the door and Carla soon opened it, already waiting for him to be there. Elena had arrived at her house before the sunrise as agreed. She was alone because Damon didn't think he should be the one to drop her there. She had a cell phone to call him if anyone approached her. He was a couple of streets down and he'd be there in a few seconds. But her arrival to the redhead's house was smooth and after receiving a proper invitation Elena entered the house and waited for her boyfriend.

She talked briefly to Damon's former fling and it couldn't be more awkward. But she soon brushed off the odd feelings and promptly offered an apology for her attack back in the hospital. Although Carla remembered only now that Damon mentioned briefly that Elena might have attacked her, she wasn't _too_ uneasy. She joked about being full of vervain and keeping it in her grandmother's diet too but Elena didn't react well to the joke. The memories of the boy she attacked the night before were still too alive in her head. The awkwardness was soon interrupted by Stefan knocking on the door and Carla was happy to invite him in and leave the living room. Just because she agreed to have a vampire, or two, in her house, it didn't mean she had to be cordial and offer them something to eat. Not that she had anything they would like anyway.

The moment Stefan entered the house he ran to his girlfriend, hugging and kissing her dearly. Elena was overwhelmed by the many emotions running in her mind and she was thankful they soon moved to the conversation part of their reunion. As much as she knew they had some complex and touchy subjects to talk about and she need to tell him everything. She wouldn't lie about anything and she felt really relieved after she was finished. She told him everything since the day she died to the previous night when she almost killed a boy. There wasn't anything she didn't say, either related to her new life, to her feelings for both brothers and her days with Damon. Stefan didn't make any questions while she reported everything. He wanted her to really open up, he wanted to understand everything she felt. Surely when she mentioned feeling something for his brother he felt like a sword had entered his heart but he waited patiently for her conclusion. It wasn't about who she loved or didn't, it was about who she chose.

He was about to open his mouth for the first time since she started talking when Damon entered the house, demanding both of them to follow him.

"Don't ask anything, just follow me" he ordered as he walked out of the house.

Before Stefan could understand what happened, Elijah had Elena pinned against his body. The younger Salvatore brother turned in his tracks and was standing just a few steps from the other two vampires.

"Stefan, you will do everything I say starting now" he compelled and Stefan blank eyes proved Elijah was successful. "I'm going to take you, Damon and Elena to the old Lockwood's dungeon and you won't leave. You won't react to any of the events that will take place there tonight. You'll just watch and do as Katerina says" he demanded and Stefan nodded.

"Elena" he said looking at the vampire's eyes "You'll do everything Katherine orders and you won't protest or say anything to anyone. You'll be silent during the whole ordeal"

He confirmed his orders to the three vampires and letting Elena go, they followed the Original to the Lockwood's dungeon.

* * *

They arrived there to find Caroline tied up in ropes that had been soaked in vervain and Tyler locked down with chains in his limbs and midsection.

"Hello there, Elijah. Long time no see" she offered a full grin to the Original as they came face to face.

"Katerina" he replied emotionless.

"Now what do we have here? The Salvatore brothers and their love. Oh wait, that's me, not my carbon copy. Silly me, always making foolish mistakes" she smirked naughtily appraising them.

"Are they at my command?" she turned to Elijah again, who only nodded.

"I liked it best when it didn't involve compulsion. Although I must say Damon I used my share of it with you back in the day. I expected you to despise me after you turned and learned everything I did to you but even when the compulsion wore down you still loved me. I was touched" she approached him, touching his chest softly.

The three younger vampires standing had disgusted faces but they couldn't react as they were compelled to be silent and do everything Katherine said. Damon looked at Stefan knowingly, wanting to kill his brother with his own hands for trusting Katherine even if only for a second. Stefan was enraged but he was angrier at himself than at the vampire who had fooled him once again. Elena was plain disgusted. She wanted to kill Katherine and shove her away from Damon but all they could do was watch.

"Although we have the whole day ahead of us, I'll bring you to your comfortable dwellings" she informed as she put on gloves and ordered one by one to be positioned in front of the ropes she had awaiting for them. The brothers' were filled with vervain, just like Caroline's but Elena's wasn't. She was simply tied up to regular ropes.

The moment Katherine was finished with them, Elijah sprang forward and had her pinned against one of the walls but she didn't do as much as flinch, as she was expecting him to do that.

"Aren't we getting cozy, here?" she smirked.

"What if what I want the most is to kill you?" it was his turn to show a wicked smile.

"Then I guess you'll lose the biggest chance you'll ever have to do what you really want to do"

"You're going to leave with me" his pupils dilated and he compelled her but she only answered shaking her head and muttering 'tsc, tsc, tsc'

"I remember that you and Klaus were never affected by vervain as the other vampires were. I've been an observer even when I was a human, Elijah. It hurt like hell and I felt my throat burning more than when I exposed my skin against the sun without my necklace but it paid off" she informed him while he kept her pinned against the wall and the other occupants of the room looked at her confused, except for Stefan.

"Vervain, I've been sipping it for a while now. It made me stronger but it's also useful when you have a day or two with Originals ahead of you. I must say I took an extra dose this morning, after Lucy left. I even thought I had taken too much when it took longer than usual for me to recover but I guess I've got enough to be immune to your compulsion for the day"

He threw her against the moldy ground and she quickly stood up, brushing off the dust and dirt.

"I know you really want me dead and you won't break your word. So you have two options here, you kill me now and leave, losing the biggest chance you'll ever have to enjoy eternity as you planned or you can just focus on the biggest prize and come back by the time the moon is up in the sky for the show. Suit yourself" she walked up to the chair she had there and taking a sip of the blood she brought she raised her glass to him with a satisfied smile "So what will it be?"

He didn't say anything and taking a last look at the four vampires tied up and the boy locked up he turned around and left.

* * *

"It was harder than I expected. She got really powerful quickly" Lucy announced as she entered the dungeon with Bonnie in the beginning of the evening. Surprisingly enough for the rest of the vampires who were there, Katherine only played her mind games while Elijah was there in the morning. The whole day she watched them and drank blood. Her gaze lingered every time she looked at Stefan and her eyes softened but his stayed as tough as ever.

"Will she do the spell?" Katherine looked to the younger witch, who just stood there by her distant cousin's side.

"Yes, the spell worked and she's convinced she has to do this spell to save her friend"

"You shouldn't have so much trouble; I heard dear Elena could compel her in her very first attempt as a vampire"

"Anything consensual is easier than when you have to fight, especially against the Power" Lucy explained and she looked much calmer about the following events than she had in the previous night. When Katherine explained the entirety of her plans the witch was relieved but mainly just shocked. It was a master plan that covered basically everything the first doppelganger vampire wished. There wasn't anything that wouldn't benefit her and although she shouldn't be impressed by Katherine she was because she truly never expected her to be able to do it.

"So I guess all I have to do now is bring my honored guest and wait till the light of the full moon. It's poetic, don't you think, Lucy?" she smiled, not smirked, to the witch who only nodded her head. "It'll also give you time to work on Elena. I'm sure the first thing he'll notice is her and I know he'll want to check her closer than anyone else here. Are you sure you can make her heart beat and her blood to change for a couple of hours?"

"I have assured you I can, I already have everything I need here" the witch informed her and Katherine nodded satisfied.

"You know how much it's important to keep the secret. Klaus can compel everyone in this room except for you, Bonnie and me. Don't say a thing while I'm out and if you need to tie her up I have plenty of rope here. Just make sure everything is like we planned. We can't make the smallest mistake" Katherine was dead serious as she talked to Lucy who ensured her she wouldn't let anything happen.

* * *

It didn't take Katherine too long to be back and everything was exactly as when she left. She walked in first and was soon followed by a man. He was tall, blond, his eyes the bluest and most vivid blue. He looked peaceful and serene and not at all like the most powerful vampire that ever lived. Nobody expected the young good looking man to be a creature of darkness when everything about his features were soft and endearing. But there, standing in front of them was Klaus, the oldest Original and he looked pleased as he looked at each of the creatures and humans standing in the room.

"Meet Elena, my dearest descendent" Katherine offered to the Original as he stood in front of the youngest doppelganger, looking at her enchanted and content.

"I couldn't trust you, Katerina but I see the many centuries you lived made you wise"

"You have no idea. I was only trying to save my life back then, Klaus. It was never my intention to ruin your plans and I knew I would be able to make it up for you when the time came" she sweetly answered him. He was still fascinated by Elena and as Katherine expected he approached her; smelling and touching her. Elena was too scared to even react to his actions. Damon and Stefan wanted to jump on the vampire that was invading her personal space but the more they tried to release themselves the more the ropes hurt them.

"Now we just have to wait for the transformation" Katherine announced as she brushed Tyler's hair, as if he was a pet.

"Where is the stone?" Klaus turned to Katherine who was now keeping a safe distance from him.

"Right here" Lucy put the stone over the table they had in the farthest side of the room.

"You're discharged here, Lucy. Thanks for your help. The witch knows exactly what she needs to do, right?" Katherine asked once again and the older Bennett nodded and left.

"Don't you think you should give me back what you stole?" Klaus asked Katherine but just then Tyler yelled painfully.

"I guess that it will have to wait" Katherine announced as they watched Tyler contorting on the floor and before they had time to process his shaped had shifted and he was a werewolf.

"That was fast" Klaus commented with a slight frown.

"Never been around a werewolf turning" Katherine offered coolly.

"We can start the sacrifice" Bonnie announced and Klaus soon forgot about the stone and the wolf.

She started saying a lot of words in Latin while the Original paid attention carefully.

"Bring the doppelganger" Bonnie asked and Katherine approached Elena, looking at her eyes and ordered her to do as Bonnie said.

The witch asked Elena to lie down on the mark on the floor in front of her. Lucy had been adamant about where Bonnie had to stake Elena and Katherine actually looked nervous. That was the only critical part of the spell and Bonnie couldn't miss it.

She looked carefully as Elena lay in front of Bonnie and chanting a few more words the witch finally pushed the stake through Elena's chest, leading Stefan, Damon and Caroline to jump and try to get rid of their ropes, in vain.

The next step consisted of the vampire blood and Katherine brought a reluctant and fighting Caroline and placed her head by Elena's feet and Bonnie repeated the same procedure, staking the vampire.

The last, but not least or by any means easier, consisted of bringing the werewolf to the same position with his head turned to Caroline's feet and his feet to Elena's head, forming a triangle with their bodies. Katherine had some difficulty but she finally pulled him through the chains, that allowed him to move to the position he was supposed to be in and repeating her actions, Bonnie staked the supernatural animal in the chest.

"Now the moonstone" she ordered and Katherine looked to Klaus, who was closer to the object than she was.

"Perfect time for you to take what is yours, don't you think?" she asked him while he smiled sweetly back at her and taking the final steps to where the stone was he retrieved it.

* * *

_AN: So here is the first part of the 'battle'. There was no fight here, Kat had the upper hand just that easily. Wait until the second part to have your finals conclusions._

_Thanks a lot to **May** for being my beta and to my beloved reviewers. You guys make me very happy :)_

_Talk to you soon_

_Babi_


	30. Chapter TwentyNine: Redeemed

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine - Redeemed**

* * *

It all happened too fast. The moment he touched the stone it burned his skin but he couldn't let it go, the white sandalwood ash spreading quickly over his body, burning it violently. Katherine ran away, taking Elena with her and ordering the witch to follow. Elijah soon appeared in front of Klaus' twisting body.

"Nikolaus" he said simply watching the older Original.

"Elijah!" the hurting vampire yelled as he tried to recover.

"I guess we can finally end our old business"

"Do you think this can beat me?" Klaus said through clenched teeth as he slowly stood up, surprising Elijah.

The younger Original soon realized he had made a mistake and turned to the brothers who were still tied up. Breaking the rope with his hands easily, the vervain burning his skin that immediately healed, he compelled both of them to fight with him against Klaus. He handed them stakes thicker than their arms and the three of them started attacking the blond vampire.

"Some elaborated design you had here, Elijah, I'm surprised" Klaus said calmly as he dismissed each and one of the brothers attacks, breaking their stakes but not quickly enough to strike back at them. He moved to where the werewolf and Caroline lay on the floor and taking both of the stakes he turned to the brothers but Elijah intervened.

The three younger vampires finally started to feel the power of the oldest one as he started to strike them. Klaus knew he had to get rid of the babies first before aiming for the other Original. He easily had the upper hand on Stefan but Damon quickly slammed the stake into his back before he did the same with his brother, aiming at Stefan's heart.

Klaus quickly threw Damon several feet away and got the thick half stake out of his body before turning again to the youngest Salvatore. This time it was Elijah who attacked him but he was almost too late. The moment his stake entered Klaus' back, the blond's entered Stefan's chest but Elijah's strike made Klaus lose part of his balance leading him to miss Stefan's heart by a few inches. He struck back immediately, throwing the weaker Original against one of the walls, leading it to crack and several stones fall over his body.

Damon was back on his feet when he reached for the other half of his stake and ran towards Klaus again who was trying to get rid of the stake in his back. When the Original turned to the raven haired vampire, as Damon expected him to do, the younger vampire changed his course in the last second and moving to Klaus' back instead of his chest, he staked the Original, his stake piercing the flesh just by the side of the one Elijah had punctured, smashing Klaus' heart.

The older vampire turned gray almost immediately while dark veins appeared all over his skin.

Damon immediately kneeled in front of Stefan, removing the stake from his chest and tearing the flesh in his wrist, he offered his blood to Stefan, which was the best thing he had to offer.

"That's not enough" Elijah announced some seconds later as Damon tried desperately to resuscitate his brother.

Damon looked at him confused and watched as he removed the two stakes from Klaus body and waited until the older Original started to regain consciousness, he ripped his head off, watching as it rolled down near to Damon and Stefan.

In that moment Katherine re-entered the dungeon, and seeing Damon trying to help his brother she soon kneeled in front of Stefan's body, taking one of the blood bottles she had and shoving away Damon's wrist she moved it to Stefan's mouth. She looked enraged to Elijah, who smiled contently at Klaus' decapitated body, not paying attention to any of his surroundings.

"You shouldn't have gotten them involved. I told you no one could die except for Klaus" she yelled, breaking him from his happiness spell.

"They'll survive" he said simply.

"Give it to Caroline" she said while tears rolled down her face and she handed the other bottle to Damon.

"Where is Elena?" Damon slapped the bottle away, both of his hands moving to Katherine's throat, strangulating her.

"At the boarding house, Rose is taking care of her. Bonnie didn't stake Elena or Caroline to kill but Stefan is really hurt here" she explained pushing him away and turning her attention back to Stefan "Give the damn blood to Caroline and she'll wake up. Elena is probably already awake. Lucy broke the spell on Bonnie and she's probably heading there to make sure Elena is safe too"

"If she's hurt I'll kill you" he announced as he started to head off.

"I don't care about you or Elena. I did it for Stefan so be happy that you're alive and she's there, waiting for you" she looked at him with a broken gaze as she watched Stefan's motionless body.

"I'm not done with you" he informed her and finally walked away.

Katherine looked back at Elijah and with all the anger and pain inside of her, she dismissed him too.

"We're done, here, Elijah. My debt with you is paid and I hope this is the last time I ever see you" she told him, her tone had never been as dark as in that moment as she held Stefan's body against herself.

* * *

Damon wasn't surprised when he arrived at the boarding house to find only Rose there. It was the first time he was meeting with the old vampire but he skipped the introduction, pinning her against the wall demanding to know where Elena was. According to the she-vampire, Elena had left back to the dungeon to know if he and Stefan had survived the battle. Damon doubted her at first but when she said what Elena supposedly convinced Rose to let her go, he knew the blondish vampire wasn't lying. The stubbornness and determination Rose described fit Elena perfectly.

He came back to the old Lockwood dungeon but found it empty, except for Klaus' body. There were no signs of Elena, Stefan, Katherine or even Elijah. He didn't care about the three older vampires and tried to track down Elena's scent but she smelled different while she was there. The spell Lucy cast on her blood changed her smell and heading to Bonnie's house he missed the older Bennett witch too, who had already left town. When he was finally back at the boarding house, Rose was already missing too and he realized he was alone. Bonnie was feeling overly tired because of the spells she had cast and the one casted on her but she assured him she would try to do the tracking spell in the following day.

The next day didn't offer him the answers he needed but they were enough. When Bonnie and Damon went after Jeremy to do the tracking spell they found out Elena had looked for Jeremy in the previous night and told him that she couldn't bring herself to come back to town, pretending to be a miraculous survivor. She would need to leave soon for good and Jenna didn't deserve to go through that pain all over again. Her brother suggested telling the truth about vampires to their aunt but Elena was adamant. She didn't want to tell her old life to Jenna. Knowing about vampires was too dangerous and would bring unnecessary pain to her family. She didn't want her family to fear creatures threatening their lives because of her, as she had been threatened many times because of the brothers. It took Jeremy some time to finally accept it but he knew it was her decision to make. They agreed to communicate with each other from time to time, by internet or phone and saying their goodbyes, Elena finally departed.

The tracking spell failed as Bonnie had already suggested it would. The spell wasn't supposed to be done again in such a small period of time and knowing that Mystic Falls had nothing else for to him, Damon finally left. He stayed for three days after Katherine's plan was successful and he never heard of her or his brother and he didn't bother to look for them. He had only one concern and goal, and those were both Elena. She had survived, Klaus was dead, Elijah seemed to have left forever, never mentioning to go after Elena and that was enough for Damon. But in the bottom of his heart he had one small concern. He had two searches to do ahead of him and he wasn't willing to lose another day.

* * *

It took him a while but Stefan finally woke up. His memories about the battle weren't clear but he remembered fighting Klaus with Damon and Elijah. He didn't recognize the place where he woke up at but he found a letter on the nightstand by the bed where he was lay.

_Dear Stefan,_

_She's alive; I know that was your only concern. I heard your conversation with Damon yesterday in the house. I know you did everything you did to be with her. I don't know where she is and I wish you luck in your search for her. I know Damon is probably doing the same now but don't worry, she doesn't have any enemies in my name. I made sure to kill the last one I had and make a deal with the other one. I had many enemies in those five centuries but none of them were stronger than me, except for Klaus and Elijah, so they aren't alive. Elena won't have anyone trying to kill her thinking she's me._

_Caroline is also safe in Mystic Falls and that was never Tyler in the dungeon. Lucy __cast__ a spell __on__ a wolf and it shifted into Tyler's shape for those hours. I made sure to talk to him about his uncle and the curse and it was helpful to find a video that Mason recorded. He knows he can't ever kill someone otherwise he'll activate the curse. I don't really care about Caroline and Tyler but I know this is important __to__ you._

_Bonnie is also okay. A little shocked I guess but Lucy was extra careful. Witches are very protective of their bloodline and being a Bennett herself, Lucy made sure that Bonnie wasn't hurt in the process and she will probably come back to Mystic Falls to help Bonnie with her powers._

_I know you didn't want any of this, Stefan and I'm sorry I had to turn Elena in__to__ a vampire but it was the safest thing to be done. If Klaus or Elijah ever heard of her they would try to deactivate the curse, even if I had the moonstone, they'd find a way. It was too dangerous for her to be a human doppelganger and if she ever had children at some point along her bloodline another life would be doomed. I know you'll never understand my reasons and they weren't always this pure and selfless but I tried to __make__ amends and do the best to all of us._

_As for me, I know it doesn't make any difference for you, so that's why I left. Falling in love with you was the biggest blessing but also the biggest curse that ever happened to me __ever__ since I turned. It led me to many poor decisions and I had to deal with feelings that I didn't expect to deal with and that I didn't know how to handle. I needed closure, Stefan. I needed to leave you behind me. For the last 147 years of my life I was in love with you and at first I tried to deny and fight it but I soon realized it was a lost battle. But now too much time passed and I know love wasn't ever destined __for__ me, so I'm finally letting it go. I hope to stop feeling it. Damn, I'll have a witch __to__ cast a spell if I have to make sure I'll stop loving you because I need to be me again. I'm finally free and spending eternity with a heartache is a pretty poor plan._

_Maybe someday our paths will cross again and if this day ever comes I hope that everything in the past 147 years will be forgiven and forgotten. But I honestly prefer if it never happens. You're finally free of me, be happy and good luck._

_Love,_

_Katerina_

Stefan re-read the letter many times and although he should be more confused about it, he wasn't. Katherine said everything he needed to know. He was deeply relieved to know it was finally done and now he had a search to do. He could finally be happy but he needed to find the woman he loved. She was his only chance to make his undead life any less doomed and any more bearable and there wouldn't be an inch of this planet he wasn't willing to look at.

He checked out of the bed and breakfast he found himself in. He soon found out he was in on a beach, in North Carolina and that was where his search would start. Being immortal never made any more sense to him and he had all the time in the world to find the woman he would spend eternity with. He passed by a beautiful beach house and felt something familiar about it. He stopped in front of it and looked carefully at each window and detail. Although his senses weren't as accurate because of his diet he recognized the smell coming from that house. It smelled like Damon and for the first time since he woke up he thought about his brother. He remembered the words Elena told him only one day ago. He knew his brother too much even if they had spent so many years apart from each other. He knew his choice would hurt him deeply and it would only bring them farther apart but unfortunately there was nothing he could do about it. He just hoped someday Damon would let it go and they could be brothers again. Elena drew them together but somehow she also pushed them apart but he was thankful for the past year he had with his old brother. Some days reminded him of who they were before Katherine came into the picture but now they were destined to take their separate paths though he knew for sure they were after the same woman and he just hoped he found her before Damon did. Actually he hoped Damon never found her. Looking at the house one more time, Stefan said goodbye to his brother and taking the deserted road, he walked away.

"I'm surprised he didn't get inside" Elena said from behind the thick and dark blue curtain.

"The only smell he recognized was Damon's. Ours are still too new for him. Yours because it's overall new and mine because I didn't stay around him enough time for his senses to get used to it" Katherine explained. "A vampire diets affects their power more than you can imagine, Elena"

There was a moment of silence as they watched Stefan walking away.

"They're both looking for the same girl"

"I know"

"And that's not you"

"No, it isn't"

"And what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm not going to do anything; I'm not the one he's looking for. Now why don't you go after him? He's looking for you; all you have to do is run and meet him down the street"

"Because now it's his turn to make a choice. I told him everything he needed to know and if he wants to find me, he'll find me"

A few more minutes passed and Katherine had a question in her mind.

"Why did you come here, Elena? You knew Damon wouldn't come here"

"I came for the same reason you did" Elena offered with a knowing smile.

"Closure…" Katherine looked at the boy walking away with more intensity.

"Yeah…"

They watched Stefan until he finally disappeared in the horizon and they knew it was their turn to break apart.

"So I guess this is where we say goodbye, Katherine"

"I know you don't understand it now, but it had to be done" the older vampire didn't show any emotion but she wasn't at easy.

"Actually I do" Elena replied sighing slightly.

"No one will ever understand the weight of being a Petrova doppelganger"

"Being the key to break a curse, it's bigger than the curse"

"We both know Stefan would never agree with changing you and lately he would leave to give you the chance to have a family and be happy" Katherine said matter-of-factly.

"And I would never want it for me if I didn't know about the curse and I never really thought about our future but I couldn't be with my teenage boyfriend for the rest of my life if he never grew older than his teenage years"

"I know you wouldn't wish it to anyone in our bloodline, knowing that you were responsible for bringing them this curse. That's who you are and the reason why both of them fell in love with you"

"But still I would rather die than become a vampire"

"I know you would and I know you can't do it to yourself now, your survival instincts as a vampire are stronger than any of your wishes"

Elena agreed quietly. That battle was lost and she had learned it a long time ago.

"I started this Elena and I can end it if you want. I could do it before you had a chance to react and stop me"

Elena looked at Katherine contemplating the offer the older vampire was making. She looked back at the road where Stefan had been some minutes ago and around at Damon's bedroom. She tried to ignore her basic instincts and took one more honesty self-knowing trip inside her heart. Was his love worthy of living so many years? Would she want to live as a dark, cursed creature for eternity all because of love? But the biggest question was, was it worth to never really give the brothers a chance to be brothers again?

Katherine watched the changes in her facial expressions and she knew exactly what Elena was thinking about and when she finally got the answer she didn't need to voice it.

"Okay" the older vampire only nodded while Elena let the tears roll down her face.

* * *

_AN: So Katherine can do any sort of good after all, even if for selfish reasons. I love my Kat, being as mean as possible, but I think even her is capable of love and all things that come with it but I believe she was only capable of loving Stefan in her whole life._

_And everybody left Mystic Falls. The next chapter is about the searches Damon and Stefan are doing. According to the girls they're looking for only one of them. Out of love or out of hate, it's the big question._

_I don't know if people thought I had actually killed all those people but I've never received as few reviews as I did for last chapter and this is my most popular fic, so I hope you liked this one better. Thanks for everyone who reviewed and to my amazing beta, **May.**_

_I started a new AU/AH when Damon somehow ends up robing a jewelry store, when Elena is there, and somehow feelings are developed, especially on her side. Give it a shot (and a few reviews)._

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	31. Chapter Thirty: Reunited

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Thirty - Reunited**

* * *

It took him long enough. Almost two years but he was satisfied with the outcome. He had finally found her. He should have known she would come there. It was the only place, in addition to Mystic Falls, that had a meaning to them but he didn't think of it before. Actually when he arrived in the big city he didn't even think about what had happened all those years ago. But the memories of that day soon filled his mind and he knew _she was there._ It was the only place in the world she would be if she wanted to be found. And something inside of him told him she did.

As she lay in his arms, he thought about the moment only a few hours ago, when he finally laid his eyes on her again.

"_That was predictable" he said a few steps behind her, as she sat in one of the chairs._

"_And still it took you twenty-one months to find me" she turned around to see him, a big smile in her face while he fought against his own._

"_What if I never had this idea? I wasn't that sure if you wanted to be found. You left me after all. That isn't the best sign to show someone you want to be with them"_

"_You needed time; you needed to ponder what you wanted" she took each step towards him slowly, almost in slow motion._

"_More liked getting over the heartbreak. I wasn't expecting to be dumped" he shoved his hands in his pockets._

"_You didn't want to be dumped" she shrugged and he actually smiled this time._

"_But I thought about everything that happened. I needed that time to think things over"_

"_I know the past can't be easily forgotten…" her features immediately changed and her face dropped slightly._

"_Hey, let's not bring the past up" he closed the space between them, sealing her lips with his finger. "Maybe we could think about a fresh start..."_

"_...I still love you" he looked at her eyes and watched them getting tearing and filled with all sorts of emotions._

"_I love you too, Stefan" she whispered before he brought his lips to hers._

* * *

Damon's search was longer. It had been three years already. Finding a person with only a picture in his hands was a tough task. No matter how many contacts he had and how many people he compelled it was like looking for a needle in the haystack. But someday his luck changed. After many misleads and wrong information he got a track and it didn't take him many days to finally meet Robert. It was all done and once again he thought about her. After finally drawing the blood of the man who destroyed Carla's life he was left with his search for her. He knew Stefan was looking for her as well. Surprisingly enough they had contacted a few people in common and he never wasted any chance of asking for her too while he hunted Robert down. When he was informed that his brother also made the same questions about the brunette vampire he wasn't surprised, although it crossed his mind a few times that they had left Mystic Falls together. But over a year ago Damon stopped getting news about his brother and he was sure in his guts that his brother had been faster than him. It would be easier for him to find her if Stefan was with her but as he thought about it he realized it didn't have a point anymore. It had been three long years and while it could be nothing for a vampire, it was still enough to wear his determination down. If his brother was happy, he could let it go. It would be better for the three of them if he just stayed away.

He dialed the known numbers and it didn't take her much time to answer the phone.

"_Hello_" her hoarse voice saluted him.

"Hello, lover" Damon held a smile on his face.

"_Damon! Oh my God, it's been so long, I've missed you so much_" the redhead answered excitedly, happy for finally talking to him.

"I know you did. Who wouldn't?" he smirked and she was relieved to know he was in a good mood. It had been so long since they had had a lighthearted conversation and she missed his quipping and witty remarks.

"_Silly me_" she laughed and he followed suit.

"It's done" he said and there was a brief silence on the line.

"_What?_" she asked stunned after the words somewhat sank in.

"Robert. He got what he deserved" he was clearer but he knew she understood what he had meant before.

There was a lack of words but he could hear her breathing getting heavier on the other side of the line. She was probably hyperventilating or having a panic attack for what he had said.

"He deserved it; he won't ever hurt anyone again. You're free and avenged" his voice was fierce and cold. He wouldn't reveal the details of her rapist's death but he made sure to make it slow and painful.

"_Damon…_" she cried quietly.

"How is Martha?" he changed the subject seeing how emotional she was and he just hoped the new topic wouldn't make it worse.

"_She's gone. It's been a little bit over a year now_" she sniffled and regained her composure the best she could.

"I'm sorry" he offered kicking himself for asking the wrong question, at the wrong time.

"_Don't be; what you've done for me and her can't be measured. We got two very happy years and now you've completed it. I owe you my life, Damon. If I hadn't met you that day I would be only surviving now, without any prospects but you gave me strength and I owe you this_" she sweetly added trying her best to stop crying.

"Are you still in Mystic Falls?"

"_No, I'm back in New York. I've got a job, an apartment, and a new car that actually works_" she laughed slightly through her tears.

"Good. You should be happy, Carla" he offered.

"_And so should you. Any news about Elena?_" she was straight forward as usual and he knew she would ask.

"No" he simply answered.

"_Have you spent all this time looking only for Robert?_" she asked feeling guilty. He could be looking for the woman he loved but still he kept his word to her, looking for the man that destroyed her life instead.

"No, I made some other inquiries too" he refrained from talking about the woman he wanted to forget.

"_You should be happy too_"

"_I'm relieved_. A lot of things happened in the past few years. I'm okay with who I am. History repeated itself and I don't mind being alone. I loved Katherine; it wasn't only obsession and compulsion. And I love Elena but it's okay to be heartbroken. It's painful but I can feel the pain. I can feel the love. I can feel the misery. I can be reminiscent with a small smile and that was worth it. I can finally start the rest of my life and that's a lot of time"

"_But she loves you!_" Carla protested.

"She loves Stefan more" Damon added resigned.

"_Come to New York, we could remember _our_ good times_" she suggested teasingly.

"As tempting as it sounds, I need some time alone. I need to know the next step now. I did you justice, the threats against Elena's life are gone, Katherine had been taken care of and destroying Stefan's life isn't as fun as it used to be. I need a new target. Sorority girls won't cut it anymore. Maybe I should go to college or write a book, learn an instrument. All those silly stupid things humans do to spend their time. I've got a lot of it and no impossible mission to fulfill. God I'm pathetic" he quipped but she knew he meant every word.

"_You sound okay to me_" she commented with a smile on her face.

"Maybe I do" he smirked slightly.

"_It was nice to talk to you again, Damon Salvatore. Don't be a stranger. Call me; write me and when you feel up to it, come visit me. Elena will be welcomed as well_"

"I'll keep in touch" he added.

* * *

Driving to North Carolina was almost a nightmare to Damon but also a dream. Just because he was resigned about his pain and misery it didn't make it any less torturous. He knew he was coming back to the house where it had been only him and Elena for over a month. They never shared any special moment that ended with a kiss but still he was looking forward to spending time where they had lived together. He knew his bedroom wouldn't smell like her anymore but the memories would still be in his mind. The times when he helped her feed, the times when he watched her from distance, looking so beautiful. He will never forget the change that never came. As each passed he could see only _Elena, _there wasn't a human or a vampire version of the woman he loved, there was only her. Seeing her being who she had always been was unforgettable. The way she fought her nature, the way she didn't accept her condition and the way she remained such a caring, warm, loyal, honest and selfless girl. He expected to see a new person being born but all he got was fall in love with her all over again because she continued being herself.

Now three years later he still felt the same, as if only three days had passed instead. He would always remember the girl that finally _changed_ him. Elena didn't become a new person when she became a vampire but she brought the person he had lost all those years ago, after he turned. She made him become the man he used to be and not the vampire he had become. Elena couldn't change herself and nothing could change her but she could change everything and everyone, without even trying.

The beach house finally appeared in the horizon. The place he expected to be heaven and hell until his next move. He pulled in the driveway and walked to the big vase, to retrieve his keys but strangely enough they weren't there. He was still moving the vase back to its place when the door swung open.

"Took you long enough" she smiled to him holding the keys in her hands.

Damon was at loss of words. He didn't expect to cross paths with Elena any time soon or maybe never again. Not even in his wildest dreams was she ever waiting for him in his house. He didn't know what to do or what to say. He was too shocked to form words. He thought maybe Stefan was there too but he couldn't feel any other presence in the house except for hers.

Seeing how he was stunned, Elena decided to talk again. "Good thing that I supposedly had all the eternity to wait for you"

"Elena" he finally found the ability to talk again although the only thing that came out was her name.

"I thought by now you would be able to tell me apart of Katherine?" she smirked. Thinking so much about him and living in his house for three years certainly changed her sense of humor. She sounded so much like him but she didn't mind. She loved his sarcasm and wit.

"What are you doing here?" he choked a few more words. He also realized the change in her comments and how they resembled his own but he didn't comment. It only made him more confused.

"Waiting for you" she resumed her usual sweet tone and stepped aside for him to get inside. He followed her and they entered the living room but didn't sit.

"Don't you mean little brother?" he tried to be his usual self but the shock was yet to subside.

"Stefan and I aren't together anymore. We haven't been for over three years" she offered and felt somewhat hurt that he still thought she was with Stefan. Why would she be waiting for him for three years if she wanted anything to do with his brother? Wasn't it clear enough for him to understand that she wanted him instead? But Elena knew how things had always been tough and hard on Damon and seeing how he looked even more lost now than when he arrived she decided she would make things easier for him.

"When I asked you to take me there to talk to him, I needed to break up with him because I couldn't bring myself to try something with you while I was dating your brother" she clarified and Damon actually sat – more like fell – into the chair behind him.

He was silent for some minutes, looking blankly to the fire place that was lit. He was in deep thought, trying to recover his memories of that day but they seemed too distant.

"Why you didn't say it?" his voice was soft and almost vulnerable.

"I tried but you didn't let me. But I'm glad you didn't. I'm not sure I was going to use the right words back then" she explained pulling a chair and sitting right in front of him.

"Which were?" he asked almost afraid of the answer. She said she was breaking up with Stefan because she wanted to try to be with him but now she was also saying those wouldn't be the right words anymore.

"That I felt something for you and that I wasn't sure of what it was but that I was willing to give it a try and see if this thing between the two of us could work out" she explained looking somewhat tense too. She didn't expect Damon to be so reluctant and even cautious about everything she was saying. She expected him to be happy and probably cut her off half way through her explanations with a kiss but he looked too collected.

"And what changed in three years?" he asked keeping a serious tone and a stoic face.

"I've got the answers I needed"

"You mean Stefan picking Katherine?" he smirked sarcastically but also sounding bitter.

"Did he? I never really heard anything from them. He never got a chance to say something after I broke up with him because you stormed into Carla's house when he was about to speak and all hell broke loose after it. Katherine told me she wasn't going to look for him and if he wanted her would find her. I didn't have a lot of things to say to Stefan. Just what I told you, that I knew there was something between you and me and that I wanted to explore it and based on his hurt face, his shoulders dropping and his misty eyes I thought I had hurt him but I couldn't be with him until I knew what were those things I felt for you, especially because I still had feelings for him. But according to Katherine he had never confessed feelings for her or gave her hope" Elena shrugged, sounding calmer than possible. She should be offended that Damon thought he was just her rebound or leftovers but she knew he had been too hurt and she had finally identified the signs he was sending: he was raising his defenses even higher.

"Did you talk to her about it? Did you talk to her at all?" he asked unbelievably.

"She's been here before she left. She left him in the bed and breakfast. I suppose she didn't know we broke up and she came to tell me where he was. But I didn't want to go after him, so I just watched him walk down the street"

"I'm not sure I quite understand what you're saying" Damon was even more defensive than before. He didn't want to jump to any conclusions.

"I'm saying that when I came here I was willing to give us a chance but when I _stayed_ I realized I didn't want to go anywhere else. I realized that whatever time it took for you to come back, I would be here waiting for you and it would be worth the wait. I'm saying that I chose you, Damon" she stood up and crouched in front of him, their faces just a few inches apart again, her hands resting on his knees to give her balance. The moment she said those words she saw many different emotions crossing his eyes though she couldn't read them all. She needed to be more explicit about it. "I'm saying that I'm in love with you, I'm saying that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I hope it lasts forever" she offered her biggest and most honest smile.

"I… This isn't…" he said just above a whisper.

"I loved the dress" she unnecessarily pushed his knees and stood up, walking back to her chair just a couple of steps ahead of him.

For the first time he realized she was wearing the sundress he bought her all those years ago. It looked perfect on her and her smile made her even more beautiful than he could remember.

He was lacking words again but she didn't want silence between them, not anymore. They had had their share of silence for the next century or two.

"At first I wore it every day, waiting for you but then I realized I would wear it down before you actually came so I saved it for when I heard you arriving. I could never forget the roar of your car or the sound of your steps"

"Elena…" he was cautious again

"Damon…" she was smiling "Kiss me already"

Stunned, shocked, perplex those words didn't do justice to what he felt as he listened to everything she said but her order broke him from his trance. He wouldn't back away from a request like that. He stood up and took her from her seat, bringing her to his arms. The moment their lips touched his feelings were replaced by contentment, elation, euphoria, bliss. He didn't know which word described his state better but the fullness he felt was enough to make him exulting.

It took them a while but they finally broke the kiss, his hands resting on her waist and hers on his shoulder. Again she was the one to talk again as his only ability in the moment seemed to be obey her commands "I couldn't see it back then but now I can see it when it all changed, when my life changed forever

"You told me I had lost you and I realized that I wasn't ready to lose you. As much as we love a friend we have to let them go and live their lives and be happy. But when you love someone more than friendly, letting go is harder. I felt like a part of my heart had been taken away from me that day and when you proved to me that you meant it, more and more of my heart was taken. When you finally decided to leave I snapped. That was why I kissed you. Then you found me and took care of me and I had never been taken care of like that, not by Stefan or Matt or even my parents. I've always loved my independence and I didn't allow people to take care of me like that but I didn't have any control back then, I was lost, I was fragile, I was vulnerable but you were there for me. When I talked to Stefan all I knew was that there was something between us, when I spent the last three years waiting for you, I realized that that something was love. I fell in love with you somewhere along the way. Every time you took care of me, every time you took care of those I loved, every time you ignored your feelings and the pain that loving me caused you and still tried to do things right" she finished her speech and for the first time there was a different reaction and one she could read, Damon was smiling back at her.

"And now you found me and it's up to you if you'll remain lost to me or if you'll let me find you too"

* * *

_AN: Sorry guys, I seemed like I led you to think Elena had agreed to die, I guess I was too strong with the last chapter, it wasn't my intention._

_Well remember all those times when you cursed Elena and her stubbornness or plain stupidity? Well it's time for her to make up for it and don't expect Damon to just say yes to her. I still have some chapters to this story and their story is just beginning, not ending and I hope you enjoy what I have planned._

_Now, I want to thank to **May**, my amazing beta and to my reviewers. I could do a deal with you guys, I write chapters, you write reviews. It seems fair to me ;)_

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	32. Chapter ThirtyOne: Rebuilding

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Thirty-One - Rebuilding**

* * *

Her words finally sunk in and Damon couldn't believe they were true but they had to be. There she was, wearing the sundress he bought her three years ago, after spending those many months in his house waiting for him when she had no idea if he was ever going to come back at all. Maybe she knew him better than he thought and somewhere along their first stay there she realized that he liked that place better than any other he had lived in the past century and a half.

"You never lost me" his words were soft as he looked at her with a tender gaze.

"I almost did and it was the most unsettling feeling I've ever had. If I had let you leave that day I don't know what I would have done with my life" she moved one of the hands on his shoulder to his cheek and he moved his own hand to cover hers.

"But you stopped me and that's what really matters. I was leaving because no matter how much I tried to suppress my feelings for you, they were just there and I couldn't afford to hurt that much. It was driving me insane and I can be really unpredictable when I'm not in my right frame of mind" his voice was calm and collected like she never heard before.

"I'm in love with you, Damon" she repeated her words from a few minutes ago. They were now absolute, not mixed in a speech and Damon's only reaction was a strangled smile. Knowing that Elena loved him back was bewildering.

"I love you, Elena" he whispered fixing his smile into a grin and leaning down he kissed her again. Their first kiss had been tentative and filled of uncertainty and anxiety but the second was totally different. Damon explored her mouth in all its extension but still gently. Both of his hands held her face in place while Elena's arms fell to her side. The two vampires didn't need air and soon the tender kiss became hungry and their hands moved over their bodies. Elena loved how the feel of his toned muscles felt under her hands. She let them explore his arms, shoulders and back and she felt her arousal being built with just the feeling of his upper body.

Damon let his hands travel through her midsection until they found her breasts. He cupped them and moaned against her lips. Her body was amazing and her breasts filled his hands perfectly, not too big or too small, just the exact size to his resourceful hands.

Elena removed his hands from her body and before he had time to question she jumped and wrapped her legs around his waist while she held his face and deepened even more the kiss, letting her tongue slid through the roof of his mouth and then entangle with his.

"How do you want to do this?" he said when they broke up the kiss, their facial muscles slightly sore for the multiple minutes kiss.

"What?" she asked confused while she stayed attached to his body.

"This, whatever it is we have now, how do you want it to be?" he held her waist firmly as he looked at her eyes, getting lost in them.

"I want to be with you" she said sounding and looking almost desperate.

"As my girlfriend?"

"As whatever you'll have me be" she smiled to him, the word girlfriend had a new meaning to her ears. It seemed like it was a totally new and different thing when said by Damon.

"Can I have you in my way?" he leaned down and kissed her neck, sensually, and for a moment she thought he was going to bite her.

"Hum Hmm" was all she could answer as she felt his skilled tongue exploring her neck.

"I want everything, Elena. I don't want to miss anything" he continued the work of his mouth on her sweated skin.

"I'll give you everything you want, Damon" she misread his words.

He moved them to his bedroom; the one she had been using all those months knowing it was his. He sat her on the bed and keeping a small distance between them he was across from her.

"And that's why we should stop it now. This thing with us could go wrong in so many ways. I'm too selfish and reckless and I'm impulsive and stupid sometimes and I'm ridiculously jealous and possessive" he explained and she frowned slightly not knowing where he was taking the conversation.

"Damon I know it all, except for the jealousy but given your past with Katherine I guess that's expected" she answered as she watched his reaction carefully.

"What I'm saying Elena is that I can mess this up in more ways than you can count and I don't want to mess it up. I don't want to have you and then let my inability to be emotionally involved push you away. I want this thing between us to work but we already have a baggage and things were never easy between us"

"Is this your way to say that we should take things slow?" she was amused by his speech but she didn't let it show. She could see in his eyes he was dead serious about every word he said.

"No, that's my way to say we aren't taking things at all"

"What?" she nearly cried as she heard his answer.

"I need to know what happened in those three years, I need to know where you stand as a vampire. Our last night here was the night when you almost killed a boy Elena. We were so messed up three years ago and I just think that we should continue from where we stopped before taking the next step" his face showed how it hurt him to ask her to back off but it did nothing to comfort her heart from the heartbreak.

"I don't understand why it's necessary, Damon. Didn't we just uncover the fact that we love each other?" her voice cracked more than she wanted to show but her deception was overwhelming.

"I can't just jump in bed with you like we were sex buddies, Elena. Things between us were always complicated and I honestly don't believe just pretending they never existed and that love can win all will be enough to make it work. I'm putting in an effort here because I want it to last and God knows how much I want to claim you as mine, to have my way with you until our bodies can't take it anymore but then what? Then we just do something horribly wrong, you won't talk to me, I'll be cursing myself and we'll be done"

"I guess I understand it" she didn't hide her disappointment and surprise. That wasn't what she had expected from him at all and while she should be happy that he was trying to be responsible and serious about them together, she waited him for three long years, with nothing in mind but being with him in every possible way as soon as she laid eyes on him again. "So we're back to friends?" she asked.

"That's just it Elena, we never went back to being friends again. We came from friends to people that couldn't be around each other anymore, from that to a tough adaptation when you were lost and I was guilty and then we became strangers for three years" he could see she was hurt by his take on this an so he moved his hand to rub her cheek "It's just an attempt, I don't know how long I will resist your beautiful face, don't be mad or sad or hurt. This _is_ you and me regardless of the status of our relationship. I missed you. I missed all of you" he leaned down and kissed her again, tender, softly and briefly.

"Okay" she smiled to him for the first time since he started explaining what he wanted from her.

"I don't object to kissing though" he offered her his usual smirk that she loved so much. He had a beautiful smile and her heart fluttered when he offered it to her in special moments but she loved his usual smirk and innuendos. And seeing him being himself again reminded her heart of everything she went through while he wasn't there.

"I missed you" she said and she couldn't understand why but she was now crying. The hardest part of their reunion had been discussed but only now she felt the tears leaving their ducts to wet her face.

"Hey, hey. I'm here. What is it?" he brought her to his chest before he could rationally think about his reaction. He didn't understand why she was crying, especially like that. He could almost feel her pain through her tears.

"It's just that some days I questioned if I'd see you again. I used to hold your mother's frame against my chest when I thought you wouldn't come back. I didn't know if I was silently asking her to somehow tell you to come back or if I was embracing myself to the hope that you would only keep a picture of her where you could call home. It gave me hope through most days especially when I was afraid you would never come back" she was already sobbing while he brushed her hair soothingly, surprised by both of her revelations.

"How did you know it was her?" he asked.

"I came across the original picture while I was reading one of your books. I read them all and listened to your albums. I slept in the bedroom you used to sleep in until your scent wore down completely. I tried to do everything I could to feel close to you again but nothing was enough and then some days… some nights… I had the most horrible nightmares of you dying and then months passed, then they became years and you didn't come back. I was afraid, Damon… I was afraid" she increased her grip around him and continued crying copiously while he stayed stunned.

More than once Elena had surprised him to lengths he didn't know was possible and he was sort of dumbfounded. "Why did you do it, Elena?"

"Because you were all I had left. I gave up on my family the day I told Jeremy I wasn't ever coming back to Mystic Falls. I gave up on Stefan when I still had a chance against Katherine but it was the right thing to do. I gave up on the world when I decided waiting for you was the only thing I could do, when I decided you were the one person I still wanted in my life. At first I didn't know I was in love with you but I had this strong feeling inside of me, this undeniable and unstoppable draw to you and I knew all I needed was you. Then when misery started to eat me up from inside I realized I was in love and being away from you made me miserable. I looked for Bonnie and Lucy but they didn't know any spell that could tell me where you were if they didn't have any blood connection to use. I had your blood in mine but you didn't have mine and there was nothing they could do. I was hopeful for most of the days but when the bad ones came I wondered if I hadn't lost totally the reason to live as a vampire. I had no family and no friends that I could really go to. It wasn't only about the fear of losing you forever Damon, it was also desperation of being lost forever" she explained as her tears continued to stain his shirt.

"I'm so sorry Elena, I had no idea I had put you in so much pain" he offered honestly, while he drowned in what he had learned was the worst feeling he ever felt: the suffocating pain of knowing he had hurt her.

"Thank you for coming back" she grabbed his shirt in a deadly grip, almost ripping it apart.

"If I knew you were waiting for me I would have never left in the first place" he muttered as he kept soothing her and all her exhaustion and suppressed feelings of almost forty months took over and she was soon sleeping in his arms.

* * *

She didn't sleep a lot and she felt a lot better when she woke up, still in his bed, with his toned body under hers.

"Hey" he said as soon as he realized she was awake.

"Hi"

"Feeling any better?" he asked softly and she only nodded. She didn't know how to react. She understood what he proposed, he wanted to fix things before taking the next step, fix their friendship and help her if she needed but the lines were blurred. He kissed her more than once and now she was resting on his chest. It was confusing and it was complicated.

"I guess…" she answered vaguely.

"I guess we should start with what happened to you in those three years. How are you dealing with… blood?" he asked and felt her tensing up in his arms.

"I compelled people in the hospital a few times" she kept her answer still reticent and Damon didn't like it.

"Elena, it's been three years, a few times doesn't cover it. When was the last time you fed?" he looked down at her seeing that she looked different and it must have been the shock of seeing her and then her words that kept him from realizing it. She was too pale, basically bones and skin.

"I don't know" she honestly answered sighing quietly.

"Look at me, Elena" she did as she was told and he paid as much attention as possible to her. He slightly grimaced, forcing his lips together and then looking away.

"I'm getting you blood now" he informed as he started to stand up.

"Please, Damon, don't go. I've been without it for a week I can do without it for a few more hours"

"A week Elena?" his eyes widened. He drank blood every day and sometimes it felt like it wasn't enough. How could she go many days without it?

"I guess, I had to go to Raleigh because I didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to the town's small hospital. I'm not even sure they have a blood bank there. Anyway, every time I went there I saw that boy's face in the middle of the people. I was so nervous and so afraid. The first time I got about fifteen bags and I used them as wisely as possible because I didn't want to go back there. But months passed and I had to go back. I went to a different hospital and despite of all suspicions I knew it would raise I got twenty-five bags and then I went two more times"

"So you're telling me that you've had not even one hundred bags of blood to survive on the last three years? It means you drank less than a bag by week, Elena, it can't be healthy"

"It was hard Damon, I didn't have anyone. Caroline left Mystic Falls after graduation; she couldn't be around for much longer anyway. How was I supposed to convince people to give me blood?" she reasoned and he knew she was right. He didn't give her time to protest and before she could react he was already out of the bedroom. She was too weak to follow him. Their encounter had been too emotional for her and she felt even harder the lack of blood.

He was back before she had time to have another thought.

"Do you have blood in the car?"

"Of course I do, I don't feed on people anymore" he answered somewhat shy. He had changed after her and he wasn't embarrassed about those changes but he was a little timid about sharing them.

"Thank you" she said and soon she emptied the bag he had given her and once she was done he gave her another.

"I don't want you to ever starve yourself again. I'm taking care of it but if for any reason I'm not around, you just go there and do it. The boy is alive and I'll teach you to feed from humans if you allow me to" he offered and she only nodded while she sucked the second bag.

"Why wouldn't you be around?" she asked after she was done.

"Vampires don't actually live forever, Elena. The oldest we've heard of was Klaus and he had lived over a thousand years but still he died"

"Not sure I'd have anything to look forward if you're ever… gone" she whispered looking down at her hands.

"No suicidal talking Elena. That's the one thing that will enrage me more than you want to see" he warned her and she could already see the darkness in his eyes and how his entire demeanor changed.

"So don't die first" she looked up, slightly and their eyes locked.

"I'll do my best" he pulled her hair off of her face and was happy to see some of her vampire color had come back already to her beautiful face.

She could see the look of admiration while he touched her and she just wanted to kiss him but she didn't know how it worked. Actually it bothered her that he said they weren't ready to be in a relationship yet but still kissing was allowed somehow. She didn't like blurred lines.

"Where do we stand now, Damon? I understand and I see what you mean when you say we need to fix our relationship before we take it to the next level. But you don't oppose to kissing" she asked him with a tad of uneasiness in her facial expression.

"I stand right here with you. We learn how to trust each other again, how to depend and lean on each other. I help you with the blood and whatever else you need me to and when we feel the time is right we take the next step" he explained and didn't stop caressing her as he talked.

"But I don't see a lot of people kissing while they're working on building those things. I know you aren't my boyfriend and I'm not used to kissing people just for kissing. It's weird and I never know when to kiss, if I should kiss or not. I don't like gray, I like things always black and white" she showed her frustration and he smirked slightly.

"Tell me if it feels like kissing for kissing and it'll be your answer" he leaned down slowly, looking at her with a smile in his face until their lips touched and he kissed her briefly, as before.

"No, it doesn't"

"Do whenever you want. It's just two lips puckering; it couldn't be any more friendly. Take it as just a reminder of how much I love you and that I can't wait until we fix this" he leaned down and kissed her briefly before resuming her report of the past three years.

* * *

_AN: Well I don't think they could just jump into a serious relationship like the past **four** years didn't happen. They have issues to handle before they can take this step. They need to trust each other again, to talk things through, to reconnect as friends and then as lovers. I hope you don't disagree (much) but I won't write all those things down, just the most important, the others will be just mentioned. For example I already wrote him helping her with human blood, I guess I don't need to write it again but just let you know the progress she made there._

_Next chapter has a heartbreaking moment. If you're like me, who cries watching TV commercials, take a tissue.  
_

_Thanks a lot for the reviews, I hope you still have a lot of them to me :)_

_Also I want to thank my beta, **May** for her great job._

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	33. Chapter ThirtyTwo: Emotional

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Thirty-Two - Emotional**

* * *

They made a lot of progress in the three weeks that followed. Elena was letting her fear of feeding go because he was there for her every step of the way just like he had promised her. It wasn't easy but far less difficult than she had expected. Everything was easier with him around. They were rebuilding the deep trust and respect they once had and as each day passed she knew he was absolutely right in his insistence for them to do it before moving to the next level.

She still liked to take long walks along the beach but unlike three years ago, he was by her side for each of them now. In one of the last occasions they were walking she let her hand slip into his, waiting for him to reject her but it never happened. Since then not only had they talked about many things but also held hands during their walks. She had finally felt confident enough to bring up some subjects she'd been avoiding since he was back but that she wanted to talk about not only because of curiosity but also because there were some things that needed to be fixed that didn't involve only the two of them.

"You never speak about your mother. All I know is that she died while Stefan was too young to remember anything relevant and even this I heard from Stefan, not you" she asked and she could see it was a hard subject for him from the way he almost let go of her hand, taking a slight pause during their walk.

"She was there one day and in the next she was sick, it wasn't even a week later before she was dead" he kept his eyes fixed on the horizon, his neck tensed and his hand barely touching hers.

"How old were you?"

"Ten"

"It must have been hard on you" she offered seeing how it was still difficult for him.

"You could say that" he smirked slightly as he resumed their walk.

"What was her name?" she asked curious. The picture she had found in one of his books included the whole Salvatore family. She remembered how her heart fluttered in her chest when she saw a young Damon standing next to his parents and a toddler Stefan by his big brother's side, holding his hand.

"Cecilia Salvatore" he answered proudly.

"It's a beautiful name"

"Not as beautiful as she was" his voice was reminiscent and filled with tenderness.

"Yes, she was very beautiful"

"That picture never did her justice"

"You look a lot like her" Elena offered a smile that he couldn't see because he had yet to look at her again

"Actually…" he started and taking a deep and unneeded breath he continued "You remind me a lot of her"

"Why? I could say we're quite the opposite" Elena said remembering the features of the beautiful woman with pale skin, blue eyes and dark hair. Although her hair was also dark, Cecilia's was curly, like Katherine's and much darker than her own. It was even darker than Damon's.

"That's because you only have two things in common with her" he could sense in her voice that she was smiling and it led him to look even more firmly ahead, not daring to look at her. He knew talking about his mother was like entering no man's land. He didn't know what to expect except a loaded rush of emotions running inside of him.

"The white of her eyes and teeth?" she said playfully trying to make him relax but he didn't although he finally looked at her again.

"The smile and the heart" he looked down at her.

"Oh" she answered back and if she still had the ability, she would be blushing then.

"But it's a good thing that you only have this in common. Falling in love with my mother's carbon copy would be sick even for me" he looked away but not quick enough to prevent her from seeing the hint of pain in his eyes.

"Were you close?" she used her thumb to stroke gently the side of his hand.

"You can say that" he vaguely answered back.

"It must have been hard on you"

"You can also say that"

"I'm sorry. A child doesn't deserve it. _You_ didn't deserve it" she squeezed his hand timidly and he stopped in his tracks again but this time he held her hand so strongly that she felt her bones were about to crack.

She moved from her position and stood in front of him, reaching for his other hand too while he kept his eyes focused on the distance behind her but pain was written all over his face.

"I know how it feels. I've been there, remember?" her voice was gentle and filled of affection and even compassion. Damon didn't mind the pitiful feeling though. Losing his mother broke his heart and he knew compassion was what he should have received from people back then but somehow he didn't.

"It's just…" he said his lips quivering hard trying to suppress the crying and hold back his emotions "Nobody…" he tried again but failed, he couldn't keep looking at her if he wanted to say those words he needed to say, so he looked away and closed his eyes before opening them again and speaking "nobody ever told me that" and with that a lone tear fell down from his eye. It seemed like they were never that blue before and the tears made them shine even more. Elena felt her heart shattering in her chest. It was painful to watch him in such pain but his pain made him look even more beautiful, though she hoped she could take his pain away.

"Said what?" she asked stunned. It couldn't be what she thought but the more she watched the man in front of her breaking, the surer she was it was exactly what she was thinking.

"Nobody told me they were sorry, nobody tried to comfort me. I didn't even receive the fake condolences from our neighbors. It was reserved only to my father as if he was the only one who lost her" Damon said through clinched teeth, not out of anger, but out of pain, as a feeble effort to hold back his emotions. But his eyebrows sloped down together showing how emotional he really was. Remembering the days where he didn't have anyone to talk to and when nobody seemed to care about him. Losing his mother was like losing the only source of love, affection, understanding, comfort and joy he ever had. When she was gone Damon had not only to learn how to be a man at age ten but he also had to accept that he didn't have anyone, he was alone.

He looked like he was a boy right now, not the twenty-five year old looking guy he was. Elena couldn't stand to see such pain anymore and bringing him to her arms she held him tight against her, whispering how sorry she was about his loss and how it hurt her to know he had to go through it alone. Soon Damon was crying inadvertently in her arms. The tears progressed to sobs and Elena was sure he never really mourned his mother as a child was supposed to. Nobody had ever allowed him to show his feelings and her heart broke for his.

"I'm sorry" he offered several minutes later. He had calmed down but she didn't let him go and after a long silence and quietness he apologized.

"For what?" she asked confused.

"For this" he simply answered.

She took a step back, breaking their bodies contact but still she held his hand "Don't worry about it. That's what friends are for"

Her smile was warming and comforting and he almost lost himself in her tenderness and affection.

"So thank you" he whispered and she knew what he needed in that moment in addition to her soothing words and consoling touch.

She brought him closer and let her kisses offer the ultimate solace she could offer.

They'd kissed hundreds of time in those few weeks but always briefly and superficially, just a small peck to remind them of where their relationship was headed to but this kiss was different. This kiss was longer and it had an end in itself. It wasn't a reminder or a sign of hope. It was just the expression of their feelings, especially hers. It was the way she had to tell him he would never be alone like he used to be and that she would always be there for him and with him.

Damon understood clearly what she meant because she had never kissed him with such intensity and care. The way her finger stroked his cheek and her other hand rested firmly on his neck. The way her lips were like the hands of love and how she even moved her head slightly to cause friction between their faces and her nose caressing his. It was her way to show him she loved him and that he would always have her with him.

A few moments later they broke apart and she smiled tenderly to him before she led them to resume their walk. There were a few other things she wanted to talk about with him but she knew she should wait some time, probably a few days before bringing up another touchy subject. For now all she wanted was to take care of him and to love him. She wanted to do for him what he had been doing for her since they shared that house, even when he kept his distance to give her the space he thought she needed. She wanted to assure him that he would never be alone again and that he had someone who cared deeply about him.

* * *

They sat in the front of the fireplace, drinking wine and talking about many different things in their lives. She had one of his books that he recently told her was one of his favorites while he reported some of his adventures in the beginning of last century. He confessed that he had seen a lot of horrible things and even authored many of them but nothing compared to what he had seen in the brief time he spent in the civil war.

"I guess I can finally say it again" he offered her a small but honest smile.

"Say what?" she asked curious.

"That I'm your friend. It was one of the few things I had honestly been proud in my life"

"You shouldn't be proud of it" she frowned a little bit but there was a lightness in her expression, knowing he meant well.

"Yes, I should because before I met you I didn't have what is required to be friend with someone. I wasn't friend material but you showed me each of those qualities, so I have a lot to be proud of and thankful for" he explained. He was serious but she knew he was happy for that.

"And I'm proud of you" she honestly added.

"Yeah. I have a friend after all, it's something to be proud of" he quipped and she knew he was hiding the pain under the fake sarcastic remark.

"I'm not proud of you because you finally have a friend. I'm proud of you because of all the demons you faced off and won. I know your life hasn't been easy Damon and I'm pretty sure I don't know half of things you've been through as a human and then as a vampire. Still despite being hurt so many times, you found a way against your vampire nature and proved how loyal, trustworthy and brave you are to your friends. I'm not your only friend. Carla is your friend and I know Stefan is also. I'm happy you guys were able to fix your relationship"

"I wouldn't say we fixed it. He trusted Katherine and he could be wrong. If she had planned to kill us all that day she would have because he trusted her" there was rage in his eyes and she knew he was talking from his heart.

"But he wasn't wrong about her" she tried to reason but she knew it wouldn't be enough.

"But he could be"

"You shouldn't allow her to destroy the bond you have with your brother. I understand what happened the first time but now everything is fine. They're probably together already and I'm sure he misses you and I know you miss him"

"You don't understand Elena" he shook his head slightly.

"So enlighten me" she challenged.

"I could have lost you. Everything I did back then I did to keep you alive and when Katherine turned you, I did it for you to survive this curse. He claimed to love you so much but still he trusted the woman who killed you!" he nearly yelled and she finally understood why it was such a touchy subject for him to handle. It wasn't about Stefan trusting Katherine, it was about Stefan trusting the vampire who had turned her.

"Is it about that day or when she snapped my neck?" she asked for confirmation.

"You didn't deserve this life. You didn't _want_ this life. She had no right to do what she did. It was unforgivable and still Stefan overlooked it! She killed you and condemned you to this life for eternity. I will never forgive him for forgiving her" there were shades of hate in his eyes and Elena's heart dropped in her chest. She didn't want that life for Damon and Stefan. She didn't want them nearly hating each other. After all the progress they made. She knew they were very important to one another and seeing how Damon felt about Katherine and Stefan she knew it was going to be a nearly impossible mission to convince Damon to let it go but she wanted to believe that if someone was capable of doing so, that person would be her.

"And what about me? Are you going to forgive me?"

"Forgive you for what?" he asked confused and the anger subsided a little in his eyes.

"For understanding why Katherine did it and to a certain extent being even thankful?" she offered in all honesty and she hoped he was able to read her and see it was the truth.

"You can't be serious. I can still see the regret in your face every day, Elena. This is not what you wanted for your life"

"You're right, it wasn't what I wanted for my life but it doesn't mean it wasn't the best I could have. Klaus killed her whole family because she ruined his plans. He would have done the same to my family and friends and I couldn't stand that. My options were watch them be killed, be sacrificed or become a vampire. There was no way you and Stefan could have protected me and everybody I love from him. I know her pain, Damon. I know that I wouldn't want anyone I love to die because of the curse and I know if I had stayed human and eventually had a baby I was passing this curse along. When I think about those things I'm thankful for what she did to me. I won't lie to you and deny that I never asked why me. Why did I have to be the doppelganger? But I don't make those questions anymore. If I wasn't her doppelganger you wouldn't have noticed me. And I know horrible things happened ever since but I think more good things happened than bad things. I can't regret meeting you when I love you so much" she had tears in her eyes as she spoke.

In the three years they had been apart she had thought those possibilities over and over again. She had tried to imagine her life without Damon and even Stefan but she couldn't. They changed her life forever, in different ways, and no matter how many bad things came out of it, they weren't bigger than what she felt for him or what she had felt for Stefan. She cherished her love for the younger brother. She thought she had loved Matt once but it couldn't compare to what she felt for Stefan. She wasn't sure if she would ever feel that way about someone if it wasn't for Stefan. And then Damon came and he rocked her world. He changed her life forever and she knew no one else could have done what he did to her. She felt happy, complete, blessed for being someone who helped him overcome what he had become, who helped him be once again the man she was sure he was one day, while he was still alive. But it wasn't only about how flattered she felt about what she did to him but especially what he did for her. The closest she had been to being herself again after her parents died was when he was around. He was the only one who could bring that girl back and she missed who she used to be. She needed to be with him to be her and that was more than one could ask. He also made her stronger and the many times he saved her life and protected her made her feel important as she never did before. And for all those reasons she couldn't regret meeting him and she should be thankful to Katherine to offer her an opportunity to live many, many years by his side, even if that was never Katherine's goal.

"Elena…" he tried to stop her track of thought. He didn't want her to think he or anything else was worth to live as a vampire because after a hundred and fifty years he knew nothing would make it worth it.

"I know we're fixing things first Damon and I guess I'm not supposed to tell you this but I developed feelings for you while I was still with Stefan, I realized I had fallen for you when you brought me here to take care of me and although it hasn't been a month yet since you're back, I know that I did more than fall in love. I love you Damon and I can't regret meeting you, I can't feel bad about being the doppelganger, I can't punish Katherine for putting me under such a horrible curse because all those things brought me to you and you're worth them all"

"I'm not" he protested.

"That's not your call to make. Every day I spend with you I love you more. Your humanity is beautiful, Damon. You're beautiful and the more I watch you the more I love you. Your compassion, your loyalty, your passion, your bravery, your softness. I don't know if you realized it but all those masks you used to wear are gone. It's only you now. And the view is just beautiful and that man was able to rescue me from my darkest hour. Can't you see it Damon? I needed you to be me again and you needed me to be you again" she let the tears fall and Damon tried hard not let his own to be shed.

"I love what I see Damon" she moved from her position and reached his face, slowly moving her hands all over it, as if she was touching the beauty she had just described.

"I am that good looking" he quipped weakly.

"Yes, you're dashing, gorgeous and irresistible. But somewhere along the way you stopped being wrecked and little by little your true self appeared and that's the most amazing feature you have, Damon Salvatore, your heart, your character" there was a big smile on her face as she said those things and she could see the internal battle in his eyes. She wanted to tell him it was okay to cry, it was okay to be the sensitive man she knew he had been but she didn't. That was something he had to do by himself.

"Is that when I'm finally deserving of you?" he whispered quietly but his voice was filled with hope.

"No, Damon, that's when you will finally see that love isn't about deserving someone. This is when you'll see that love makes us want to be a better person for each other but my love doesn't need you to be any better and I'm sure your love doesn't need me to be any better and that's how we make each other better people simply out of love but all we really need is just each other" she offered and moving her hands from his face she wrapped her arms around him and he enveloped her in his arms as they hugged each other endearingly.

* * *

_AN: Hey guys! First of all, I wished I didn't include those time jumps (there will be more) and wrote more about their rebuilding their relationship but I can't find my inspiration back to this story. I'm trying to write their love scene for two days and all I got were two lines. I wanted to write more little moments like they had talking about his mother (and that's when I cried because Damon is so hurt, it always makes me cry) and then about Katherine and Stefan. I know I could use a million things but the ideas just don't come, so I'm using time jumps and you assume that they're making progress. I guess living with someone speeds up the process. They were three weeks alone in the house, they're together all the time, unlike the first time they'd been there so I suppose three weeks isn't little time to come around after they had that one needed conversation last chapter (about the day she was turned and their status then)_. _So I'm sorry I'm not writing all those moments I thought I would :(_

_Thanks a lot to my reviewers and my beta **May**, you guys are awesome to me :)_

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	34. Chapter ThirtyTree: Incomplete

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Thirty-Tree - Incomplete**

* * *

After their moment in front of the fireplace Damon and Elena couldn't hold back their emotions. They knew they had fixed their friendship and themselves. Damon knew he needed to change to be with her and she knew she had made many mistakes that she didn't want to repeat. Damon felt relieved to know that she could see all the changes she brought to his life. She was the only reason he allowed his humanity to take over without any restrictions. He didn't avoid or repress it anymore. She had taught him that feeling didn't make him vulnerable or weak. He realized that his love for her was what made him stronger in the past years. His love was what gave him strength and determination to keep fighting against his enemies. It wasn't only about the vampires that threatened her life and the ones she loved. It was also his internal enemies. His nature and his instincts. His love for her allowed him to finally win the battle against his dark nature.

But Damon wasn't the only one who changed. Elena new she needed to be someone else. She didn't need to change herself because of him but because of herself. She didn't like the person she had become. He said many times how selfless she had been and maybe he was right but she knew she had been very selfish with him. She had been judgmental and sometimes cold and cowardly. She was brave to defend the ones she loved, Damon included, but she wasn't brave enough to admit she had feelings for him. She chose to hurt him and to let him hurt her to restrain her feelings for him. She preferred to hide behind her pain rather than help him with his and she knew it had hurt him. She used him when she needed him the most and she knew it would be a long road until she forgave herself for that. She could sense that Damon had been deeply and repetitively hurt by people during his whole life and still she permitted herself to be one of those people. She needed to be more mature and be determined to be with him because she promised herself she would never hurt him purposefully again.

Then they clearly realized they were ready to pursue a relationship. Although it took them a few more days they finally felt the time was right and made the final move to be together.

"I was never this happy" she said as they walked along the beach. He held her against his chest as her arm wrapped his waist.

"That's the perks of being in love with Damon Salvatore" he cockily offered but she couldn't bring herself to roll her eyes. She loved his arrogance and she knew it was only a playful façade.

"No, that's the perks of being _loved by_ Damon Salvatore" she smiled and he leaned down to capture her lips with his.

"It doesn't matter the order of the factors, the reason is still one, Damon Salvatore" and this time she actually rolled her eyes but her grin matched his.

"Yes, you're right, the reason is you" she moved her hand to the back of his neck, bringing him down to kiss him tenderly. "And I want to spend the rest of eternity with you because you make me insanely happy" she whispered as soon as they broke apart.

"That was what I feared the most" he said in a serious tone as they entered the house.

"What?" she asked confused.

"That I wasn't capable of making you happy. That I would bring you more pain than you already had. Then you became a vampire and I thought that nothing could hurt you more than that but still I was afraid of hurting you. I was willing to ignore my love for you and let Stefan make you happy because I thought I couldn't" he confessed quietly while she was teary. Not in her wildest dreams had she thought Damon was so thoughtful and selfless. She could see in their day to day activities that he was protective and wanted to make sure she had everything she needed. He bought human food and cooked for her because he didn't want her to forget how it was to be human. He came one day with many bags with all sorts of clothes she could imagine. She only had the few pieces they bought together in Atlanta but now she had a closet full of them. He also got her a car, just like the one she had before the accident because he knew she liked her car. Once she was feeling more confident to be around people he took her to public places, to do the ordinary things in human life like eating at McDonalds, dancing and even ice skating as she mentioned one day her father used to take her when she was little. She knew he was doing everything he could to keep her live life as human as possible even when he didn't mention it. He knew she needed it to be happy.

"I would never be this happy with Stefan or with anyone else. Nobody ever took care of me like you do. Nobody ever thought about every little thing to make me happy like you do, Damon" she offered after she briefly thought about everything he did for her in the past month.

"I can't not do those things Elena. There's nothing more rewarding than watching you smile when you're happy or listen to your giggles when you're overjoyed. There's this different shine in your eyes that warms my heart. I know I'm sappy and that I'm worse than all those guys I make fun of the movies you make me watch. But this is not my romanticism from the ninetieth century or any lame attempt to look pathetic. This is just how I feel. If you're happy than I'm happier than any other man in this world" he offered a soft smile all throughout his speech and she was mesmerized by the man in front of her. She knew Damon had the potential to be the perfect boyfriend. He was sweet behind the tough mask. But now seeing his softness and his love-sick speeches she thought she was in heaven.

"You do sound sappy" she chuckled slightly.

"You said love isn't about deserving someone but about being someone better. You changed me Elena, my love for you changed me. I wanted to be a better person because of you. I wanted you to be proud of me, I remember how you used to look at Stefan and Bonnie and even Jeremy. You were proud of who they were, of what they did and I wanted someone to look at me like that. I wanted _you_ to look at me like that. I never cared about what people thought or said about me. Not even as a human but your opinion was important to me. And then you made me see and understand things that I couldn't see anymore. You taught me to care about people. When I met Carla it was supposed to be only some handy sex but she was so nice to me and it was because of you that I was nice to her. Because you were kind to me, even when I didn't deserve it and it made me feel good. And then I realized that when I was nice to people eventually they were nice back to me and that felt even better. I spent a long time without caring about anyone, almost a century and a half but I spent even longer without anyone caring about me, until you did. When you saved me from the fire during Founders' day was the day I knew I was important to someone. I was important to you" he softly brushed the hair off of her face as they sat on the couch, their bodies turned to each other's.

Elena couldn't hold her tears back. Damon's life had been so difficult. She couldn't believe how unloved he had been as a boy and then as a man. The fifteen years after his mother died he only had Stefan but Katherine destroyed that and after this there was nobody. He had lost the last strand of affection he had the day he lost his brother and it hurt her to know he spent so many years feeling so alone and unloved, holding onto the illusion that someday he'd be reunited with Katherine. She felt an urgency to just hug him, kiss him, make love to him until he felt how much she really loved him. It almost hurt.

"You're the most important person in my life, Damon. You're the reason I wake up every day and the one that brings that smile to my face. I don't know if there's a love any bigger than mine for you but if there's a ring, my hat is on it because what I feel for you can't be described and that's how I'll feel for the rest of my days" she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly for a brief moment before breaking apart and offering a reassuring and shy smile.

"Thank you" he looked at every inch of her face and there were more emotions in his eyes than she could count. It was a nice and welcoming change seeing Damon being so open and free about his emotions.

"Don't thank me for loving you" she offered yet another smile.

"Thank you for rescuing me" he looked at her with adoration while he stroked her face tenderly and softly.

"Someone had to"

"But it had to be someone very special, trust me, I was in a very dark place when I came to Mystic Falls" he looked away slightly but she soon reached his face and brought this eyes back to her.

"It wasn't only me, Damon. Stefan also helped. I know you guys were working on that lost relationship and you can't just ignore the fact that you have a brother out there, someone you love and who is your family"

"Stefan made his choice" Damon quickly dismissed his brother and Elena could feel his body getting stiff.

"He chose the same thing you did, Damon. He chose love and it happened to be Katherine. We don't choose who we love" she tried to reason. She needed to bring this topic up eventually and she knew she wouldn't be able to convince him in the first attempt.

"Don't go there Elena. Katherine is out of any possibility and the day he chose her was the day I lost him again" Damon was adamant as he backed his body off of her.

"Damon, I can't carry the burden of being the one who broke you and him apart when you were fixing your relationship"

"Then don't because it has nothing to do with you"

"If Katherine didn't turn me I know you would have forgiven him already for trusting her"

"But she did and if he chose to be with her after this, then he's the same as her to me"

"And that's my fault"

"She killed you, Elena. I don't remember you begging her to do it" his tone of voice got louder and she knew he was getting annoyed by the topic but she wouldn't give up easily.

"Still it was my fault. I'm the doppelganger, Damon. I was cursed before she turned me"

"I would protect you Elena"

"At what cost? Of losing you? Of losing my family and friends? It's one thing to lose them because I died but how do you think I would have felt if any of them had died because of me?"

"You don't know if Klaus would ever know about you if it wasn't for Katherine"

"That was a risk I couldn't take, Damon"

"We don't have to talk about it, Elena. Klaus is dead, there's no curse anymore, no one went after your loved ones and you're a vampire"

"Yeah, you're right, there's no good in talking about those possibilities. The only important thing here is your brother who is somewhere in the world but could be here with you"

"I don't need Stefan. All I need is you"

"And all I need is for you to be as happy as you make me" she reached his face again. She didn't like to argue with him but this a battle she had to fight. She wouldn't rest until she got the brothers reunited.

"I already am"

"But I won't ever be completely happy if you don't make amends in your relationship with him"

"You just said I make you the happiest girl"

"Yeah, but there will always be a but in my head"

"We should head upstairs, your show is about to start" he offered truthfully. He knew she loved to watch her medical drama.

"If you don't want to do it for you, then do it for me" she kissed his cheek and headed to the kitchen. It did exactly as she expected it to be but she wouldn't give up, she would convince him, even if for the sake of her annoying insistence.

"I'm sorry" he entered the kitchen after her.

"I understand it's hard for you to overlook what Katherine did but this isn't about me or her. It's about you and your brother"

"How can you be so forgiving because I'm talking from my heart here? I can't stand the sight of her. I feel like I could kill her or die trying" he wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder.

"I know I wouldn't be able to look at her without a homicidal thought it she had hurt you, so I know where you are coming from. But eventually I would have to suck it up because of you and Stefan. Her choices or anyone else's shouldn't set you and your brother apart" she covered his arms on her waist with her own, bringing his body closer to her.

"It's not like they're here, Elena. There are so many things we need to figure out here. I didn't even get into your pants yet. So let's leave this family talking for later. A century or two is really nothing when you're immortal" he kissed her neck softly, hearing her subtle moan at the contact.

"I knew it was all about getting me naked in your bed, Mr. Salvatore" she turned around in his arms so she was now facing him with a content smile on her face.

"It's only fair I get some after over three years. A man has his limits especially around a goddess like you" he smirked like he always did.

"You didn't have sex all those years?" she asked somewhat surprised.

"Why would I? Remembering you was something I avoided and I knew the moment I kissed another woman the only picture in my head would be you. It was already torturous as it was, I didn't need to add anything to my pain" for the first time he admitted he had hurt the time they'd been apart. He had admitted that if he knew she was in pain because of him he would have never left, he admitted he should have been less selfish and tried to check on her and see how she was going with human blood. He always made it clear that he wanted to be there for her but now was the first time he showed that he was hurt by the distance.

"That's romantic"

"No, that was excruciating. Not thinking about you when you filled my whole heart was exhausting"

"Good thing you don't have to do it anymore" she brought his lips to hers and kissed him softly, soon breaking apart.

"Now let's go because I'm missing my favorite show" she led their way upstairs, holding his hand.

* * *

_AN: I'm one of those people that's loves Damon and surely I want him to be with Elena but the show to me is really about Damon and Stefan fixing their relationship. In my not AU fics I try to get to this point eventually and of course I'm doing it here too. And for me it's only natural that Elena worries about it and will push Damon. Another clarification: they didn't have sex. Yeah, they're dating but they didn't have sex and it will be explained next._

_Although is hard to write this fic these days I still enjoy it a lot. I always write not only character development but also relationship development. I don't like to simply get the couple together and then write an epic epilogue that cover years of story. I prefer to go through some of those. I think it's amazing that Damon is doing all those little things to keep Elena's life somewhat human-like because he knows it is important to her. And he doesn't mention, he just does those things._

_Next: the Stefan discussion continues (and that here was their first fight, over his brother nonetheless) but not before they handle another important thing in their relationship and cover something very important to Elena._

_Any suggestions of what would you like to see here? I don't usually ask those things, because well, I'm the writer, I'm supposed to come up with the plots and I guess I'll have just a couple at most three more chapters - that thankfully are sort of outlined. But I want to thank you guys for being in this journey with me so I'm opening up to this :)_

_I don't get more reviews as I used to but I stopped being upset when I don't get them. I'm much happier this way ;) but I do appreciate who takes the time to give me back some words. Thanks a lot guys._

_Thanks also to my beta **May** who is always prompt to help me through my writer's block :P_

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	35. Chapter ThirtyFour: Celebration

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Thirty-Four - Celebration**

* * *

If there was a subject that hadn't been part of Elena and Damon's endless conversations it was sex. They were already a couple, an official couple if they could say that but this subject was never discussed between them and somehow their make-out sessions never escalated to any bases.

Elena was relieved they hadn't talked about it because she was actually a little bit insecure to be intimate with Damon. She knew she shouldn't be thinking about those things but she knew he was very experienced and had been with women much more skilled in bed than her. She had been with Matt and Stefan but neither of them seemed like Mr. Experienced to her. Stefan may have slept with many women in the many years he lived – or not, she never asked – but he was different. He didn't exhale the sex appeal Damon did. She always thought about this romantic act between the two of them, hot, but still something from fairytale books. Now with Damon she had no idea. She also didn't know what to expect from her body now that she was a vampire. Everything she knew about her body and herself changed from the moment she turned into a vampire and she was uneasy about having sex with a sex god like Damon for the first time.

Damon avoided the subject simply because Elena was different from any other women he had been with. His relationship with Katherine had been very sexual and with all other women after her had been strictly sexual. He wasn't planning to propose and wait for their wedding night to have sex with her but for the first time Damon wasn't after sex. His relationship with Elena was so complex and it affected him in so many ways that if he brought sex into the mix so quickly he might as well explode from the turmoil of emotions. He was going to take his time with her. No speed, no uncontrollable or unstoppable desire. He was going to enjoy the ride and get used to his raw emotions.

But as the days and weeks progressed they felt more and more prepared and wiling for their bodies to become one together. Damon thought about bringing the subject up, as he felt like he was more comfortable in his own skin and in their relationship. But Elena never mentioned it and he didn't know if she was ready for it or not. He knew he wasn't when they first started dating but now it was something that he could do. He decided against it. Somehow he felt like when the moment came, they would talk or simply do it. He felt no rush and he was proud of himself for being able to make his relationship with her not being based on sex. He knew he loved her more than inhumanly possible and the perfect time would come sooner or later.

They were enjoying some wine by the fireplace, as they often did but Damon could feel that Elena was different. She seemed anxious and more than once she opened her mouth to say something but instead brought the wine glass to her lips.

"What's going on Kitten?" he purred as he kissed the side of her neck, feeling the goose bumps on her skin at the contact.

"I guess I never mentioned it and you never asked…" she said nervously and Damon actually frowned. Elena never stuttered or rambled.

"Asked what?" he asked in a normal tone, not showing his slight concern.

"Maybe you forgot about it. I guess you don't celebrate it because you're a vampire" she kept her insecure tone and Damon tried to figure out what she was talking about but still he had no idea.

"We'll find out when you tell me what you're talking about" he said with an amused tone. If she was nervous to talk about it he wouldn't make it even more uncomfortable for her.

"Birthdays" she blurted and felt stupid for being so jittery over something so ordinary but she didn't want to look like a fool.

"Oh, that? November eleventh" he nonchalantly answered back but he wasn't convinced that this was what had been bothering her.

"I can't believe it was your birthday and you didn't mention it!" she moved from their cuddling position and sat by his side, looking cutely mad.

"I didn't think it was important, Kitten"

"Of course it is!" she protested and he only chuckled and then she realized she was indeed making a fool of herself "At least it is to me" she muttered as she moved back to her position in his lap, convinced to let the subject go.

"Sorry, Kitten but I didn't celebrate it that much as a human. After my mom died the celebrations in the Salvatore household had been abolished"

"Oh… it was a nice tradition in my house. My family always prepared surprises, parties, bought many gifts"

"It's a nice thing to do"

"Yes…" she answered quietly. Even though she brought up the subject he didn't ask about hers. It was a good thing she didn't mention it beforehand.

* * *

They kept talking about non-important things but he noticed she was quieter than usual. She wasn't tense as before they talked about his birthday but certainly not as content as she used to be in their cuddling sessions at night. Then it finally hit him like a brick wall. He could be really stupid and oblivious sometimes.

"When was the last time you celebrated your birthday?" he asked, trying to use the information to determine the month of her birthday at least. He had stayed nearly one year in Mystic Falls before she was turned.

"Before my parents died. After their death I wasn't in the mood and then in the following year things were too messed up to celebrate it" she offered but it didn't help him and he had to ask the question.

"When is your birthday, Kitten?" he brought her even closer to his body, holding her like she loved.

"Today…" she answered quietly.

"And you don't tell me? How can you complain about me not telling you? I totally forgot about it but it seems like it had been in your mind more than once" he reprehended her with an almost playful tone but they both knew he was serious.

"I didn't know if you thought it was foolishness and I didn't want to force it on you"

"We're celebrating your birthday Kitten, starting now and every year from now on" he announced as he softly moved her from his lap and stood up

"Chop, chop, Kitten. Go groom yourself. We're heading out" he informed as he went to the kitchen.

"Damon it's after nine, it's Tuesday, there's nothing else to do in town. Everything will be closed soon" she protested following him but she was met with his index finger signalizing no.

"Do as I say. Later on I'll punish you for not letting me know ahead to prepare you a proper celebration"

"We don't need to do it. At least not tonight. We could celebrate this weekend"

"Elena, do as I say" he brought his lips to hers and kissed her passionately.

"Take your time. Do everything you want to do, get your hair done, wake up, put on a fancy dress. We are celebrating" his voice was determined and she knew it was final, she kissed him on the cheek and headed upstairs.

"How long are you taking? One hour?" he called out from downstairs.

"Make it one and a half" she giggled excited, yelling back.

"Just make sure you're ready before midnight, Kitten. We're celebrating your birthday on the right day"

"Okay, boss" she complied but there was a big smile on her face. She didn't lie to him. Her parents – just like everyone in Mystic Falls – loved celebrations and since she was a toddler she had been spoiled with big parties and celebratory activities during her birthday. They did the same to her brother and when they got a little bit older they helped their parents to also make a big celebration for each other. Jeremy and Miranda's birthdays were in the same month but they never settled for only one party. Elena's being near Christmas was also never spoiled by the traditional holiday. She always got two batches of gifts for the two occasions.

She filled the bathtub and prepared a relaxing bath. She was about to enter when Damon stormed into their room.

"I'm getting ready in the guest's suite" he informed her as he headed to the walk in closet and got himself some clothes that he had purposefully blocked from her view.

* * *

It took her a little bit over an hour to finally descend downstairs again but something was off. She could smell a faint trace of human food but it was so subtle she thought it might have been coming from the bed and breakfast but that didn't seem a valid option. It was too far for her to smell food from and it was already past eleven.

"Damon?" she asked not sensing his presence anywhere in the house and she nearly panicked. "Damon, where are you?" she tried again but there was no answer.

She looked everywhere in the house. She went upstairs again to check the guest rooms but he wasn't there. She checked all the rooms downstairs but the house was empty.

She was about to head outside when she heard someone walking up the back porch.

"Dan, is that you?" she asked almost afraid.

"Hey, Kitten, you said an hour and a half" he entered the kitchen hearing some uneasiness in her voice.

"I was worried, you said you were getting ready then you disappeared" she reached for him embracing him gently. There was no doubt the biggest fear she had in life was losing Damon. She needed him around her.

He kissed her forehead, enjoying the feeling of having her in his arms. "I was preparing your birthday bash"

"So is that the food I smell?" she asked looking up to see his face as he kept his arms enveloping her.

"Hum hmm" he answered, breaking the contact and reaching for her hand to guide her outside.

They walked to the beach and not two minutes later she finally saw the tent very close to the sea.

"Damon, how did…? How is it…?" she asked surprised as they approached the site he had prepared for them.

"Vampire speed. I couldn't do much out of the menu because we had little time but I'm sure some authentic Italian pasta, Caesar salad and wine aren't that bad" he kissed her hair with a broad smile plastered on his face. He loved seeing her eyes wide and shining like that. The beautiful smile that adorned her face so graciously that warmed his heart every single time.

"It's perfect, it's beautiful" she answered seeing the makeshift tent. It was simple by design, resembling something that could be bought at the store, but this one was unique. It was made of bed sheets and held up by four wooden poles. The front of the tent was open so that they had a direct view of the sea. The sand was covered with a blanket, with a few cushions decorating it but also to make it comfortable for them. A breakfast in bed table was set with the plates, the glasses and a vase with a flower that she didn't know the name of but knew he collected it from the bed and breakfast garden. The food was on the living room coffee table and she had a small smile on her face seeing how he could improvise like that in so little time.

"I love you" she turned around and kissed him gently and longingly.

"I love you too, Kitten, now let's eat because as I told you, we're celebrating your birthday today. And we don't have that much time until midnight" he offered her his arm to hang onto as he conduced them to the tent.

Elena sat over her calves while Damon kept one leg stretched by the breakfast table and the other bent in front of him.

He served them some salad and fed her many times while they chitchatted about unimportant things, just like they did every night. They could spend their whole time talking and they would never run out of subjects. They could talk for all eternity for all they cared. They were always so interested in each other's view of things. They disagreed more often than not but it only kept their usual banters going on and it was amusing for both of them.

"I didn't say it before but, God, you're beautiful" he looked totally mesmerized at her, leading her to smile shyly. She wore a silk strapless orange dress he had bought her but that she never really had the chance to wear before. Her hair was wavy and half up and half down. Her bangs fell delicately on each side of her face and she had minimal makeup on as usual.

"You look edible in that suit" she commented on his black attire. Everything was black, the dress shirt, the tie, the suit and the shoes. And God he donned black like no man on Earth.

"Let's enjoy this amazing Italian food than I'm all yours to taste" he winked and they moved to the main course.

The pasta was divine. Damon cooked Italian food with perfection and she loved it. It was a good thing that she didn't have any problem keeping a healthy blood diet. She thought she would never be ready to let human food go.

After they finished with the food she moved to his side of the 'table' and they sipped some wine while talking about her birthday celebrations with her family.

"And which of those were your favorite?" he asked after she reported five or six occasions.

"None"

"I thought you loved those things" he answered as they watched the waves crashing on the shore.

"Tonight is by far the best birthday I ever had and I have only you to thank for that"

"For making a tent with bed sheets and using our furniture as the table? Come on, that was awful" he offered with an amused tone.

"No, it was perfect" she cupped his face, kissing him passionately. It didn't take too long to push him backwards and move to a horizontal position, with her on top of him.

Damon couldn't have enough of her kisses. He asked for access and she promptly opened her mouth. Nobody had ever kissed her like Damon did. She could feel her whole body reacting to his moves and she could only imagine how it would be when they finally had sex. It was the end of December and there was nobody outdoors, nearly midnight. They had the whole beach to themselves and as much as beach sex was overrated, they didn't pick the time and place. Time seemed to have picked them somewhere along the many years he had lived and now they were about to consummate their union. With that, he flipped her over, their lips never breaking contact.

"God, I love you so much" she said under his toned frame. Damon had moved the kisses from her mouth to her neck and was heading even more to south, aiming for her perfect breasts.

"I love you, Elena" he murmured as he started to remove her clothes. They didn't ask any questions. There was no lingering look exchanged between them to make sure the other was alright with the events unfolding. Damon and Elena had been reconnecting for weeks but now their connection reached levels it never did before. They knew they understood each other and they knew what the other wanted or needed without making any questions.

She also reached for his clothes and their super speed help her to get rid of his jackets, shirt and pants faster than a blink of eyes and as her dress was strapless in few seconds they were naked in front of each other.

Damon got rid of the two small tables quickly saying that beach sex wasn't practical and he didn't want sand to literally get in places it shouldn't be, and laying Elena over the blanket he stopped his actions for a while to watch her. She was beautiful. There wasn't one single flaw in the woman lying before him. She could see the adoration and admiration in his eyes as they moved to every inch of her body but soon she found her own eyes doing the same. Standing there he looked like a Greek good. No mythology could do justice to Damon's beauty.

They were mesmerized by each other but soon Damon broke the trance, lying down to meet her body and her lips again. This kiss was different from the previous ones. It was calm and deep. There was no rush or desperation, just their bodies letting themselves be consumed by those overwhelming feelings.

He explored her face, neck and breasts with his skilled lips and her moans was making his member throb. Not only did she look perfect but she also tasted like perfection. The intoxicating smell of her arousal was invading his senses, inebriating him completely.

Her hands were clutched at his toned back and she knew she would draw blood soon and he was yet to enter her but there was so much passion, desire and love between them in that moment that she was sure she didn't need any penetration to reach her climax. Feeling his body pressed against her and his lips savoring her skin was enough to lead her to the oblivion of ecstasy.

"I want you, Damon" she muttered as he kept the work of his lips and hands on her.

"I'm all yours, Elena" he answered but didn't stop his ministrations.

"So make me yours" she pleaded and the way her voice sounded so needing but also so tender was the last push he needed to finally connect their bodies like never before.

The moment he entered her Elena moaned longingly and she felt the immediate need to kiss his lips. She acted on her wishes and roughly brought his face to hers and crashed her lips against his. The kiss was erotic and deep. Their tongues tangled while their bodies moved faster and faster against each other's.

The kiss was getting bruising but they didn't care. All they cared about in that moment was to satiate the need and desire they felt. Damon's movements were nearing inhuman speed when he felt Elena reaching for his hips and slowing him down. With that simple move he knew what she meant. She wanted their first time to be as human as possible. He was looking forward to sharing blood with her and he knew how much it increased the pleasure between two vampires but he knew how important it was to Elena to preserve her humanity in everything in her life and he was going to respect her. Without anything different or kinky it was already the best sex of his life.

He angled his hips, to deliver friction to her clit and kept his pace in a natural speed and Elena's body immediately answered to the position change.

"I'm close, Dan, I'm close" she panted.

"Come for me, Lena" he increased a little bit his speed, but not enough to make it inhuman and felt as her walls clenched against his member.

"Harder" she pleaded and he obeyed and bringing his lips to her again he felt her body shaking under his and her lips quivering against his own as he muffled her moans and screams.

As soon as she came he increased more his speed, maybe marginally reaching vampire speed and a few seconds he also came, falling over her, his head resting on her chest.

It took them a couple of minutes to recover from their intense love making and Damon promptly reversed their positions, bringing her to rest against him.

"I love you" he said and kissed her hair.

"I love you too" she closed her eyes and soon she drifted to sleep. She had never been this happy before.

* * *

_AN: Sorry guys, didn't realize it's been four days since I updated. I was really busy this week. Hope to be normal from now on. so Birthdays and sex. I suppose we could have a fluffy chapter. Next: plans for the future and someone is getting married.  
_

_Thanks a lot for the reviews and to my beta **May - **who described the tent to me :P_

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	36. Chapter ThirtyFive: Changed

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Thirty-Five - Changed **

* * *

The blissful feeling that guided Elena through her slumber was still there when her eyes fluttered opened. There were no words that could describe how she felt after she shared something so big with Damon. The feeling of having him inside of her was still fresh in her mind and she knew if she had a beating heart it would be skipping several beats now.

She was still in his arms but it seemed like he was the one sleeping now. She tilted her head up as slow and softly as possible because she didn't want him to wake up. She was successful in her attempt and enjoyed watching him be so peaceful after their love making session. She was so insanely in love with him. She just wanted to bring him to her arms and hold him tight and protectively and be with him the rest of eternity. Elena never felt like this before. She couldn't explain. It was like a giant force inside of her kept pushing her to be close to him. She had an urgency to touch him and be with him all the times. This need, this hunger couldn't be satisfied. The more she got from him, the more she wanted him.

"Want to take a picture?" he muttered with his eyes still closed.

"You're so beautiful, I can't stop staring" she chuckled as she felt his arms bringing her closer to him, if that was even possible.

"How lucky you are for having such a fine specimen of man, huh?" his trademark smirk was plastered on his face while she rolled her eyes.

"Maybe I should look for someone more suitable to my humble features" she offered as she dropped her face, so he couldn't see the smile she had showing.

"You're the most beautiful, hottest and sexiest woman I've laid eyes on" he turned their bodies around so she was underneath his toned frame.

"Good to know I'm a match for your greatness" she smiled and his answer was to bring his lips to hers and kiss her, taking his time savoring her delicious taste.

"We're a match made in heaven"

"That we are" she agreed resuming their make-out.

"But I'm going to take my muse to my bed because that is where you belong" he said bringing her to his arms, bridal style and disappearing in the dark of night, to another love making session.

* * *

The next morning was something Damon and Elena had never experienced before. There were no words to describe how they felt after the night they had. They knew their relationship was finally cemented and their bodies finally merged into one. Damon couldn't take his arms off of her. Every now and then he found his arms wrapping around her or simply touching her. He was never this happy and it was all because of who Elena Gilbert was.

"So I was exchanging some e-mails with Jeremy yesterday" she mentioned as they sat on the couch after they got lunch. Their feeding routine was well established now. The first thing they had in the morning when they woke up was some blood, enough for the rest of the day. They spent some time in bed or doing something else and not much later they'd settle for breakfast. They had lunch every day and sometimes, when they craved, they had a blood snack in the afternoon but they didn't eat human food. They didn't have dinner every night but every time they felt up to, he cooked something for them or they went out. It worked perfectly and after little time Damon was thankful for her wanting to keep her human roots so badly. It was a nice change for him after a century and a half of taking the vampire style of living too deeply.

"How is he?" he asked politely but not entirely interested in the answer. It wasn't that he didn't care about her brother but he felt like he had everything and everyone he needed with him already and that was her.

"He's going to get married"

"Wow, why so fast? How old is he anyway? Nineteen?" Damon offered honestly.

"Yes, but he says he found the perfect girl for him and he doesn't want to waste any time"

"I know the feeling" he once again found himself wrapping his arms around her.

"I wish I could be there but I told him that's not a risk I could take" she looked slightly sad and he was sad for her. There were things that would never change in her life as a vampire and he knew it would always bring sadness to her heart.

"Does he understand?"

"Completely"

"Good, give the kid my best wishes"

"Stefan is the only family you have now Damon and I feel like it's the only family I have too. I know I have Jeremy but I'm not part of his life as much as I want to be because I can't be. But with Stefan it could be different, you know?" she knew she was playing low again but she was very honest. It was great to be with him but it was sort of depressing and sad that they would never have anyone else to share their life with. What if someday they had an argument? She wouldn't have a friend or a relative to talk to about it. She loved him but she wasn't ready for it to be only the two of them the rest of their days.

"This thing again?" he asked breaking the contact of their bodies and straightening his back against the couch.

"It's important to me for you two to fix it but it's also important to me to have someone other than you"

"And here I thought I was the only one you needed"

"You're the only one I need. It just doesn't mean you're the only person I want to be part of my life. I don't have any friends, you don't seem to have any either. It's just weird. When you get out to get blood in the hospital or do whatever you need to do I'm all alone and even when we're together. I don't have a job, I don't study, I don't have friends. There's a lot lacking but you still fulfill all my needs but just because you're enough it doesn't have to be only you"

"I was thinking about it the other day. I want you to go to college"

"What?" she asked shocked.

"Actually we're both going to college next summer" he said more as a statement than a suggestion.

"I didn't even finish high school. Died in the process, remember?" she was shocked but she had been with him too long the past weeks. She quickly acquired his humor and sarcasm.

"It can be worked around"

"Like compelling people"

"Do you want to go back to high school?" he asked her raising one of his eyebrows.

"Not really but…"

"So it's settled. We are close enough to Raleigh to attend Duke"

"Whoa. Just because we're compelling our way in it doesn't mean we need to go to an Ivy university"

"Who said anything about compelling? I'm getting your high school completion certificate but you can start working your ass off studying because I'm not compelling anyone to get us inside. SAT's aren't that hard" he offered and she was really shocked now.

"Come on, you want to know that you're capable. And I like this human thing we have going on. So no compelling into college, Missy" he brought her to his arms again, hoping she wouldn't bring Stefan up again but he knew she would.

"I like the idea"

"Good. We could pursue a real career you know? We can move from time to time but if you put on the right makeup I suppose we could live in the same place for even ten years"

"Makeup is usually used to keep you young" she chuckled.

"Makeup can do everything"

"I guess you're right"

"And if we ever get tired of our profession. We start it all over again with a new major and a new career"

"We might live forever keeping such a low profile and being so human"

"I can't think of anything better than spending eternity with you"

"Neither can I"

"So we have a plan"

"But just because we're doing something with our lives it doesn't mean I don't want you to have Stefan around. I'm not asking you to invite him to move in or live by the bed and breakfast but to keep in touch. I'd love to travel around and know the places you talk about. We could meet them a few times on some of those occasions. They could come visit, we could go visit. I know you miss him. You've lived with him again for over a year in Mystic Falls and despite all the problems you had, you got along just fine"

"I can get over what Stefan did but I'll never be able to be around Katherine again without trying to kill her and I'm not sure my brother would be happy if I killed his girl" he was uncomfortable by the conversation again but he now realized it was important to her. Her arguments were strong and if he was really honest with himself he missed his brother and being close as he was the remaining family he had. But Katherine was more than he could take.

"It doesn't need to be now, but I want them to be part of our lives somehow. And I made no mistake. I want them, not only Stefan. So I guess you should get used to the idea" Elena was bold in her statement as she left him on the couch. She knew she wasn't going to convince him, so she would have to force it. She really wanted him to be close to his brother and she missed having some family around. Katherine was her family, they had the same blood in their veins and Stefan was his brother. They were what they had left and she had come to terms to Katherine's decisions a long time ago.

And now as they contemplated a life together, a very long maybe never ending life, she knew Katherine was responsible for it. Not only because she had turned her but because of her plan to kill Klaus. Even if Elena was a vampire by her own desire at some point who knew if she would never cross paths with Klaus during her undead life? And she couldn't predict what his reaction would be or if she would even have time to convince him she wasn't Katherine but a second doppelganger he missed.

* * *

Months passed and Damon could see that Elena was already getting tired of their monotonous life. They were just a month away of starting at Duke, where both of them, by their own effort, were happily accepted. Surely Damon had to compel a few people to create them some documents and get all the red tape they needed to do the SAT's but they got in by their own merit.

He knew what he needed to do to complete her happiness and as much as it hurt him to do it he would deal with the woman he hated the most in his life.

"Thank you for meeting me" he said to the vampire that sat across him at the table.

"Always a pleasure" Katherine offered her trademark childish smirk.

"Seeing you just at my arm's length makes me think of the many ways I could kill you right here, right now" he bitterly retorted and her smile quickly dropped from her face. She was happy when he contacted his brother and then her. She knew the biggest regret of Stefan's life was to lose his brother. He was happy with her but she knew some days he wondered if it was worthy cutting relations with his brother, who he turned because he wanted to spend the eternity with Damon by his side. She felt guilty and when Damon contacted them she was relieved that it could change, though she knew things wouldn't be easy.

"You should thank me for what I did to you. If Elena wasn't a vampire whatever she felt for you wouldn't have been magnified along with her other emotions and she certainly wouldn't be with you right now" she played her first card and seeing how disgusted he looked she knew it didn't work at all.

"And that's the difference between us, Katherine. I'm not a selfish jerk anymore. I would never turn Elena for my advantage"

"And what if she decided to turn herself? Don't you know about all the issues in a relationship of a vampire and a human?" she challenged and they both knew she had a point.

"Then it would be her decision and she would take it after I made it clear that I'd rather die with her than pass this curse to her" he honestly answered. He would never push the curse over Elena if she was still a human.

"You really have changed" she exclaimed mildly surprised and her tone was somewhat soft.

"Love changes people Katherine; which is why I don't believe at all you love my brother"

"I'm just reasoning here, Damon, what's done is done and there's a hell of a lot of positive things for you to look at. Do you really think of all places in the world I could be with Stefan now that I really want to be in a freezing beach in North Carolina? We were in Europe when you called; going to places we've been before because we wanted to be there _with each other_. I have no drama in my life anymore. There's no curse, there's no Original trying to kill me. I'm free and I'm with the guy I love. Now if you think what I had in mind for me and for Stefan was to be with you and Elena then you don't know me at all. I'm here because this is important to him, because I can see how hard it is for him to know that to have me he lost you. I don't want anything to do with you. I don't need your friendship, your forgiveness or your acceptance but Stefan needs it and that's why I'm telling you this. I'll do whatever it takes. If that's being in the same city as you, then so be it. If that's about begging you, tell me when I should be on my knees. If what you want is for me to be dead all I ask is a few decades with him then I'm all yours" she looked tortured and hurt as she spoke and Damon was actually taken aback by her reaction but still he looked suspiciously at her. Damon didn't say anything until she spoke again, her voice low and vulnerable like he never heard before.

"I just want him to be happy; I just want to be there with him while it happens" she offered and he watched her carefully.

"Okay" he said a few minutes later, breaking the brief silence.

"Okay what?"

"We'll keep it civil. For Stefan and Elena" he explained as he stood up to walk away.

"Thank you" she said after him.

He stopped in his tracks but didn't look back. "You're welcome"

* * *

_AN: It took me long enough but turns out I was still busy. I hope you enjoy the chapter though._

_Thanks a lot for all the reviews and also thanks to **May** my beta._

_xoxo, Babi  
_


	37. Chapter ThirtySix: Compromise

**You Lost Me**

**Chapter Thirty-Six - Compromise **

* * *

To say things had been awkward in Damon's beach house was an understatement. After clearing things up between him and Katherine, she and Stefan came to visit. They stayed in the bed and breakfast she once abandoned him at but their visits to Damon and Elena had been uncomfortable to say the least. The tension between the two couples could be cut with a knife. More often than not Damon sent deadly glares to Katherine and no one could say he tried to be nice to his brother. It was like everyone was obliged to be there instead of doing it from free will. Maybe it was a bad idea after all…

"I need a favor" Damon approached his brother in one of the occasions he and Katherine came to visit.

"Sure" Stefan was happily relieved to know that his brother was the one trying to take amends. He really wanted to do it but Damon was unpredictable and Katherine had reported her conversation with his brother in detail so he didn't know what Damon's reaction could be. He was afraid of pushing Damon too much with the subject of rebuilding their trust because he knew it could lead the older Salvatore to snap and that was the last thing he wanted.

"I need to go to Mystic Falls. There are some things in the house that I need to bring here. I don't want to take Elena with me because I know the place will always be emotional for her especially with her newlywed brother and aunt in town but I don't want to leave her alone either" Damon explained as he filled a glass with scotch and downed it as soon as he finished talking.

"I understand" Stefan was still skeptical in his answer. If it meant what he thought it was a big step for the brothers.

"I want you to ask Katherine to leave. Preferably ask her to go visit the North Pole. I don't her around here while I'm not in the house" he refilled the glass and emptied even faster than the first time.

"Katherine would never hurt Elena, Damon" Stefan offered but he knew he crossed a line the moment Damon looked up from the drink cart to his brother.

"You do realize that while we are here they're upstairs? On their own?" Stefan pointed out but Damon didn't budge.

"Where I can hear them and kill her the moment she touches Elena" he said through clenched teeth.

"For two people who have generations between them and everything that went through them once they crossed paths I'd say they're bonding just fine" Stefan said and it was true. Elena was probably the only one who really understood what Katherine did. Some days even Stefan questioned Katherine's choices even if they didn't talk about it. He would never be fine with the older vampire turning her but Elena knew it was what needed to be done. She didn't want to be in the position the first doppelganger was or being responsible to carry on the curse by having her own kids. She was happy the curse was stopped and Klaus was dead and to both she owed Katherine. Damon had made her life as a vampire much easier than she expected and as each day passed it was easier to accept what Katherine did to her.

Surely there wasn't a BFF bonding between the doppelgangers but they talked about many things. Right now while they paid attention to the brothers' conversation although they pretended they didn't, Katherine was talking about the places she had visited with Stefan in the past years. It had been almost two years since he found her and they didn't do anything else other than travel. It gave Elena some ideas for the future with Damon.

Despite their plans to study and then work she also wanted to enjoy the life they could have as vampires. Traveling could be the perfect plan for their leisure time as they didn't get tired, older or were running out of money. The latter thanks to Damon wise and sharp administration of all the properties and investments he inherited from his father but also a few other Salvatores who died throughout the years without having any heir of their own.

But now her attention wasn't in her ascendant words but in the ones exchanged between the brothers.

"I'm trying really hard here Stefan. There's only one thing that matters to me in the whole world and I'm trusting you with this person for a whole day. Don't make me regret it because I'll make Katherine's life a living hell before killing both of you" his voice was venomous and putting the glass back on the cart he almost broke it while he walked away leaving his brother behind him without offering the time or the chance for Stefan to say anything.

Damon went upstairs and as he saw both girls sitting in the balcony, with two glasses of wine and talking while they watched the beach he wondered for a small moment that maybe Stefan was right. Elena had much more to hold against Katherine than he did against Stefan and there she was trying to make it better for everyone. But now it wasn't time for them to talk about it.

"As you already know per my conversation with Stefan you're leaving tomorrow. I won't leave until I can't smell you around fifty miles from this house and don't think about doing any funny stuff, Katherine, you know I meant every word of what I said"

"I trust her, Damon" Elena offered.

"No, Elena, it's fine. This week was the worst one I've had in the past two years I guess I really need to have some fun of my own. Too bad Stef can't go with me"

"I'm glad we have an understanding" Damon replied warily as he walked away being quickly followed by his girlfriend.

"I'm not a doll or a child who can't judge between right and wrong and safe and dangerous. I will never be close to Katherine and maybe not even to Stefan again but they're the only family we have left and I'm happy we left all our differences in the past"

"Speak for yourself, I didn't leave anything"

"I don't need Stefan to babysit me while you travel Damon and I should be the one who decides if going to Mystic Falls again will be too emotional for me or not. I'm my own person and I'm not going to let you treat me like I'm incapable!" she fumed and he was surprised by her reaction. It'd been a long time since she had talked to him like that.

"See Elena, this is the thing. We've been together for nearly nine months and if we count this right now as a fight it's our second and guess what the subject didn't change. I don't want to keep fighting with you over Katherine" he pointed out during their first fight she didn't sound so mad and hurt.

"No Damon, this has nothing to do with Katherine. This is between you and me. I trust you and your decisions and I don't mind when sometimes you make them for both of us but I can't go the rest of my days with you dictating everything about my life! I don't want to go with you to Mystic Falls because I have guests in our house that I welcome. I'll stay because of them and I mean both of them. I can defend myself in case I need to even if it means running faster than I ever did in my life but I just want you to know I'm in charge of my decisions, thank you very much" she vented and just like he did to his brother a few minutes ago she was gone before he had time to say anything back, not only from their bedroom but from the house as he heard the front door opening.

"I won't be here, don't worry" Katherine offered as she also headed outside though her leave had nothing to do with Elena's.

Damon was furious and the books of his small bookshelf were soon thrown against the floor and the glasses they kept on their nightstand shattered into thousands of pieces.

Stefan who obviously heard the whole ordeal between Damon, Katherine and Elena was already upstairs too and stopping by the doorway he looked at his brother who was thinking about what else he should break.

"Don't make the same mistakes I did, Damon. Although she forgave me for each lie I told, each secret I kept and each decision I made for her, it doesn't mean it didn't hurt her and made her question our relationship. Maybe that was the first thing that pushed her towards you. You have always been bluntly honest with her and allowed her to make her decisions, even if you followed closely the outcome to ensure she wouldn't be hurt. I can assure you it means a lot more to her than you think" he said and following the females, he also left the house. He knew his brother needed time to think and it would be better if he happened to be and to feel alone while he analyzed things over.

As Damon stood in the middle of their bedroom, alone, he thought about her words and about Stefan's words. It hurt him to know they were right. While they were friends, Damon loved Elena and would give his life to save her but now she had become his own life. The most precious thing he had and he couldn't help being overprotective of her. If he lost her he knew for sure it would be the last thing to happen to his life. But maybe his fear would lead him to lose her the same way and he had to get over it if he wanted to make her happy by his side. But while he wasn't that strong his old scotch would help him to get over their fight.

* * *

When Elena came back later that night she found only Stefan in the house. He was the last to leave and the first to come back but when he arrived nobody was there and now a couple of hours later Elena was the second to arrive.

She briefly talked to him and he said he would be staying until Damon came back as part of the favor his brother had asked him. She thanked him and excused herself to take a shower.

As soon as she entered their bedroom she saw the destruction her boyfriend left behind. The books were still all over the room, the glasses broken on the floor and even his old albums were out of place. She sighed and moved to fix his mess when a piece of paper over their bed got her attention.

_I understand you. I just wish you understood me too and where I'm coming from. The one time I thought Katherine was harmless your neck was snapped and you were killed. We may have left it behind us but I'll never forget and I'll never forgive myself for that. I'll be back tomorrow. With all love in the world, Damon._

It was a short note but enough for Elena to drop the tears she held back while she walked by the beach the past few hours. Truth be told she had forgotten that Damon still felt that guilt about what Katherine did. The only thing she related to her death and his feelings was hate towards her doppelganger but there was more of it.

But the reason she cried wasn't because he reminded her that he didn't do anything to stop Katherine those years ago. She knew she hurt him with her words although they were true. She didn't want to talk to him like that. They usually talked things over instead of throwing them in each other's faces like she did. And mainly, they discussed their personal life in private, not with his brother and his girlfriend in the next room.

In all honesty Damon wasn't that overprotective of her. He had even encouraged her to try to go to the hospital to get their blood supply on her own last month. But when it came to Katherine he treated her like she was a newborn and she hated that. She felt like he didn't trust her judgment but that was before he reminded her of his guilt towards the older Petrova doppelganger. And still with his note informing her that he was gone and without one word in the subject except for the first three she knew it was his way to overcome his guilt and fear and let her have things her own way. He didn't know for sure if Katherine was coming back tonight or not and still he left. That was an example of actions speaking louder than words. And it was her turn to feel guilty.

* * *

It was his last stop before the beach house. Damon was happy to have made the decision to go to Mystic Falls at night instead of the morning. It had been easier to be there unnoticed in his blue Camaro.

While he pumped gas in his car he felt someone behind him and was surprised to see Katherine.

"I came across something that might interest you" she offered without any greetings.

"I strongly doubt it" he turned his attention back to the work of his hands.

"During our stay in Italy we met a vampire who is also a priest"

"And? Did he try to exorcise you or did he realize too late that you're the evil personified?" he quipped.

"This is me trying here, Damon"

"Being civil doesn't require as much Kat"

"He does weddings. Vampire weddings and while in theory it doesn't seem that different from human weddings he does have a couple of interesting things to say about love, God and stuff for creatures like us" she explained and that got his attention. Damon was silent and Katherine knew she had scored a point.

"Stefan and I aren't really into this stuff and if we ever get married I don't think we'll need a priest but Elena likes human traditions and I can see you're okay with them too"

"Getting married by a vampire priest isn't that traditional among humans" he offered before heading inside to pay for the gas. When he came back to his car she was already inside it, much to his dismay.

"But maybe it is the closest you can give her and I know you're proposing. I suppose that the only reason why you would leave just to get a certain engagement ring" she crossed her arms on her chest half-smiling at him.

"You're trying too hard and reading too much into it, Kat" he looked back at her before starting the engine.

"Let's just say while Stefan played babysitter to your girl I may have done a little trip myself. You went there only for the ring, Damon. The rest of the stuff was just some irrelevant stuff that was in front of you and that you took to cover for what this trip was really about. Well maybe except for the alcohol"

"That's a respectable collection of whiskey"

"Here is where you can find the priest just in case you change your mind about it" she winked and handled him a beautiful card and they were silent during the rest of the short trip to the house.

* * *

It was a little over eight in the morning when they arrived. Katherine didn't say anything and getting out of the car she headed straight to the bed and breakfast, knowing that Stefan would soon join her there now that Damon was back. On his way upstairs he crossed paths with his brother who was in the living room. He nodded to Stefan who nodded back in return and left the house knowing that Damon and Elena needed some time alone.

Much to his surprise Elena was still sleeping. They used to get up much earlier for their daily blood fix before going back to bed but maybe she had a long night he wondered seeing how the mess he left behind him the day before was gone and the room was tidy as usual.

He sat by her side on the bed and the small movement in the mattress was enough to wake her up.

"I'm sorry for yesterday" was the first thing he said.

"I'm sorry too" she offered as she sat on the bed as well.

"I know that…" he started but her finger sealed his lips together.

"I understand" she said simply with a small smile on her face.

"Good because I'm about to ask you something and understanding each other is definitely a requirement" he smiled back looking clearly relieved with her answer.

"Okay"

"This thing we have is real, right? You're really in this forever?" he asked and for the first time in her life Elena saw in his face what she could only name as insecurity.

"Of course I am" and instead of feeling offended by the question she realized he needed reassurance.

"Good. I know you know most changes and things I did in the past years were because of you, especially in the last nine months. But this is not about you, this is about me"

"Okay" she agreed once again and she was growing anxious.

"Marry me, Elena" he blurted and she was thankful that she was sitting because otherwise she knew she would have fallen.

"What?" she asked trying to recover her ability to speak.

He reached for the pocket in his leather jacket, revealing the most beautiful ring she had ever seen.

"It belonged to my mother and I feel like she wanted me to have it as one of the maids gave it to me a few days after her death and asked me not to tell anyone"

"And do you want me to have it?" she asked teary, showing how touched she was by his actions.

"No, I want you to be my wife. The ring is just part of the tradition which I really suck at as instead of being on my knee I'm sitting by your side and I didn't even give you a speech" he looked shy and almost uncomfortable and Elena didn't want to prolong his anguish, so she threw her arms around him, hugging him really tight.

"It doesn't matter what tradition says and yes, Damon, I'll marry you" she broke the contact of their arms and seeing the growing smile in his face, she kissed him long and passionately.

* * *

_AN: So here is the last chapter before the epilogue. I have a few ideas of what I'll write in the very final chapter but it may take a few days for me to put them together but I hope I'll update in 3-4 days. Thanks a lot for the reviews in the last chapter and I'm happy in the show Damon said he misses being human as that is the route I chose to make him and Elena work in a relationship as vampires: being as much human as they were allowed to be as vampires. Also thanks to **May**, my beta._

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	38. Epilogue

**You Lost Me**

**Epilogue**

* * *

Damon couldn't believe what his ears were hearing and taking a few seconds, he finally kissed her back. He reached for her waist and he never held her like that before. Katherine had been right and that was his plan all along. He didn't need to spend a lot of time with her, he just needed to know if she wanted him forever, although they already said it to each other a few times. He knew what he wanted and if they were both sure there was no reason to wait. Jeremy was right after all.

After more minutes than they cared to count, they broke apart. Air wasn't a problem but the excitement in having the ring on her finger was. It was simple, the diamonds were small with a medium sized one in the middle. Nothing extravagant, but all like Elena, beautiful in the simplicity but never ordinary.

"It's beautiful Damon" she looked at the ring on her finger and back at the man she loved.

"The most beautiful" he replied but his eyes had never left her face.

"How exactly does it work?" she asked a few minutes later as he held her in their bed.

"What do you mean?"

"Our engagement. Actually the wedding. I suppose you proposed because you want me to really marry you right?" she played with the hem of her pajama shirt. Of course she wanted to marry him but she didn't know how they could do it. She didn't want to simply go to the City Hall, although that was probably the only way they could do it.

"Well, despite my sucking skills to propose, I'd say yes, I asked you to marry me because I want to marry you as in a wedding" he realized she was nervous to talk about the subject and for the first time in his life he was thankful for Katherine. Elena wasn't absolutely wrong in her assumption. When he decided to go to Mystic Falls to get his mother's ring all he had thought was that he wanted to marry Elena but he didn't really think about the wedding itself. As vampires they could have whatever they wanted, he could fill a church with people compelled to be there but he knew that wasn't what Elena wanted. That wasn't what _he_ wanted. The purpose of a wedding ceremony was to share with others an important and sacred moment to them.

"And how would this wedding be?"

"Katherine knows or heard of someone in Italy that does vampire weddings"

"What exactly is a vampire wedding?" she turned to look at him with a small smile on her face that he knew was half because of her wit but mainly because she could have the prospect of a real wedding.

"What is a wedding for you Ms. Gilbert-soon-to-be-Salvatore" he offered a big smile. Mrs. Salvatore definitely sounded good.

"The public commitment of two people who love each other. I guess a good excuse to throw a party and get drunk. But also an intimate moment between the groom and the bride" she offered as her eyes showed that she wasn't simply relating her opinion but seeing it in her mind.

"I guess a vampire wedding would be all of that maybe with a blood feast instead of eating like starving people but I suppose all that bla-bla-bla that priests say would be something fitting to our reality. When I promise to love you forever in my vows it may mean literally and not just some love-sick lame expression"

"That would be nice"

"The blood feast?" he faked enthusiasm and she narrowed her eyes at him but soon the smile was back on her face.

"Having a ceremony that fits who we are. But when did Katherine talk to you about it?"

"She followed me and saw the ring. Then she gave me a card. The priest seems to be from a monastery in Italy"

"A wedding in Italy must be the most romantic thing ever!" she slightly zoned out again thinking about the vineyards and other beautiful things he showed and described to her about the European country.

"Yeah but I was thinking of having the ceremony here"

"Why?"

"I guess if a wedding is a public commitment than we should share it with people who matters to us"

"Stefan and Katherine could be in Italy with us, I'm sure she's already sick of this beach" Elena chuckled softly. She knew for sure the other doppelganger wanted nothing more than to leave and continue her adventure with her boyfriend.

"I wasn't talking about them. Maybe we could invite Jeremy, Caroline, even Bonnie if she wants to come. I'd like for Ric to be here too and I was thinking while I was there that it seems like you forgot a big part of the family part"

"Did I?" she smiled thinking he was referring to her brother but his next words made her smile drop.

"Isobel. For someone that wants me so badly to reconcile with my brother, I should remember you that you have a mother and a father for that matter that are your family too"

"You know they were never parents to me. My parents died when I was sixteen Damon" she was clearly uncomfortable talking about her biological parents. Every now and then she thought about Isobel while John never really crossed her thoughts and she didn't know if she wanted to fix their relationship, if they had any to start with.

"Stefan was nothing to me but my favorite puppet to play with for decades. The moment he made me drink that girl's blood and become a vampire he died to me as a brother but just because I didn't think of him as my brother it didn't mean he wasn't and look where we are now" he reasoned. It wasn't about giving her a payback for what she led him to go with Stefan. But she didn't know anything about Isobel, except that she had been a bitch because of Katherine and maybe in the future it would be nice for her to have a mother around.

"I don't want to have Isobel and John here just because they aren't people I can share our wedding with. I don't think I want them to be part of anything in my life let alone something as special and important to me as marrying you"

"Is it that special?" he asked kissing the side of her neck.

"It's the most special thing"

"Just think that you don't know anything about Isobel. Maybe she's not as bad as you think. When you're a newbie and a vampire as old as Katherine makes sure you're part of her plans, you just do what she says. Unless you want to die but still she had choices. You do what you feel up to do" he explained but he wouldn't push the subject anymore. It was her decision to make and he didn't want her to feel obliged about anything.

"When I said I understand, I meant it Damon. Stefan and Katherine don't need to be here if you don't want them. I understand you love your brother but can't get over what Katherine did to me. Honestly I wouldn't get over if it had been the other way around. Take your time and make the decision you feel comfortable doing, okay? I will always be here with you and for you" she explained and they kissed passionately. They definitely felt in a good place where both understood the reasons behind their decisions.

* * *

It was a sunny day in North Carolina. Elena made sure to get married during summer. She thought a wedding on the beach on a sunny day would be just the memory they needed for their special day. It was a way to contrast with what they were as vampires. A contrast she welcomed and embraced.

"I'm honored" Alaric said in one of the house's room where Damon was getting ready.

"Get over it already. If Elena has a maid of honor I'm supposed to have a best man and believe me, in my case it could be called only man" Damon quipped.

"So, where are the rings? I need them to play my part properly" the human had a big smile stamped on his face. He wished Jenna could be there too, especially because he knew Elena's death still hurt her but he knew it was best this way. Knowing that her niece was a vampire could be complicated and hurt her even more. He just hoped if Elena ever decided to change her mind that Jenna wouldn't feel betrayed by him. It wasn't his truth to tell.

Damon handed him the pair of golden jewelry and found himself being pulled into a man-hug.

"Congratulations" the blond offered simply Damon thanked uncomfortably happy. Hugging, especially men, wasn't his thing.

"You look beautiful, Elena" Caroline offered her friend as she watched Elena making the final adjustments in her appearance. She wore an ivory strapless dress with a lace over lay and a sweetheart neckline coupled with a daringly low back. In the lace were crystal beads and sequins, making it shimmer softly in the light. The princess silhouette fit her body perfectly, almost as if it were made for her. It had a chapel train in the back, not too big, not too small, floating away from the body. It was a bold change from her simple, mostly boring style but she wanted to impress Damon. For once she wanted to feel sexy and breathtaking and Caroline thought she got it just right. Her hair was down and curly and the only thing adorning it was small crystal points in the back that held the small amount of hair she pulled back.

"Thank you for coming, Car"

"There's no way I would miss it" she held Elena's hands with a big smile on her face.

"I just want you to know that I asked you to be my maid of honor before Bonnie said she wasn't coming. You're not a rebound. You're my best friend" Elena offered teary. She had been deeply hurt by Bonnie's denial to attend the wedding. She thought their friendship was bigger than Bonnie's recent resolution of taking no part in the supernatural world anymore. She respected her decision but it didn't hurt any less.

"I promise to be closer from now on. I needed time to find my place in the world. Leaving Mystic Falls and the life I loved behind me led me to a very bad place but I'm happy I finally found it"

"I promise to be closer too" Elena offered and the two friends embraced each other but Caroline kept her distance between their bodies.

They broke the hug and Elena had a small frown on her face.

"Don't want to crease our beautiful dresses" she winked to Elena when they heard a knock on the door.

"Everything is ready, Elena" Carla announced. Damon made sure she was there and it was important to Elena to know that the redhead held no grudges against her because of the attack in the hospital.

"We're going" Elena answered with a smile and the human led their way to spot on the beach a few yards from the house.

Carla took her place by Jeremy's side. Katherine and Stefan sat by the other side of an imaginary aisle while Damon, Alaric and the priest were already standing in the center waiting for Elena's entrance.

Damon couldn't take his eyes off of her when she started walking towards him. She was a vision to him and he didn't even blink while contemplating how beautiful his wife-to-be was. He loved the dress, the sexy hair, the subtle make up. And the last rays of sunlight making her dress sparkle but especially in her eyes made it look like a dream sequence.

"You're… mesmerizing" he whispered when she finally reached him.

"All for you" she answered back as he kissed her cheek softly.

Priest Toni soon started the ceremony talking about how important that day was for both Elena and Damon. But soon moved to the special part Elena and Damon were waiting for. The Italian native came to North Carolina almost two weeks ahead of the wedding date. He wanted to know and to talk to Elena and Damon before he made their wedding. He wanted to say things that mattered and were important to them, not to any random vampire.

"You know God is about love and forgiveness and I must say the more you need both, the more he's ready to give it to you. Just because you're vampires it doesn't mean you can't receive his mercy and blessings. I know it may include some compulsion but the fact that you're feeding off of blood bags instead of harassing and killing people shows a good effort. Maybe in the future you could move to animal blood and stop with the compulsion but that's between you and your conscience.

"Marriage is sacred. That's the biggest form of love. I know kids aren't part of your reality but not even the love of a father and a mother should be bigger than a genuine love between a man and a woman. And that kind of love I'm talking about here isn't easy. You can't just stop loving your child or abandon them because they carry a part of you but when a man and a woman reunite their bodies they become one together. That's bigger than having a part of you in someone's life. This should be bigger and that love should be stronger but that's not the case to the huge majority of people. As vampires you may never know how it feels to parent someone but it doesn't have to make your life incomplete. If you nurture this sort of love I'm talking about, all you'll need is the two of you. I know Elena this might be a little harder for you. Dealing so beautifully with your humanity it's expected that sooner or later the maternity call will come but remember all you need is Damon.

"Although you're living under a curse for as long as you live as vampires, it doesn't mean you're dark creatures or damned. I can say you're making the best out of this and I don't have a lot of advices for you in this subject but just because your heart doesn't beat anymore it doesn't mean you don't have a loving one. You can have a fairly normal life and I know the instinct and craves for hunting can be challenging at times but hopefully it won't happen to the both of you at the same time. You Damon will help Elena when she falls and you Elena will help Damon when he falls. You'll be there for each other to assure that a curse won't make you cursed"

Elena was overly emotional about the words and Damon had been touched by them too. They needed to hear them and Damon could finally be in peace with his humanity. Embracing it was what he had feared the most in his life but also what he truly wanted. He missed being human but with Elena by his side and the life they were dreaming about he got the closest thing he could have to being human again. And he had Elena and her alone to thank that for.

By the time the ceremony was over everyone but Katherine seemed to be teary. Caroline and Carla didn't try to hold back the tears and let them fall. Jeremy was happy that his sister's life wouldn't be doomed by darkness and pain, while Alaric and Stefan were simply happy for Damon and his lady.

* * *

"We should have thought about it before" Elena offered as soon as their clients left their office in Miami.

"About what Mrs. Salvatore?" he asked bringing her to sit on his lap. She loved it when he called her Mrs. Salvatore and it didn't get any older after fifty years and three wedding ceremonies later. Each time they had to start a new life, with new documents and a new place, Damon made sure to marry her again. He didn't want his marital status to ever be single again in his life. He didn't want to not be Elena's husband ever again.

"Being in the same business. Work with you is just… amazing" his wife plastered a smile on her face that always made his heart melt.

"And why is that? Because of my undeniable talent to design houses or it would be my dashing figure keeping you company the whole day? Because I know the sex escapades won't do it. I was quite fond of them while you taught"

"Don't remind me! I can't believe my students brought fruits and gifts to the table where we had sex"

"The munchkins didn't know what sex was"

"Still"

"Well, working with you is just as pleasurable, Mrs. Salvatore. Those interior designers were my nightmare"

"I'm happy to meet your very high standards" she kissed him.

"You go beyond each of them every day. Now shall we go home?"

They closed everything in the fancy house in front of the beach and headed to their car, parked a few yards down the street. Living in Miami was Elena's idea and Damon had learned a long time ago how much his wife loved beaches and beach houses.

"We need to stop by the hospital" she reminded him and he groaned. They had postponed it twice already that week but he knew today was unavoidable because they were nearly running out of blood.

They took turns to get it and this time was Damon's so Elena waited in the car for him. She was very close to the ER entrance when she caught up a conversation that broke her heart.

Damon thought it was odd to come back ten minutes later and not find his wife in the car. He put the blood in the trunk and sharpening his senses he tried to catch a hint of her scent. He thought it was odd when it led him to the ER and soon he saw Elena's frame in one of the many rooms with a couple of doctors inside. She had her back to him and he wondered what she was doing there. She was then closing the blinds and he decided to see with his own eyes what was going on.

He entered the small exam room to find a doctor and a nurse watching while his wife fed her blood to a newborn. The baby barely looked human. It was very small, covered with dust, and had a lot of bruises all over his thin skin but as soon as Elena's blood finally entered his system the bruises started to heal.

Elena felt his presence when he entered the room but it didn't stop her actions. Her heart broke when she heard the baby entering the ER after being found in the trash. They suspected he had been there for more than one day and he was barely alive. She couldn't allow it to happen. Being a kindergarten teacher for almost forty years certainly helped Elena get over the fact that Damon and she would never have kids but also made her very close and connected to children.

"I couldn't let him die" she whispered low enough so only Damon could hear her. "They disposed of him in a trash can as if he was nothing" and he didn't need to be in front of his wife to know she was crying. It wasn't the smell of her tears but the crack in her voice that showed him the little baby broke Elena's heart.

"It's okay, honey" he stood behind her, resting one of his hands on her shoulder.

"It's done" she said a couple of minutes later when the baby finally woke up.

"You won't remember everything that happened here" Damon compelled the physicians. "We brought the baby because we found him in a trash can, you did everything you could and he finally answered to the medication" he finished and they monotonously repeated after him.

"What will happen to him now?" Elena asked turning around to face the hospital employees and her husband, who soon enveloped her in his arms.

"It's really rare in cases like this for the mother to regret her actions and look for the baby. He's probably going to be sent to adoption" the doctor explained and Elena nodded, turning her attention back to the baby.

"I hope you find the best parents in the world" she said to the little boy.

"Thanks to you and your husband, he'll have a chance for it" the nurse said and nodding Elena looked at Damon and they walked out of the room.

"I'm sorry. I know that is irresponsible and risky and if he has anything that my blood can't heal and still dies he'll be a vampire but he seemed to be in so much pain" Elena offered crying to her husband as they entered the car.

"Don't worry, I'll come visit tomorrow and see if he's still human" Damon offered. He knew what she was saying was true and maybe he should be lecturing her but ever since Elena stopped being a teacher to toddlers and small kids she seemed sad and he knew she missed the children around her. They never talked about adopting a baby but he knew she wanted to be a mother and how it was for her to watch women literally throwing away their blessings like that.

"Thank you"

* * *

"I can't believe eighteen years passed so fast" Elena whispered in her son's ears as they hugged each other tightly.

"It doesn't have to be that way, Mom" Chuck offered with tears in his eyes.

"Yes, it does, dear. Those eighteen years were the best of my life but now I have to let you go" she wiped her son's tears and it broke her heart all over again.

"But I'm not ready anymore. Why does it have to be like this?"

"Because I can't watch you die and I don't want you ever to be tempted to ask me something I won't ever agree with"

"But you and Dad have a fairly normal life! It isn't that bad"

"But it isn't normal. You deserve to meet a girl, fall in love with her, marry her and have your own family. That's why we adopted you Chuck"

"So please, wait until I find her, Mom. I don't want to be alone, I love you and Dad and I don't give a fuck if you're vampires or what"

"Watch your mouth, Mister" Damon offered as he came back inside the house after taking the last suitcase to the car.

"Dad" Chuck nearly cried leaving his mother's embrace and running to his father's arms. Damon hugged the boy with his life and in one of the very occasions in almost seventy years Elena saw her husband shedding a tear.

"Please, Dad"

Damon looked at Elena and she was also crying. They knew what they were getting into when Damon appeared with Chuck a couple of weeks later in their house. They knew the risks and that when time came it would be complicated to explain to their adopted son why they never looked older. They moved from Miami when Chuck was nine and started making questions. They knew he wasn't ready to handle the truth yet but they needed to cover their non-aging process from his teachers and friends. When the boy finally turned fifteen and Damon and Elena's explanations weren't that satisfying anymore they told him the truth. Chuck had known the truth about how he ended up adopted and he loved his parents even more for rescuing him from death, although only they told the whole truth he found out that instead of finding him in the trash, Elena gave him her blood to save him. His immediate reaction had surprised both Elena and Damon. The boy confessed he knew for awhile that something was wrong with his parents but not for once he thought they were vampires because honestly, nobody believes in those things for real. But he promptly said it didn't matter. Elena still remembered his next words: _You and Mom are more human than most people I know and certainly much more human than who abandoned me_.

Damon and Elena's plan was to let him go once he started college because that's what most parents do anyway but in that case it would mean a real goodbye. They knew Chuck was very close to them and they didn't want their son to think about becoming a vampire either. No matter how good they handled their condition they didn't want the curse to be passed to their son and they had that conversation with Charles more than a handful times. They didn't stop until the boy promised he would never do it but that didn't make their farewell any easier.

"Elena…" Damon started. Elena had been the one to find their son and the first to love him to some extent but Damon and Chuck grew closer. The boy saw his father as his hero and Damon never loved someone more than Chuck, except for his wife. The boy was everything to him and when he got sick Damon thought he would die too. Elena had been absolutely against giving the boy their blood and risking to turn him into a vampire at age eight but thankfully the doctors were able to contain the infection and after a couple of weeks in the hospital he was back at home with his parents. That was when they decided they should let him go. They couldn't watch Chuck die. It had hurt Elena when Jeremy died a few years ago and that was her brother but this was their son.

"If we make exceptions now we may never allow it to happen" Elena reasoned while avoiding looking at the two men of her life.

"I'm not ready, Mom. Someday I will be, I promise, but I'm not ready yet" Chuck pleaded and Elena couldn't keep saying no to her son and hurting him like that. She looked at Damon and he was just powerless as she was about the situation.

"Do you understand that the longer we are part of your life the harder it will be for you to let us go, Chuck? How can you introduce us to your fiancée without her thinking that I could be your sister instead of your mother? And how could you explain that your parents didn't show up to your own wedding?"

"Just give me a couple more of years. I'll be living across the country and maybe with time it will be easier, just don't let today be the last time I see you guys. Please" the teenager pleaded and more tears rolled down his face. His blue eyes, that reminded Elena so much of Damon's were almost gray when he cried like that and despite knowing that she should be stronger and that postponing this decision would never make it easier in the future she couldn't do that to her son.

She ran towards him and Damon and hugging them both the three of them cried while they held one another.

"We'll forever be your parents, Chuck. Nothing will ever change that. We'll always love you" she said in tears.

"Thank you, Mom"

* * *

Chuck changed Damon and Elena forever and no matter how painful it was to cut the connection completely when he was twenty-one they knew they did the right thing. They never regretted the whole experience and from time to time he sent them e-mails with pictures and every time he needed an advice he would ask his father. He died too young at age forty-eight and their parents mourned him for long months. That was when they decided they should travel around the world for a couple of years. The pain stopped being so raw and devastating but sometimes they remembered their son and cried silently.

It was almost a century and a half since she turned before they tried again. But parenthood was something that both vampires had loved and they knew the pain of loss was part of the journey of many parents who lost their children prematurely. Brooklyn Salvatore was also going to die if Damon and Elena hadn't crossed her way. The small girl was rescued from a country in South America, starving to death, and she was their bundle of joy and they just hoped when time came to tell her the truth it would be as easy as it had been with Chuck. Eternity seemed like a very long time for Damon and Elena to spend alone. The occasional visit from Stefan and Katherine every other decade didn't count and they were happy to start a new family. They stopped being humans a very long time ago but they never stopped feeling so.

* * *

_AN: so another journey is over. I, like Damon, am a sucker for humanity in vampires and that's why ever since Elena turned I made sure that she kept her life as human as possible and I loved the idea of them rescuing babies that would have died if they didn't intervene._

_I want to thank **immensely **every and each of you who read, added to story alerts and favorite'd and who added me as their favorite author. It means a lot to me. I want to thank even more especially my reviewers. It's always amazing to read your opinion, criticism and encouragement. In a website that I have no payment for my work, your words pay mine just fine._

_Also I want to especially thank my beta, **Mayghaen** who is really amazing. I write three stories at the same time, I send tons of chapters and she kindly gives me them back really quickly. And she's such a sweetie._

_I hope you have a few more words to me for the epilogue and maybe when I'm inspired (and if you're interested) I could write a sequel about Damon and Elena raising Chuck or Brooklyn._

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


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